The other morning when I went to bed I thought no I really believed that I would be woken up with a call from my agency. Sorry to report I slept like a baby and not even a telemarketer called. I did not even realize this until I got in the car to come to work tonight. I did sleep so soundly and I really felt like I needed it.
Working the night shift has many benefits but some of the negative aspects can be so weird. Sleep is such a luxury for me. When I have to work I do sleep in late or try to at least. I just can not pre-sleep like some of my friends can. If I lay down before work then I usually end up with a headache. I did not always work on the night shift only for the last 10 years. I took this job because I really thought it would work out best for when I had a child because Gerard worked during the day this way we could avoid daycare. Now that we both work the night shift I guess I am just a little worried about how this will all work out.
I hate to say it I know I have waited a long time for my referral but I am a bit scared now that it could be any day. I think about my life and the changes that will come with the addition of a child. I have wanted to have a baby for so long that I hope that I have not built this dream up in a way that is extremely unrealistic. I have to say I do get some flax from some of my friends who think that I live a charmed life. I am a bit conflicted because I know that there may be some changes that are really hard. I think reading about others experiences and how having a child has impacted their lives is a good thing.
I can say that many of the people who have said something to me about why would I like to have a child now after so many years of not having a child never experienced the inability of not being able to have a child. I remember back when I was much younger in my early 20's thinking that I wanted to be finished having children by the time I was 30 years old. That was my absolute age limit. I have to say I am worried that I am too old to start to have children.
I am also very worried that I will only have this one child and that also has me conflicted. I think that the pressures of being an only child can be so great for both the parents as well as the child. I am a firm believer that I must provide for myself now and make sure that I have enough money saved for retirement.
Maybe I have thought too much about having a child. Maybe my life would have been different if I did not feel the need to plan as much as I do. Maybe I am just over analyzing all of these feelings because I am a bit scared of what is to come in the not so distant future.
School Days - November 2023
5 months ago
8 comments:
Everything you are feeling is SO normal! I went through the same thoughts (a few time) and I can promise you that - yes - your life will change - a LOT - but it will be the best change you've ever made! It's normal to get cold feet and you'll have some "oh my goodness I want my life back" moments once you are home with your kiddo but that lasts 5 seconds and then a little smile or hug makes you realize you wouldn't trade your little one for anything in the world!
Stop worrying. Give it to God. Elisabeth from the bible was older than you and she was blessed with a child. I am sure you will make a great mom and I think motherhood will be very becoming to you. ((big hugs)) THis fear and worry you have is not from God but from Satan and you need to give it away and never reclaim it.
Open your hands palm up; tell God your worries; turn you hands over, leaving them open. You ahve just given your worry to God. Sweetie, your life will change in so many unimaginable ways. . .and it will all be good. Whether you have one child (which to the one you get will not be a big thing) or more will not matter once it happens. And it will happen! Soon! God bless.
These feelings are normal and you'll have these concerns many more times to come. But it's normal. Hang in there, you've wanted this for so long that things will be fine. Take a big breath and enjoy this time. Once you get the call your life won't be the same, it changes for the better.
When it comes to creating a family through adoption it's just all different. Dave doesn't want to think about another adoption until Izzy is at least 1 1/2-2. And I think that means she might be 4 by the time we bring #2 home. We got started way too late with having kids. Now I am just praying that we will be done when I turn 40 (9 years).
The realization that it could come any day is so scary and fun. Enjoy the emotions.
Your feelings are so typical and I think we all worried about our lives. Troy and I were married eleven years by the time the adoption came through and while it is a huge adjustment, it's one we wouldn't trade for the world. Youstill have your life, you just have someone extra to enjoy it with!!
Hi Joy,
You are going to do just fine! I can imagine having all of those same worries when we get close (which now is a looooong way away), but I think it is so normal.
Take it easy...Teresa
When I say "we", I mean Kevin and I!
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