Finger Print Update

I should know by now I that should trust my blogger friends. Yesterday I received my letter for my finger print appointment. I am due to be in Elizabeth, NJ for my finger prints on March 6th. I hate it when I am not the one that gets to pick out my appointment dates and times because it can be difficult to get my schedule changed around because I work 12 hour shifts at night then add in that because of some serious cut backs the pool of people that I can ask to cover my shift is not very big like 8 or 9 people.

I am trying to save all my favors for when I have to travel. I will however have to start to take some time off because a new policy where I work about the amount of vacation time that I can have in my vacation bank. Currently I have close to 600 hours and I was hoping to just use them all when the little Banana comes home but I believe the new policy will only allow me to carry 240 hours.

Usually when the census is down and I am put on call I take it without pay. I have done this for a couple of years in the hopes that I will feel comfortable not getting a full paycheck so that going part time will not feel so different. In the past couple of months I have worked a couple of months in a row that I only got a part time paycheck. It is tight but I think I can do it.

But I have a plan. I will buy back 100 hours and put it in the bank for things that I may need to travel and I will start to take my call offs with pay. My plan is to save as much money as I can now for later. We are still kicking around the thought of me going part time. I think with the state of the economy Gerard is a little hesitant but once she is here I am pretty sure that he will see it my way.

So alas no travel dates this week but I plan to call again next week. Off to make a mess out of my organized home.

Stop the Madness!

Poor Gerard is all I have to say. Our house is turned upside down. I find it amazing how unorganized my house becomes when I sew or do other projects. I am the only one to blame. No one else. I am sure that if he were not so sensitive to my feelings right now he would say "Stop the madness, put the sewing away. I just can not think with the house so unorganized!"

Thank goodness he understands that this is my way of relieving stress. I just put the buttons on a new sweater for Little Banana. He is relieved when I have finished a project. I just never tell him that I usually have started 2 others.



I also promised my Mother that I would put a better picture of her on the blog. The last one she was in her night gown without make-up and crying. So here is a better one of her from Aristotle's violin concert. For a 6 year old he can really bring down the house.



I think this is the one that I will leave for the little Banana in her photo album.

Monthly Agency Update Letter

Just a small bit of news. I did get a letter yesterday that I am guessing everyone has gotten to update the families who are waiting for a referral, travel or court dates. The letter discusses the plan of action for those who have a home study with a black listed agency and how the death of a little boy in Virginia has affected the adoption process.

The good thing is this letter also stated that 6 different families have had their court date in the past 2 weeks. I am no expert but I think that is a lot of families in a 2 week period. Also the letter states that in the past 3 weeks 8 families have traveled for their first trip.

Even though it is not me who has traveled I am comforted by the thought that others are traveling. Families are being formed. Soon I will be one of those parents being talked about in a letter to other waiting families and that makes me smile.

The Peeps are out

I still do not have any travel dates yet. I think I have a theory but one that I will keep to myself at this time because it can not be denied or confirmed. Either way my theory has settled my nerves about not getting my travels dates yet. I am sure that part of the problem is that there have been so many changes in the past 2 weeks.

Is there anything better then stale marshmallow peeps? Yes, travel dates but I will have to settle for the peeps for now.

Today's Creation-More Bonnets

Okay I know I am boring everyone but here is today's creation! Two almost matching bonnets. White with pale pink inside. I just love the pink. I think it is so delicate. Are these for Anna? Well no they are not. They are for someone who has quietly followed along and prayed for my daughter. I hope you and your girls love them.

I believe that I am lucky to have been able to make these bonnets because it has helped me today. While I was making them I sat in my dinning room and watched the snow come down. Snow Just makes me think of the little Banana.
Thanks!

Update About the Agency's Financial Outlook

Saturday morning one of the emails that I received was about the financial outlook of the agency. Back in January there was quite a bit of concern about the financial viability of my agency. Of course that got me into a bit of a panic and I was scrambling to position myself for the worst possible news and the need to change agencies.

Well the financial outlook has improved!! That is music to my ears. According to the letter the agency has sent me there has been a significant rise in domestic adoptions for this year. 86% of the waiting families have paid the supplemental fees that we were asked to pay by February. The need and expectation was 75%. Since the first week of January my agency has placed 9 infants for domestic adoption. From what the letter states there has also been a significant rise in calls from potential birthmothers to the agency to discuss their options. I am sure the the economic state of Michigan has been a factor in the increased number of calls by birthmothers.

I applaud any pregnant woman who considers adoption. I think making a plan for adoption and placing a child for a adoption has got to be one of the hardest decisions any woman could make. Please know that the birth parents are thought about every time an adoptive mother thinks of her child. In my case every time I see a woman give birth I think of the birth parents. Sorry off on a tangent!

