She has not changed much at all in her appearance she has gained e.f lbs so know she is 21.5 lbs. I have so much that I want to write about this visit some happy some sad. I have to put my thoughts together and get to a computer. I am blogging from my phone so I am sure this costing a small fortune.
I will go to see her again tomorrow. Hopefully that visit will be wonderful. Not that today's visit was not wonderful just different then the last time. I saw her. Attachment has always been a concern of mine and yes some of my fears are true. She did not recognize me at all. Nothing! So I will develop a plan of action that I will ask everyone to please follow. If you love her already then you will understand that the steps that I will implement are for her own well being. They are not ment to hurt anyone's feelings or to leave anyone out. The only way she will be able to develop into the beautiful, bright little girl I know she can be is if she is securely attached to Gerard and I.
Now I am off to sleep because I think it is like 1 or 2 am and I have another long day tomorrow.
School Days - November 2023
5 months ago
23 comments:
praying for safe travels!
Hopefully once you have her the attachment will come fast.. be safe
I am so glad you saw her again and will see her tomorrow. The attachment will come with time, and people will learn to "get it".
Safe travels home.
Joy, I am so glad you saw her again and she is getting bigger. The attachment will come, and be beautiful. I commend you for having a plan of action. It is the best thing you can do for Little Banana. We kept everyone at bay for a while with Hope, and it helped us assure that she knew us as Mommy and Daddy. Everyone will get it.
Get some rest!!
Kellie
YEA!!! I am so happy you got to see her again!! Owen didn't remember us at all either that we could tell. That isn't too uncommon for children under 2 though or even for children over 2 who have been away from someone they only spent a little time with for such a long time :) She will learn who you are, but it will take time. You know I'm here for you if you have any questions or concerns with her attachment or speech/language, and I know she will do great once you get her home and can start the "re-parenting" her the way we did with Owen. It is important for everyone to be aware that she is not almost two, she is a newborn when it comes to her social/emotional/attachment development, and it will take time for her to spend with YOU being her sole caregiver and provider, loving on her and giving her attention and affection for her to attach securely to you.
You know how to reach me and can call anytime.
Love you lots!
Adrienne
Dear Joy and Gerard's family, Please respect what Joy asks you to do to help Anna learn to trust her and Gerard and to go to them for her wants and needs, when she is hurt, and when she wants love and comfort. Please do not be offended if she asks you not to touch Anna for a while or to love on her. Please remember it will be for a short time of her life, but that this time is so very important for Anna long-term. You do not want for Anna to run up to strangers in public or defy Joy and Gerard because she is not attached to her parents. Please remember this is not meant to hurt your feelings, and they probably will be hurt at first. This is meant to help Anna succeed and function as a member of a family, something she has not known until now. It took a while for our family to understand why we asked them not to touch, hold, hug, or provide for our son Owen, but over time, they realized it was definitely for the better and were so glad they waited and didn't compromise his attachment process and progress. Now, they can hold him, feed him, and love on him without him wanting to go anywhere with them or with anyone he has just met. He knows I am his Mommy and my husband is his Daddy and to ask before walking off with someone. Yes, you are her family, but she doesn't yet know what family is the way babies do when they are born into families.
If you have questions, Joy knows where to reach me. Attachment therapists can be great resources too and do know what they are talking about when it comes to our little ones who have never known the love and meaning of a forever family!!
Much love,
Adrienne
mommy to Owen
adopted from Vladivostok, Russia 06/25/07
so exciting you got to see her again!
So glad you got to see her again!!
So happy for you.
So glad to hear you are getting to see her twice this visit! You are smart to limit her interaction with others when you first get home. What Adrienne said is so true! Thinking of you and praying your court hearing goes off without a hitch.
Yeah. I'm so excited for you. I know what you mean about the visit begin happy yet sad too. I was a bundle of nerves just like the first trip. Attachement will come, and you won't really notice it happening. Small steps. I'm not sure when but we are now Colby's Mommy and Daddy and it is a wonderful thing!
