It Has Been Done--I've Been Tagged!

I feel luck that anyone reads this blog. Let alone that they want to know more about me and my quirks. So here it is everyone.

Here it is 6 random facts about me!

I love to travel. I could be convinced to travel pretty much anywhere at any time. Last week when I was on vacation I had been thinking about where I wanted to go. I was about 2 clicks away from booking a trip to Ireland. I thought about 5 minute too long and decided against the last minute deal. I have traveled to 13 countries in Europe and 10 different states in the US. I amazed myself once when I was in school and I realized that I had traveled to every city that the other students lived in.

My favorite breakfast sandwich: fried egg, cheese, pork roll and grape jelly on a French toast bagel. I have been known to try strange combinations of food. I do laugh when others say that they would not even try some thing once. My 5 year old nephew is very funny because my sister and BIL will let him try anything once. He is also an adventurous eater.

I look at my calendar about 400 times per day. I do not have a fancy calendar actually it is one that is sent to me because I send money to the United Spinal Cord Injury association. If you were to open my calendar there is a pattern of number in it that makes sense to no one but me. The placement of the numbers is in a pattern so I know what they mean. My friends laugh at me at work because the day usually starts with a cold diet Pepsi and the calendar comes out even though my job does not require for me to use it.

In my opinion I have a mathematical mind. The things that I love the most usually include some sort of math. That is why I was not surprised that I love to quilt because there is quite a bit of math involved.

My sister signed me up to be a nurse. I was not sure what I wanted to do after high school. I was not even sure that I wanted to go to college. In high school I was a B-C student but in college it all kicked in and I became an A student with the occasional B. Honestly now I am not sure what I would do if I were not a nurse. I do not know if I was born a nurse or just became a nurse.

I bought my first house when I was 20. When I was a child we moved around a lot. When I was 6 weeks old my family moved to Florida and we lived there until I was in the 4th grade. I have always wanted to move to the south as an adult. I even interviewed for a job in Atlanta, Georgia about 12 years ago. I often think I may have made a mistake by not taking the job. For now I would not consider moving now because it would kill me to be that far from my Mother.

If I tag you, here are the rules!!!
1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on the blog.
3. Write six random facts about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged.
6. Let the taggers know when your entry is up.

Here you go
1. Patti
2. Jane
3. Kar
4. Teresa
5. Carrie
6. Nancy

What if the baby is a Boy?

I have gotten some grief from some of my friends at work who think I am kidding about putting my baby into a gown for the christening even if the baby is a boy. I have always dreamed of sewing the gown myself and I am sure that I will. I think that this is something that I feel very strongly about because I was not baptized until I was an adult so I do not have the keepsakes from these this special day.

Well Check this out I have found the perfect outfit. It is a short set for a boy that also has a skirt that buttons onto the outfit. So HA I told you all I would find one!! I knew this could be done. I just have a good feeling that I will find the right pattern for this special outfit.

Spent the Day Sewing

I make a lot of things for friends and family members who have had babies and Halloween tends to be a very busy time around my house because of last minute costumes that need to be made. Today I spent most of the day sewing. I am working on a baby blanket for a friend who is going to have a baby soon. So my house is completely pulled apart with sewing stuff every where.

Yesterday Jaime my oldest niece called because she needed some help with a costume because she has never made anything from a pattern. She was so funny because she had gone to the store and got everything that she needed and then started to read the pattern directions. It was then that she started to get a bit nervous and called my Mother who in turn told her not to cut anything until she was able to either see the pattern or until she could talk to me. Jaime wants to be a fairy for Halloween. Jaime is a young soul because she loves things like this dressing up. This has never changed from when she was a little kid.

Hopefully I will be able to help her finish this week and now her husband has been convinced to dress up too. So one costume almost done and one to go. I hope I get time to finish my baby blanket too.

When Was Someone Going To Tell Me I'm Short?

Being a nurse my work attire is pretty straight forward and simple. Three times a week I dress up in scrubs that for the most part are very comfortable. My scrubs have been pretty much indestructable until recently.

I have at least 2 quirks that I am willing to admit about my scrubs first I like them all to be able to mix and match so there is no thought that must go into my outfit for that day. I think of my scrubs as similar to garanimals where you match the 2 tags and this way you never can go wrong. Okay I think I am dating myself.

The second thing is I really only like to wear white. My friends call me the vanila nurse because if I do decide to make a decision my first choice always is the white scrubs.

Now some of my scrubs are very old so I thought oh what the heck every 15 years I am going to update my uniforms. I know everyone who enjoys fashion out there is cringing at the thought that my uniforms are so old. But they still work and now they are really comfortable.

A couple of weeks ago I ordered some one pants. I told everyone at work and honestly I do not think that they believe me. So the package came and I was very excited to see my new pants all white excep one pair. I broke down and got one pair is tourquise. I opened the package pulled them one to find out that they are about 12 inches too long.

