Other things I want to remember

When Anna wants to point at something rather then using her finger she uses mine, or Gerard's. It is too cute.

I also love the way she seeks Gerard out to hold his hand when she poops and no I did not teach her that.

I leave small inexpensive photo albums out with pictures of what we have done in the short time that she has been with us. Yesterday Gerard told me that she was a little frustrated until she found the picture that she wanted. It was of her and I and the glow worm. She wanted her glow worm. She is a smart cookie because she was able to get her point across. I know in time she will be pointing to me.

The other morning when Gerard was home he went to her when she woke up. He has the type of facial hair that grows in about 5 minutes after he has shaved. On this particular day he had about 2 days of growth. She looked at him sort of puzzled then licked her fingers and tried to wipe off the hair. No he had no idea that was what she was doing until she started to scratch the hair off his face. That is when we realized that she has never seen him with that much facial hair.

Funny how you want to remember everything. Each kiss, hug, smile.

Nothing is funnier then...

There have been a few things that have happened around here that were so funny that I just never want to forget. Anna really is starting to become quite maternal. She has a number of different baby dolls that she is keeping track of. One closes her eyes when you lay her down. I think it is neat because she connects the closed eyes with sleep even though she really is not fond of sleeping at night. Tonight as I was putting Anna to bed she was playing with her baby in the crib. I started to tell her that I love her and she put her finger up to her mouth to shhh me. Then she pointed to her baby and made a snoring noise. I just started to giggle because I get it that you should be quiet around a sleeping baby and she gets it too.

The next thing was Gerard asked me this question to which I answered him with immediately.

When are you going to sit her down and teach her how to talk?

How did everyone do?

First off I had hoped to be able to write something earlier but I have been so busy I actually and not sure where my computer is! My nieces and Aunt Cassie did a great job watching the kids on Wednesday. That evening the shifts changed which left it to Gerard, Greg and Jill. When I got home the house was clean and everyone was feed so I consider that part a big success.

Anna and Sloan are only 4 months apart. My sister has never left him with anyone but my Mother so she was a wreck too. My fears were put to rest when they sent her the best picture of him that I have ever seen. He looked so happy. In all I believe that Anna did very well. I know I can not expect the same reaction from her when I come is as Sloan gives my sister just yet. Literately he danced his way into her arms, smiling, laughing and giggling the whole way. Anna was tired, I could see that she just looked at me and went back to what she was doing.

I took her into her bed room and rocked her a bit and she started to act more like herself. My hand was forced to leave her but in all I think she faired well. Even though it was late she wanted her bath and stories which I was glad to do for her. After about 10 minutes in the bath I was handed 3 small poop balls. She knew she they did not belong there. I gues she was starting to relax some.

As far as my Mother is concerned there seems to be 3 areas of concern, her Lung, leg and female parts. The information has been a lot to digest, as I write this she is having another scan. I will say that after our evaluation on Wednesday I feel considerable better about her lung and leg. If this is lung cancer surgery WILL be the cure. We go back to NYC on Tuesday and Wednesday for additional testing and one more evaluation. I am hoping to get good news 3 out of 3.

My Mother is scared but is strong and taking the attitude that if this is cancer she can and will beat it. Being positive but remaining on top of this is the best course of action for now.

My first day of leaving Anna with someone-Pray request also

This is a day that I thought would somehow be much different. I knew there would be tears mostly mine but what I did not know then is how soon I would have to leave her in the care of some one else for an extended time period. Yes, I have left her with Gerard but mostly when she is asleep I think he is still a little scared to be alone with her.

I was thinking about this day last week as I was walking her for her nap. I have the type of stroller that I can see her more old fashion so she faces me during our walks. Which by the way I have found to be a wonderful bonding experience. When I looked down at her she was puckered up for a kiss. Which turned into a number of kisses. Those kisses came at the best possible time for me. The kisses that she gives me are quite rare. Gerard on the other hand gets tons. I suppose she is a Daddy's girl.

So many things are running through my mind about the future. I find it amazing how things can change so quickly and you not even realize that they are changing until they have. For close to 2 years I have counted on my Mother to stay with Anna at night. We have talked about it, planned it out and in theory it was a good plan. I want that plan back. I am having a hard time with the uncertainty of what the future may have for me, Anna, my family and yes my Mother.

