Recap of my third visit

On the third visit I was taken to the baby home without a translator. Quite honestly I was okay with this because I had known ahead of time. I had insisted on an extra visit and I understood that I would not be accompanied by any one other then the driver.

On the drive there I had decided that I was going to take a few pictures but mostly just enjoy her. I feel like in the 2 visits prior I was just being totally watched by everyone. I have never been alone with her. Not for one minute. As someone who watches new mothers I understand both the fear and concern that these care takers might have because to them I am a stranger too. So this time I was taken to her pod and she was woken from her nap to see me. I was thinking great just what I tell people not to do I am doing. Waking a sleeping baby for my own pleasure or enjoyment.

I was in a different room then I had previously visited her in. She was brought to me and did not want to come to me at first. My heart broke a bit to know that even though I love her and have prepared for her for the last 2 years she could care less and preferred the company and safety of the arms of her care giver. I keep telling myself that this could be a good sign. I know it is way to early to think she is not going to attach to me or that she and I will even have problems attaching. It is however not to early to understand how a child attaches to a Mother.

She has not been preparing for me, she has not been hoping that I would come and take her home. One day I hope that she will be glad that I did but for today, right now she did not want any part of that she wants the comfort and safety of what she knows as home. This time when she was brought into the room she did look at me. It is almost sad to think of how happy this made me feel just to have her look at me.

I reached into my bag to get out a book, it worked yesterday why not today. So I held the book and her desire to hold and touch the book won out. She came to me. I tickled her a little bit and let her get comfortable sitting on my lap. This day she wore a white shirt and a pink cotton jumper, socks and the same sandals as yesterday. I do love those little baby feet.

After about 10 minutes with the book I switched it out with the book of pictures that I was going to use for court. We were sent outside to 'play.' Mostly she just wanted to flip through the book. She sat on my lap facing away from me for a couple of minutes until I could feel her relax a bit. Then I turned her around to face me. We both flipped through the book of pictures. I would stop her at a different picture and tell her what was in the picture.


I could tell that she was starting to enjoy being on my lap. I know for those who have never adopted this may sound quite strange but just her wanting to sit on my lap overwhelmed me with happiness. After about the 400th time through the book I stopped her at the picture of my car and her car seat. I told her machina or car in Russian which she responded with a noise that was definitely car like. Then she smiled. She gets it. I know all Mother's think their children are smart but I just can not get over how she stopped and listened to me explain what the picture was and her response was correct.

She seemed to slow down some. We played with bubbles and the picture book that was it. She did take me inside at one point to show the care givers the book. At first they said they did not want to see it but then they seemed excited to see what it was. I am pretty sure that their initial reaction to not wanting to see the pictures was a communication problem. One of the care givers was very young. I would guess she was in her early 20's. I could see in her eyes how she looked at each picture very carefully. I was happy to see that she liked my home but I was also a touch sad because although my home is small and comfortable you could see that she wanted a home like this one for herself. She kept saying Anna was very lucky.

Then I took out shoes again. Anna was again so excited at just the sight of the shoes that it made me laugh inside. She wanted to try them all on. How sweet. What girl does not like a new pair o shoes?

We ventured outside again. This time for a walk. She took my finger and walked me back and forth in the ounce of shade that we could find. I got the feeling that she was starting to relax and want me there. I find it very interesting that the desires of an almost 2 year old can have such a big impact on an adult. My heart melts at the thought of her.