I think I must go shopping

Gerard came home and was looking for dinner. Silly him. I am lucky because for the most part I can pretty much find something for him to eat (Usually). Here is where I fall apart with stress so hold on everyone. At first glance you could say I am doing a great job with the wait and honestly I think I am. I have not cried much just a tear or two because I know she is okay.

It is the little things where I fall short so back to dinner. I have not been grocery shopping since before I left for Russia. I have always been the type that does a couple small trips per week but I have not even been doing that since I have been back. I have only been shopping at the WaWa (like a 7-11). Which by the way is great for my budget, NOT.

Gerard knows that I am stressed so he has been on his best behavior. The poor guy tells me "I will take a tuna melt or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

My response "Okay I have to run to the store to get the peanut butter and the bread be back soon."

Wow I can not believe that I was missing 2 out of the 3 ingredients. Time to shop.

When is the best time to do it?

Even thought I only got to spend a couple of hours with Little Banana I can tell she is smart. I have been holding out on everyone because I am trying to pace myself. Just when you all have thought you had heard all the stories I will sneak another one in on you all.

I hate to admit it but the conversation has come up between Gerard and I as to when is the best time to take Little Banana to Disney World. Now if you ask me I agree with my friend Audrey who believes that it is best enjoyed in 3 year blocks. This translates into 3, 6, 9, 12 & 15 years old. This way there is just enough time in between trip to want to go back.

Gerard on the other hand thinks once or twice is enough. I hate to say this but Gerard it has changed a bit since the last time you went in 1977. We decided to compromise and make her first trip once she knows who Mickey Mouse is maybe at 5 years old. I am not too out of touch to know that taking your children to Disney when they are really young is really so that you can enjoy watching them not because they will remember the trip at least that is my impression.

Which brings me to why I think she is so smart. When I was first out to the baby home it was time for her to have lunch. They told me that I was able to watch them feed her and take a few pictures. Little Banana watched my every move.

I thought it was cute that the cup that she drank out of was more child orientated then some of the cups that I have seen other children in other baby homes use. This cup was a small coffee style cup with a tiny little Mickey Mouse on it. I have a great picture of her watching me as she was drinking out of this cup.

Now I had packed way too much stuff in her bag but it did not stop me from letting her pull everything out to look at during our visit. Towards the end of the visit she pulled out a drinking cup that I brought. I looked down at her and with her little thumb and pointer finger she grabbed a small piece on my shirt and tugged at me. Once she got my full attention she pointed directly at the little tiny Mickey Mouse on the cup that I brought for her.

I started to laugh. First of all this tells me that she is smart and everything is snapping up stairs. It also tells me that she knows who Mickey Mouse is. Sorry Gerard 2 against 1. This is the new story of your life.

2 Weeks Down ***Edited***

I know it feels like I have not posted anything for a couple of days. My nights and days are usually so mixed up and since I have been back from Russia this condition has only gotten worst. I started back to work this past week and all I can say is wow.

Because I work the night shift I am usually pretty good until about 3 am. For me that is the witching hour where I start to get tired. The other night I felt myself dragging I looked at the clock and it was 9:30 pm. Yikes, I really need to get back to my regular sleep schedule.

So where does my paperwork stand as of today? Well I have completed the proof of housing and put it into the envolope to be sent to the agency, The I-171 is notarized. The financials are at the accountant waiting for a signature. I am still waiting on the FBI clearance but I am sure it will be here soon.

Thursday I had my physical. The doctor laughed when he saw the blood work that I needed to have done. As a precaution I asked for a drug and alcohol test too. That is when he really started to laugh because he said I was one of the only people who ever asked to have this done. There is a spot where he has to sign that states I do not use drugs or alcohol, I just want to make sure that there is no questions. The agency did not ask for a copy of this but I plan on getting a copy for when I travel for trip # 2.

Friday I went to the hospital and had the labs drawn and collected a urine sample. The people in the lab laughed because I know them well one of the girls who was there is the one that comes to the nursery every morning so we laughed about these tests. Thank goodness hospitals do not make me nervous. My one sister just hates to go into them for any reason.

I think I scared her when she came to visit and I had to take poop in a cup down to the lab. That produced a ton of questions none of which I could answer directly.

Last night I decided to convert my blog into a book. I think it will come out okay. I think it will be pretty funny to flip through in the future and I recommend it to anyone who has a blog.

I started a separate private blog. At this point Gerard and I are the only ones who will have access to this blog. The purpose of this blog is to detail all the important information that I have collected for Little Banana about her birth family and past. I just never want that information to be lost to her. I plan on converting it into a book for her as well. So some of my time has been spent doing that while the information is fresh in my mind.

So there has been some progress not as much as I wanted but some. I hope to meet my deadline of April 9 th to have everything to the agency. I still think it is possible.

***I used www.blurb.com I downloaded the booksmart software first. It only took about 2 minutes. Then I imported the blog. There is a heading that is titled blog to book. I imported the blog it took about 3 minutes for everything to transfer over. Even the pictures that went along with the posts, which I loved that feature. The date and time of the post was even noted. You can spell check the whole book and make a changes if you want. There are many different options; hard cover, soft cover, dust jackets, many different sizes. You can also chose for the book to be private or public you can order 1 copy or a thousand. I did not think it was a ton of money either it depends on the number of pages.

I am planning on printing out the blog every year.

How did I miss it???

She turned 18 months old. I have been telling everyone that she is 17 months and puff another month has slipped away. How did I miss it???

Boy do I live in a small town

My biggest worry about all the paperwork has been and is the financial statements. I know this must be a shock to many who know me who read this but I worry about money. Probably way more then I need to or should. A lot of years ago after my Father died I almost lost it all. I mean everything. I was so grief striken that I could not see that I needed and must go on living. I was able to do everything but deal with finances.

I do not want to sound overly dramatic but I struggled with his death. There may be a few of you out there that know exactly what I am talking about if you have lost someone that you love. I was very close with my Father. I watched him die day by day even minute by minute at times. He was hospitalized for close to 4 months on the unit that I worked. When it got close to the end some of my friends were scared to give him the pain medications that he was prescribed because they did not want him to die on them so I would step in and give the medications for them. I never wanted them to feel responsible for his death.