Melissa
I love what Adrienne had to say. We adopted from Cheboksary Baby House almost 6 years ago now. My daughter was 22 months when she came home. You are wise to have a plan before you bring her home and to educate your friends and family. I wish that I had done so before she was home. Now she is a happy healthy beautiful (I"m biased) 7 1/2 year old who is firmly attached to us and thriving.
Best to you on this last leg of the journey!
Ann Fowler in CT
ps I hope you get Alexander as your judge...it was a long time ago now but he was very nice to us! Good Luck in court!
Joy, the plan that we followed was that no one did anything for our little lady except us. We feed, changed, bathed, put to bed, everything. Once the relationship was made with us, then others moved into their role. YOu will see from a post on my blog that I did this at the expence of others, but with her well being in mind. It worked for Elizabeth. I would be happy to discuss more when you return home. So excited I found your blog and that you are safe, happy, and I KNOW all will go well with court. - Lee
Don't stress that she did not recognizing you. You will have some one-on-one time with here on trip 3. Trust me, that plane flight home is a real bonding experience! Plus, the rules you/hubby are about to put in place with family/strangers will help her learn who's mamma/pappa. Have a good day in court! You'll be fine :)
Also an AAI Russian client (3.5 yr old now 4.5 yr old has been home one year). Been following/praying for you.
Little Banana will move into the role of daughter as you move in to the role as mommy. You can learn from one another. Stay safe. Sending you courage during this exciting life changing journey!
Looking forward to hearing more about your first visit with the banana. Knowing her age, I would not be overly concerned that she doesn't recognize you since it has been so many months and you were only given such a short time together on trip 1. I'm sure she has seen many families come and go at her orphanage and she is not fully going to understand what is happening at her age. Our daughter at almost 4 didn't really understand what was going on with our adoption. I do agree that keeping her world small and only allowing you to hold/comfort/hug/kiss her for the first few months home is the right decision. We messed up and allowed our families to hold and love on our daughter when first home and you know our story. It will all work out great and your time together now will help build the foundation for your attachment to one another!
Much Love,
Carey
So glad you got to see the little banana again! The first time we went back to see Andrew he was inconsolable. Cried and cried and cried. The first 40 minutes of our trip was spent trying to comfort him and the same with the next day. Can't wait to hear about your next visit!
I am so excited for you! I know when the two of you finally arrive there will be rules and I am just so darn excited, cant' wait to get the two of them on the train at smithville! Give Anna a few smoochies for me n Hans, we miss her already!
As everyone else has said, don't be too concerned about her not recognizing you. She will know you and Gerard as her mom and dad soon enough. It will just take a little time for all of you to adjust to one another and form your family bond. Enjoy your visits with her now knowing that you will all be a together forever family soon!
So glad you got to see her today. Don't worry about her not seeming to remember you-she's still so little right now, and that will come as you see her more. I've heard about that wait for a passport in Tver and heard it was gradually affecting more regions-I'll pray that your agency can get them to move quickly so you don't have to wait long. Hope your visit is great tomorrow!
I am glad that you get two visits in today. I would not have expected her to recognize you since it's been so long since your first trip and you didn't get to spend much time with Banana. I would be prudent in doing attachment parenting, but wouldn't take this as a bad sign so early.
Don't worry about the attachment over much. Once she has just the two of you to command to her every whim, she will know she can trust you with everything. Be patient. It will happen.
Aidan remembered me, but not Pat. It hurt him some. But, my plan was for him to take on a lot of the care while we were still in Russia. . .it worked like a charm. He is not only attached to me, but also to his Daddy! It was hard, but it works.
Prayers being sent your way all the time!
Blessings.
Stacy
Yea! I am glad you got to spend some more time with Banana. Lexi didn't recognise me either. But she did great anyway. The couple traveling with us said their little boy (who had just turned 2) cried at the sight of them, but after court when we visited with them, he appeared to be attaching very quickly. It's all going to be fine!
How are you ever going to read all these comments?? Hey all I can say is QUARANTINE QUARANTINE QUARANTINE! It was the best thing we did. Some people came over when we got home but then we did 3 weeks of just hubby, me, and baby and it was awesome! The adjustment/attachments began to flourish! Good luck!
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