I was asked the question

A while back someone had asked me what happened when I thought I had lost Anna right before I was to travel for my court date. At that point in time I was not prepared to answer the question for fear that it would upset an already delicate situation.

Now that everything is final I will answer the question. A family member from Anna's birth family had wanted to stop the adoption. Now before anyone starts to judge this person for not stepping up sooner I will tell you that she did not have the ability to support Anna plain and simple. I do believe that she loved and still loves Anna. My hopes are to be able to make contact with this person and I have reached out to someone who I think will be able to help me.

Was I angry when this happened? No not really more sad for me, Anna and this person. Sad for me that I thought I was not going to see Anna again and get to be her Mother. Sad for Anna because I knew the life that she would be facing basically a life in an orphanage not with this family member. Yes also sad for this person who was trying to stop the adoption because it was a family link that she did not want to have broken and to some degree I broke it for her. I am sure that she thinks that Anna will not know about her birth family or that I will portray them in an unfavorable light. What this person does not understand is that had the adoption been stopped Anna was not going to be given to her either. She would have just been in a never ending circle of not having a family who could both love and take care of her.

How real was the threat? I will tell you that I traveled for court really not knowing what how the court would rule. I even remember the Director of the baby house and Social Worker discussing it on the steps of the court house before we entered and they were even a bit nervous. Perhaps this is the reason why my court case was so long. One thing I can tell you is that I never felt at ease until she was in my arms forever.

My situation was very different from most. If you are in the process of a Russian adoption do not use my experience to change your path. Many have had no issues and courts cases have been very short.

Unlike many domestic adoptions contact with the birth family is not typical with international. I will be honest that is what did drew me to international adoption. Selfish I know but I did not think that I was cut out for an open adoption then. What about now you ask? Well maybe but I am still not of the confident YES variety.

Open adoption works I believe in many situations and actually benefits all who are involved but in order for that to work all parties have to be on board. I can tell you that I would never have been able to look another woman in the eye and tell her that an open adoption would work for us. That would be a lie. I would never be able to put her fears to rest because I did not believe that I was capable of doing that because of my own fears. So instead of making a false promise I choose to have a closed adoption when I was making my decision on international verses domestic, closed verses open or semi-open.

Family is important and as Anna's forever mother I know that even though she is not asking questions now it will only be a matter of time before she does. Will we keep her past a secret? No! Her past and birth family are a part of her and I want her to know as much about them as she can. This person has been hurt in my opinion by my adoption of Anna. This was never my intention and I think as an adoptive mother it is hard to see the side of the birth family. I want to them to feel happy that I have Anna but this may never be the case.

Anna may be the only child I ever have, coming from a large family I do want Anna to know the joys (pardon the pun) of having an extended family. At this point in time a second adoption is not in the cards. Russian adoption is expensive and even though I was able to keep down much of my costs the amount of money that I spent was more then I had budgeted for this so unless I win the lottery or come into a bunch of money I am thinking for now that I am done. For now I want to focus on saving in Anna's college fund.

I can tell you that I think about the many orphans not only in Russia but in the world daily. I believe that God makes it hard for you to forget the things that you see in an orphanage even a very well run orphanage for a reason. I know that I want to help and will help others it may not be in the form of a home or as a Mother but just maybe my experience and openness will change someone else's mind who is on the fence about adoption.