A day at the park--with lots of pictures

Sunday we went to the park for about 30 minutes. She is a girl on the move and is happiest when she is doing something. I do not have the the type of child who you can put in one spot and she stays there for longer then about a minute.

I wanted to take some pictures because I have to start to think about her announcements that I will be sending out. So I mostly took her to the park so that she gets used to the camera. Here are a few that I love.





But by far some of the cutest pictures are the ones that I took when we were walking (big surprize) back to the car. I held the camera low and not at my eye.






This IS my favorite picture!!

I told you she was even....

I was going through pictures from Moscow and I came across these ones that prove she is very even.

Anonymous said...

First let me tell you that when I first started this blog I set it so that I would not be able to receive anonymous comments. When I traveled for my first trip back in March to meet Anna I changed the setting so that my family members could easily leave comments. To my surprise I got so many beautiful comments from those whom I have never met.

I know in my heart changing that setting to get comments from those who I do not know was the right decision to make at the time and even now. In my last post I was given some in my opinion very sound advice about getting Anna to sleep. There have been so many people who have prayed for Gerard and I and most importantly Anna that at this point I could not imagine changing the setting back to exclude comments from anonymous people.

With that being said if you have left an anonymous comment here that has been positive or helpful in anyway. Please comment away. I love to hear from others who can help me to be a better Mother to Anna and more importantly a better person. My Mother who reads the blog daily was in shock by the number of nice people who said nice things even when they did not have too as she puts it.

With that being said I have received a few not so nice comments recently. Here is one of them. I copied and pasted it so that it would not be missed by anyone who has already read the post and the comments attached.

Anonymous said...
Would your Father be proud that you can't get married because he can't walk you down the aisle? Sounds like an excuse to me. Will Gerard adopt Anna or will that be a "common law" relationship also?

All I can say is WOW! Little mean spirited don't you think. I guess some would say that I have it coming being a single person in a relationship with a man for a number of years and having had one attempt at getting married to that man. But WOW! To talk about my Father who has died as if you knew him. You have a big set of B---S!

First off I will let you know that my feeling are not hurt if that is what you were attempting to do in regards to not being married for that reason I laugh. When I talked to Gerard about this comment this morning and yes there are many comments that I talk to Gerard about every day I told him that I relieved that you made this comment to me.

Let explain, You were trying to be mean to me some one whom you only think you know. You wanted to ruin my day, create insecurity or perhaps hope that I would lash out at you in a mean manner. Sorry not going to happen here. I would rather you be mean to me on the internet then mean to someone in person or who can not handle comments like this without getting their feelings hurt. I will pray that you see that sometimes comments that you make to a person can be hurtful. This is a good lesson for all of us to take away from this comment. I do try to see something positive in everything that is negative. I will ask you to reevaluate your own relationships before you evaluate mine.

Now before I close in this comment you pose some very good questions that I would like to clear up. Mom sorry that you will read this post about Dad right now because I know that you are very sad that he is not here right now. I know that you have cried because you miss him and he is missing out on holding Anna right now. We will talk about it later so no need to post a comment here.

Would my Father be proud of me? I think that was your first question

ABSOLUTELY! He would be proud that I am a strong independent woman who at times may still need her Father even though he is not here. He would be proud that I have built and owned many different homes. He would be proud that I have saved money to adopt Anna and then some. He would be proud that I go to work everyday and do my very best.

He would often say "Do everything the best way you can, even if you are a ditch digger then dig the very best ditch you can dig."

When we were about to get married my Father became very ill. I cared from him the best way I knew how on the unit where I also worked for over 3 months. I gave him pain medications, bathed him and watched die pretty much on my birthday. Hmmm Anonymous could you do that? Have you done that?

People in our families acted poorly when my Father was sick. Yes, both families acted poorly. Gerard and I were young. After my Father died I had a very hard time keeping it together. I missed him more then I ever thought would be possible and still do. This may sound like an excuse to you but I am the one who is living it. Those are my feelings.

