The sleeping is not going as well as I had hoped it would. She has been with me almost 2 weeks now and the routine is not quite perfected as of yet or at all if you ask me. Some nights have been more of a challenge then others.
I guess I should start from the beginning. Nap time, seems to be getting better. I have figured out that she is ready for a nap about 4 hours after she wakes up. She starts to look tired in about 3.5 hours and I try to quiet down the house by shutting off some of the lights, I am notorious for having on too many lights. For the 3 days she has taken me by the had to the front door which I translate as I want to take a walk. After about a 20 minute walk she is out cold. I lay her down in my bed and she is asleep for about 1 hour and 45 minutes.
When she wakes up she is happy to see me and giggles. I think she could sleep longer but she does not so I do not fight it.
As for the night time well that is a different story. I see her getting tired at about 6 pm, she stops playing nicely and starts to just throw things. Again I start to wind down the house also because that is when Gerard goes to sleep too. I guess I feel more pressure to keep her quiet because I know he is trying to sleeping.
I know I have heard so many say that rocking helps them to get to sleep. I have tried this and actually have a very comfortable rocker but it does not seem to help. So from about 7:30 pm to 9:00pm I have been trying to hold her, rock her, read to her, play something quiet with her, listen to soft music, warm milk from a bottle and nothing seems to work. The sad thing is she is exhausted. Her eyes are red and heavy. She can barely stand from the exhaustion. It is hard work when you work on the railroad all day long like she does.
What I think the problem is she is just not comfortable yet. She is adjusting but just will not let it go that extra step to fall asleep, especially in my arms. The strange thing is if Gerard and I are both home and we both lay with her then she does eventually fall asleep on the bed as far from us as possible.
I am not proud to admit that this is the only time that she is falling asleep in the bed. After about 2-2.5 hours of trying to get her to fall asleep I have either taken her for a walk in the stroller or for a ride in the car. There have been nights where this has taken up to 4 hours to achieve sleep for her.
I have a crib for her but she is quite effective at getting out of the crib and I fear that she will get hurt. I have to say I just can not and will not let her cry it out. I think that this will not help the attachment and bonding that we need to work on.
I have been home just over a week and there has been a visitor everyday. This is somewhat frustrating for me because it is a disruption of the routines that I am trying to start. I want her family to be a part of her life but I think I will have to have another talk with them all so that they understand that we need a routine. If I am going to go back to work as planned I have only 5 more weeks to get her in a routine before everything changes again.
School Days - November 2023
5 months ago
18 comments:
Joy in the beginning we had to sit next to Artem's crib. After story time, rocking him while quietly singing and rubbing his back, we put him in his crib, turned out the lights and sat on the floor next to him. He cried but he could see us next to him and know we hadn't left him. He cried b/c he wanted out not b/c we were abandoning him. We didn't look at him or talk to him, we just sat right next to the crib so he knew we were there. After he fell asleep we would leave. Sometimes this took awhile. Eventually we could put him down and sit further away from the crib and closer to the door. Finally we were able to put him down and sit in the doorway. This process may have taken a couple weeks but eventually he learned that bedtime was a safe time and we weren't leaving him.
Maybe you could try something like that with Anna. I think she is going to cry, she won't be getting her way, but she'll still see that you haven't left her which is the most important thing at this point.
Best of luck:) I added your blog button to my blog cause I love following your story:)
I had to get the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child after being confused about sleep. I don't think it is logical at all. In fact the book suggests (and I know 2 friends that did this) putting your child to bed early if they show those tired signs. We think that 6pm is too early for bed but really... just get them down. The reason she could be so hard to get down later is because she is overtired. When kids are overtired, they fight it unlike adults. I just find sleep for kids to be illogical! (Like they NEVER sleep in!) So this book has really helped me with my two kids.
I love hearing how she is doing though. You seem to be doing an amazing job!!! Love your blog!
Joy Maybe she won't settle down because she is so happy to be with you, and does not want to miss anything. It will get better. When Amelia was that age I can't tell you how many hours I spent driving her around to get her to go to sleep. I found streets in town I didn't even know existed. FYI don't try it around the holidays. The christmas lights will just make her more awake. I learned that the hard way.
kathy C
Thankfully Colby has been a great sleeper. Quite on schedule, but I do know my nephew isn't. He cries it out a lot. My brother has to sit next to his crib for awhile until he falls asleep. We have a set routine, but that did take about a month or two to sort out. Now we start around 7:30 with a bath, teeth brushing, and book with both Mommy and Daddy most nights. Now with the toddler bed we read to him while he's in bed. THen we both kiss goodnight. This has worked great, although Colby still gets up about 3-4 times before crashing. Every kid is different, but try a soothing bath, perhaps one with the nighttime lotions. It might help to relax her. But, I think after more time at home, she will settle in. We didn't settle in for about a month to a good routine.