Please understand my Father was very ill and in more pain then anyone should ever be in. I did what I had to do as a nurse but more importantly as his daughter. I never regret any of it.

Which brings me to finances. I got a call from the accountant today who is reviewing my finances for the statement that I must provide to the Russian government about my assets and liabilities. She was questioning my gross pay. All I could think is you have to be kidding me. So off to the accountant's office I went. They were looking at one figure and I was looking at another. Once they saw where I got the number from they seemed to be okay with the figure.

They were not counting my contributions to the 401k as part of my salary and I was because that is what the W-2 for 2008 did. I hope that is right and I hope and pray that this is the last question about it because I become a nervous wreck when it comes to finances.

If you could look at my credit report you would laugh because even in today's credit crunch my scores are 799, 810, 799. Which is as close to perfect as I think I will ever get. I am freak about paying things on time. I make up my own spread sheets at the end of the year to see my progress and I think about every purchase I make.

I know that this accountant does not know me well expect I realized today that we had a real estate deal that went sore. I live in a very small town. Great is all I can think. Does she remember me?? I remember her! Will it matter?? What luck I have to find an accountant to fill in this form and it be someone who I have dealt with in the past with not such a positive outcome. I will be a nervous wreck until this paper is signed and in my hot little hand. Let me also go on record to say I wish I had brought that house.

All I can think is that I am an honest person. Of all things I would not lie about something that could keep me from the Little Banana. Especially finances.

Egg salad was a part of my Russian experience

As I sit here and eat my egg salad sandwich I think of my time in Russia. Since my accident I have had some difficulty chewing. My jaw is ever so slightly out of alignment. I can just tell. I can live with it but sometimes I have a little bit of difficulty chewing.

I have been eating quite a bit of egg salad. I like egg salad so it is not a problem for me. I am a very adventurous eater. I will try just about anything twice. While I was in Russia I stayed with a Host family. The Grandmother for the Host family was very big on cooking. She wanted you to eat and clean your plate. Each meal was a 3 or 4 course meal. Needless to say I did not starve while I was there.

One of the side dishes was Russian Egg Salad (My name not her). With Easter on the horizon I thought what the heck I will post the recipe because I know I never know what to do with those eggs. So here it is to the best of my ability to translate what she told me.

Russian Egg Salad
1 cup boiled eggs roughly chopped
1 cup cooked rice
1/2 cup of whole corn
Little bit of mayonnaise
Salt and Pepper.

She told me that the corn was from a can and not cooked. I am only use frozen vegetables and I am guessing it I thaw them out this would be fine too. The rice was a left over for the meal before.

The consistency is lighter then my egg salad and had way less mayonnaise. Try it you might like it.

Money Thoughts

I have been so busy these past couple of days. Still working on the paperwork. Today I will drop off the financial information to the accountant. I have to supply a bunch of statements and that was the hard part because my printer broke right in the middle of getting it all together.

Now that I am armed with a brand new printer I was able to print out everything that I needed yesterday. My plan had been to work on organizing it last night but one of my friend' Mother was admitted to the hospital so she could not work. I gladly worked because I know this person would come in at the drop of a hat for me. I am sure that she probably even covered a few of my days when I was off gallivanting in Russia.

Yesterday I receive my updated I-171 form that states my fingerprints are up to date. Yeah for me. I hope and pray that I will have her home before the form expires in July. I think I am cutting it close so I may just reapply for it again. Do I have to have a completely new home study or will an update work for that??

I got my final bill in the mail also from the adoption agency too. I am not shocked by the amount. I had asked what the final payment would be a couple of months ago so I would not be surprised. I am glad that I did.

I know that money is one of the biggest obstacles for many who think that they want to adopt. I can tell you that when I first started this journey it was one of my fears too. When I first looked into adoption 5-6 years ago the cost was much less then it is today.

I remember thinking 'I should have started this sooner.' At times this has been the story of my life. Now I look back at see her picture say 'I would not have had the opportunity to love her.' Things usually work out.

Honestly, I had most of the money for her adoption invested in stock accounts that I had been saving for a number of years. These accounts are wonderful. They are called DRIP accounts. I will explain them to the best of my ability in a future post. If you do a google search you will find them. I am sure that I do not have to tell you all that this plan is a bust.

But please remember that God will always provide. I just keep telling myself that and bam when I looked at my finances yesterday I do still have plenty to complete this adoption. I am so thankful that along the way I would pay for all the little expenses out of my paychecks instead of the lump of cash that I had set aside.

So that is the reason why I have been missing in action the past couple of days. I am here and well.

One Week Down

It has been one week since I saw her. One week since she brought me some thing with her little tiny hands. I know that many must be wondering how I am doing. Today I am okay. Really. I know that it sound crazy but I have had a busy week getting things done.

Thank goodness I came home early. Yesterday, I was able to get fingerprinted for the FBI clearance and mailed it out in the hopes that the clearances will be back very soon.

The one thing that I have had the biggest trouble with was the financail statement to be signed by a CPA (This is a requirement per my region). I took a deep breath a 5x7 picture of my little Banana and walked into a local CPA office. I showed her the forms and told her my story. Without hesitation I got a "Sure I can do that just drop it all off to me."

I hope to have all the paper work completed, notarized, apostilled and in Russia by April 9th. I think it can be done.

So I am hanging in there, hoping and praying for a fast court date.

AAI Host Program

Many adoption agencies have a program where older children are hosted by potential adoptive parents. While in Russia I had a the very unique experience of being able to meet a couple of the children who are currently in the Adoption Associates Host of Hopes program.

When I started this adoption process I only ever thought about me and how adoption affected me. I thought about MY feelings and MY journey. I can say one thing that has changed as a result of my trip to Russia is how my eyes have been opened to the the maginatude of how many children need a home and loving parents. Again I say that I have only up to this point viewed adoption from my very personal level.

I have been waiting to post this entry in the hopes that I could help some of these children in some way. Now I see my opportunity. A couple of children in the Host program have touched me and if I had the ability I would run at the chance to adopt them but I am limited to what I know I can do well.