Gerard and my Father actually had a very nice relationship. Which I am so glad that they did. My Father lives in my heart and in my memories that Gerard and I and the rest of my family have about him. At that point in my life and in the shape that I was in emotionally my Father would have suggested that I hold off on getting married too.

On the subject of "common law", in New Jersey there is no such thing. I am not entitled by law to anything of Gerard's but his love an affection and the same for him. Do we have legal documents for our possessions and medical wishes? Yup! I encourage you to do the same. Actaully I have just put this on my list of 'Things to do' because they must now be updated. Thanks! (See another positive)

As most know I work in a newborn nursery and I have seen thousands of fathers, I can tell you Anna could do far worst then Gerard as her "common law" Father. If there is such a thing. He loves her unconditionally, period end of the story. He will provide for her and actually already has. He will keep her as safe as possible. That is what a Father is supose to do after all. Do not pretend to know what our relationship is about and I will not speculate about you and your relationship with your children, husband/wife/lover or God.

I will pray that in the future you mouth and thoughts will only be kind towards others.

So how is she sleeping you ask?

The sleeping is not going as well as I had hoped it would. She has been with me almost 2 weeks now and the routine is not quite perfected as of yet or at all if you ask me. Some nights have been more of a challenge then others.

I guess I should start from the beginning. Nap time, seems to be getting better. I have figured out that she is ready for a nap about 4 hours after she wakes up. She starts to look tired in about 3.5 hours and I try to quiet down the house by shutting off some of the lights, I am notorious for having on too many lights. For the 3 days she has taken me by the had to the front door which I translate as I want to take a walk. After about a 20 minute walk she is out cold. I lay her down in my bed and she is asleep for about 1 hour and 45 minutes.

When she wakes up she is happy to see me and giggles. I think she could sleep longer but she does not so I do not fight it.

As for the night time well that is a different story. I see her getting tired at about 6 pm, she stops playing nicely and starts to just throw things. Again I start to wind down the house also because that is when Gerard goes to sleep too. I guess I feel more pressure to keep her quiet because I know he is trying to sleeping.

I know I have heard so many say that rocking helps them to get to sleep. I have tried this and actually have a very comfortable rocker but it does not seem to help. So from about 7:30 pm to 9:00pm I have been trying to hold her, rock her, read to her, play something quiet with her, listen to soft music, warm milk from a bottle and nothing seems to work. The sad thing is she is exhausted. Her eyes are red and heavy. She can barely stand from the exhaustion. It is hard work when you work on the railroad all day long like she does.

What I think the problem is she is just not comfortable yet. She is adjusting but just will not let it go that extra step to fall asleep, especially in my arms. The strange thing is if Gerard and I are both home and we both lay with her then she does eventually fall asleep on the bed as far from us as possible.

I am not proud to admit that this is the only time that she is falling asleep in the bed. After about 2-2.5 hours of trying to get her to fall asleep I have either taken her for a walk in the stroller or for a ride in the car. There have been nights where this has taken up to 4 hours to achieve sleep for her.

I have a crib for her but she is quite effective at getting out of the crib and I fear that she will get hurt. I have to say I just can not and will not let her cry it out. I think that this will not help the attachment and bonding that we need to work on.

I have been home just over a week and there has been a visitor everyday. This is somewhat frustrating for me because it is a disruption of the routines that I am trying to start. I want her family to be a part of her life but I think I will have to have another talk with them all so that they understand that we need a routine. If I am going to go back to work as planned I have only 5 more weeks to get her in a routine before everything changes again.

Which do you think she prefers?

The other day she took me to the front door. She is a girl on the move and actually likes to go for walks in her stroller. It was close to nap time so I was thinking good maybe she will fall asleep. No chance after a 30 minute walk I took her to the park 2 streets over.

So which do you think she preferred,

Slide?

Swings?

Walking in the mulch?

No it was the construction equipment. They were doing work at the township building and using heavy machinary and that is what interested her the most. My Father would be so proud. I know her Daddy was very proud of her too

So waht has Dottie thought about the change?