Internationally, the letter stated that 16 children have been brought home to the U.S. Since the beginning of the year. 16 that is get news!! 2 of these children were from Russian which by itself is wonderful considering there is a slowdown every year in January because of the holidays.

The agency has taken our request for them to be more financially transparent seriously. As a waiting parent I will receive a quarterly statement about their finances. I can only hope and pray for financial security for the agency because they are given every child that they place an opportunity for a life with a loving family who can care for them.

My Coordinator has been changed again!

In an effort not to get upset I have waited to post about these changes and I am glad that I did. Thursday I got a call from a friend who is also using my agency to tell me that she got a letter telling her that our coordinator is being moved internally to a different area of the agency. I had not gotten that letter so I had a bit of concern over who would take over my case or if she was having to keep it and start a new position.

Believe me I understand that in every company especially in Michigan there are a number of changes that each employee is having to make to keep there job. My job is no different. We are making changes left and right with additional responsiblities being added daily. The pressure for every one is on because of the economy.

I just feel that I am at a very delicate stage in the process that I just want to make sure that things are not being missed. I do have some questions that can not seemingly be answered until I travel for my first trip. The age limit in my home study is one area that will have to be changed before my second trip so I am making a list of things that I think might need attention so that I have it handy.

I emailed my agency on Thursday night (very late) so I did not expect an answer until Friday late or maybe not even until Monday. I did check my email before I went to bed last night just in case I had missed a response but there was nothing.

So this morning I woke up and the first thing I did before even getting out of bed was to check my email from my new phone. How did I live without that for so many years. To my surprise I had 3 emails from my agency. No travel dates but I am still hopeful. The first two responses were from my old coordinator telling me that yes she was moving to a different position. To my excitement she told me that the director of the Russian program will be taking on my case.

I am a bit shocked and relieved to know that she will be the one handling my case. I am sure that I am not the only one that has been farmed out to her but WOW and I glad that I was. I know that in the past couple of months I have posted that I really did not and quite honestly do not feel any emotional connection between my agency and myself. I hope and pray that this will change. Believe me I am not looking for them to hold my hand through the process or stroke my feelings daily because that is not what I expect or need at this point but I do expect and deserve a level of compassion and empathy.

The director of the Russian program is actually the one who told me about my referral when I was in Detroit and honestly she was wonderful to talk to that day even before I found out about Little Banana. I have confidence that she will do her best to help me complete my adoption. I really think that if it is in her power she will help to smooth out as many bumps as possible along the way. So in my opinion this is great news!

Staying Busy

You can tell that I am trying my best to stay busy. The sewing machine is smoking from all the projects that I have started and yes completed. Here is a preview.
Quilted slippers.



I told Gerard I need to measure his feet because I am making us all matching slippers. His first response was a giggle until he figured out that I was serious. Then his next response was "I can not wear purple slippers!" Third reaction was "I am not sure you can trace my feet evenly." You all know he has that even thing going on. Oh and did I mention that he walks around with his shoes on. I told him that she will want us all to match.

He told me having a girl is going to really hard on him.

The other day he called me from the parking lot of the store to tell me he was parked next to a truck with a little girl dressed in pink and that she waved at him. It made him think of little banana.



Here is one of the bonnets that I have completed. Gosh I hope she will still be small enough to wear it. If she is 10 by the time I get her home she might look a bit silly. Staying busy is the only thing that seems to help.

I Dodged the Bullet! ****Edited to add a link to the list****

In Russia changes occur daily with international adoption. The first time there was a major change I remember how freaked out I was. Yesterday dawned with yet another change with Russia international adoption. For those of you who have not experienced a Russian adoption every family that is created through adoption via Russia was complete a number of reports once the child is home in order to determine that the child is being cared for appropriately.

This reports are called Post Placement Reports (PPR). Basically once I am home with Little Banana I will be visited by a social worker just before the 6 months, 12 months, 24 months and 36 months. In the past some children have been exploited, abused and even killed by adoptive parents. These reports were designed to help reduce the incidence of these terrible events from happening.

Approximately 160 different home study agencies have been banned by the Ministry of Education (MOE), this is the agency who provides adoptive families with a referral. So the deal is if your home study was completed by one of these agencies then you are no longer able to receive a referral until you have a new home study which could take a minimum of 8-10 weeks to complete and at least 900-1500 dollars to complete.

I consider myself extremely lucky because my agency is not on this list. I was briefly concerned when I looked at the list because one of the names on the list was extremely close to my home study agency. I did make a phone call to them to confirm that there is no relationship with the banned agency.

