I'm a Mother...I know delayed reation

The other day I just smiled. I looked at Anna smiled and realized that I am her Mother or Mama as she calls me. Anna has started to go into another room and call me or Gerard. When she does this we make a big deal of it and call back to her and run to try and find her.

Feeling like a Mother does not always come from the minute you see your baby's sweet face. This is true for women who become Mothers through adoption or through the birthing process.

When Anna came home the stress in my house was crazy add on the stress of a newborn because that is how I viewed Anna and you can only imagine how stressed I felt. Today I feel like I can breath. I felt like I was holding my breath. I was looking back on the early days from when Anna first came home and realized that I put very few pictures of her on the blog.

I am sure that the hours of no sleep was not helpful. There were many nights that Anna was awake crying until about 1 am. Now we have that all straightened out so I do think this is the reason why I am feeling better and starting to enjoy every part of Motherhood.

Some random pictures because I am trying to work on my skills.








Off to do something fun. I'm not sure what that will be but almost everything with Anna is fun now.

Life is Good...God is Great!

The road that each of us takes is different. At times we cross each others paths and have an impact on the other. When I first started my adoption process I was scared of so many things. Reading about others stories helped me to overcome many of my fears and strengthened me so that I was able to complete my adoption with a feeling of warmth in my heart for the those who made it possible.

Along the way I have met quite a few blogger friends and I have never been disappointed that I did. One family that I am sure you all know is Adrienne and Jim, were the first blogger friends that I met. Please help them celebrate their wonderful news!

Miracles happen!

Pool season 2009 verses pool season 2010

Last year when Anna came home we only had a couple of days where going into the kiddie pool was okay. Things were so busy and just having days where we could just play in the pool were so few that I was excited especially after this winter to break out the pool.

I have heard from other Mothers of children who were adopted from Russia that the bathtub is something that is a bit stressful for them. Anna was no different. Bath time was not fun at first but Anna did get past that extremely quickly. During the winter there were days that two baths was not out of the question.

But now it is warm and sunny outside so I pulled out the pool. Yes I am a bit of a nut and filled it with warm water from the kitchen sink. The water from the hose was way too cold. Of course I had to take a couple of pictures of her in the pool. What a difference from last year. My baby is growing up.


I just realized I never posted these pictures before or many pictures from when she was first home.

September 2009






April 2010

Walk competed

In spite of the weather I dragged myself out to the boardwalk to walk and completed not only the 4 miles required for the March of Dimes but more. The extra mile we walked was not because I was feeling spunky but because we walked right past the turn around mark.

At the last minute I decided that the weather was just not good enough for Anna to come on the walk. A month ago we were in short sleeve shirts on this very boardwalk. I guess it is not quite summer yet. Jillian (the hunter) thought it was too cold to go for a walk on a spring day in the pouring rain and wind so she stayed home with Anna.

That did not stop us we are hard core March of Dime junkies! Just like last year fun was had by all. I know it sounds crazy but even though by the end of the walk I was cold wet and tired I still had fun.

Here are the pictures as promised.


The half way mark


Jaime and I


Amy the repeat offender from last year



Geralyn and Matt

March of Dimes walk again

The time has come again for the March of Dimes walk. This time I will be be one of many compared to last year when just Amy, her kids and I walked. Anna and Coconut will be participating too! I know this is late notice but I will be walking Sunday morning in Seaside Heights, NJ.

Many children from the United States and Russia are prematurely or with a birth defect. The March of Dimes is instrumental in helping these children through research and public education. Good prenatal care can help expecting mothers to become educated about the miracle of pregnancy.

I am not a pro-choice. There I said it. I have encountered many children who have had birth defects and have died as a result of those defects. I am pro education and I am pro prenatal testing. Here is my reason why I am pro prenatal testing. Not every hospital is equipped to care for a preterm neonate. Not every NICU is equipped to care for a child who needs cardiac surgery (This is just one example) so I feel that by prenatal testing can help determine where the best place is for your baby to be born.

I promise pictures after I am finished walking. If you would like to donate there is a button on the sidebar. I think this day will be interesting because first of all I will be walking rain or shine and second I am not really sure how I am going to keep Anna off the beach and on the boardwalk. Wish me luck I am going to need it, 10:00 am is fast approaching.

The Russian Embassy Easter Party...Sorry Im late

For the past 17 years the Ambassador of Russia has hosted an Easter party for children who have been adopted from Russia to the United States. I could not believe my luck when I saw the news about this in the FRUA chat room. I looked at my calender and as luck would have it I was going to be off. Funny how things work.

Before the party we decided to meet up with Stacy, Pat and Aidan at their home and venture into their town for a flower show. I love that kind of stuff so for me I was in heaven. We got to talk, walk and just relax before we left for the party. Truth be told I was a bit nervous about going and feared that our every move would be closely monitored.