I think there is always a fear that when a child comes into the home the dog that you have loved for years will not mess well with all the changes. Dottie is quite a particular dog so honestly I had my worries. Add in the fact that she is not feeling well and that is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

The first day she was a little anxious about Anna being here. Anna is interested in Dottie but is not right up in her face interested which I am thankful for. Dogs can be funny and I have always watched Dottie like a hawk when children are around. In the past if I have seen Dottie get anxious I would call her to me to settle her down and that always did the trick but what do you do when you have a little one on your hip? You adapt.

I am very happy and proud to say that Dottie has adapted very well to having Anna squirreling around the house. I of course do not leave them alone in a room together but I think that no 2 year old should be left in the care of a dog no matter how nice the dog is.

She is adapting so well that the other day when Anna was sleeping I watched Dottie take her baby and place it on Anna's tummy. This is Dottie's only true prised possession so Anna should feel honored. I can not believe how sweet the gesture was.

As far as how is Dottie feeling, well I am sad to say that she is now having small seizures. We had been playing in Anna's room and Dottie came into me, my mother and sister with her baby, laid down and had a seizure right there. You can see how tired she is getting. For now the plan is to stay the same, if she does not seem to be in any pain and is not having multiple seizures everyday we will just love and care for her until that changes.

Yes they were clean-with pictures

Since I have yet to replace my washer, it broke before I left to pick up Anna Gerard's Mother has been doing our laundry. Yes we have a lot of laundry now that we are three. Gerard told her he is in no rush to get a new washer because she is doing a great job.

So as we dirty the laundry it get put in a bag and taken to her house only to be returned fresh clean, folded and all ready to put away. EXCEPT when you have a 2 year running around. I did not get to the putting away as fast as she got to the putting on. I could not resist taking a picture of this.

You have to have a couple of these photos around anyway.




Other things that she is facinated with is shoes. She thinks that I should be wearing them and he should not be. Which is quite funny because I never wear shoes and he always wears shoes. The other day when he came home she helped him off with his shoes and socks. I'm not sure I have ever seen his feet of wait once about 3 years ago. Then she took his socks and promptly put them on and walked away. I thought I was the only one that did stuff like that it him. Hmmm

Yes that is her first offical boo boo. She fell off the bed and hit her face on the way down. I felt awful for many reasons. I know that you can not be there every step of the way and this kind of stuff will happen but she never even let out a peep.

I made a big deal over it. When Gerard saw it I think it sunk in that we have work to do. Even he agreed that she should have cried. I have since purchased a monitor with a T.V. screen so that I can watch her when she sleeps.

My first kiss

I think you never forget your first kiss. I still remember the first time Gerard kissed me and I love that memory but now he has some steep competition.

I have read where other children kiss their potential adoptive parents right away, Anna did not. Anna does show affection to her baby dolls or La-La's as she calls them. I did ask my translator is that is a Russian term and she said yes it was the term for baby doll. If you ask her to get her La-La then hunt is on pretty quick to find one of her babies. I think it is so cute because she puts it to her cheek and says La-La then promptly throws it across the room. Typical 2 year old behavior I think.

Back to the kiss, this is how it happened. Of course I have a very large family most of my nieces and nephews are adults. Aristotle (6) and Sloan (20 months) are the youngest nephews I have right now. Sloan has walked around with Anna's picture for months. The week that I left for court he insisted on sleeping with it. My sister said he would cry if he could not find it. Too cute.

Aristotle is more inquizative wanting to know all the details. Since we have been home he has asked me questions like "How is she eating, Does she sleep well?" Some times you feel like you are talking to an adult so we usually just answer the question and move on. The funny thing is if you do not answer the question that he is asking he will let you finish and say that is nice but it does not answer my question.

So Monday they came over with my sister and BIL. Sloan did not seem surprised at all to see her but happy that is until she made a move for my sister with that he managed to block her from sitting on my sisters lap. He must have read that we are doing the no holding by others thing. When she went for Aristotle he very calmly managed to mark his territory there too. All with a big smile on his face, too funny.

My sister's children are pretty affectionate. Sloan loves to kiss and hug my sister and mother. We all laid on the floor Jackie kissing Sloan and me kissing Anna. Then my Mother leaned over and kissed me. Hmmm.

