I could not resist one last trip to the beach before I go. Gerard just laughed at me, shaking his head and saying you will go to the beach again with her. Yes this is true but it will be different. Now I sit there quietly under my umbrella not burning perhaps reading a book. I go in the water if I like and I am on no one elses schedule at all.
This is pretty much how I have lived my adult life. I come and go as I please. No it is not unusual for me to be in 2 or 3 different states in one day. This is it my last day of real freedom for a while. Again Gerard just laughs when I say this.
Even knowing this what am I doing? Wishing the time away. Yup that is what I am doing. As close as I am to picking her up I have watched the clock and it seems like it is not moving. You would think I have all the time in the world. (Insert giggle) I am thinking 1.5 hours to the airport, that is too long. 16 hour on a plane, come on can't they get that thing to move faster? Thank goodness I do not have to wait all day Monday to have her in my arms, bright an early ar 6:30 am I will be picked up to go get her.
Life is going to change forever. I want to enjoy every minute of it. That is why I am at the beach today. Gerard is off tonight and I think we will be making a trip to B@bies r us then Surf Taco. This is the first solo trip I have ever made that I really wish he was going on. Past trips have been to places like a spa or Veg@s. He would not have enjoyed them. I am too stubborn to admit that I am tearing up. I miss him already. Silly I know. The decision for him to stay home was a good one when it comes to money, time off from work and Dottie. She is sicker then I want to think about right now. I know that I am the only one seeing it but she is. There is always a but after every decision that we make as adults.
We have decided to not have anyone meet us at the airport only Gerard. It will be late and quite honestly I do not what to miss the look on his face the first time he sees her. Silly I know. I have been busy scheduling the visits of all of Anna's new family members. Our family is so big and everyone is so excited.
I know that my worries of attachmebt and bonding are driving people crazy. I just wish more people understood the importance of it. I have an attachment post in the works. I have been working on the wording for some time at least since April. Any way I write it makes me sound like a nut but I know that on this I am right. I will stand my ground have no fear because she is now first and everyone else is second, actually closer to fourth and fifth but who is counting.
Well I must go home hit the shower and start my long list of things to do.
School Days - November 2023
5 months ago
12 comments:
Praying for safe travels! Can't wait to see pictures!
You ARE right about attachment. Everyone will get a chance to hold Anna when the time is right. Now we were VERY surprised when our dd (whom we adopted as a toddler) bonded with us right away and had very few issues. (Though quite honestly it scares me that it was so easy, like we will pay for this later during her teen years or something.) Kind of reminds me when of how I thought breastfeeding would go with my first child. I heard all these stories of ho hard it was latching and producing, etc. So I figured breastfeeding would not be successful for us. And then I was pleasantly surprised when he latched on like a champ and I produced like a cow!! A much different situation, but the same pleasant surprising outcome. (Well so far!!)
So my point (I swear there is one!) is that it might be so much easier than you think. Then again it might be every bit as difficult as you could imagine. Either way you will get thru it. Hopefully your family/friends can do a little research and see for themselves how important attaching is.
I am sooo jealous that you are sitting on the beach! I love the beach and live 10 hours away! You are not crazy about the attachment thing... I am STILL (almost 9 months later) really big on not letting anyone else help with J much. It is something in my motherly instinct that I feel is important no matter what anyone else says. Make sure you get lots of rest and stay hydrated while in Russia. You are in for an unforgettable final journey.. hold on the moments, they will be ones you cherish and hold dear to your heart! Hugs and Prayers for a safe trip!
hope you have a wonderful trip at the beach and have a fast and safe trip back home:)
You will lose your freedom entirely. But, you won't miss it!
And, I encourage you to be a complete nut about attachment. Matt and I were (as you recall) very rigid in our expectations. And, trust me - we have NO regrets. We've witnessed incredible healing in our little man. It's worth it. She's worth it.
cm
I follow your journey with much interest...another blog led me to yours several months ago and I just wanted to send my heartfelt congratulations to you. You truly are making your house a home for your daughter!! May God bless your family always.
I was thinking the same exact thing - my life is about to change and YES!!! it certainly does.
As I'm typing this, I have 2 munchkins looking over and trying to typewith me... UGH - sometimes funny, sometimes aggravating..
Enjoy your freedom, it's g.o.n.e. once the baba comes!@!!!
BUT IT's STILl WORTH it!!!!!!
Safe travels tomorrow. I can't believe it! You've made it to the final trip. I can remember Mike and I going out to dinner before we left to get Colby. It was a serreal experience. We went to Olive Garden (my favorite) which is in the spot where we went on our first date (it was a different restraunt then). How life leads us in consecutive circles! Our life isn't ours now. We've only been on one date, one funeral, and one wedding without Colby since then. But, I can't say I miss what we had. It's different, but good.
As for attachment, stick to your guns. I know big families make it hard. We both have big families but they seemed to understand. Now, however, we can't seem to catch a breather with all the playdates and visits. We weren't that strict but we kind of let Colby lead the way. He is so outgoing that keeping him from people would have done more harm. Let Anna tell you. She will!
P.S. PHOTOS ASAP PLEASE!!!! Maybe a visit/playdate when you get settled!
Melissa
Wishing you a safe and quick trip! You are smart to savor the last time at the beach without little Anna. Life will never be the same! I think you're smart to keep the airport homecoming small. Each child is different, but they all are undergoing such enormous change not to mention little sleep on the plane. Our son would have probabaly screamed and cried if we had been met by friends and family at the airport. Safe journey!!
Your life will never be the same -- but for the better.
What a fantastic idea to go to the beach! Because next time, you'll have floaties, a sand pail, lots of sunscreen and a little one in tow. How truly wonderful!
Safe travels and bon voyage,
Laura :)
I just got back from my last "solo trip", too. While the spa time was nice, the rest of the trip was spent shopping...for my little one!
As far as attachment--who cares what other people think? They might think I'm crazy, selfish and borderline agorophobic, (perhaps rightly so...) but I am staying home and having all the Mama-and-daughter-only time that I possibly can. I think, even if it looks like attachment is going well early on, it's important to continue to parent this way. Those messages need to be reinforced. There are lots of neural pathways that need to be re-routed from survival-in-an-orphanage success to family-girl success.
And, maybe I'm a little selfish in wanting her all to myself for awhile, too. ;>
Hi Joy,
I have a tear in my eye reading your post - I am so happy for you!!
I can't believe she will finally be home!! I can't wait to hear about when Gerard meet's Anna for the first time.
Have a very safe and fun trip!!
Warmest wishes...Teresa
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