Could it really be possible?

I just can not believe that we are due for more snow. I read we might get close to 10 more inches. Here is my question who is going to get rid of the other 28 inches in my front yard???

We have been so busy here the past couple of days. I worked during the snow storm but was able to make it home before the big stuff came. I only got stuck in the street in front of my house. So a little digging in the street and some to get into the driveway.

The funny thing is usually everyone runs to the store and empty outs the milk and bread aisle. I did ensure that we had enough Keifer and snacks for Anna, Gerard and Jill. Jillian also went shopping to make sure we had EVERY thing we needed.

See this is what I love about my nieces they are unique, funny and enjoy life. Everyday events are just more fun when they are around. Just like shopping for a snow storm.





Yes she wanted the biggest one. Yes she tried it but was not jazzed by the lobster who knows maybe when she is older.

We did take Anna sledding but it was short lived about 15 minutes. She just would not keep those mittens on.



Yes that is "Wilson"

An interesting observation by a stranger

Yesterday we had a new slider door installed. Isn't that what you should do when it is freezing cold out? Gerard knows a lot of different craftsmen and he is pretty funny about who comes to our house to do work.

Tom also know in my house as 'the man', remember everyone has a nickname around here even if they do not know it. Tom came over the other day when Gerard and Jillian were home with Anna. Apparently, Tom was shocked the way Anna went right to him. Interesting I thought. Now I was not here and I did not see the interaction.

We really have kept Anna's world as small as possible. We spend most of our time at home and pretty much only family comes over. I remember thinking early on when Anna came home that I was envious of Gerard because he had such little competition and I had so much more to over come. Anna has really only ever had interaction with less then 4 men who have ever been close enough to her for her to walk up to them for affection. Where as in a typical day there could be as many as 5 or 6 women at the house and for holidays closer to 15 or 20 women, yes all family.

Gerard did not seem concerned but there is some denial that I am dealing with when it comes to Anna and attachment issues. He needs her to be okay and when I tell you for the most part I really do think that she is attaching well to us but like with everything there are always a few bumps along the way.

Please keep in mind that Tom being a work acquaintance and not a close friend is unaware that Anna is adopted. Gerard says that most men do not talk about how their children come just that they have them. I would have to say that I do believe this is how most men interact with other men. We do really want that to be her story.

Fast forward to yesterday. Tom came over with his adult son who was helping him with the door. Just as I thought Anna went straight to Tom and threw her arms up in the air. Tom look stunned but did not pick her up. I did however scoop her up and told that Tom was here to change our door and that Daddy would be home soon and he would hold Anna then.

As I write this I am painfully aware that because Gerard has not been feeling well since before Christmas because of the kidney stones and stent he has not been able to really pick her up every time she comes to him but instead he kneels down to her. For those who have never had a from your kidney to your bladder the pain is incredibly unbearable because Gerard's job is so physical the pain when lifting is even more for him. Thank goodness the stent comes out on Friday.

While Tom was working on the door he told how cute Anna was and that she is the ONLY little child who has ever wanted him to hold her when he first walked into a house in close to 20 years. He also told me most children are afraid of us when we come because of the noise and because they do not know us...Hmmm...smart observant man.

Interesting the way some people who have no emotional ties to Gerard, Anna and I can point out when things are not just the same as in other homes. Not that each home should be the same. I will say that I have filed this information in my brain and will talk to Gerard about this once his stent it out and he is more able to hold Anna.

I guess this is a big attachment week for us.

Interestng reaction

Yesterday I finished my 2 day stretch at work. I find them hard but easier then if I work on one and off one. In the past my favorite schedule was when I would do all 3 of my days together and have a long stretch off. Jillian and Gerard were both home to be with Anna so I could get some sleep in between.

So here is what happened. I was napping, Jillian was in the bathroom and Anna decided that she needed a little computer time too. She picked off about 15 of the keys. Who knew those keys were held on by two little tiny pieces of plastic. So when it was discovered I told her that I was disappointed and that the computer was off limits. Mind you said this to her not in a yelling voice. I am sure that my face looked disappointed as well. I started to figure out how to put the keys back on. For the most part I was able to get them all on except the 'T' key is missing and the 'X' does not work that well either. Quite honestly no possession that she could break would upset me enough to not love and forgive her.

What was interesting was her reaction. She started to cry. I mean she really was sobbing, face red, tears flowing all while trying her best to climb into my lap. I held her I told her I loved her but not the behavior. This is what I do when she is not behaving like I want her to. Actually I think most of my family has thought that I am a bit crazy for saying that in the past. I held her until she stopped crying. Each time when I thought that she was okay and I started to fix the keys she would start to sob again.

Jillian was a bit shocked. I even asked Jillian if she felt I had been a bit hard on her. Jillian told me that I never even raised my voice. I think that when Anna one of the ways that the children could have been disciplined was by ignoring them after a scolding. Jillian actually said "Aunt Joy you should be the one crying not Anna".

I tend to get annoyed when people tell me "Children are resilient" or "They will forget with time" I think this is so misguided. I do not think she will forget the feeling of being left to be cared for by stranger who had a lot of children to care for atone time. I hope and pray that she will understand that I love her and that there is nothing that she could do to change that. No possession is more important to me then she is.

I am amazed everyday by how she is growing and learning to love and care for her forever family. At times there are these little moments that remind me of how fagile she really still is.

The nights the lights went out...Haiti

The other night I was home with Anna and my Mother stopped by to see her. I could hear them playing in her room, I was busy picking up. All of a sudden the lights went out. I looked out the window and it was pitch black out. The only light that I saw was from a few stars in the sky and the moon. Usually the lights come on pretty quickly, I knew were Anna was and that she was safe. My house was completely silent then Anna let out with a cry.