Off to eat some dinner. Sloan and Anna have those seats that strap onto the dinning room chair so we put them face to face. He is a big eater and a big kid even though he is only 20 months. Roasted chicken went on the 2 plates and at first Anna tilted her head to the side like now way. When Sloan started to like his lips and dug in she changed her mind. When I was not giving it to her fast enough the no feeding rule got broken because Sloan took a piece of his and put it right into her mouth. Too funny.

Anna has learned to way bye-bye only after people have left, her timing is a bit off but we are working on it. I scooped her up and suddenly she grabbed my face with both of her hands and kissed me on the lips. I was shocked, surprised and overjoyed (Pardon the pun). She is quite the mimic.

I do not think that she understands the meaning behind a kiss yet but I can only hope that this is promising. Wow did it feel good.

So last night as Gerard went to bed I had her in my arms and leaned over to kiss him goodnight she did the same. He was so excited.

Retrospective look back to Moscow-Embassy day

August 18, started out like no other day in my life. I was awakened by the coos of a baby. I got a smile the minute that I popped my head up. Out of the travel crib a quick diaper change and the squirrel was off to gather nuts I mean toys. We played in the apartment most of the morning.

One thing that I have worried about and I am sure every adoptive Mother worries about is attachment and bonding. Just like so many who have done this before I feel that my time in Moscow was very good for attachment but way to short for attachment to be secure. I wanted Gerard to be a part of this phase so that is the reason why I came home on Wednesday. It gave him 4 days off in a row and he spent every minute with us.

I dressed her in white jeans and a poke-a-dot shirt. She looked too cute. We took a short walk to the Arabat street but did not want to be late for Alex because he was taking us to the Embassy. This is a big day after all.

We made it through the check point and in we went. There were 4 other families there. One had a very young baby (12 months), the other 2 were just a couple of months younger then Anna and the other couple had 2 boys, one was the same age as Anna and the other was 3. She told me that her younger boy was eating everything.

I will let you in on a secret, Anna is having a hard time eating. I have resorted to writing down everything so that I do not obsess on what she has not eaten and instead can feel as though we have accomplished something. I know it is too early to tell if this will be a problem but I want to have an accurate account of what she will eat and has eaten as well as the quantity. I think it is the nurse in me.

Back to the point of the post, if the eating becomes a problem I will write about it because right now aside from 3 others this is not something that I have read extensively about on other people's blogs. I am guessing it is because Mothers and Fathers do not want to feel like failures. I do not feel like a failure but I think that it is important for anyone who is struggling right now to know that you are not in it alone.

I really enjoyed the Embassy appointment. How many people in the U.S. can say that they have been to a U.S. Embassy. Well we can say that. It was quieter then I thought it would be. Just getting the chance to talk with others who are at the same stage as I am was wonderful. Anna was a doll.

Then it was back to the apartment for a snack and the camera. It was now or never. If I was to get a picture of her at St. Basil's then I would have to take her now because the following day we were leaving.

Why is it that when you ask how far everyone told me a short walk? Okay I need to walk more I guess. I also let her play in the flower garden where all the other children were getting their pictures taken. After all she is a Russian child.












Then it was the short walk back, which is when she figured out that she CAN take off those shoes and socks. She very politely handed them to me. The funny part was when she hiked up her pants to see her creamy white, I mean whiter then milk legs. Yes I got a bunch of stares along the way but can a girl do when she needs a tan after all.

Now I think for the most part I am all caught up. I think.

So what has she been up to now

In true Russian form I came home to the most beautiful flowers from my Mother and sisters. You could smell them the minute you walked in. They are still perfect.


I now that I am trying to caught up on the details of my time in Moscow. But I also wanted to post some pictures of her now at home. We have just played all day long pretty much everyday. I have managed to get some sleep but I do feel it in my back from all the lifting up and bending over. She is too funny.

Anna is staying true to form and remains busy, busy, busy. Gerard says that she works like a squirrel. She takes one piece and walks it across the room then back for a second piece, when she is down she reverses the procedure.