Back to the point of this entry. I had a long conversation with one of the children in the Host program. Ekaterina born on November 21, 1995. She has beautiful long dark hair. Her smile is beautiful. She is tall and slender. We have a connection, she loves to sew. I showed her pictures of the things that I have made for Little Banana. She even showed me a piece that she was working on. She was completely this piece completely by hand.

The one thing that really struck me about Ekaterina is that she was extrememly articulate. She understands quite a bit of English in my opinion and speaks some English. Because I was able to sit and speak with her I was able to get a sence of what type of person she is. I can tell you I believe that she is extremely warm and caring.

I think that one worry that many potential adoptive families have is the transition from an orphanage to family living. I believe that she would easily transition into a family. I say this because even though a picture is worth a thousand words watching and hearing a child talk about the things that are important to them is also extremely valuable.

If you are interested in Hosting with the intention of perhaps giving her a forever family I urge you to contact AAI. If you are interested in hosting this child or if you would like general information about the Hosts of Hope program, please call Larissa Koedyker, Hosts of Hope program coordinator, at 616.667.0921.

So how were those roads in Russia

For those of you who have never been to Russia traveling by car can be very interesting. In Moscow the highways are just that big highways. From what I could tell there were a number of times where the roads were at least 5 lane wide one way.

Now I am sure that everyone realises that it is winter time in Russia and with this comes snow. One of the first things that I noticed was small little piles of dirty snow on the side of the road in the shoulder area. These piles were about 8 inches tall and 12 inches wide.

As we drove there would be a couple of aimless men with a shove. They were picking up these little piles of snow. Then I noticed all around the city there were workers doing the same. I finally asked does this type of clean up happen each time it snow? The answer is no this is the spring clean up. Apparently, Russia had some thawing out early this year and the spring clean up has started.

The cars are dirty! I mean so dirty that you can not see what color they are. The license plates are covered with this dirt that is a result of the chemicals that are used on the roads so that the roads do not freeze. I was actually surprised that they were not frozen solid.

In Moscow we really did not drive fast. I think on the way from the airport the day I arrived the driver thought I was worried so he kept it slow. Now in the region the driving was a bit crazy. I thank Gerard for all those years of his crazy driving because it helped to condition me for travel in the region. Gerard will do a u-turn on just about any street including in Manhattan.

One thing that I did notice is there are no lines in the road. So in region at times the road went from a 2 lane road to a one way road (the same road). We were only stopped by the police once. I had my passport ready and my big fat mouth shut so there was no problem. We had the social worker in the car with us and she spoke to the police officer and in my opinion scalded him. No money exchanged hands and we were not stopped on the way back through.

When I left the region they actually asked me if the driving scared me? I thought that was a strange question. I love to drive fast. Then they remembered that I live in New Jersey. The driving here is a little crazy.

Bows or Bonnets?

Which do you think she prefers? Was it the big pink bow?? or the white little bonnet?? I know that this is a question that is in everyone's mind. When I was visiting with her I of course tried both. First I took out the bows. She was standing in front of me and watched me unsnap the bow from the holder. She is a very curious baby I can not stress that enough. I took the big old bow and snapped in into her hair on the top of her head.

Before my hand was 1/2 an inch away from the bow she had it out of her hair and handed it to me. We repeated this for about 5 minutes. I then thought maybe she just thinks this one is a little too big. So I took out the small little bows and started to snap them into her hair. She was even more curious with the small little bow. The best I can explain it is you could see in her eyes she was processing the thing. She watched me unsnap it and when it made that little clicking noise her eyes looked surprised each and every time. Then she followed my hand with her eyes to the top of her head. The minute she heard the click her little thumb and pointer finger went directly for the bow without wavering and out the bow came.

Even when I snapped the bow in my own hair her little tiny fingers plucked it out of my hair too. Okay everyone she looked at me like I was crazy lady putting this bow in my hair. Don't worry everyone I will teach her that the bows are a good thing. I can be convincing you know.

So now you ask about the bonnets. I had two different ones in a zip lock bag in her tote. I waited till she took out the bag. The bonnets are actually flat and then the string in the back is drawn up to close the back. So I pulled the back ribbon to close the back of the bonnet all under her careful observation. On the bonnet went all of a sudden I heard a bunch of chatter in the corner where the Director, Social worker and 2 agency worker were having tea. They came right over to see the bonnet.

I think that was their way of approving of the bonnet. At first she (like an expert) used the 2 handed maneuver to the back of her head and forward motion to get the bonnet off. But after much fussing over her with the bonnet on not only by me but by everyone else who by the way I think were really surprised I had a bonnet for her she kept it on.

At one point she even brought it back to me to put on her. So there you have it she preferred the bonnet over the bow.

Gerard's Reaction to the pictures and video

As you all know I had to get a new phone. There was a lot of thought that went into purchasing that phone which also included if there was a decent camera in the phone so that I could take a picture of her with my phone and send it to him. I was willing to pay any price to send him a picture this way. It was the middle of the night here in the states when I first met her but that did not stop Gerard from being awake and waiting for his picture.

Only one small problem I did not take it. Once I was back in Moscow my computer had no battery power left and I could not charge it because I broke the adapter for it. My video camera had also died and my still camera only had about 30% power left. This left me in Moscow with no new pictures of her to stare at and no way to get them to him. That was one of the biggest reasons why I came home early.

Now of course you are all thinking he picked me up from the airport well no. He had planned on picking me up if I had come home on the original date. When I got home he was already at work. So he had to wait even longer. So in the morning he came home with my favorite breakfast (pork roll egg and cheese on a french toast bagel YUM).

In came all the bags and out can the video and still camera. Can you believe that we still have not hooked up the DVD player since before Christmas. Once we got the video started it was wonderful to see her face again. To see her play and walk around sealed the deal for me and any fearful thoughts instantly disappeared. She is smart you can just tell it is all firing upstairs. It will be hard to get anything past her.