Monday I did leave her for a couple of hours with Gerard so that I could accompany my Mother for her PET scan. Today I am packing up the car for a 2.5-3 hour drive to Manhattan to see a Thoracic surgeon for my Mother. See my Mother is a breast cancer survivor proud to say it, glad it happened that way and thank God everyday that she was cured of breast cancer.

When I got back from picking up Anna about a week later her doctor called me to schedule an appointment to discuss a CT scan with us. I knew then that it was not going to be good news because I had already talked with the doctor before I left thinking that my Mother was battling pneumonia again. So I think that this has also weighted heavy on my mind the past couple of weeks. Funny how things will do that.

Basically it appears that my Mother may have lung cancer. So today we go for an evaluation to determine how or if she will have a biopsy or if that portion of her lung will just be removed to be evaluated. I am confident in the choice of doctors that I have made for her and the hospital where she will be treated if this lesion, mass, area of annoyance is in fact cancer. I do know that she can beat it because that is her track record. I am hopeful that this will just be a blip in the road. I suppose I am still somewhat in management mode right now. I tend to do that more then express my sorrow over what might or could happen. As many of you know I am a straight shooter so to speak and I do try to look at the glass as half full rather then half empty. I have told my Mother however that I am concerned yes very concerned.

Prayer is a powerful thing. Yes, I pray a lot as I am sure that most people do. So I am asking that when you are finished reading this that you please pray that Anna and Sloan (my 20 month nephew) will do fine being with Jaime and Jillian today there cousins. If you could also send up a prayer for my Mother and the ones who will be treating her today. I hope to know more after this visit.

Her birthday party was a success

Wow do the days fly by so fast around here. Saturday was Anna's birthday celebration with our families. Some how I thought I was going to be able to post about the party much sooner then this but I guess better late then never. I had asked that no gifts be brought but who listens to me. Actually, it seemed like the right number of gifts. Thank yous are on my list for today among many other things.

Gerard's vacation ends tonight so he will be back to work tonight. Anna is still sleeping so now that I a few of my phone calls out of the way I can at least post some pictures. Her sleeping scheduled got a bit screwed up so I am letting her sleep in today.

Last night was a very rough night. Mostly I think because yesterday was the first day that I left her for longer then an hour. Gerard and Jaime did well and it seemed that she did well until it was bed time. Gerard and I both think that she was having a panic attack. So sad to see her worry. I had to leave before she was up and I had thought that was a good idea but I am now retinking that.

I hate to say it in one respect but when I came home she jumped into my arms. I was so glad to see that she not only noticed that I was gone but wanted me back. Jaime noticed that once I was home she really started to babble a lot. I think for the most part the separation was not altogether a bad thing I wish it had been for a better reason however. This reaction was much different then the handful of times I have had to leave her for an hour or so.

Saturday I did leave her with Gerard while I went to pick up the food and party favors for the gift bags. Not so funny yet very funny he had strained a muscle in his leg while at the gym so he had a very slight limp. So when I got home she was excited to see me and then I realized she was limping and doing a little fake cry. I asked what happened to her leg?

That is when I realized she was following him and walking just like he was. Too funny.

The house was full of a lot of people for the party and quite a few that she had never met before. I told everyone to please direct her to me or Gerard. Then I told Gerard to not leave her side at all. Everyone listened so I actually was able to relax for a couple of minutes and talk with my sisters and Aunt a bit about what is going on around here.

I could see at one point Anna or Gerard (who also does not like a crowd) was over stimulated because I saw them playing in the backyard together with her beach ball. I could not have asked for a better solution or more perfect timing. He is very sensitive to her needs which is wonderful. I love that he does not push her hard and just lets her explore while dragging him around by the finger.




The cake (or should I say cakes) and candles were too funny. The other night Gerard said the only thing he wanted was a picture of her blowing out the candle. That is when it dawned on me that even though we had a practice cake with my Mother we never lite a candle. My great nephew Hans was not only the only one to wear a party hat but was taking notes about how to blow out the candle. Anna jut loves him to pieces.




She got a new purse from my mother which she walks around the house with. By far the 2 favorites are the glow worm (buy one worth every penny) and the riding toy which she loves using to give her babies a ride on.