By far her favorite toy is the leap pad barn that Amy recommended because little T really enjoyed it. I have spent hours on my kitchen floor singing and dancing with this toy with her. I NOW know all the words so she looks for me to sing along with the toy which I love. Great for bonding.

So here are a few pictures from her first days home.

Retrospective post about the day I picked her up forever

August 17 will never be the same for me. I waited patiently for the clock to tick down so that I could officially get up and get ready to pick up my baby forever. How is it that the last 15 minutes that you sleep are always the best?

I got up showered, put on make-up, which is a big deal for me. Packed a big fat diaper bag and headed to the meeting spot where Alex was to pick me up. Nope I could not figure out how to collapse the stroller but he has experience. We got to the train station in plenty of time to stand at the platform to wait for her arrival.

I consider myself lucky that she was brought to me instead on me having to make the trip to get her. I know that Anna knew the person with whom she would be traveling with so it was a little less stressful for her then if I were the one to pick her up. Although the train ride was quite long about 15 hours overnight.



I waited and watched the clock, 6:11 am right on time the train started to pull in. The train station becomes very busy with people boarding and disembarking the trains and I was afraid that I was going to miss seeing her the moment that she got off. I did not. She stood next to the caregiver with her little hoody on and mary jane shoes holding the caregivers hand. I think she recognized me at least that is my perception. I scooped her up in my arms and gave her a kiss. She is now my baby forever.

I did think to bring my camera and here are the pictures that were snapped about 5 minutes after I got her forever.






Then it was back to the apartment for the physical examination. Again I feel that I was lucky because the doctor came to us rather then us having to travel to him. He told me that she is very healthy and that he liked her a lot. Later Alex told me that most of the babies scream when they are getting their exam. Instead she took the hammer that they use to check for reflexes right out of his hand and rechecked hers just to be sure they were there. Too cute.

Breakfast went well and was the best meal that she had in Russia. Now I was finally alone with my baby for the very first. We played in the apartment for a couple of hours. I knew she was tired and I just wanted to be with her. No reason to venture out. After about couple of hours we both laid down and took a 4 hour nap. Man I needed it. She woke up all smiles.

We headed out to walk around a bit that is when I realized the underground tunnels had ramps that fit only larger strollers. So rather then take her out I grabbed the stroller with baby and bags and walked her down. I took a very inexpensive stroller and was very light. The funny thing is she thought this was a game. When I would grab the stroller I held her tight to me and she would snuggle into me. When she would see that we were approaching a tunnel she would start to get excited.

One of her favorite toys was the Mr. Pot@to head dolls glasses. She carried them around for hours.


Thank goodness I took pictures along the way because it seems like so long ago that I was in Moscow now. I really wanted to preserve all these memories and the pictures really helped jog my memory.

Finally asleep and the house is quiet...time to blog

What a busy, busy, busy couple of days it has been. The trip home was very good. For the first flight which was close to 11 hours she fell asleep as the plane was reaching the runway. She managed to sleep for about 1.5 hours until the nice (insert sarcasm) man behind her woke her up by continuously kicking her seat. I told you woke her up you entertain her. So for 9 hours they played caught and peek-a-boo. Probably the last time he will kick a baby's seat.

Made through passport control only after she started to scream and then I had to tell the man sternly that she will probably cry until she becomes a citizen. That moved things along faster.

The next flight was a breeze. She slept until we landed. I call Gerard who was waiting by the exit to meet us. Oh to see him standing there was the best thing I had seen in days, okay the second best thing Anna was the best thing. She was tired but she did give him a poke which is quite funny because usually he walks by me and just pokes me. We got the bags then out to the car. Yeah!!!! Except she needed a diaper change. Thank goodness I cleaned out the trunk. After she was all freshened up she went directly to her car seat.

Gerard asked me "How is she in a car seat?"
I told him "I will let you know when I put her in one"

The funny thing is I had asked about a car seat for this trip and was told they had one. They do not use one. Gerard laughed and said "You only asked if they had one not if they use one!" Hate to say it but he is right. Just do not tell him.

The car ride home we slept.