I know of at least one other couple whose home study agency is on the banned list. I am going to ask anyone who reads this blog to please send up a prayer for Jolynn and the other families who have used an agency on this list.

****Here is a link to the list of agencies that have been banned***
Banned Agencies

Here is another blog that is very informative
PEAR This is the Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform.

Someone is holding her baby!

I have been following a number of different blog for quite some time. One blog that I started to follow about a year ago was Melissa and husband in their quest to bring Colby home. I remember the day she got her referral although she may not realize it. Then a couple of weeks into the process I realized that the region that her little man was located had a very long wait.

At that point I start to quietly pray for her and strength for all of them during that process. She was strong and determined. Well Melissa is now in Russia and holding her precious little baby. What a wonderful day today is!!

PS. I did figure out a bonnet for little banana!

No Two Piece Bathing Suits!

I am feeling so much better today then Friday. I can not believe how upset I was about having to wait. I want everyone to know that I am powering myself up for the wait. I talked with Gerard and he has a knack for putting me back into the right perspective. I have a list of things that I wanted to do in preparation for little Banana and now he told me to "Get busy".

So that is what I have done. First I spent Friday night annoying Gerard which is always high on my list of things to do. We went shopping! We finally decided on a new entertainment center. Next it was off to the mall where I dragged him into a children's store to look for clothes for the little Banana. Okay not only were the shorts too short but a two piece bathing suit is out of the question as per him.

You should have seen his face it was priceless. He seriously asked where was the rest of the suit. Okay we are talking about a bathing suit that was a size 2T not a suit for a 14 year old. Because of his reaction I was forced to take him through the mall and through the progression of stores that Little Banana will eventually shop in including the store that is devoted to hair bows.

Today I have spent the day making her a dress. My mother use to make all our clothes when I was a little girl but I think I am dating myself. Watching my mother sew is how I got so interesting in sewing. I plan on making this dress in a bunch of different colors and possible in a winter fabric too. Bonnets are the next thing that I must master. All I need is to find 2 neat buttons for the straps.

Some travel news but not what I expected

Funny how your mind plays tricks on you. I had been thinking all along that I would be headed to Russia today or even with her (that was the deluxe version of my dream). When I realized this week that this was not going to be the case I started to feel a little disappointed.

I did get a chance to talk with my agency yesterday. There has been a little set back. Originally, I was told that I would more likely or not be traveling in 2-3 weeks for my first trip. That is not going to be the case.

My agency is working hard to find out when I will travel. Apparently, there is at least one other couple who is waiting to travel for their first trip and one other couple who is waiting to travel for their court date. It seems that the wait between trips one and two will be at least 4 months. Of course that has me a bit disappointed and surprised. I want to meet her and I know that once I meet her I will want her home right away.

Believe me I would rather know this going into trip one then finding it out that the wait in between trips will be 4 months. I know that I can never be prepared for the pain of leaving her but I am a strong person and I know that I will be okay with the wait (to some degree) when that time comes.

My goal is to get her home before her 2nd birthday. I do see where that could be possible but honestly I wanted her home much sooner then that so that she could start the process of bonding before her birthday and the madness of the holidays.

When I think back to when I started this and I told Gerard that I could not wait 18 to 24 months for a baby with tears in my eyes. I know see that I am willing to wait as long as I have to in the end I get to hold her and call her my daughter. The fear of losing her as a referral has started to creep into my thinking. I am not proud to say this because I think it sounds so selfish because I have never met her or held her and if a Russian family were to come to the orphanage and want to love her sooner then I am able that is what is best for her. In my mind and heart I know that if that happens this is all in God's plan and that there will be another opportunity for me to become a mother if that is in his plan for me.

There are so many different factors involved in trying to complete an adoption domestic or international. There are so many uncertainties. The emotional roller coaster has been exhausting for me. I never expected that I would be so emotional about her.

I really do not want to sound so negative today but I am struggling a bit with the uncertainty. I am however a girl with a plan. There is paperwork that needs to still be completed for the second part of the dossier. I have to find an accountant in New Jersey for the financial statement (I am taking suggestions). I have been searching off and on for the past couple of months without any success because they do not want to give me a copy of their license. I may halt this search until after tax season.

The medical reports will be a breeze that is the one good thing about having doctors who are wonderful and your friends. The police clearances will also be a breeze because last year when I thought that I would be traveling sooner I actually got both the FBI and State clearances even though they are no longer good I know how to get them. Knowing where to go and how to get something done is half the battle in my mind. Plus not having ever been arrested I am sure helps.