And yes I have lost weight. About 25 lbs to be exact. I think it is a combination of chasing her, trying to eat better foods for her to model after and the 4 mile daily walk that we take so she will nap. More tomorrow I promise.

I never thought I would have to teach her this...

Some of the things that she has never been exposed to may seem funny, like the door bell. The first time the door bell rang it was a look of panic after about an hour of playing with the bell she is much better. There are so many things that are new.

Yesterday I spent the day picking up things for her birthday celebration. My niece Jaime told me I absolutely needed to go with the princess theme so that is what I did. I got lucky and found everything was 605 off. Who does not like a deal? I got the banner, plates, napkins, crowns for the cupcakes and the horns that you blow.

So last night when Gerard got home I showed him what I had gotten and I pulled out a horn, put it in my mouth and blew it. As it uncoiled she jumped back. Then after a couple of blows she was loving it.

Now this was the hard part. Teaching her how to blow it. After 30 minutes of trying she got it down. This was way too funny to watch and not remember. So Saturday we will have a house full. Things are going to loosen up around here for a number of reasons that I will fill you in on maybe next week. So everyone who has wanted to come see her and has been kind enough to a bide by my wishes is welcome for the celebration.

Home 4 weeks ***Edited to add a picture***

Oh the girl LOVES glasses!

I can hardly believe that we have been home 4 weeks today. It was not until I looked at my blog that I realized that today is Wednesday. I have always had a hard time with what day of the week it is and usually end up asking some one at least once or twice.

The last 2 days I spent with my sister and her little man Sloan who is just 4 months younger then Anna and a whole lot bigger. It is too funny to see them play together. Seeing Anna with other kids has been wonderful. Today was my Mother's birthday and we all hung out. More on that another time.

I fear that most of what I have written about recently has seemed quite negative. I would say that processing all the thoughts and feelings that I have right now has been difficult. Actually more difficult then I ever thought it would be. With that being said I hope that I am going to start to coast a bit now. Anna fell asleep early tonight okay so I cheated and kept her out late then drove an extra lap around the block but does that matter?

Here are some things that I have noticed that Anna does now and did not do when we first came home.

1. Fake cry. Yup she has mastered the art of a fake cry to get my attention. It started about a week ago one night when we were in her room playing. Then my niece Jaime came over with her son Hans and the next day we played faked cry most of the day.


2. When she wants to point at some thing she grabs my pointer finger and uses it as a pointer.


3. The door bell scared her. Sounds funny but she was like 'What is that noise?' Now she enjoys playing with the door bell and /or any other button or switch.


4. She says 'Tickle, Tickle, Tickle' This is the funniest because when she first came to me that is how I got her to smile. Then it progressed to her tickling herself, then me and now her baby dolls.


5. She shows love to her babies. She will walk up to me and pretend cries like it is them crying then she looks for me to comfort them. So I do then I pick her up and do the same thing to her.


6. Today is the first day that she has fallen asleep laying next to me at nap time the whole time she looked me square in the eye.


7. She LOVES apple cider vinegar. I know I read something about this an attachment but for the life of me I can not remember what it meant so if you know please throw me a bone and tell me.

Tonight she ate cake for the first time with my Mother. I am letting her practice eating cake after all her birthday is next week.

The sun is out and I am... (Edited to add info on the tea set)

You thought I was going to say 'Going to the beach.' No not today. Anna REALLY enjoys the water in a fearless way. Because of that I have promised Gerard that I will not take her to the beach until he can come with us. In September I am pretty sure there are only life guards on the weekends. Even though I can swim and I am pretty experienced with the rip currents here in New Jersey they are very dangerous and many have drown on these shores. I am confident that I could save myself but a fighting 2 year old not so confident.

What I was going to say is The sun is out and I am quite happy it is. Last week was a rough week. There were many emotions circling around the house, lots of second guessing, a few tears and a stern talk or two. Has any of it sunk in, the answer to that is only time will tell. My plan has not changed however, only Gerard and I will be the ones to hold, feed, diaper and give love to Anna for now. One change that will be happening probably later this week is my Mother will be stopping by more. Why you ask? She is the one who will stay with Anna when I work. Even though I am going back to work only 2 nights per week at first Gerard will only be home with her one of those nights.

