Looking back on the last 2 years

I know it may seem that I have been able to function without difficulty. I did have some difficulty however. Mostly they are things that only Gerard noticed. My house has been way less organized. Dishes not done every night, more then one load of wash to do and I could go on but I will spare you. I have an open floor plan so I think that everything should mostly be in its spot but I found that the most difficult. My mind has been too busy.

Trying to over come my need for her room to be perfect actually stopped me in my tracks. I had purchased very little to decorate her room. I was not able to get it to look the way I wanted it to look when I first started. When I thought I was getting a boy I had the whole room planned out in my mind on how I thought it would look. Little Banana's room has been a challenge because I was not really sure what I wanted it to look like. I think I am now on the right track.

I am not done with her room. I actually stopped working on it when I found out about my court date. Denial kicking in again. But I promise it will be done before I leave for my first trip. I will post pictures once I find that cord to transfer my pictures again things are not all in the right places.

The other thing that I am so not proud to say is my delay in writing my 'Thank you' notes. I am one of those people that like to come home and write out my 'Thank You' notes right away. The cast got in the way and once it was off there were so many things that I needed to do and writing was and is still a bit painful. This is on the top of my list for today.

Starting her baby book. I have had a couple of false starts but I am not happy with any of them. So that is on my list of things to do. I do not want to be one of those people who bought one and then never used it. My fear is that one day when I am old, gray (okay I am already gray) and unable to remember my name she will find her baby book and see that it was empty. How sad.

I do think that there is a lesson in this post. I could only handle certain things and other things fell by the wayside. Letting these few things fall, I was able to cope. There were some times when I really thought it would never happened. In all I am very surprised how I have learned to cope with the wait. If you had asked me 2 years ago how I would be acting if this took 2 years to complete I would have painted you a completely different story. I learned new strategies for dealing with my stress and somehow think that the wait was needed in order to prepare me for what is to come.

Today marks 2 years! I signed my first piece of adoption paper work 2 years ago. I was so nervous. The unexpected can be very scary and for me it was. I cried more in that first month then I have during the rest of the wait time. I have done my best to turn the negative into the positive and I hope that if there is someone out there that needs my advice this is the best advice I can give.

Find the positive in every situation. Things could be way worst then you could ever think to imagine. For every set back that I have had I assure you there was good behind it that I was able to find. Enjoy the process this is a once in a lifetime event as many events in one's life are. I laughed, joked and yes at times cried but I even enjoyed that part too.