I hope to start on a christening gown and a new quilt for the little banana. I also bought a pattern for a couple of little jumper style dresses that I am dying to make for the little one. I know I am too old fashion but wait til you all see these dresses. That does not stop my family and friends from teasing me relentlessly about the things that I think are okay for her to wear.

Then there is Gerard. I bought a couple of pairs of shorts for her that he has vetoed. They are too short as per him. At second glance he is probably right. So back they will go and I will look for some that are a bit longer.

I bought luggage today! Yeah

Does anyone remember when I took my trip out to Detroit and I realized that I could not find any of my luggage?? I absolutely know that packing light is the best way to make it to and from Russia in one piece. I am also one of those people who has nothing in my draws I hang up everything. So I made the decision to buy a garment bag style piece of luggage.

I got quite the deal for 49 dollars. I think it should be plenty big enough yet small enough to be able to maneuver around with easy. I think now is the time to start to put together the things that I want to pack I was thinking about a dry run packing session.

No news about my travel dates as of today but tomorrow is another day. I have a feeling that there are probably a number of families traveling right now. I think I will call the agency tomorrow to see is there is any news.

A Little Worried ***EDITED***

***Thank goodness I have so many people out here is Bloggerville that are knowledgeable and caring. I have drafted a letter to my local USCIS office requesting to be fingerprinted. I can not believe that it is that simple but I guess something has to be easy. I am little less worried now. Thank you all***

Today I have been trying so hard to not worry but I truly believe that trying not to worry only makes you worry more. Last week I emailed my coordinator in the hopes to get a couple of questions answered and I know once I have the answers I will feel better. The key is getting your questions answered.

Which brings me to my newest and biggest worry for today. So I am putting it out there in the hopes that someone can help answer this question for me. My I-171 states that my finger prints expire in mid March. Okay I am fine with that because I can just be re-finger printed. My question is how do I go about getting an appointment to be re-finger printed before the expiration date??

I am so trying to be patient. When I started this process I would sit an imagine how it would be to get "the call" and that the agency would walk me through the things that I needed to do but that is not the reality for me. I just pray that I will be able to get her home and safe soon.

The Stress is getting to him

It is no secret that Gerard loves having a place for everything and everything in its place. According to him he is very even and I am haphazard. So I came home from work and my living room has been stripped of all the decorations. Yes everything is gone. Now the funny thing is he thinks that I would not notice. He claims that this is his attempt to baby proof the house but I know the real deal.

So when he called me this afternoon I told him I want it all back. His response was fine that can we outline where everything goes so that it is easier to clean up? Yes you heard it here he wants to outline all of my "stuff" with crime scene tape so that it is less haphazard and easier to clean.

When I told him that children are not always neat his response to me was that we gave her an "even" name so she will be. I started to now only refer to him as Monk! These are the things about him that I love.

So tell me is there too much stuff?




No news on the adoption front. I did wait til Friday to email my coordinator so I really did not expect to hear anything until Monday.

I've Been Tagged!

I was tagged by Becky and yes Becky this will help me to pass the time. First of all I love that you all think I read books usually I listen to them in the car. I am however a shameless blog stalker and try not to miss a single blog entry. Knowing this you would think that I had to search long and hard to find a book that had at least 56 pages. I was surprised that I did not have to go far at all. This book was sitting next to me under one of my crochet patterns.

The book is 100 ways to simplify your life by Joyce Meyers. A couple of months ago I was going through some times that I thought were difficult. My friends are the ones that mostly noticed the difference in me and of course you all.

Here are a couple of sentences from page 56. "It's okay if things don't end up with a perfect result. No child ever learned to walk without falling down multiple times. They would never learn if they just sat down and cried about the fall; they must get up and try again and again."

What a wonderful thought. How appropriate for anyone who is experiencing a hard time in their life. I have to say that I have been affected by many of the people whose blogs I follow. This blog has in some ways forced me to think about my actions and how they may affect others.

I started watching this woman Joyce Meyer in the morning before I went to bed mostly because I was having a very hard time falling asleep and was a bit sad. The more I listened to her the more I enjoyed listening to her. So when I was out Christmas shopping last year I popped into the book store to buy this one. The book is a fast read and I really have been enjoying it.

Don't think that this will end here. I have to tag 5 others. Here are the rules pick up the nearest book, turn to page 56 and post the 5th sentence then tag 5 others to do the same.

Nicole
Tammy
Stacy
Jolynn
Debbie

Checking Things Off My List

Today I started on the second part of the dossier. Thank goodness the person in my HR department is so nice. I believe this is the third time that she has had to write a letter to verify my employment. I was able to collect 4 copies this morning and I hope to send then out by the end of the week for the apostilles. I do not want to get caught in the same situation where I am paying 20 dollars for an apostille instead of just 5 dollars like last time.