In many cases working nights is a benefit in my opinion. I love the people who I work with because we laugh most of the night away but I will miss putting her to bed which I think is so important. Okay I think every minute with her is so important but whose keeping track.

How is she doing going to sleep you ask? Better for the most part. Once asleep she will sleep 10-11 hours straight even when I put a bottle in her mouth. Yes I started feeding her at night when she does not eat during the day. Amazing how when she is asleep she will drink close to 5 oz of Kefier 2 times through the night. I sit her up on a pillow and put the slow feed nipple on the bottle and away she goes. Wait a second I was talking about sleep here.

I took a piece from just about everyone's suggestions when we were having trouble. It still takes her about 1 1/2 to finally fall asleep but that is better then 4 hours of crying.

One thing that I did add is the books that I read to her at night are up on a shelf that she can not reach. When I pick her up to get one she seals with delight. Hands down her favorite book is 'Guess how much I love you.' This book was given to her as a gift from our friends Melissa and Colby. As I turn the pages she recreates each action of the 2 bunnies. It is too funny. When Gerard saw her do this for the first time he started laughing and said 'Look Bozz, look what she is doing' (He does not get to put her to bed but 2 nights per week.) Melissa, I can not thank you enough for this book.

I will say that I have been re-thinking going back to work. If she does not even out a little bit more with going to sleep there may be some changes that have to be made. What those changes are right now I really do not know, full-time to part-time or per diem, day shift to night shift. Having only ever worked 3 days a week I am not really sure how others work 5 days a week but the thought of only working 8 hours seems a little better then working 12 today.



***The tea set is by Fisher Price, I can not recommend it enough I beleve it was purchased at T@rget***

Tea anyone?

We have not let Anna open all the gifts or play with all the toys that have been given to her. I remember when I was shopping and putting things on my registery I saw this tea part set. I wanted to put it on the list but for some reason missed it. Robin my niece's aunt sent this over to her with a little baby doll.

She looked so excited to see it that I could not resist letting her open it and play with it. If you need to buy a little girl a gift this is the one to get. The pot makes the sound of pouring water and other musical sounds. Another thing that I love about this line of toys is that this toy reinforces manners like 'excuse me' 'thank you' 'your welcome'.

I could not help but to snap a few pictures. She is way tired in these photos they were taken right before her nap.

Shoes

When I waited for Anna to come home I dreamed of the orphanage director allowing me to keep a pair of her shoes. I know shoes are a big thing in an orphanage. When I first saw her little face and then looked down at her feet and did not see the shoes that I brought for her and instead a pair of beat up shoes. I wanted to cry. I also held my breath in the hopes that the care taker would not ask for them off her feet. I am pretty sure that I held my breath for many reasons until I was back in the car with her on my lap.

One of the first things that I did was purchase her some new shoes. Her new shoes are cream and pink with some beading in a very similar style as her old ones. Now please understand that as you read this my time at that point with Anna had been very limited. I was excited beyond belief and she was a dream that was standing in front of me. I took off her old shoes but kept them out for her to play with while we were in Russia. During our time in Moscow she never put them back on or acted like she wanted them.

When we got home I took her outfit, after it was washed and placed it in a bag to go into a box with other stuff that I am keeping that is adoption related. Tonight we were in my room, she was playing and I was playing with her as well as getting things ready for the next day. The bag of her stuff from the orphanage (which by the way I am and have always had a hard time saying or thinking of this word, orphanage but I am starting to practice). I saw the shoes. Anna and I have been doing well for the most part but there is a connection that is missing when it comes to me, not so with Gerard but only me.

I thought to myself show her the shoes maybe they will comfort her in some way that I can not. For me it was painful to see the excitement on her face when she saw them. She dropped to the floor and the feet came up and she looked at me with the look of please will you help me put on my shoes. With a smile on my face I put them on her tiny feet she is pretty much wearing a size 3 to 4 shoe so they sure are tiny.