Gerard started to tear up. He is becoming quite the over protective father. "She is so careful she does not want to fall and skin her knee just like me" "Look she is picking up her toys" "I told you she was perfect" "I told you her hair was blond" "Look at how she comes to you" "I was right about everything" "We have to get her home so you better call them (the agency) everyday" "She looks too little to be walking already" "Look at how she smiles" "Bozzie she is wearing her bonnet" "You are right she does not take her eyes off of you" "She keeps hugging you"

By the way she really likes the video camera and the still camera. I had turned the video camera screen so that she could see herself. She loved pointing and watching herself. That was one of her favorite toys much to Gerard's dismay. She would do something in front of the camera then point to the camera. He was wrong about that she loves the camera unlike him.

So tell me about the apartment

When I was in Russia I made a quick decision to come home. This was after I had already booked and paid for my apartment. I can tell you I was way overtired and emotional after meeting Little Banana. The apartment was about 2 blocks from Red square. The location was perfect. Here are pictures of my actual apartment.

I would have done anything to be in my own bed. When the owner of the apartment rental agency found out that I was an American who was in Russia and feeling home sick what do you think he did?? Do you think he said too bad this is my business and I am keeping your money?? NO he did not!!!

Instead he took the time out of his day away from his family to call me. He had very kind words for me at a time when I needed them the most. I could not believe that a person who I never met and may never met would be so kind and generous with his heart. He asked about little banana and was very interested in knowing how my experience in Russia was. He gave me many tips for my next trip back to Moscow.

When I rented the apartment I signed a legal contract that stated I would pay a certain amount of money for a certain amount of time with no refunds but because I had rented the apartment at the last minute the day before he was generous enough to give me back part of my money. For that I will always be grateful.

He told me that the apartment that I rented was not one of his nicest apartments but I was very satisfied with what I rented and the price was very reasonable. When I return to Moscow hopefully in the next couple of months I totally plan on using his service again. Rick I wish only the best for you and your family you will be in my thoughts and prayer every time I think about my time in Moscow.

The name of his service is Moscow-Star Properties, inc

So what does she look like?

She is little not too little but little. When she was born she was on the small side so she has always been little. Her size at birth and measurements were and are of no concern to me. I have seen many children this size thrive.

She is very busy, busy, busy!! During our visit she did not stop at all. At the last minute both I left for the Russia I stopped at Target and bought 2 pink canvas bags to put her toys in for my trip to see her. There was a possibility that she was going to come to me and stay longer but the weather was so cold and the roads although plowed still had icy spots. I am glad that I was the one that made the trip and not her.



I would have worried about her trip home and that would have been worst. I am not sure that I would have been told if she had arrive home safely right away. So it was way better that I traveled and not her.

Her hair is a dark blond with red highlights. Her eyes are a dark blue green color. She has a mouth full of teeth. She has little tiny hands and feet. Hopefully her feet will stay small so that she can get a bunch of deals of shoes.

I traced her feet so that I could start to look for shoes for her. I asked the Director if I could remove her shoe and she did. I placed her foot on the note pad and started to trace around her foot. I was so concentrated on tracing her foot accurately that I almost did not realize that her feet are very ticklish. She started to wiggle her toes, when I looked at her face she was giggling with a great big smile. Her foot measures 4 1/2 inches long.

Currently she is wearing 12 month size clothing so I have been directed to purchase size 18 month clothing. In the next couple of weeks Gerard is going to start her closet organizer. He has a plan and that is usually pretty scary because that means more work for me but this is work I will enjoy. I have to start thinking about her room.

Summary of how I spent my time while in Russia

Number of hours in the car=18 hours

Number of hours in on plane=25 hours

Time waiting at the airport=7 hours 15 minutes

Total traveling time=50.25 hours

Total time away from home=118 hours

Time with my daughter PRICELESS

I'm not in Kansas I mean Moscow anymore

I know I should have been enjoying my time in Moscow but all I could think about was Little Banana and going home. I made the decision to go home. I was so overtired and missing my own bed that I could not think straight.

I booked a flight and was on my way home in a matter of 2 hours. I did not get home until Sunday morning around 1 am from the airport. I have spent the better part of the day sleeping. Our parents came over and looked at all the pictures of Little Banana. I have so much to tell you all about her but I am still so tired. I promise tomorrow I will be better and able to tell you all about my trip to see her and the memories that I have of Russia.

Now I off to find my bed and my puppy and get tucked in for a long winter's sleep.

I know I packed them some where!

Where are those Ruby Red Slippers? I know I must have packed them. Well it is about 11:00 am here in Moscow. I offically slept 3 hours. That should be enough. I do however feel a little bit like Dorothy. I am trying my best to rest and get some thing to drink. That is my next project.

I know there are so many who have adopted before me and who have had so much great advice. There are so many things that I would do differently. Not that I have regrets not yet anyways but things I would have changed to make my experience better. Jolynn and Lori do not worry I will fill you all in with all my new found wisdom as that your trips are very smooth.

Now back to looking for those Ruby Red slippers.

I'm Back in Moscow

Back in Moscow! I arrived a couple of hours ago and I am in an apartment a short walk to Red Square and St Basil's. I have full access to internet in my studio apartment. The building was the first 9 story builing on Moscow so it is pretty famous around here. I have a full kitchen and a grocery store across the street.

I can tell you that my head is spinning right now. I am thinking about so many things that need to be done at home. I wish I was going home soonier then the 18th.

Staying with the host family was interesting and very different. As you all know I am not a big fan of the sleep over thing. As a result of that I have not slept yet. I have actually lost count as to how many hours it has been because of the time changes from home to Moscow to Cheboksary to Moscow.

I feel like I need to sleep for the next week. It is 3:30 am and just as I am starting to think I am feeling tired there is now road work starting. Yeah for me!

Besides Little Banana there are many things that I miss. I am so thirsty right now that I can not even tell you. I hate to write this and children please do not try this at home but I drink way too much soda! Since I have been in Russia I have only had 2 bottles of soda. I know that this accounts for my wicked headache and sleep issues. Stress has not been helpful either.

I hate to write this because Gerard will say that it makes me sound crazy but you have no idea how much I miss him. Calling him is very expensive and at first was difficult to figure out. I am not always sure he got my text messages which makes me crazy. I guess that is why I am not a big text message sender.