Once we pulled up we let Dottie come out to the car and I got her out of her seat The funny thing is she took a double take when she saw Dottie come in the house like "Hey lady that dog is in the house." Dottie was way better then I expected, Anna prefers to only pet the spots which is very funny.

So how was it for Gerard to finally see and touch her. Well I think there are no words to describe it. His face just lights up. "She is pretty little and even" were his words to be exact. Yes I said even because is is doing everything even like. It just cracks me up.

When I was changing her diaper with Gerard for the first time I let her hold a clean wipe and she promptly washed the right side of her face then the left, wiped the right foot then the left. Believe me I could go on and on about her evenness. Which has Gerard beaming and of course he is pointing all out to me everything. Great!

So yesterday was our first day home but of course this was not a normal day as if any are normal but there was a lot of traffic. I think somehow it was best to have everyone come sneak a peep over the next two or three days. We are sticking to the no holding and no feeding rules that I outlined earlier.

One funny thing is that Gerard noticed a difference in her when others were around. Bingo Daddy that is what I have been telling you. Better that he see it for himself. He favorite game is to run from me to him. Then he swings her a little bit and it is back to me for a hug. We have found that if we sit on opposite sides of the room a couple of feet apart she comes to one of us. For that I am very please.

I have not uploaded my photos from this trip yet but these ones are from my third visit with her. I have so much to write about and so little time. I know same old story as everyone else. I hope to be able to get some of it down in the next couple of days.

When I was in Russia was not able to access my blog at all. Weird. Only Facebook thank goodness. I know my sisters and cousin Val told my Mother that all was good and for that I am very thankful.

I was however able to read all of my comments because they get emailed to my phone. In the next couple of days I will post some of the things that happened when in Russia because I never want to forget any of it. So you all will just have to bare with me and all the boring details (He He He).



July 30, 2009

It was so stinking hot that day! The funny thing is she would not wear the bonnet that I brought her by would wear the elf style hat. I tried like heck to find one like that but could not. I hope to be able to make one for her. She wore it like she does everything else with determination.

WE ARE IN THE STATES...Man do I love the U.S.A.

In Chicago, Flight was long. I am such a good mother feeding McD FF. She is currently pooping and licking the rail with no shoes or socks on. We have not slept for close to 26 hours. Who wants to sit next to us?

My first in real life visit...Photo style

As hard as it is to believe that I first saw her picture in January it is even harder to think that the first time I met her it was over 5 months ago. As easy as it may appear that this wait has been for me I can not tell you in words how wonderful it feels that it is now over.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from my first visit

Here is my first glance

In Moscow I do not have the ability to post pictures because I will be/am blogging from my phone. One thing I know is that everyone wants exactly what I have always wanted. PICTURES!!

So in preparation for that I have scheduled a couple of posts to share her with you all. Even though these pictures are not the most recent ones I hope you enjoy them as much as I did when I first saw them. It is hard for me to believe that the first time I saw them it was January 13, 2009. I believe that these pictures were taken when she was about 12 months old.

Now you all know why I fell in love with that sweet little face. Over the past 7 months different ones of these photos have been my favorite. These are the photos that are plastered on my refrigerator. Gerard and I talked about soon we will be replacing these sweet pictures with ones that we have taken here at home.

Required Reading for all my Family Members

I think everyone has figured out that I am a little bossy. Well that trait is not really unique to my family. We are all pretty opinionated. Some of the things that I am asking be done once she is home is way different then when others who have had babies in my family. Well this is a different situation completely not bad just different.

There are some things you all understand and other things I just know you are shaking your heads and saying "That just sounds crazy!" By the way this includes Gerard at times too.

The biggest thing that I am asking is that you follow my lead. I know that everyone is so excited and you all want to be apart of her life and we want you to be excited. Please understand that I have no intention of keeping her all to myself forever.

I am asking that you please redirect her to me or Gerard so that we can meet her needs (food, diaper changes, rocking to sleep, need for love and affection). She needs to understand that we are the ones who will keep her safe, love her unconditionally and provide for her. Without going into much detail about her past I ask that you trust me when I say this is what is best for her now and for her future relationships with us and all of you.