Then it was off to work, first order of business was to dance on the bathroom floor which quite honestly I do dance along with her every time. Yes, she dances a lot. She played for another 2 hours in the shoes, never once trying to take them off. While every pair of her new shoes are off before they are on. When I told Gerard at first he said GREAT maybe she can just wear them for awhile. Yup, I looked at him like he had 2 heads then it occurred to me that he probably never looked at them before because they were packed away when I came home with her. Sure they were on my dresser but lets get honest he is only ever looking for a misplaced cookie nothing else.

Gerard will probably be mad if he knew that I was posting about these little shoes. Shock, then sadness, is the only words that come to mind as a way to describe his reaction to what they looked like and her reaction to them. We both agree that she will be allowed to wear and play with these shoes until she no longer shows any interest in them. Will I keep a steady eye on them? Yup. Will they be out for our family to examine? Nope. I think this is something that is hers, not mine, not Gerard's and it is her story not ours, these are her things to show them. When and if she wants to pull them out to show everyone she will and can.

I know these shoes are a comfort thing for her. She is grieving whether others want to recognize it or not she is. Do I think she would like to go back to Russia and not have a mommy and daddy? No. But is she sad for what she has left behind even if she can not speak the words to express her feeling, absolutely.

On my list of things to do, print up more pictures of her here with us and start her lifebook. The reason why I am talking about this is I made a mistake by taking them away from her. I did not do it as a way to punish her but more as a way to protect them so that she would have them for when she is older. I wish I had thought to give them to her sooner. I just wanted to talk about this in case someone else is faced with something like this.

Daddy can I lean on you?

Yesterday Anna and Gerard were playing she pulls him around by the finger and takes him all sorts of places. Yesterday she pulled him down next to her and just started to lean on him.

His reaction was so cute
Gerard: "Look Bozz (that is me) she just wants to lean on me. It is okay Anna you can lean on me."
Me: "Oh that is too cute"

While in my mind I KNOW she is pooping! A few minutes later I hear.

Gerard: "Bozz, she is growing a tail!!"

Anna's reaction a smirk then a kiss on his hand.

Yes, Anna you can lean on your Daddy.

The Cardiologist said....

She can go right back to work! All is fine with the structures of her heart! Perfect in fact! The blood flow and pressures in both the pulmonary artery and aorta are perfect. The verdict is she was holding her breath which leads me to believe that she was stressed out. She is a bit of a stinker so I think I might have to learn to be more then 1 step ahead of her. Now I know her trick.



This was one of Gerard's toys from when he was her age. He told me that he never thought to sit on it but she did it unprompted.


I have to say that I did not really know how upset I was last night when I wrote that post. I was and still am, over the holding of her breath trick, dusky episode, and the need to feel everything is okay. I think that what most people who have never adopted a toddler do not realize is when you give birth to a could you kind of get a chance to build up to the 2 year old behavior and issues. The other thing is you know all your child's history. Every doctor visit, every cold, every cry I do not. For me Anna is about 3 weeks old. Think back to when you brought your 3 week old infant home were you sure about every move you made like when he or she was 2 years old? I venture to guess probably not.

I know I am tired I feel it but I could not sleep the past few nights for some obvious and some not so obvious reasons. I have a couple of posts in mind that I want to write or have started to write but they are not quite done yet.

***Please I want to make sure that you all know that I have not taken offence to any comments left here on the blog. I hope that you all know that.

The number is 17

17 used to be my absolute favorite number. I am not giving it up but I was a little upset with the number 17 Tuesday. That is the number of tubes of blood Anna had to give to ensure that she is healthy. 2 sticks and about a million tears later she was done. I know the feeling of sweat when you see the list of blood work like what she needed to have done and the prayers that you say when you know you have to draw it.

What is new to me is the sweat and the prayers that you feel and say when you are the one holding down your little girl to give those 17 tubes of blood. Believe me without being dramatic she cried, and cried and cried some more over this experience. When the actual blood draw was completed it took over an hour to calm her down. When she finally fell asleep I could feel my tears starting to fall.

Today we will go the the Pediatric Cardiologist. I am dreading the thought that she may cry again like she did on Tuesday. I hope that all the testing that she may need will be completed tomorrow.

Some of you may be thinking wow this is the first time she has mentioned going to the cardiologist. To that I say you are paying attention and probably do not have a mush brain like me. Over the weekend some concerns have popped up. Have I opened my box of concern yet well no, but I have gotten out the key to unlock it if need be.

