My first day of leaving Anna with someone-Pray request also

This is a day that I thought would somehow be much different. I knew there would be tears mostly mine but what I did not know then is how soon I would have to leave her in the care of some one else for an extended time period. Yes, I have left her with Gerard but mostly when she is asleep I think he is still a little scared to be alone with her.

I was thinking about this day last week as I was walking her for her nap. I have the type of stroller that I can see her more old fashion so she faces me during our walks. Which by the way I have found to be a wonderful bonding experience. When I looked down at her she was puckered up for a kiss. Which turned into a number of kisses. Those kisses came at the best possible time for me. The kisses that she gives me are quite rare. Gerard on the other hand gets tons. I suppose she is a Daddy's girl.

So many things are running through my mind about the future. I find it amazing how things can change so quickly and you not even realize that they are changing until they have. For close to 2 years I have counted on my Mother to stay with Anna at night. We have talked about it, planned it out and in theory it was a good plan. I want that plan back. I am having a hard time with the uncertainty of what the future may have for me, Anna, my family and yes my Mother.

Monday I did leave her for a couple of hours with Gerard so that I could accompany my Mother for her PET scan. Today I am packing up the car for a 2.5-3 hour drive to Manhattan to see a Thoracic surgeon for my Mother. See my Mother is a breast cancer survivor proud to say it, glad it happened that way and thank God everyday that she was cured of breast cancer.

When I got back from picking up Anna about a week later her doctor called me to schedule an appointment to discuss a CT scan with us. I knew then that it was not going to be good news because I had already talked with the doctor before I left thinking that my Mother was battling pneumonia again. So I think that this has also weighted heavy on my mind the past couple of weeks. Funny how things will do that.

Basically it appears that my Mother may have lung cancer. So today we go for an evaluation to determine how or if she will have a biopsy or if that portion of her lung will just be removed to be evaluated. I am confident in the choice of doctors that I have made for her and the hospital where she will be treated if this lesion, mass, area of annoyance is in fact cancer. I do know that she can beat it because that is her track record. I am hopeful that this will just be a blip in the road. I suppose I am still somewhat in management mode right now. I tend to do that more then express my sorrow over what might or could happen. As many of you know I am a straight shooter so to speak and I do try to look at the glass as half full rather then half empty. I have told my Mother however that I am concerned yes very concerned.

Prayer is a powerful thing. Yes, I pray a lot as I am sure that most people do. So I am asking that when you are finished reading this that you please pray that Anna and Sloan (my 20 month nephew) will do fine being with Jaime and Jillian today there cousins. If you could also send up a prayer for my Mother and the ones who will be treating her today. I hope to know more after this visit.