In the past 2 days I have thrown caution and my next 2 paychecks to the wind and I have been calling him. Which brought on another problem my cell phone started to die. No problem I say except I broke the adapters that I brought. Do not even ask but yes I am sure that they are both broken.

When I left Cheboksary I had one bar left on my phone. In the airport I bought a new charger for my phone the only problem is I will need an adaptor if I want to use it at home. Now I have a fully charged phone.

A day I will never forget

Where should I start!! I guess I will just give you the boring blow by blow events of the day. First the big question Did I sleep? Yes and no! I slept for most of the night then was up a little bit then slept again.

Oh that is not the big question?? Okay fine I will give you the dirt the good stuff, the reason why I am here. Did I meet Little Banana??? Yes!!!! After the 3.5 hour drive to the orphanage we pulled up to a building that was made of concrete. I believe that the building was 2 stories with a basement. I will insert pictures when I get a chance of the orphanage. For pictures of Little Banana will have to wait a couple of months.

I walked into the building and was directed to the upstairs room. The room is a big open room with colorful flooring a bunch of little tiny chairs lined up along the wall. There were also a couple plants, a potted tree and a piano. Anna the coordinator can play the piano very well. I was directed to use the bathroom and as you all know when I am directed to do something I do it. Okay I really did have to go anyway. When I came out of the bathroom I got my first glimpse of Little Banana. The director of the orphanage is a MD and she was holding her.

We all walked up 2 flights of stairs back to the large open room. They put Little Banana on the floor to stand. Rather then standing she ran to me and grabbed my legs. I picked her up without a tear in her eyes. She looked me square in the eye and never took her eyes off of me for a couple of minutes. I sat in a chair with her on my lap at first then I stood her in front of me. The instant I put her down she climbed back into my arms and buried her head into my chest.

There may be a number of you reading this blog who may not understand that this is a very positive sign. She kept coming to me and seeking me out. This means that she is looking to attach to someone and she preferred me today. This may not always be the way especially if there are a number of months between trip 1 and trip 2.

After a couple of minutes she started to smile some. Her hair is cut very short about 1.5 inches long at the longest point. She walks well and has very good balance. I did not see any signs of rocking or banging her head which can be common in children who live in an orphanage. I stood her on my legs at one point and she started to jump some just like any other child.

I way over brought toys and snacks. She played with the cups that Auntie AM bought and carried them around. She liked the Mr.Potato head. I pulled out the pink book that I have with her pictures in it. She was very interested in looking at the pictures. I am not sure if she realized it was herself or not.

I got the chance to see her being fed and where she plays. In this orphanage not many people get to see all of these areas I have been told. I am very grateful that I was able to see and take some pictures.

I then got the chance to speak to the doctor about her medical condition and the social worker about why she is in the orphanage. There are many details that I will only be sharing with Gerard. I ask that at this time you all please repect our decision to not tell others about her past. I feel that this is something best kept to ourselves until she is ready to tell you herself. We will not keep her history from her but there are certain details that we will wait to tell her until she is old enough to understand.

Because the orphanage is such a distance from where I am staying and the road is very difficult to travel I will not be seeing Little Banana again. Of course this makes me very sad but please understand that I was prepared for this and I fully understand. Please do not be upset for me because if I am able to adopt Little Banana I will be able to spend as much time as possible with her.

Tomorrow I will go to the Ministry of Education to sign the paperwork to start the formal adoption process. I will post more about what that process is in another post in a day or so. I will leave for Moscow tomorrow night by plane.

Just so you all know when I left the orphanage the snow started to fall.

Did I say I did not like sleep overs?

Well I got the option tonight to stay in a hotel or to stay in an apartment. I picked the apartment it is beautiful and very spacious. There is internet service also after 9:00 pm. Oh and their is also a family that also lives here too!

Now before anyone gets their nickers in a knot it is a young Russian woman her 2 children and her Mother so I feel very safe. This option was half the amount of money compared to staying in a hotel. Plus real Russian meals are included. I had my first meal tonight and it was very tasty. I was able to write down the recipe for the vegatables.

I have my own room with a double bed that is much more comfortable then the one in Moscow. The young woman Lannie will take me shopping tomorrow. She speaks quite a bit of English so it will make getting around Cheboksary easier.

She tells me that other families have stayed with her in the past. The children are 12 (boy) and 7 (girl). By the way 12 year old boys in Russia still know more about computers then I do. That goodness for him because he was able to help me log on to the internet.

I will leave for orphanage tomorrow at 8:30 am. The drive is at least 3.5 hours. I hope to be able to spend a lot of time there but only time will tell.

I have been told it is time for my shower and then time for bed. I am just loving my sleep over.

Where are you from?

I guess us girls from NJ are just a little bold. Who knew! Although the hotel was very nice and safe I have requested to be put into an apartment when I return one with internet and telephone if possible. I know that there are many apartments close to where I was staying just because that is what I have read from others who have been here before. The price is the same or cheaper then the hotel. I will not know if I am going to be in an apartment until I return.

This request prompted the question of where are you from? His first guess was New York and that made me laugh because I think of myself as not even remotely being from there and I could NEVER fool anyone from the US that I was from New York. His next guess was New Jersey. We must be a pushy bunch of people from NJ because there are 49 other states to guess from. That made me laugh.

So I will be checking in at the airport in a couple of minutes. I have heard that the airplane will be a small one not a jet! I wonder how small? Alexander the Russian coordinator told me that I was booked on a flight instead of a train because the sleeping car is for 2 people. I would either have to pay for both fares or have a sleep over with a stranger!

I am not really all that big about sleep over parties so I am glad that I will be flying. He was able to answer a couple of my burning questions. I will need to make a list of more so that I am more organized.

I did ask him if there was much to do in Cheboksary and he laughed. I take that as a NET!

PS Geralyn you've got mail. I am not sure how frequently you check it so please take a look when you get a chance.

Finding those special trinkets

I hope that when I leave Russia with Little Banana that this will not be the last time that she will be in Russia. I think having visited Denmark I have a different feeling about embracing your heritage. My Father was born in Denmark and left when he was a small child. I know that he always dreamed of going back to Denmark but for him this was not possible.