This afternoon I made my rounds at 2 of the local banks in the search for new money. I need clean, crisp, nonmarked, new bills. I honestly had hoped that I would be able to give Gerard's mother this job but they decided to go on vacation and I did not have the heart to ask her to do this before she left. Hopefully, the bank's shipment for Monday will have some new money in it. I should know one way or another by Friday. I have about 1/4 of what I wanted to take in good money collected so far. I do not think this will be as much of a problem as I first thought.

Tomorrow I will go to the tax office because I will need an updated document stating that I own my house, well at least me and the bank own this house. The tax assessor is really a nice man. I know that sounds crazy but he was so helpful last year when I needed this document.

This evening I went to T@rget to get some pictures printed for the baby book that I will leave with my little one. Everyone tells me that I am so hard to buy for. In a lot of ways I am like a toddler with the "I do it myself" syndrome. I guess that is why I am so hard to buy gifts for. For me it was a very hard decision to go ahead and register but alas I did.

I am still waiting on my travel dates and trying my best not to worry. I had hoped to hear something this week. I am holding out because the week is not over yet. I think I will call tomorrow afternoon if I remember (Oh who are we kidding I will remember).

Wow I did not think that I had done much today for the adoption but once I write it out I realized that I was very productive. If only every day was this productive.

Just 10 more minutes

On my way home the snow started to fall. This snow is fine, white and beautiful. Gerard called me to tell me it was snowing pretty hard where he was just like how it was in Michigan when I found out about our little girl. Just like the night we told our families about her.He usually calls me in the morning to prompt me to go straight to bed. This morning I am enjoying the snow at least for just 10 more minutes.

Have I ever told you it is 1952 in my house

Now when I say this I always have a smile on my face. This is one of the things that I tell Gerard and we both laugh about it. Since we have been together for 19 years you just fall into your routines. I have responsibilities and he has his. This past weekend we were talking about how certain things will change just because they have to when the little banana. The plan is that I will still work maybe full time maybe part time only time will tell on that point.

Gerard is and has always said that he just can not do diapers. This makes me laugh because I change so many diapers that I can pretty much do it with one hand and only 2 wipes for the messiest diapers. The other thing that he is scared of is being left with her and her not being able to tell him what is wrong. For example "Daddy I stubbed my toe" (His example not mine)

He has come up with he will do the grocery shopping not the big shopping but the fill in stuff. As per him "100 dollars or less" Okay that makes me laugh too. So off to the store we both went for Superbowl stuff. I can not remember the last time we went together to the grocery store (perhaps he is just afraid I will lose my new phone). He is a bit annoying at the grocery store choosing all the low salt low fat things and extra Hostess snacks.

You should have seen him in the line as I was pulling out my coupons and store discount cards. Then the big question comes "Do I have to use them too?" This will be an interesting transition for both of us. He is still trying to get over that fact that he will need a cart over the plastic basket.

Now I am going to buckle down

Enough fooling around! That is what I am telling myself even though I believe that if I am not prepared the call with travel dates will come much sooner. Well I tried that theory for the past 2 weeks and that has not worked. Please do not think that I am complaining because actually I am doing much better with the wait then I originally thought I would but I have a feeling that this will all change this week.

A couple of months ago I was supposed to be done with my degree, WELL that was not the case. After my classes were audited the University figured out that I needed a math class. Thank goodness that was the only thing that I needed. So for the past 4 weeks I have been going a bit crazy thinking of the little banana and trying to do math online. Which was much easier then I thought it would be mostly because I LOVE math. I find it relaxing. So this was a good class to take now in one respect. However I am a perfectionist when it comes to school work and I have a little difficulty when others are do not. Note to self throw out all your perfectionist ways your going to be a Mother and none on us are perfect anyway.

So last night I went to the store (I know a broken record) to get my new phone. I love it. It was more then I needed and more then I wanted but I think I will use it so what the heck. Rarely do I splurge on myself hence the 5 year old sweat shirt I wear everywhere. By the way Stacy and Clinton have not shown up yet for my session of what not to wear!

My intention last night was to register for the baby. Two things got in the way my splitting headache and I suddenly wanted Gerard to be with me. That is just crazy for me because when it comes to these things I usually do it all. I am very independent and honestly he has told me "I do not care what color the sheets are they are the same with the lights out!"

So I called him from the store and I think he was glad that I missed him and wanted him to be there with me. Okay honestly once I get him there I will probably hate it but I can always change things later and probably will.