So here is my question when did I get so short? And how come no one has told me how short I am?

I guess the blogging makes me look taller.

Summer is Coming to an End

Taken earlier this week because I am looking for a good picture for my blog makeover

Sadly the summer is coming to an end. I promised myself this year that I would take advantage of the fact that I live so close to the shore and enjoy the beach more. The verdict is in and I have enjoyed the summer months. This past week I even got to eat one of my favorite meals blue claw crabs. Yummy!!

My car is full of sand and I love it. I even got a new beach cart that makes dragging stuff down to the beach a breeze. This morning I was so upset because of many things mostly adoption related and Gerard who is not really known for his sensitivity even realized I was at the end of my leash.

So in an attempt to capture the last bit of summer we took a boat ride. The weather was beautiful and I took my camera. Gerard is trying his best to become a great photographer, I think mostly so that he does not have to be in any pictures. I hope to put some beachy pictures up in the room. I think I may have to try at least one more time to get the picture that I want.

This is a picture of the cannery that is located on an island in the bay that Gerard has fished all his life. Gerard has used this building as a landmark to find his way in from the ocean in a time before GPS. All fishing grounds are located according to where they are located according to the cannery. So as you can tell this is a pretty important building for him. I am sure that this building will soon be a memory of another time.

Thank you all for your sweet comments.

I'm Sorry!

First I would like to say thank you to everyone who has posted postive comments to my blog. When I started this blog I really only intended for it to be a way for me to communicate with others who are positive. I try very hard to stay positive and recently it has been a big struggle for me. Some times I think that many of you can and have seen through my posts about nothing to see that I am hurting.

It appears that I have offends some readers about my comments about the cost of day care. I go on record to say that this was not my intension. I was truly surprised at the cost. None of my family members have ever used daycare so this was a shock. For this I am sorry.

I may not agree with everything that I see written on another person's blog but I embrace that person's right to talk about that information. When I post a comment on another person's blog I try to think about what I am saying

1. Will this hurt that person's feelings?
2. What would I think if some one posted that on my blog?

I think this goes back to if you do not have some thing nice to say that please do not say it at least on my blog.

If after reading this post and you are still offended by my thoughts and feelings then please understand that you have the right to not read this blog. I love when people leave comments but please understand that there is a person on the other side.

I would also like to take this time to apologize if I have commented on any one's blog and hurt their feelings this was not my intention.

Sticker Shock!

Yesterday I thought I should be doing some thing productive with my time off that was adoption related but no in a way that would make me sad. Everyone knows that I am a bit of a planner so I thought I may as well find out about the daycare option.

Initially I was not sure that I would use daycare. I am mixed feelings about this. My Mother who is retired and lives about 4 miles away is going to stay with the little guy at night but I started to think about those days when I just need a couple of hours of sleep. What do I do then?

Most of my friends who work the night shift do it so that they do not have to use daycare. You know the husband is home at night sleeping with the little one while the Mother is working and then gets to say up all day watching the little one. I know that I could do this because my Mother is going to stay over night but do I want to do this is the question?

Then there is the price of daycare WOW!! The ones that I have found cost about $80.00 per week for 3-1/2 days. (9-11:30am). Okay I really will not be able to sleep much by the time I drop off and pick up only about 2 hours. I think that is a lot of money 24 hours per month for $320.00. Is this really how much day care costs? For full day care 5 days a week the cost is 950.00 for an 8 hour day! There has to be an alternative.

My friend has a nanny every summer because she has 3 boys and does not like to take them to the beach without an extra set of hands that costs her only 1000.00 per month. In my opinion I think that would be better then daycare for 950.00 month. Yikes! this kid thing is expensive!

Grandmother's Can Find Anything!

This past weekend my sister had a wedding to go to in upstate New York. She opted to not take my nephews so unfortunately or fortunately she had to go it alone. My BIL stayed home with the oldest because he had many 5 year old social engagements that he was required to appear at. Okay how funny is this that he s 5 and his schedule is more busy then mine. He was in his glory because he had his Dad all to himself. Meals included his favorite chicken on the bone and the entertainment include a Philadelphia Phillies game.

My mother ended up watching the baby, Sloan. He was so funny and completely fussed over all weekend. Sloan would not sleep without a shirt that my sister left by accident at my Mother's house. This shirt was one that my sister had worn over during the drive to drop him off. We would wrap him snug as a bug in this shirt and off to sleep he would go. I thought this was a very interesting connection between adoptive and biological parenting. Sloan hangs on my sister like a little baby monkey does. My sister is so funny because I think the little monkey boy has never actually cried. Had my Mother not found that shirt that my sister left behind the baby monkey would not have been very happy.