I have pondered as to whether or not I should write about my concerns and I have made the decision to go ahead and do so. In order to give the full details I have to back track a bit. Whether it is relevant or not I am not sure as of yet.

Since I have been home with Anna we have not eaten out. Okay, I do not consider the drive-thru REALLY eating out more like eating on the run. So Monday morning when I got the offer to go to breakfast with Gerard's family I thought okay I can do this it will be fine. To some degree yes it was fine. She sat in the high chair much longer then I expected and ate 3/4 of a banana. Gerard met us and all was great until it was time to leave. It took about 10 minutes to get her into the car seat and Gerard in the back for a ride to settle her down. When we got home it was nap time which up to this point has only taken a quick 5-10 minute walk which turned out to be more like a 45 minute walk.

When she got up all she would eat was a cereal bar, no juice, milk, kefier nothing. I am making 4-5 different things and all are being refused, just refused. I will not battle her on this and I think that is the right way to go I am just watching it. Do I think it is a control issue for her, yes I do. So I am giving her a little more control over this in the way of leaving a different snack available to her in different rooms (her bedroom, kitchen, living room. Sometimes she eats a little bit from these areas and sometimes she does not. Dinner she had 2 slices of cheese and 4 ounces of kefier oh and a bite size piece of pear. Yup, that was pretty much it for the day.

I am trying to look at the consumption for the week as opposed to each meal or each day. The day before she ate better so I was not terribly upset and figured it was because of the eating out with a small group of people. Gerard thinks we have too many toys out and I disagree. Honestly it is not that many toys that we have out in the house and separate toys for when I have taken her out (that do not fill up a zip lock bag).

There you go now you have the background. So Monday night I was changing her diaper and getting her ready for the bedtime ritual and that is when I noticed that she was turning blue. No not a misprint she turned blue around her mouth and chin area and yes quite dark. I have seen this before but never in Anna. Was she holding her breath? Well maybe or maybe not. Then as she was sitting in her bed reading a book to herself I could see it return ever so slightly. Out came the stethoscope and I started to listen for a murmur or irregular heart rate. I am being honest when I say no I'm not that objective right now.

So to make a long story short (stop saying yeah right) she was seen by her Pediatrician on Tuesday. We all agree that because of this episode she should be seen by a cardiologist. What I am hoping will happen is an echocardiogram and an EKG all with perfect results. I just want to be sure that something has not been missed. If she is holding her breath this is new and my thoughts are it was do to over stimulation from the day. If it is not her just holding her breath to give her Mother a few more grey hairs then it will be dealt with too. I should have some answers tomorrow after I see the cardiologist.

I am upset with myself because I should have kept everyone away for the last 3 weeks. It stresses me out when I have visitors right now let alone her, even though I know that everyone's intentions are good I really feel like I need my space. No not space from Anna or Gerard but space from everyone else. They see her eat a cereal bar or a 3/4 of a banana and act like I am just plain crazy when I say I am worried. My new standard answer will be what everyone wants to hear, "She is eating fine, no problems." or "She is extremely attached, no issues here." or Here is another good one that I have heard "You are spoiling her if you pick her up every time she wants you too." "She is so happy she has adjusted so well, glad that is in the past."

This may sound a bit crazy but please pray that I am neurotic, I would so much rather it be me then her. Off to watch her sleep.

Mush brain

I do feel that my brain has gone a bit to mush since we have been home. I have always laughed at this because I have seen this happen to so many of my friends. Just ask Gerard he says I NEVER forget anything. I think that is a bit dramatic but I will take it as a complement.

I too am now part of the mush brain society. My friends at work laugh as say "Why should you look more rested then us!" I guess I asked for that one.

Thank goodness for lists is all I will say, when I remember to bring them with me or cross things off the list or when she is not hiding them from me. The one thing that I realized the other day is that I felt rushed. I mean in a hurry for no good reason.

The last thing I want to do is to rush any part of my time with her. So as I drove in the car I made a vow not to rush. Not to rush her or me or Gerard, okay maybe Gerard but he needs to be rushed sometimes. I just want to enjoy every minute so my plan is to sit back and enjoy life with her.

