Funny how your mind plays tricks on you. I had been thinking all along that I would be headed to Russia today or even with her (that was the deluxe version of my dream). When I realized this week that this was not going to be the case I started to feel a little disappointed.
I did get a chance to talk with my agency yesterday. There has been a little set back. Originally, I was told that I would more likely or not be traveling in 2-3 weeks for my first trip. That is not going to be the case.
My agency is working hard to find out when I will travel. Apparently, there is at least one other couple who is waiting to travel for their first trip and one other couple who is waiting to travel for their court date. It seems that the wait between trips one and two will be at least 4 months. Of course that has me a bit disappointed and surprised. I want to meet her and I know that once I meet her I will want her home right away.
Believe me I would rather know this going into trip one then finding it out that the wait in between trips will be 4 months. I know that I can never be prepared for the pain of leaving her but I am a strong person and I know that I will be okay with the wait (to some degree) when that time comes.
My goal is to get her home before her 2nd birthday. I do see where that could be possible but honestly I wanted her home much sooner then that so that she could start the process of bonding before her birthday and the madness of the holidays.
When I think back to when I started this and I told Gerard that I could not wait 18 to 24 months for a baby with tears in my eyes. I know see that I am willing to wait as long as I have to in the end I get to hold her and call her my daughter. The fear of losing her as a referral has started to creep into my thinking. I am not proud to say this because I think it sounds so selfish because I have never met her or held her and if a Russian family were to come to the orphanage and want to love her sooner then I am able that is what is best for her. In my mind and heart I know that if that happens this is all in God's plan and that there will be another opportunity for me to become a mother if that is in his plan for me.
There are so many different factors involved in trying to complete an adoption domestic or international. There are so many uncertainties. The emotional roller coaster has been exhausting for me. I never expected that I would be so emotional about her.
I really do not want to sound so negative today but I am struggling a bit with the uncertainty. I am however a girl with a plan. There is paperwork that needs to still be completed for the second part of the dossier. I have to find an accountant in New Jersey for the financial statement (I am taking suggestions). I have been searching off and on for the past couple of months without any success because they do not want to give me a copy of their license. I may halt this search until after tax season.
The medical reports will be a breeze that is the one good thing about having doctors who are wonderful and your friends. The police clearances will also be a breeze because last year when I thought that I would be traveling sooner I actually got both the FBI and State clearances even though they are no longer good I know how to get them. Knowing where to go and how to get something done is half the battle in my mind. Plus not having ever been arrested I am sure helps.
I hope to start on a christening gown and a new quilt for the little banana. I also bought a pattern for a couple of little jumper style dresses that I am dying to make for the little one. I know I am too old fashion but wait til you all see these dresses. That does not stop my family and friends from teasing me relentlessly about the things that I think are okay for her to wear.
Then there is Gerard. I bought a couple of pairs of shorts for her that he has vetoed. They are too short as per him. At second glance he is probably right. So back they will go and I will look for some that are a bit longer.
School Days - November 2023
4 months ago
17 comments:
Oh Joy.. hang in there..I too am absolutely emotionally exhausted. God's plan is working itself out perfectly, we just have to let Him carry us through the hard parts of it. I am praying for your travel dates!
Sandy
Hi Joy,
I almost am in tears reading your post. I know how hard it is because we are going through the same thing. But for you, I can only imagine how hard it is knowing she is there and you are just waiting to meet her. I wish I knew why these delays come up - I pray that you get to meet her really soon and that the wait between trips will not be as long as they are saying. Take care and know that people are thinking about you!
Hey there,
Just thought I would tell you what our timeline was and to say that, yes, you will survive. . .
Trip #1 was 11/20-11/25. We saw Aidan last on 11/23. . .
We found out we were going back on 2/29. . .3 months later. . .
Trip #2-we left on 3/18 and saw Aidan again on 3/24-4 months exactly!
It was long and it was hard, but we kept busy by waiting to "do" his room until after Trip #1 and my sister and work gave me baby showers! All of that helped immensely to pass the time. Just stay busy and God will see you through!
Ever in my prayers.
Hi Joy-
Just try to relax and let God do his work. You will see her and get her home in His time - enjoy shopping for your munchkin for now!
Hang in there...I know it's hard and the fear of disappointment is very real, you can do it.
Oh, and one other thing. . .go ahead and make plans with your friends and family for get togethers, etc. . .guarenteed that once you have something special and/or big planned you'll find out you'll be gone!! Thanksgiving and Easter for us. . .
I'm so sorry for the anxiety and sadness you feel. The unknown and the fears are real and all we can do is stay as positive and as busy as possible. But, of course, she's on your mind daily. There's nothing to stop that. Best of luck with the wait.
I wished I had something wise to say at this point, but I don't. It just sucks really :( But remember, they gave this referral to you and you need to stay focused on the plan that she will be yours, think positive and steadily plod ahead. Sometimes agencies will tell you the worst case scenario only to have you happier when it is a shorter time frame than to tell you a shorter time from to have it turn out longer...then you will be disappointed. You should check the times that the yahoo group are posting for your region and also ask on FRUA.
Hang in there Joy. It is all going to be fine.
Kristine
Hi Joy - I am sorry for the pain you are going through. Delays are HARD. Really hard - you aren't being selfish or whiny! They are your feelings - and you are entitled to them!!
I wish for you a trip very soon! I can't wait to hear more about the Banana!!
It is upsetting to hear this news. One of the other comments mentioned that they might be providing you with the worst case scenario, sort of like under promising to over delivery. I hope that is what it is. I wanna see ya on a plane. Soon you will be holding banana in your arms and you will forget all this crap!
Thinking and Praying for you and Gerard.
Hang in there! I know this is hard. We waited nearly 3 months before meeting Sophie and we waited 10 months before returning to court for Sam. I have had to wait for what seems like forever for those 2 precious babies. I honestly thought I might go crazy (crazier). Anyway I say this to let you know that you will survive this. Once the little banana is home you will not remember exactly how difficult it all was because joy like you have never known will feel your world.
This whole process is so hard because we have no control once we do the p/w (and even some of the p/w is out of our control!). I stayed up until 3am last night just to get a jump on the p/w revisions...have a feeling I won't be getting any sleep now until she's 21...or older.
Hang in there, Joy -- and keep your eye on the finish line...which is really just the starting line of a wonderful life!
~Laura
Joy-I'm sorry you did not get the news you had expected. I hope things change and that you are able to go sooner than expected. I hope you are able to enjoy your weekend. Hang in there.
Joy, you are handling this news like a real trooper. Hang on and try to not to let fears of the unknown spoil your shopping fun! We waited 2 months for trip 1 and 4 months for court. I know it was hard and there were days when I could barely function, but somehow that all seems like nothing now. It's going to happen for you too!
We all go through those moments of uncertainty. Up until we were on the plane I ws worried about having the adoption fall through. Not until the judge pronounced him ours did I relax. But, we made it through. Hopefully your wait won't be too long. Any adoption in Ekat region has at least 7-9 months wait inbetween trips. Ugh! It was definitely a very long 7 months. We're here for you though.
Melissa
Hi Joy,
I'm sorry to hear that you have another delay. Hang in there girl, your day will come! I'm a little confused about why you need an accountant for your financial statement. Is this some new requirement? We just did our own and had it notarized and apostilled. I can send you a template if they will let you do it that way.
Hi, Joy.
I found (or re-found) your blog from Debbie's. Just wondering at the 4 months between trips. That's crazy! Why do they anticipate such a long wait? Is it your region?
I know an accountant, well several actually but if you still need one there are 2 that I would highly reccommend.
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