Melissa
When my son was first home, he'd fall asleep laying with his legs straddled across me and his head in my chest. Then we'd put him in his crib, but he never slept well through the night. We talked to our homestudy worker about this because none of us were getting any sleep. I'm sure this goes against what adoptive parents are supposed to do, but we did it anyway and it worked. Our homestudy worker suggested we put him in bed awake (around his normal bedtime) and allow him to fall asleep on his own. She suggested this was his preferred method of falling asleep. So, it has worked like a charm ever since.
I never felt like we had any type of attachment issues with him either. So, I suppose if my situation were different, maybe I would not have tried this method.
I agree with you that crying it out is not a good idea. It makes me so sad to hear a baby crying it out.
Good luck.
Katie
That has to be hard- differentiating bewteen cries of need and cries of wanting her way (because really, does she have her own way yet, with being on an orphanage schedule for the 1st 2+ years??). With our 2 boys (bio), we started a routine very early and we knew their cries were only because they didn't want to go to sleep- it only took a few days with each of them to be able to put them in their beds for sleep and just walk out of the room. Now that we are adopting, I know that this same technique will not work- for the same reasons you won't let her cry it out. I've been reading Adoption Parenting- great book. It talks about this and says that we shouldn't let them cry it out- it will only cause more issues later. Just keep doing what you're doing- she will eventually know the routine and feel safe and secure with it and bedtime will not be as hard as it is now. At least that's what I have gathered from my own experiences with the boys and those of adoptive parents that are in our lives. Not that you have a load of free time for liesurly reading (hehe) but it is a fabulous book, addressing many topics.
Hi Joy! Sleep is one of the most difficult parts (at least in our case with our 2 boys). And we're still a work in progress. With our youngest (21 months, home 4 months) we place him in his crib at nap time and bed time and wait in the room until he falls asleep. We rub his back or soothe him as necessary. It now takes about 30 minutes most nights for him to fall asleep.
Wishing you the best!
Joy, I know how difficult it could be, our son needed a long time to get used to the routine and we didn't want to let him cry by himself at all.
I also read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child, and it helped us a lot. After we read the book we moved up a bit the dinner time (now it is at 5 pm), so bath and sleeping routine would be earlier (bath starts at 6:30, lotion and getting pajamas on at 7 pm, then reading and lights are out by 7:30pm).
When Diego just came home and was a tiny baby we used to rock him as much as he let us, gave him a bottle of warm milk, and then put him in his crib. Both me and Mark would stand next to the crib, rubbing his back and singing very softly, but not looking directly at his face. In Diego case, if we stayed until he fall asleep (with used to take from 30min to 1 hour) he was OK, if we left earlier he would cry. Hopefully things will get smoother with the sleeping routine soon, just give it a little time.
All that sounds VERY familiar Joy. We went through pretty much the same routine every night as you. It sounds like you are very proactive in helping her adjust to sleeping better. Our biggest mistake was waiting TOO long for him to cry it out and here we are over a year later FINALLY getting good sleep. Sending you virtual sleepy dust in hopes of a good night sleep...........
good luck with the sleep thing. y'all will get it figured out. i agree with the no "crying it out". nick has been home 8 1/2 months and i'm just starting the "crying it out" with him. with the girls i always let them cry it out, but i had had them from birth. these adopted kiddos need to know you are there for them. :) i'll think of you in the evenings as we are having our "going to sleep" routines ourselves. :)
How did she sleep before she came home?! Maybe she is too excited?! Have you tried bath, and a small story in the almost dark before bed?! Maybe she needs to be moved to a toddler bed already ...
The cry it out thing ... I agree you shouldn't try that! I agree that it could be soemthing that may make things worse.
Good luck, and DON"T WORRY it will happen you will find what is workign perfect ... PS you didn't say once asleep how long does she sleep?!
I have a 2 year old, though not the same situation as yours (adoption), the 'little things' you can add to the routine help so much! For our night time routine, we have putting on PJ's, brushing teeth (standing on the same stool, we get a turn then he does), then he turns on his night time music, then kisses and hugs, then in the bed. If even I forget one thing, the whole bed time is messed up. I do the same type of little routine type things when I drop him at the daycare, I always have him pat this stuff animal we leave near the door (to get him near the door), and blow kisses when at the class room. So even when the surroundings and circumstances of things change there can be little weird things they can count on.