So hopefully with my decision to not rush I will be able to mend my brain so that is not so much like jello. After all I have a lot I want to remember forever.

First Doctor's Visit

Gerard and I took her for her first doctor's visit. I know that many of you may be thinking wow they waited a long time to see the doctor. Just to clarify this being a nurse who knows the pediatrician I was given instructions to bring her immediately if she seemed sick if not then take this time to bond, get to know her and her personality first. I am glad that I did wait because one of my concerns only surfaced after the first week home.

In all Anna is quite healthy. In my opinion she is quite smart in most respects. I tease that she likes heavy machinery but the truth is it appears that she has the type of mind that is very inquisitive. She likes to see how things work. The other running joke in our house is she watches our hands to see how things work, mostly the doors and the bath tub fixtures.

I will not paint a completely rosy picture here because we have had one challenge that I am doing my best to deal with. During the time that I waited for Anna to come home I worried about so many things, court, traveling, money, attachment and bonding. Quite honestly the one thing that I never worried about was her eating. I figured she would just want to eat. Actually I worried about having to set limits on what she ate and how much she ate.

When I visited with Anna in March 2009 she 8.9 kilograms or 19.5 lbs. At that time she was only 18 months old and she was just slightly under the charts for all of her measurements. When I picked up Anna in August she weighted 9.4 kilograms or 20.75 lbs please keep in mind that this was 5 months later. For her first visit she weighted 9.75 kilograms or 21.5 lbs. During this last 2 weeks I have been weighing her at home and seen her fluctuate from 21.5 lbs to as low as 19.5 lbs.

In all this time I have done my best to offer her food and mostly it has been refused. Yes refused. Now before you say 'She is crazy' This refusal of food is something that even Gerard has noticed and seen. Most of the refusing of food started to happen during the second week home. The foods that she is refusing are ones that she was eating the week prior. Getting 8 oz of fluids into her in a day has also been a struggle. Yes, I have tried a number of different cups and bottles. I do believe that we have found a system that works by @dvent, and for that I am thankful.

I feel as though I have been proactive in a scenes, mostly because she is small and I was so concerned about the lack of weight gain in the 5 months that we were apart.

So what have I done? First of all I started to read labels. This has been both a good and bad thing. I will say that I am encouraging the foods that she will eat that are high in protein. Mostly because she will eat most berries, this has been the only food that has been consistent. Can you live on blueberries?

In my search to find things that she will eat the one thing that she seems to love is Kr@ft cheese in the plastic wrapper. She can eat 3-4 slices of that stuff which I am glad she does but yuk! I am a cheese lover and have often laughed at that cheese and now I am buying the package with 100 slices in it. I have also found that she likes the strawberry pedi@sure. I about 4 ounces with a yogurt and she will drink that. Tonight I found Kefir (Russian milk/yogurt drink) at the store. To my surprise it has more protein and less fat then the pedi@sure. What the hey I figure lets try it. She drink almost 4 ounces.

I will continue to monitor her weight, intake and output. I will measure her head and height weekly and if something seems off I will have her evaluated further. I think this not eating has been something that has been a long standing problem and not so much the change in environment. I say this because now as I look back on the video that I have of her eating the person who is feeding her seems more anamated then necessary. Another interesting side note that I noticed if I speak to her in my broken Russian she eats better. So it seems that she appreciates my hard work to learn a bit of Russian. I would like to find some Russian children's music to play for her so if anyone has a site for me to find some please send it my way.

As things progress I will update this topic.

P.S. MandyJo I could not find your email address but mine is under my profile. Please email me.

Funny story about the monitor

As you all know I purchased the monitor with the screen where I can see if she is up. The verdict is in I LOVE it. It is great I can actually here her breath which is very comforting.

The monitor has an A and a B frequency. Do you see where I am going with this post. So I decided that we should go ahead and hang the electronic eye. I can still take it down and move it but that is easy. Did I mention that I was hanging it in my bedroom because that is where she is sleeping?

So I was showing Gerard how clear the picture was on the screen and remarking at the clarity when he said "Impossible, I do not have it plugged in!" You guessed it I was looking at a neighbors crib.

Here is the funny part we have had the monitor eye on non-stop in our room, yes even while dressing, (Keep your minds out of the gutter please non of that goes on in our room with her in there). I wonder if anyone has accidental seen us dressing. Too funny.

