I am excited about the possibility of a vacation. In the past couple of years I have not had a vacation that I consider to be a real vacation. What I mean by that is a vacation where I can just relax and not have to worry about packing so much into each day. Each vacation or long weekend that I took before Anna came home I felt a small measure of guilt that I was spending money that I might need for her adoption. Now that this feeling is behind me I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I plan on lifting off a couple of more weights soon, some I may share and others I may not. Sometimes I feel so sad that I am burdened by the thoughts that play through my mind.
I was talking to Gerard on the phone tonight and started to look through a magazine. Featured in that magazine was the resort where I last vacationed alone and really got the chance to relax. I usually travel alone because Gerard really does not enjoy traveling so a couple of years ago I made the decision to not let that stop me. The resort where I vacationed then is called Enchantment's spa, Mii Amo located in Sedona Arizona. The pictures and web site for this spa do not do it justice. Oh how I wish I were in that pool right now.
Most people think I am crazy to travel to Arizona in August but I did. The drive was about 2 hours from Phoenix but I still enjoyed it. I booked a reservation at the restaurant that overlooked the rock formations and yes I timed it perfectly for sunset. After dinner that night I got lost going back to my room. I remember standing there laughing some times being lost is funny. I could find my car but not my suite, silly I know.
As I flipped through this magazine I started to feel a little sad. Truth be told I have been sad quite a bit lately. Work has been difficult. Relationships with family members are strained, none of this seems fair. I can see no winners in the conflicts that are a foot, just losers. During my journey to adopt Anna I kept a lot of the process from my family and even Gerard. I just thought things would be different then they are but I was wrong. When you dream about the future you never think about the pitfalls in the road or I try not to anyway. Maybe that is my problem because if I were more prepared for them then maybe I would not hurt so much when they surprise me along the way.
Please understand none of what I am sad about has to do with Anna. She has made tremendous strides in the past 2 months. Sleep is coming to her much easier then in the beginning. The bedtime routine has gone from 4 hours of straight crying as if I were hiding a monster in the closet to a more gentile routine of rocking, feeding a bottle and holding. I look forward to bedtime now because we both enjoy the cuddling and rocking that has become part of our routine. Food is still a bit of a struggle but we are working on that too.
So my vacation you ask? I try to find something positive even when I am accused of not trying so here it is. My vacation is booked. Well at least my vacation house is booked. Destination is Ft Meyers, FL for the last week of May. The house that I have rented is 3 bedroom, 3 bathrooms, 4 cottages from the beach with an in ground heated pool. Jaime, Greg, Hans, Jillian and Jimmy are coming with me after all I really can only sleep in one bed at a time. The cost was reasonable only 1050 dollars with a 200 dollar deposit.
For today we plan to drive but I am still hoping for cheap I mean really really dirt cheap airline tickets. After all a girl can dream right. From what I understand the beaches there are beautiful and the water should be warm. Who can't smile when the sun shines down on you?
School Days - November 2023
4 months ago
6 comments:
you are going to love it. We run off to Florida every chance we get. Of course, it helps that we are an hour from the FL border.
I am excited for you!Nothing like sand under your feet and salt in your hair to cure the blues.
Must admit, a little jealous here. Florida sounds great. I bet Anna will love it. As for your family and other things making you sad, I hope things turn out ok. We have had a bump or two in our road also but thankfully things have now turned around. Enjoy your vacation. You definitely deserve it!
Melissa
Joy,
The vacations sounds awesome!
I wish we had had more time to talk quietly this weekend. I would have told you that I think a lot of us suffer from post paper chase partum, for lack of a better term. We spend so much time paper chasing, planning, dreaming about life with our little one that when he or she is finally home, we have a bit of a let down because our focus has now changed completely! We are now getting to know our toddler who has language and food issues and has just completely changed everything possible about their lives! We try to fit this little person into what we had dreamed and it is usually better, but there are still some issues to get through and hurdles to get over. The whole being Mommy thing does not happen over night and we have to get used to that idea. Family doesn't always help because they did not see the child in the orphanage so it's all very hard for them to imagine. Believe me when I say the first year is the hardest. It gets easier with time especially after that. Still some issues, but definitely getting better!
I'm here if you ever want to talk more in depth about it. Just call!
Blessings and prayers.
Stacy
Well if you are going to be in Ft. Myers you must go over to Sanibel Island and Captiva. They are just beautiful and there is a reserve called J.N. Ding Darling National Wildlife Refuge that is really nice to visit. Captiva is a very shell filled beach. We have gone in the winter and stay in Ft. Myers but the islands are my favorite! Have a great time.
Joy, I live in Ft. Myers. We brought our daughters home from Russia on the same day. We should get them together! Let me know if you are interested!
Stephanie
Ft. Myers is a beautiful place! If you head through Tampa and want to stop to stretch your legs over coffee or a snack, let me know ;o)
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