Please keep the gifts to a minimum. There are a lot of you and only one of her. Think of the amount of stuff that she will have if everyone always gives her just one gift all the time. The best things that you can give her is your love, your prayers and time to understand and know her place within this big family. I would rather her self-esteem be over flowing then her toy box. Kids really like the simple things.

If I say "NO" to her or you I really mean it. This is not up for discussion. I won't think it is funny either if this rule is not followed.

I know that this may sound harsh but please be apart of the solution not part of the problem.

It may seem as though I have sailed through this whole process and to some degree I have but believe me there have been times when I thought that I could not go on one more minute. This was hard, way harder then I thought it would be. There has never been a minute that I have not thought about her and what is best for her. I know that as you read this you are saying me too and you may be right to some degree but it is not the same for you as it has been for Gerard and I believe me.

I have read many different books and even listened to different seminars about what to expect. I may have been short with some of my loved ones from time to time I ask you to please step back and think about things from my perspective. I have had very little control over this whole process. How would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you cry non-stop? Would you be angry? Do you think you could be happy every minute? I think I have done way better then I thought I would but there may be a time when I need to fall apart, allow me the respect of doing that in private if I need to or just to listen if that is what I am asking. No extra opinions are necessary.

You all may think that I am a bit chicken for posting like this as I leave for Moscow but I wanted to make sure that each of you read this article that I have found right before she came home. As to being a big fat chicken I say Bock, Bock, Bock, your right, I too get overwhelmed.

Please, Please, Please read this article I promise you will feel enlightened about how Anna Catherine may feel when she gets home. Click Here!

I think this web site (Click Here) is a very good resource for many of the things that I "plan" to follow when we get home. Take the time to look through it. I think you will feel better prepared for Anna Catherine to come home. Now on to the fun stuff off to go get my baby! This is the last post about my fears for a while now, yes I know all are saying good, me too. Look up I might be flying above you right now! I love you all.

To my blogger friends your support is overwhelming great. I love you all too!

I'm heading to the airport!!!!

I am on my way. I slept great, Gerard did not. He was up a couple of times waiting for me to get up. I did get the car cleaned out. I double checked everything I packed. Remembered my camera, money and passport. I got the embassy documents copied this morning. I would not be an adventure unless I did something at the last minute.

This time I decided to take the airport shuttle, easy, cheap low stress. I do feel butterflies in my belly this time. I am way too excited!

Blogging from the beach

I could not resist one last trip to the beach before I go. Gerard just laughed at me, shaking his head and saying you will go to the beach again with her. Yes this is true but it will be different. Now I sit there quietly under my umbrella not burning perhaps reading a book. I go in the water if I like and I am on no one elses schedule at all.

This is pretty much how I have lived my adult life. I come and go as I please. No it is not unusual for me to be in 2 or 3 different states in one day. This is it my last day of real freedom for a while. Again Gerard just laughs when I say this.

Even knowing this what am I doing? Wishing the time away. Yup that is what I am doing. As close as I am to picking her up I have watched the clock and it seems like it is not moving. You would think I have all the time in the world. (Insert giggle) I am thinking 1.5 hours to the airport, that is too long. 16 hour on a plane, come on can't they get that thing to move faster? Thank goodness I do not have to wait all day Monday to have her in my arms, bright an early ar 6:30 am I will be picked up to go get her.

Life is going to change forever. I want to enjoy every minute of it. That is why I am at the beach today. Gerard is off tonight and I think we will be making a trip to B@bies r us then Surf Taco. This is the first solo trip I have ever made that I really wish he was going on. Past trips have been to places like a spa or Veg@s. He would not have enjoyed them. I am too stubborn to admit that I am tearing up. I miss him already. Silly I know. The decision for him to stay home was a good one when it comes to money, time off from work and Dottie. She is sicker then I want to think about right now. I know that I am the only one seeing it but she is. There is always a but after every decision that we make as adults.

We have decided to not have anyone meet us at the airport only Gerard. It will be late and quite honestly I do not what to miss the look on his face the first time he sees her. Silly I know. I have been busy scheduling the visits of all of Anna's new family members. Our family is so big and everyone is so excited.