I have a number of relatives still in Denmark and they made my visit very special. When I was a child we would decorate the Christmas tree with these beautiful paper ornaments. When I was traveling to Denmark I hope and prayed that I would be able to purchase a few of these paper ornaments for my tree as well. I was fortunate to be able to find some.

I wish I had a better understanding of which trinkets from the Russian culture are special. I hate to just buy stuff for the sake of buying things. So last night before I came in for the night I did go into one store and found a small pin. The pin is made of rice paper I believe and hand painted. Painted on the pin are 2 small birds. It is not a large pin but one that I will wear from time to time.



I have seen small painted chairs on other blogs and I hope that I will be able to purchase and bring one home. I have not quite figured that out yet but I will. I have a thing for painted furniture. There are also a number of painted trays that I think I may be able to work into her bedroom décor.

I did see some small traditional dresses in the same shop. I will purchase one of these too. I plan on having her picture done with the head piece as well.
What else should I buy for her??

Awake during the middle of the night no matter where I am

I slept okay. It does not seem to matter what time zone I am in I was up between 1:30 am and 4:00 am. I got the best sleep between 4:00 am and 7:40 am. Breakfast was great I did spurge and eat at the hotel. I loved it but I think it was a bit pricey so I may not do that again but we will see. Jenny it was a European breakfast similar to the ones that we ate when we were in Europe.

Gerard I wanted to let you know that I am not receiving my text messages in a timely manner. I just wanted you to know. Geralyn I can not seem to text you for some reason but I know that I was able to get one through to Amy W.

I have not gotten a chance to check my email. I am how ever able to see the blog comments fairly easily who knew. You all know that I am technically challenged. I will be packing up shortly and off to Alexander who is the representative here in Moscow then I board the plane to Cheboksary. The flight is about 2.5 hours in length.

Jaime Lynn could you please show Cookie how to look at the blog if you get a chance. I just want to make sure she knows how to get to it. Marie I hope you found the link that I emailed you. Chip do not worry I am not walking around looking at the sky. Although I am following people who look like they know where they are going and my theory has been working well.

Grocery store experience

I did a little walking last night down Arbat street. There is a McDonalds there with free internet. Just to answer I think it was Joanne’s question I am writing some of my blog postings in my room when I get the thought so that I do not forget the things that I want to remember. Because of my inability to have free internet access at my finger tips you may find that I will post a number of different topics all at one time.

I did go to the grocery store on my way back to the hotel last night. One thing that I loved the last time I was in Europe was trying all the different types of food. I am very adventurous and will try just about anything at least once.

When I was in the grocery store in Denmark there was a wall of little samples of cheeses. I LOVED that idea because cheese is one of my favorite things to eat. So naturally when I was at the grocery store here in Russia I was looking for something similar. There was a less of a selection but I did find one that was very tasty.



Look Gerard IS here!




When I come back for my second trip I have made the decision to rent an apartment. I think that this will be better because I will have the ability to cook food for myself but more importantly for Little Banana. I plan on speaking to Alexander about this in the morning.

Trip details

Many of the details of my trip have not yet been revealed to me. That seems to be the way that they do it. The funny thing was when I met with Andre he asked me if I was going by train or flying. I told him my preference so I will be flying to Cheboksary tomorrow afternoon. I will spend tonight in Moscow.

I return to Moscow on March 13, 2009 in the afternoon and will be finishing out the rest of my trip in Moscow provided there are no unforeseen reasons why I will be delayed in the region. I did add a couple of days to the end of the trip in case I needed more time in Cheboksary.

I do however get the feeling that none of the reservations have been made ahead of time. I find that interesting. Things that make you go Hmmmm!

Mom stop worrying, you know I can take care of myself.

Flight and Arrival at the Moscow Airport

Well the flight was a breeze. I sat next to a lovely Russia girl who had been in NYC for vacation. Jenny the food on the flight was very shall I say interesting. The dinner consisted of steamed fish, peas, carrots and rice. I have to say I did enjoy the dessert. It was some sort of chocolate mocha thing. Very tasty!

I listened to my book which I will have to re listen too because I fell asleep after about the third chapter. I was able to sleep quite a bit on the flight so I do feel pretty well rested.

I was met at the airport by Andre. He was a very nice young man how drove me to the hotel. The hotel is one that I am sure many have stayed at because I recognize some of the landscape outside my window. The hotel was reasonable in price but does not have internet access. Hotel Belgrad.

I am waiting for my passport to be registered. This is a requirement of the Russian government and a condition of my Visa. I have been advised to wait in the hotel until I have the passport back in my hands before venturing off.

The hotel is centrally located so many of the things that I wanted to see are close by. The weather is cold but not too cold more of a wet cold. There is snow on the ground and snow predicted for this week. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

Airport Departure Reflections

I have just made it through all the security checks and gave over my big bag of stuff to the airport attendant. I am mesmerized at how many of the people who are boarding this plane are Russian or who speak Russian. It makes me wish that I had learned more Russian in the past 20 months while I was waiting for this trip.

The one thing that is going through my mind right now is I wander what she looks like now. The pictures that I have are very out of date. I am so thankful and blessed to have these 8 pictures of her. I think that many who have children or have had them since birth never realize that these are probably the only 8 pictures from her first 2 years of life that I and she will ever have. Just thinking about this makes me tear up.

The other thing that has been running through my mind from the time that I have started to hear other Russians is who will she look like? Does she look more like her birth father or more like her birth mother? For years I have asked new parents ‘Does your baby look like what you thought she would look like?’ The answer is always no. I have always thought that was a funny answer because I usually can see a piece of one or both parents in the baby.

I think back to when I went to Europe for my 30th birthday. I have always thought that I looked different that the rest of my family and for that matter different from most Americans. When I got to Denmark is when I realized just how Danish I look. I remember Jenny and me both thinking the same thing. When we were in Denmark we were on our own quite a bit of time and neither of us could speak any Danish even though I tried to learn before I left. Everyone only spoke to us in Danish. In Denmark most of the citizens were very fluent in English because that was the language that was used to communicate with those from Sweden and Norway. I never felt like I was not completely understood. Will I feel the same in Russia?