Now truly the inspiration for this post was my Aunt Cassie. This afternoon I ended up at my Aunt's house and her grandson Ricky (age 6) was spending the night. So what is the first thing that a 6 year old boy wants to do?? Did you guess make a fort? Well you were right!

So Ricky comes into the kitchen and asks
'Do you have a stick that I can use for my fort?' My aunt pulls out a big stick. The conversation continues then in comes Ricky again 'Do you have another stick?' My aunt pulls out another stick.

Now these sticks are not just a little 12 inch sticks they are 3 to 4 feet long. I am chucking and thinking who has two 3-4 foot sticks in there house and with that thought in comes Ricky and he asks 'Do you have a bigger stick more like a post?' Darned if she did not pull one out.

Okay now I am openly laughing but what took the cake was then he comes in and asks for something other then a stick this time. Can you guess?

'Do you have a mask for me?' I have to tell you I did have to pack up and leave because yes she was able pull out not one but two different masks. So that is the reason why I think Great grandmothers can find anything.

Enough Feeling Sorry for Myself

As promised I am going to find the good in waiting for my referral. I am okay and I do not want those who are experiencing the joys of having a referral to be tampered by my wait and selfishness. We each have our own story of pain that has brought us to this point in our lives and I am not an expectation. When I say that I am happy for another who has received a referral, travel dates or a homecoming this feeling comes from my heart. Please send your warm thoughts to Patti and Dave who have received their referral for a 19 month old little boy. I believe that there may be many reasons why I have been chosen to wait. Maybe my child is not due to come off the database or be adoptable yet. I have read on other blogs where this was the case and the child that was placed with them is the one that belongs with that family.

At this point in my time line if I were to travel in the next couple of weeks I believe that I would not be able to bring my little one home for Christmas. Being separated for the holidays would break my heart. Somehow even though in my brain I know that my child is born I do not feel the attachment the way that I believe that I will feel it once I have held him or her.

As a result of waiting I will be able to take my entire maternity leave with pay. This alleviates any stress associated with taking the time off. I will still have enough time to take a vacation or two in addition to my leave. The extra time will allow me to save some more money for the other life goals that are important. Maybe I will even be able to get my car paid off.

The extra time that I needed to get things done tah dah now I have it. I will be able to have the room set up the way I have always imagined it to be. Since I am getting one shot at this there is a level of perfection that I would like to attempt to achieve.

So see I can get through this tough time. I do believe that the wait will be a memory. Look at how far I have come in the last 14 months. I am so close and this wait will help me to practice patience that I am sure I will need so badly once the wait is over.

Good and Bad News

I broke down today and called my agency mostly because I have to start to up date some of my documents. My home study will expire next month. I think the home study is probably the most difficult document to try and get finished. Honestly, I just wanted to make sure that there were no new things that needed to be put into my home study.

I think when ever there is both good and bad news I am the type of person that likes to hear the bad news first so here goes! No referral should be expected until February 2009. There is a slim chance of me getting a referral before then. I think mostly I am a bit stunned to say the least. I completely understand that this is not the fault of my agency or anyone in particular this is really just the way the ball bounces.

I was better this morning when I heard the news but now I am tearing up a little bit writing this post. Can you believe this is the first time that I have actually cried during this whole process. I know there is a reason for the delay and I bet it is a really good reason. I am planning another post that I have in my mind that list all the good reason like not being separated at Christmas time.

Now for the good news and I told you that there was good news so to end on a lighter note I have found out which region my dossier was sent to...drum roll please....Arkhangelsk!!

At least I will be able to research this area some. So for those of you who are thinking you will be reading about the fast pace race called my adoption I will have to bore you with more details of Dottie and her dog food and other equally interesting facts about me and my life.

I Know I Will Never Forget

This day 7 years ago, in the morning I drove home from work and climbed into my bed, pulled the covers up and planned on sleeping the day away until I had to get up and go to work. Gerard called me to with the news. Instantly the TV went on! I live near New York City about 2.5 hours away and it is not uncommon for people who live in my area to drive to NYC for work. As a matter of fact my sister who had just moved in with me with her 3 children was on her way in to NYC.

Gerard and I talked for a couple of minutes then he had to make a few more phone calls to check on other family members who work in NYC. My telephone did not stop ringing, this time it was the hospitals that I worked for looking for me to go in so that we could set up for emergency transports of non-critical patients to my hospital. The sad thing was that this was the first time that I felt torn because I could not and would not leave my nieces until I knew my sister was home and safe to care for them.

In my hospital the emergency area that was completely set to receive patients none came. The room stayed empty and dark. That night at work in the nursery was the first time I realized that children are affected by the events that are unfolding around them. There were a number of infants born that day. No matter what we did we could not get any of them to settle down and stop crying. Finally my idea was to bring as many of them as possible out to their mother's as we could. This was the only thing that helped quiet these little babies.
I will never forget!