Joy, As hard as it is to figure it out, you will figure it out. Each child is different. . .each child will cherish a routine that is unique unto his/herself. Keep trying and I would only suggest trying to do something the same, at the same time, each and every day. Children love and really respond to routine--sameness is good for them. Do a little routine with bedtime, keeping everything in the same order and at the same time and voila! she will respond to that--perhaps only to tell you that something was out of order, but you will know she noticed! Remember, everything was scheduled at the orphanage. . .It's hard in the beginning. Keep at it. It will all come together. I promise!
Blessings!
Stacy, Pat and Aidan (aka. routine boy) : )
I have loved reading your story and as a mother of three (two adopted from Russia) my thoughts would be putting her in her crib at both nap and bed time at a specific time everyday( say 1:00pm and 7:00?). You can stay in the room with her but, put her down. Remember this is what she knows and is how she has put herself to sleep all her life. There was no wind down in Russia someone just plopped her in her crib and expected her to sleep. These little kids need their sleep so much especially during such a big transition. I would try to rock my little guys before bed when I first came home without much success (over time they really learned to love it) and then just put them down to sleep in the crib. My sons were all "jumpers" so I needed to buy the mesh tent for them and they all have ended up loving their tents and remind me to zip them in if I forget. You are right about throwing the toys is exactly what you think with her being over tired. It sounds like she is so overtired that she needs to be going down around 6ish right now. Best of luck and don't be affraid to put her down in her crib. It is what she knows and she will be happier and adjust better with enough sleep. Best of Luck to you and I have loved reading your blog. I am waiting to bring home a baby girl right now from St Pete.
We were very lucky with sleeping. For the most part, all 4 of ours have been sleepers from day one. Sometimes they cry because they are mad and don't want to sleep but that lst 5 mins tops. You've received some good advice, hopefully one will be just the right thing for you guys.
Hi Joy~
Oh this sounds so very familiar! Our daughter was a little over three when we brought her home and sleep was a major issue. The first few nights home she only slept four hours at night and refused to calm down enough to take a nap during the day! She would take up to four hours to fall asleep at night....with us sitting right beside her bed the whole time...not talking....just holding her hand (as she would rock herself violently if we didn't touch her). When we began having attachment issues, we contacted an attachment therapist who also gave us some tips on the sleeping issue. She had us do a couple things. One of them I was always very determined that we would never do...not in my lifetime!!! We co-slept. Our daughter was in our bed with us for about three months. This cured the rocking as rather than rock she would reach out to touch me. If she could feel me there she would go right to sleep. When we felt she was doing well enough in our bed, we moved her to the floor right beside our bed, where she slept on the mattress from her toddler bed. That lasted about 4 more months. Then we finally felt she was ready to be moved upstairs to her own room. By then, she was excited to be a big girl and will now just curl up and zip off to the land of zzzzz's. Ahhhhh. It has been a little more than one year since we brought her home, and on occasion we still have sleep issues, but nothing like when we first came home. Something else our therapist told us to do was to push Omega 3's. This helps their brains to fire correctly and will help to calm them down enough to sleep. We have our daughter eat lots of walnuts and salmon, as both of those are high in Omega 3 oils. We have found that on days that she gets lots of Omega 3 she does do better when we tuck her in bed. Seems odd, I know, and maybe it is just a mind thing, but it works for us. We just ordered a liquid Omega 3 as she is really getting burnt out on the walnuts after a year!!! Another reason...other than just the sleep issue....that we are pushing the Omega 3's is that she has a touch of FAS. According to studies (and our therapist!) 480mg of Omega 3 each day will help to re-build the lost pieces of a child's brain. The Omega 3 makes the connections in a brain match up and helps them to become more relaxed and calm as well. Don't know if that makes sense, but we want to do whatever we can to help our daughter. Anyway, that last part has absolutely nothing to do with sleep, but thought I would throw that in for anyone else who may be ready to try anything!!!
It has been so fun to follow along on your journey and I am so excited that you finally have your beautiful little girl home with you! Our prayers will be with you as I am sure that you, too, are dealing with the effects of loss of sleep!
Jody
no blog:(, but you can e-mail at jjgarber03@yahoo.com
Oh my goodness. I just re-read what I had written. Sorry it is so long, I didn't mean to write a book!!!
Jody
Post a Comment