Gerard is a little leery about undressing in our room now. Which makes me laugh. Guess what outlet will be put on a switch?

Looking for opinions for the announcements

The other day My Mother and I took her to the beach, well not actually all the way to the water but to the dunes. My Mother went to school in a one room school house in Barnegat Light. Now the school is a museum with a flower garden.

I got the idea to take her picture there and then at the beach where my Mother went as a child. She says she would spend all day there.
Tell me which ones you like.

Things she LOVES to do

Take off the stoppers that on the cabinet doors so they bang rather then close quietly.

Wipe the house down with a diaper wipe.

Flush the toilet.

Fake cry (which I love sorry, I just pick her up and cuddle her when ever she does it)

Run to the water at the bay beach

Feed us those gross yogurt melts that she will eat.

Dance to the barn in the morning and the pig at night.

Drop stop, look down at the ground and says "Ka" and look is amazement that the thing that she just dropped in on the floor.

Cruella de Vil, yes it is a small doll that was given to me as a joke but she LOVES it and calls it "La-La".

What do you do when....

The other day I heard Gerard call me
"Bozz I think we have a problem!"

Okay not really words you want to hear, right. So I jump up run into where they were playing for him to tell me
"I think she pooped her pants!"

I know that I should not encourage this behavior from him he should just change her but that is not what I am writing about. But I think it is funny that he can do so many things but poop is not on his list as per him. Just like he only cares for the middle part of the dog. According to him the hands, feet, mouth and hinny are my parts of the dog.

Anyway, here is the problem. I started to change her and during the process clear as a bell she said
"Ka-ka" and pinched her nose until I was done changing her pants.

Things I bought in Moscow

I am very sedimental about life events. I am one of those people who likes to prepare for as much as I can and then throw a couple of surprises in there when possible. I know Anna will not be small forever and one day it is my hope that she will grow up to have a home and family of her own.

When I was in Moscow I tried to find things that were hand crafted. To me that is what really tells you about the people and culture of a country. Food is also a big part of all cultures. As well as celebrating holidays.

So in spirit of keeping her culture alive and making our own these are the things that I purchased for Anna.

First is the traditional Russian outfit with the head piece. I bought one that was bigger then her size for one reason. If I put it on her now and take her picture she will not ask me any questions about why I am doing that. She will think it is just another dress and crazy looking headband. I want to dress her and talk to her about how special she is to be both an American citizen and and Russian citizen. The size that I got her I think will fit her when she is about 4 years old. Although I have to admit the hat looks too cute on her now.



I also purchased the nativity nesting dolls. The scences on them are made through wood burning. This will come out at Christmas time when we talk about the birth of baby Jesus and what that means to us.


The next thing that I purchased were a couple of Christmas tress orniments, On my tree we hang Danish flags and other Danish paper orniments so now the Russian ones wil hang there too.


I am one of those people who always takes off my jewerly at the sink. My enagement ring is pretty tall so I find it gets in the way when I do things. I have gotten better and now I put them in my room so when I saw this dish I thought it was perfect for putting jewerly in when I am not wearing it.


Flowers are such a strong part of the culture and I found the most beautiful pins with flowers hand painted on them. The pins are made of polished shells. I thought that was so fitting since we live near the beach. I wore one the day I picked her up. So now I have 2 different pins that when she sees them I will tell her about how and where I got them. I think things like that are important to incorporate in to daily living.



The next thing that I purchased which made the driver laugh was a table cloth. I wanted one to give her for when she got married or perhaps purchased a home. It is white with pale blue trim. Timeless (in my opinion) and it covers 2 of the something borrowed rhyme.



By far my most expensive purchase and most prized by me is a hand carved angel. I have been told that it is over 200 years old. It came off a building in a small town north of Moscow. The angel is a 6 winged angel or a Seraphim. When I looked it up these were the angels who were gathered around the Lord in a vision that Isaiah had 6:2. I just thought it was an interesting fact. I was not familiar with this chapter or verse so I find it amazing that this little angel that I was drawn to has such a significant purpose.


I also purchased a small gold cross for her Christening but will wait to picture that until I put it on her for the big day.