The other morning when I went to bed I thought no I really believed that I would be woken up with a call from my agency. Sorry to report I slept like a baby and not even a telemarketer called. I did not even realize this until I got in the car to come to work tonight. I did sleep so soundly and I really felt like I needed it.

Working the night shift has many benefits but some of the negative aspects can be so weird. Sleep is such a luxury for me. When I have to work I do sleep in late or try to at least. I just can not pre-sleep like some of my friends can. If I lay down before work then I usually end up with a headache. I did not always work on the night shift only for the last 10 years. I took this job because I really thought it would work out best for when I had a child because Gerard worked during the day this way we could avoid daycare. Now that we both work the night shift I guess I am just a little worried about how this will all work out.

I hate to say it I know I have waited a long time for my referral but I am a bit scared now that it could be any day. I think about my life and the changes that will come with the addition of a child. I have wanted to have a baby for so long that I hope that I have not built this dream up in a way that is extremely unrealistic. I have to say I do get some flax from some of my friends who think that I live a charmed life. I am a bit conflicted because I know that there may be some changes that are really hard. I think reading about others experiences and how having a child has impacted their lives is a good thing.

I can say that many of the people who have said something to me about why would I like to have a child now after so many years of not having a child never experienced the inability of not being able to have a child. I remember back when I was much younger in my early 20's thinking that I wanted to be finished having children by the time I was 30 years old. That was my absolute age limit. I have to say I am worried that I am too old to start to have children.

I am also very worried that I will only have this one child and that also has me conflicted. I think that the pressures of being an only child can be so great for both the parents as well as the child. I am a firm believer that I must provide for myself now and make sure that I have enough money saved for retirement.

Maybe I have thought too much about having a child. Maybe my life would have been different if I did not feel the need to plan as much as I do. Maybe I am just over analyzing all of these feelings because I am a bit scared of what is to come in the not so distant future.

New Bedding

Twin Bedding






Crib Bedding

I have broken down and ordered the bedding that I have had my eye for the past 4 or 5 months. I plan of keeping a twin bed and a crib in the baby's room for the time being. I had gotten the crib set a couple of months back. I think the colors are similar but not exactly what I wanted.

I have a very large master bedroom and I am still thinking that it might be better to just put the crib in there at least in the beginning. We have such weird sleep schedules I think this is going to be the worst part of the adjustment for us. I know that getting a schedule down for the little one is the most important thing. I just do not know how this will work out the best. I know that things just seem to work out but that does not stop me from worrying about it.

Did I Eat Dog Food??

Now everyone knows about Dottie and her dog food issues. Here is the recap for those who do not know. Dottie is on a low protein diet so she eats only pasta and cottage cheese. Because of this diet I am the one who has to make pasta for her every couple of days. I had invited over my family for dinner which is pretty normal. I had decided we were going to have burgers, roasted tomatoes and some store bought pasta salad. Did anyone notice I feed my family store bought pasta salad and freshly cooked to Dottie. So Dottie's pasta was finished cooking and I poured it into the strainer to drain and cool.

My niece was helping me to put out all the food and she picked a piece of pasta out of the strainer and popped it into her mouth. I did not think any thing about it honestly. About 10 minutes later we are sitting at the table and I pass the store bought pasta salad to her and that is when she realized the pasta she ate was for Dottie. So the question was:

Jaime: "Aunt Joy did I eat the dog's pasta?"
Me: "Yup"
Jaime: "Why did you let me eat dog food?"

Okay I did not think of it as dog food because it was clean in my mind but after I started to think about it the situation just got funnier.

Yup you ate dog food!

She is such a funnier girl!

Welcome Home

According to my Agency news letter there are a number of families that have come home this past August. The grand total is 6 children under 3 years of age and 1 over the age of 3. I think this is great news because for August which is a slow month this is very good news.

How did I Miss This??

I knew this day was coming up but I can not believe that I missed it. My blog is over a year old. Honestly, I never thought that I would still be writing on this blog. I worried about putting it all out there for others to read. I have many friends who thought that I was a little crazy and did not understand what this was all about. The interesting thing is that I believe that most of the people who read this blog have never met me in person.

Most of my family members do not read this blog. Which I feel is unfortunate for them. They are really missing out on the fun and excitement of the adoption process. Unlike on this blog in person I tend not to speak openly about my spirituality and concerns about becoming a Mother. In person I am a bit bossy that is what everyone will tell you and honestly I admit it I am bossy.

I consider myself lucky that I found Melissa and Nathan's blog when I did. I really toiled over starting a blog. I have been very fortunate to be able to connect with others who are at similar spots in their lives. I have seen many blogger friends start the process, receive their referrals and complete their families. I am amazed every time I read about another family.

So the point of this point is it is now September---Where is my referral?? Okay I am really only kidding.