My Mother quickly scooped her up to reassure her that everything was okay until I got there to hold her. I found a couple of candles, now we had some faint flicker of light. At first I thought the lights will be on any second now as I sat in the dark second turned into minutes.

The craziest things run through your mind in the dark. I put an extra sweater on Anna along with socks. I sat there and held her as was better and started to play again. My thoughts wandered to the people of Haiti. First to the children who were were scared sitting in the dark, or perhaps looking for their Mothers. Then to the Mothers and Fathers who were desperately looking for their babies hoping and praying that they would soon be able to hold them and quiet their tears.

Then my mind wandered back to Anna. Did she cry or miss her birth Mother when she was in the orphanage. Did she cry and miss me after I left her not once but three times in the orphanage.

I know their are so many children who will be sitting alone in the dark tonight, scared some hungry for food but many more hungry for the love and affection of a Mother and Father. I do not have the answers to the world's problems but I thank God everyday for my good fortune. If you have a child hug them, if you want a child consider adopting one. As hard as the paperwork can be and the financial hurdles that you must jump the rewards so far out weigh all of that drama.

This link was posted on a blog that I read that is private. I am not sure if anyone has thought to help but this could be one way. Pennies turn into nickels then dimes and so on. Together we can make a difference! Haiti-Aid.org

Yesterday was...

Anna's first official birthday party! This girl has got some friends who know how to throw a party. My Friend Dina's son Ryan turned 3 and we were invited. I have to tell you I have been to many children's birthday parties but I was even excited for this one. I remember when Ryan was born (I took care of him) he was a sweet baby. I still remember hushing him out to Dina so that she could see him sucking his thumb. Yes she is head over heels for her boys and she was as excited as I was to see it.

So on to the party. The attire Anna were a pair of jeans with a pink top that had a sweet little doggy on it. She LOVES animals so this was perfect. My friend Lynn told me she was not to wear a dress for this party because it was at a gym so being a seasoned Mother I took her advice but I could not resist throwing a tutu on over the jeans. I know Lynn would have approved. To my surprise Anna kept her bow in her hair most of the day.

I have not ventured into the toy area of the stores with Anna yet mostly because I am not really shopping much lately so I left Anna with Gerard yesterday morning on the hunt to get the perfect gift although I did include the gift receipt which I love when just in case he already has one. I decided on a Thomas the Train set.

The party was at a gym were running, climbing and jumping was encouraged. I worried that Anna would feel a little lost in among the kids but I think she did really well. She was tuned in enough to look for me but did not feel the need to cling to me. Lots of loud music for dancing and I laughed pretty hard when Anna stopped mid run to do a little dance. For the most part I think she followed directions well and was age appropriate for sitting still. The party was fast paced which is her favorite speed.

After the dancing there was pizza and cake. Anna was not jazzed by the pizza but man I had worked up an appetite so I was very jazzed. One interesting side note because I work the night shift I almost never get to eat pizza which makes me sad because pizza is one of my very favorite foods. She did however enjoy a big fat piece of cake.

I think however I had a little flashback to what I think her days in the orphanage were like because for the lunch there was a small long table and little chairs. Anna is not know for sitting in a chair mostly stands I know bad Mother but she walked in and sat right down. I could see her face in the mirror and it was like what is happening here. That look quickly faded when she realised there was juice but I thought it was very interesting. It was not a sad look just a confused look.

This party was the first time that Anna has been around a number of kids playing mostly she was only been with Sloan, Aristotle and Hans. I think she had a great time. I actually showed her the pictures that Dina up loaded to F@cebook and she was trying to climb into the computer and was laughing and smiling so that tells me that she really enjoyed herself.

It would not be an apostille if

Like usually the apostilles in New Jersery are proving to be a challenge. Yes Governer that was me at the state house the other day wanting to talk to you. For those of you who know me you all know that I am telling the truth. Yes I paid extra to have the apostille done overnight, yes I drove out to Trenton with Anna 2 days in a row (a 4 hour tour) to find out that it was done because this was the Governers first day and "things" were not signed.

So today I made a third trip to Trenton to pick up the document because I got the call that it was done and low and behold guess what??? Nope not done! Yes I am sitting in the lobby waiting and yes I may be making another trip request a meeting with our new Governer about this matter. I have to have this Post Placement Report to Michigan by Monday. Yup I know cutting it close honestly though it was not my fault. If I have to drive it to Michigan I will!

Luckily for Anna today she is home playing with Nanny. Luckily for Gerard he is getting zapped today, unlucky for him he will be waiting for me to pick him up. Did I mention that I am about 2 hours away for him. Poor guy will have to suffer in the waiting room until I get there.

As for the weekend tomorrow we have big plans!

Shear Frustration!

Jillian my niece is in Florida, she is the one who mainly stays with Anna when I am at work. As a selfish favor I told Jillian that I would love to watch the dog. I say it is a selfish favor because the dog is too cute for words and I really do love Coconut. She is so full of energy and loves to be cuddled.

Here is were the frustration comes in! Anna loves to feed Coconut but Coconut is not such a big eater well when you are about 6 lbs how much can you eat. Anna thinks that Coconut should eat when ever she thinks she is hungry. Anna will carefully bring Coconut the bowl of food, switch it to another bowl, then mix it with the water then back to another bowl.

Anna has even gone so far as to open the refrigerator in the search to find anything that Coconut will eat. I feel like I am looking into a mirror. Anna welcome to my world!