A detour on the way to the airport

The plan was for me to drive to AM’s house and that she would take me to the airport. She lives closer then I do and it just made sense because the cost of parking would have been close to 300 dollars and hey what is better then being dropped off at the airport.

On the way to the airport we were so lucky and did not hit any traffic at all. We drove through Brooklyn and stopped to grab a bit to eat. At AM’s suggestion we stopped at Lenny & John’s pizza store. Because this is the neighborhood where Gerard and AM grew up she knew the owner and he still knew her.

We were greeted by Joey yelling Gerard’s last name across the little store. There are so many times when this pizza parlor has come up in conversation so it was very fitting that we ate there before I left for the airport.

When Gerard was in grade school his grandmother (who is one of many people that Little Banana is named after) would go down to the store on Fridays to save the only 2 tables for them at lunch time. There would be a fresh pie waiting for Gerard AM, Billie and Jackie.

While I was eating I was got my last couple of telephone calls from Eddie (AM’s husband) and Aunt Nel both of them laughed when I told them where we were eating. Eddie grew up around the block too.

This will be one of many ordinary stories that I will tell her once she is home. Yes, Gerard I plan on boring her with all sorts of stories and she will love them.

Can you believe it

Oh say it is not so! How could I have packed everything and no bow for her hair? Do not worry I made a detour to go buy a couple. Gerard I went to that store that was full of bows that made you twitch!

I'm leaving on a Jet plane!!

Okay I keep hearing that song in my head. I am so lucky to have such great friends at work. They called me this morning to wake me up. One side effect of working the night shift is sleeping in. I usually sleep in until about 11 am even on days when I need to be up early.

Then I had a little bit of panic because I thought wait do I leave at 9:30 am or 9:30 pm. Again this is another side effect of working the night shift I mess that up all the time. Sounds crazy but I do.

My suit case is packed and weights 38.5 pounds thanks to that great scale Gerard had bought me a couple of months ago. Luckily the suit case is all muscle and no fat.

I have a few phone calls to make and a couple of stops before I leave for the airport but I really do think that I can get it all done in time.

Thank goodness Geralyn called me last night because I was starting to dread saying goodbye to Gerard. It kept the tears down to a minimum. I made him sleep with the little bear that I have for little banana. He loved the idea, not that he is a teddy bear sleeping type of man but because it is something that has been close to him and will be close to her.

Do you think I have time for a hair cut? This is when Gerard would yell something like no way your late.

Okay things may have changed a little

Tonight as I was getting things set out to pack Gerard came in asking where is the world map? That is when I told him that we do not have a world map. So how do you know where you are going?

Okay if you have not figured it out yet we have a slow reaction time to some things. Not just him but me too. I honestly only had a rough idea where the region was located. Not because I have a lack of interest but because when I look at it on the internet it only gives you the region not the whole map of Russia.

Then I remember that I had bought a map to hang up in the baby's room. So I pull out that map and we started to look for Cheboksary. No luck. I found the river that it boarders and the small town where the orphanage is located but not the big city where I will be staying. So we looked at the map for about 30 minutes.

Gerard started to tell me 'How is it possible to find the little town where the orphanage is located and not the big city?'

That is when I admitted that the map is about 150 years old. I guess some things do change!

All Packed! NOT!

No I have not fallen off the face of the earth yet. I spent the better part of yesterday cleaning my house. I have this thing that I hate to leave on a vacation with it being a mess. I have been so out of sorts the past couple of weeks that it has gotten a bit out of hand. Well, that problem is fixed.

So how is the packing going you ask? Well as soon as I start I will let you know. I have plenty of time right? And I called my cell phone company right! Well, that is still on the list. I have made a couple phone calls to my credits card companies right? Well No not yet. Then there is the issue with having lost my bank card now that I have found but the other bank card that I lost still needs to be programed with a pin so that is on the list for tomorrow too. I know that I have a bag of converters from the last time I was in Europe but I can not seems to remember where I put them.

Last night we had dinner with Gerard's parents and AM and Eddie. We always have so much fun when AM and Eddie are around. The laughs are non-stop. There is usually lots of teasing each other just like a bunch of 10-year-olds.

Just one note Caroline is my sister's SIL but I still think of her as my SIL too. Caroline is stable and the surgery is on hold til this week some time. You have no I idea how crazy it will make me to not be in the U.S. when and if she has to have surgery. Not that I am involved but my sister and BIL Rick some times bounce things off of me. I hate not being able to be there for them. I know I am a control freak!

So today I have my orders from Gerard (HA, HA, HA). I have to finish organizing Little Banana's room and decide what I will take with me on my trip. Plus I have the office to organize so that if he needs something for the house then he will be able to find it. Our printer is jammed and I can not seem to fix it so I may be making a trip to Best Buy for a new one.

You are either in or out!

I am a Project Runway junky! I love watching them create new and different things. As you all know I have been very busy looking for the right fabric for Little Banana's christening dress. What better place to look for the right fabric then in the fashion district in New York city. So here I am at the Mood fabric store.





This morning once I was done with the finger printing my mind start to cooking. To drive to Manhattan from my house is about a 2 hour trip but from where I was in Elizabeth it was about 20 minutes. I can so easily loss track of time when I shop for fabric. There is just store after store of everything that you could possible need to make just about anything.

These are some of the laces that I purchased today.



Here are 2 of the fabrics that I may use for the shirt of the gown.

Prayer Request ***Edited***

I just got word that my sister's Sister in law was is a very bad car accident. Caroline (SIL) has been injuried. Her father and 2 month old daughter were also in the car. The baby was not injuried and has been releashed to her her father.

Caroline and Neil have been very sweet to me. They have always asked about my adoption and have only ever been positive.

Please pray for Caroline. I know the power of prayer can only help.

***Caroline has a fractured neck. She will be undergoing surgery to help stablize her neck.***

One more thing off the list

That's Mom's are? for! Right? While I am off fooling around she sat and waited for my Visa and passport to show.

Mission accomplished the Visa and passport and at home safe and sound. Back to my adventure!

Off on another adventure!

