Did it without me having to ask

I think Jaime and Jillian are getting it more then others in the family. Mostly because they are the only ones that I have left Anna with. I talked with them about how I feed her and to really look at how she is playing. It is funny because the only way I know how to explain it is either she is playing or working.

If she is playing then she will interact with you. She wants to engage you into playing with her. You can see that she is thinking about the doll or toy she is playing with. If it is her baby doll then she is rocking or diapering or making sleep. She will dance and laugh. If you talk to her when she is playing she will look at you. Generally she will talk back to you. She will know where you are in the house or room and come looking for you.

If she is working then you see her take stuff from one room to the next making a pile or straightening something. There is a lot of folding and unfolding of stuff. Wiping still remains one of her favorite "chores" (no she does not have chores yet but she will when she is older). She will spend 30-60 minutes playing with a ribbon if I let her never once looking up for me or trying to engage with me. If you try to call her name or engage her she ignores you or maybe a better way to say it is she just does not process that you want to interact with her. She will not look up to you even when you talk to her. She could careless if you are in the room or not. There is no dancing, smiling laughing just a flat look on her face and eyes no expression at all.

Which brings me to yesterday. Jaime and Jillian know how upset I am that she has not happy or excited to see me when I get home so last night they separated Sloan and Anna with a gate. My sister came into one door and I cam in through the other. That way there were less people for her to process and she was considerably less overwhelmed. She danced and was excited to see me. Actually she grabbed my leg to hug it. This is what Jaime and Jillian came up with on their own. I can take no credit because I did not think of doing it that way.

It makes sense because when Gerard comes in with a group usually he is the only man. Actually side from his Father he is the only man that consistently comes to my home. On the other hand because I have such a large family mostly of women I there is usually a large group of us coming in at once where I just seem to get lost in the mix for her. I never thought of us coming in like that but I will ask that we do it that way in the future so that she has less to process.

As a whole I would like to say that I have seen her grow in leaps and bounds in the area of attachment and bonding. I have more to learn about the process and will be doing some more research about it. Even though I felt prepared I could have read more I admit. I think that I was in no condition to read about it because of the length of time that I waited between getting a referral, trip 1, and coming home. Every time I would pick up a book to start to read about it I would become very upset or depressed. I do not feel totally unprepared and quite honestly reading about other peoples ideas what worked for them is the reason why I even mentioned this. Leaving her is unavoidable right now. I wish it were different but it is not so instead I just need to roll with what comes along.