I know that my worries of attachmebt and bonding are driving people crazy. I just wish more people understood the importance of it. I have an attachment post in the works. I have been working on the wording for some time at least since April. Any way I write it makes me sound like a nut but I know that on this I am right. I will stand my ground have no fear because she is now first and everyone else is second, actually closer to fourth and fifth but who is counting.

Well I must go home hit the shower and start my long list of things to do.

Packed I think!

Over the past couple of days I have spent most of my time cleaning and packing for my departure. Saturday will not come soon enough for me. I was scheduled to work Friday into Saturday but my good friend Brenda has agreed to switch with me. Tonight for tomorrow night!! I know it sounds crazy to work right up to the minute that I was scheduled to leave but I hate leaving my friend short at work.

I just know that I probably will not sleep before I leave anyway that was my thinking but after thinking about it a second time not working into the day I leave is actually better. So tonight is it. My last night of work before I am off for family leave. Wow that sounds crazy good to me.

I think I have managed to pack everything in just one bag. Everything for me and for her. I am so happy that I could make it work. When I bring her home I only want to have her and her diaper bag when I get onto the plane. I plane on checking everything else. I do have an inexpensive stoller for the airport which I think will be great for getting where I have to go plus I will have a place to sit and feed her during my lay over in Chicago.

I plan to blog from my phone again this trip, less to carry. I have a few posts that I have scheduled that include PICTURES!!! Her referral pictures and pictures from my first trip, hopefully I will be able to get the slide shows of her 2nd and 3rd visit together too before I go. Although that may be a pipe dream. I am doing well and honestly I am too calm. What day is today? Thursday?? Where did the rest of the week go?

The quilt is done and shipped to Adrienne

Quilting has been a passion of mine for many years. I remember the first time I started a quilt it was during my first break during college. Sewing has always been a stress reliever for me. I never did finished that first quilt but I did learn a lot about quilting. That was over 19 years ago.

When I first started to realize that I was not going to get pregnant about 10 years ago I started to take professional quilting lessons. At first it was a way for me to sit quiet and not feel sorry for myself. I am not sure when sewing a couple of pieces of fabric together changed from an escape to pleasure. In my other house I had a room dedicated to sewing. I would sew 15 to 30 minutes everyday. This house is a bit smaller but I will find that place here too.

As most who quilt will tell you I have quite a few projects that are almost finished. When I fell and broke my arm I was distressed to say the least. I opened my closet where I keep my quilt tops and this one jumped out at me. At the time I had no idea why it was so important to start the finishing process of this quilt. I even did some of the trimming with my left hand.

Now I do know the reason. Some times things are not relieved right away but we must follow the path that is part of God's plan. Just like it was not part of the plan for me to give birth, it is part of the plan that this quilt go to Adrienne, Jim & Owen so it can help bring Lily home.

I fell in love the fabrics of the 1930's. They are fun and made me smile. That is what it is about for me. Every quilt that I have ever made with the exception of my first quilt I have given away.

I find it very interesting that this quilt was started as a way for me to work through my feeling of not getting pregnant and now it is going to a person who has also had difficulty maintaining a pregnancy. Very interesting. Once the winner is drawn it will go to a person who will also become part of Adrienne and my journey to become Mothers.

Some have been finished fast and others have needed the right person to show up for it to be given too. I remember sitting in my dining room sewing fast and furiously a pink and green quilt for Adrienne and Jim for the child that I had encouraged them to adopt last November. On the label I left a couple of blanks for the name and birth date. I had written in the month November. I have always thought that if Adrienne were given the gift to parent a little girl I could remove that label and replace it with a different one if she liked, if she would be okay looking at that quilt.

I have now finished the quilt that I posted about last week. I love it. I hope and pray that the one who wins this quilt will love it too. If not for the quilt but for what it signifies. I hope and pray that this quilt will remind the person who wins it of the gift that they have helped to give Adrienne and Jim. I beautiful little girl named Lily.

Here are the pictures!!!