Finger prints are DONE! I am starting a pattern because I got lost yet again. The last time I needed to get my finger prints done the office was moved. I was extemely lucky to find a nice police officer who helped that when I had to drive to Philadelphia. God smiled down on me again because while lost in Elizabeth I found yet another nice police officer to help! Elizabeth is a smaller city in NJ that is a little undesirable to be kind.

It is only 9 am so I have an idea and I am off on another adventure! Why go home and clean the house when I can fool around. More details to come.

Off the get the finger prints done!

Just a quick post. I am off to Elizabeth for my finger print appointment. Gerard is telling me to get off the computer and go, go, go! We let our parents know last night about my trip for Monday.

Also my visa and passport should be back today. I have my fingers crossed that it will all be correct. I believe the service is closed over the weekend. Jolynn. I will send you the information about the visa I have not forgotten.

PS. I am luck my friends at work still are talking to me. The winning MegaMillions lottery ticket was purchased in the town where we work!! You guessed it I forgot to buy the tickets. Welcome to Motherhood!

Gerard Worries

I hate the way he looks when he is worried about me. Gerard is one of those types of people that could NEVER play poker. Even though he does not know it he wears all of his feelings and expressions on his face. I am more of a poker player.

He is worried about me traveling alone. He does not want to be worried but he is. When I tell him not to worry he tells me that does not make me feel any better. I would have loved to have Gerard come with me for both trips. I guess we are too frugal for our own good at times. He only gets 2 weeks of vacation time. We have discussed this topic at length. I could recite to you all the pros and cons of him traveling with me but the reality is that he does not have enough vacation time to be able to go. We have come to the decision that we would rather use that time for when she comes home.

Then there is the financial aspect of him traveling. If he were to take the time off from work without pay the cost could change our plans for what we are going to do when she comes home. Then there is the matter of the travel costs that we will have to incur. It just does not seem reasonable for him to come at this point.

We have left the option open for him to travel for trip # 2. I think it will depend on how smoothly this trip goes for me. I also think it will depend on how nervous he is about me traveling alone with Little Banana. I am a real fan of personal safety. The facts are that a woman is more vulnerable when she has a small child to also watch out for. I am not saying that Russia is a scary place to be or full of crime because these are my thoughts for any place in the world.

Going with the flow

Today I talked with a coordinator (no not my coordinator yet another different coordinator) about what the travel plans are for me. I have been told that the agency with set up all the accommodations for me in country. I am trying not to worry about not being in control of these details. I know myself, I do always land on my feet so even if the accommodations are not perfect I will be able to work with them. I am looking at this first trip as a trial run for the second trip. I may not know everything about my accommodations before I travel. Oh boy I am tyring to go with the flow.

The region that I am in is the Republic of Chuvashia. From what I gather this region is slightly south east of Moscow. The major city that I will be traveling to is Cheboksary. Little Banana's orphanage is about a 3 to 3.5 hour drive one way. From what I understand the road to the orphanage is an extremely rural road. Anyone who has been in a remote region of Russia knows that when they say the road is rural they really mean it. The orphanage is in the town of Olatyr. I think that it will be interesting to see this town in both the winter and spring early summer months.

Who will I get to Cheboksary?? Well there are a couple of different ways. One way is to hire a private car to drive me there, one way is to take the overnight train and then there is a 2 hour flight. I am hoping and praying for the flight. To me that makes the most sense so because that is what I think I am sure that I will have to take the train which is my last choice. It is not that I am afraid to take the train alone but well I do have some concern about taking the train alone.

I have always been fearful of missing my stop on public transportation. Crazy I know but something has to scare me right? I think this is the result of living in an area of the country where we do not use much public transportation.

I love all the toy suggestions. I am going to make a list of all of them and Gerard and I are going to go shopping. For some reason he thinks he is the expert of toy shopping. I think he is a little worried and a little sad that he is not going but that will be another post.

LIfe is in the Details

Details, Details, Details!

I have spent the better part of today trying to sort out the details. I have booked my international flights. I will be leaving from JFK on March 9th in the afternoon. My arrival to Moscow is on March 10th. I was lucky to get a non-stop flight for not that much money. Only 615.00! I was able to pick my seat and if the seat preview is right it looks like the airplane is not full leaving or returning. Yeah!

I hate being crammed into such a small spot. I have to work tonight and tomorrow night then I am off until I come back from Moscow. WOW do I have a lot to do between now and then.

I sent out my passport and visa application today. I sent the application overnight mail so that they will get it tomorrow. It will be one of those pins and needles waiting games until my passport and visa are returned. I should have it back by Friday so say a prayer that every thing is right on the visa. It is a very odd feeling to turn over your passport to some one else.

Hopefully the other arrangements for my accommodations will be as easy as this part has been.

I think we will tell the parents on Thursday or Friday about the travel dates. I know that this sounds selfish but I have so many things to do that it will be easier if most of them are done. This way I will be able to answer their questions about the trip directly with the answer rather then a possible answer. I know that both sets of parents are a little concerned about me traveling without Gerard but I know that I will be just fine.

I am taking suggestions for toys to bring for her!! She is 17 months old. You all know that I rely on your wisdom!!

Guess Who is Going to Russia???

No not Mr. Smith! I am the one who will be flying to Russia!!!!!! I am just finalizing everything now and will post more as I know more. I have to go book those flights!!!

Thank you everyone. I could not have come this far without everyone's encouragement. There is going to be one small change to the blog. At this point many blogs become private. I have chosen not to do that because I personally benefited from reading others stories. In an effort to make communication easier for my family and close friends I have decided to allow anonymous comments. I realize that there may be more people reading along then I know about.

Thank you all for your kind words.

12 Inches Maybe More!

This morning I woke up to about 12 inches of snow. I have always loved the snow but now that I associate it with Little Banana I love the snow even more. Dottie is and has always been a little unsure of the snow. The snow was so deep in the back yard that it was up to her knees and elbows.






Tonight I am a little worried. I hope to get some news tomorrow about possible travel dates. I know that this is all in God's hands and I am willing to let God take care of it all. Tonight I am praying that I will hear good news tomorrow.

Let it snow!

The snow is coming down! I am looking out the window and watching the snow fall. As morning approaches the snow is soft white and fluffy. My mind is wandering to my little Banana.