Anna wore her pale blue Easter dress which I love and Aidan wore his cowboy boots which Anna loved. A portion of the party was a preformance by the Russian children. There was singing and dancing. I heard one of the boys behind me speaking in Russian. My guess is that he was adopted as an older child and still understood some Russian. If you could have seen the smile on his face you would have just melted.





After singing and dancing refreshments were served down stairs. Anna enjoyed a chocolate eclair and I had a diet soda. Gerard ate the rest of the food. The Easter bunny also made an appearence and Anna just could not believe her eyes. For some reason she LOVES the Easter bunny. I would say she made at least 6 trips back to the bunny to make sure he was still there.




The best entertainment however for both Anna and Aidan was the stroller...No not the one to the right in the picture that one is Anna's...No not the one to the left in the picture that is Aidan's but the stranger's stroller. They took turns pushing each other around in the stroller. Anna figured it out quick that she really liked it when Aidan pushed her instead of her pushing him. Some might say I should not have let Anna play with the stroller but I say anything to keep her happy in this situation and I am sure the stroller's owner felt the same way. The funny thing is on our way out the door we met the owner of the stroller and we all laughed at how much our kids liked it.






On our walk back to the cars slowly because our time in Washington was coming to an end and I was sad to go, we stopped for a picture in front of the Embassy. After much fooling around we were able to get a couple of good shots. My personal favorites were theses ones.

I love this picture because it turned into the picture below. He is a sweet gentile little man.





Do you think they were done getting there pictures taken?



Once back at the cars we said our good byes. I changed Anna into driving clothes and within a couple of blocks she was out cold for close to 2 hours of our trip home.



Have no fear she did wake up and thought perhaps traveling home on horse would be faster.



I'm not really sure why this did not post earlier in the week. Sorry everyone who was looking forward to reading about the party.

Bunnytastic!

The other day Gerard was mowing the lawn and one of her favorite things to do is watch him do this. She likes to chase him around the yard while he is pushing the mower. Watching him mow the lawn is so different for me.

My first house was a townhouse after ten years of living there the house that we built was done with a very big yard. Gerard and I were both working like crazy but we do feel like maintaining your yard is a reflection on who you are. When I say that does I do not mean you have to have the best of everything or anything ornate but your yard should be neat and clean. We do find it is easier to think when things are straightened up. Anna does better when her toys are where they belong I have also found.

Which brings me to our Bunnytastic moment. Some how Anna saw a baby bunny when he was cutting the grass. Anna loves animals...all animals. Needless to say mowing the lawn was put on hold for about a half an hour but still got done. Anna insisted that we all look at the baby bunny.

The poor bunny was so nervous. I just could not help taking a few pictures of her and the bunny. I feel like my favorite pictures are the ones where I she is doing something. Gerard and I were talking about that when we were watching the bunny. That is when he gave me the biggest complement he told me "You are capturing the memories. I like the ones of her doing stuff better then the posed ones too."




Anna's bunny face since bunnies don't make a noise.

Oh and this is our vegtable garden which is what is going to be cleaned up today.

Vacation booked

I am excited about the possibility of a vacation. In the past couple of years I have not had a vacation that I consider to be a real vacation. What I mean by that is a vacation where I can just relax and not have to worry about packing so much into each day. Each vacation or long weekend that I took before Anna came home I felt a small measure of guilt that I was spending money that I might need for her adoption. Now that this feeling is behind me I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I plan on lifting off a couple of more weights soon, some I may share and others I may not. Sometimes I feel so sad that I am burdened by the thoughts that play through my mind.

I was talking to Gerard on the phone tonight and started to look through a magazine. Featured in that magazine was the resort where I last vacationed alone and really got the chance to relax. I usually travel alone because Gerard really does not enjoy traveling so a couple of years ago I made the decision to not let that stop me. The resort where I vacationed then is called Enchantment's spa, Mii Amo located in Sedona Arizona. The pictures and web site for this spa do not do it justice. Oh how I wish I were in that pool right now.

Most people think I am crazy to travel to Arizona in August but I did. The drive was about 2 hours from Phoenix but I still enjoyed it. I booked a reservation at the restaurant that overlooked the rock formations and yes I timed it perfectly for sunset. After dinner that night I got lost going back to my room. I remember standing there laughing some times being lost is funny. I could find my car but not my suite, silly I know.

As I flipped through this magazine I started to feel a little sad. Truth be told I have been sad quite a bit lately. Work has been difficult. Relationships with family members are strained, none of this seems fair. I can see no winners in the conflicts that are a foot, just losers. During my journey to adopt Anna I kept a lot of the process from my family and even Gerard. I just thought things would be different then they are but I was wrong. When you dream about the future you never think about the pitfalls in the road or I try not to anyway. Maybe that is my problem because if I were more prepared for them then maybe I would not hurt so much when they surprise me along the way.

Please understand none of what I am sad about has to do with Anna. She has made tremendous strides in the past 2 months. Sleep is coming to her much easier then in the beginning. The bedtime routine has gone from 4 hours of straight crying as if I were hiding a monster in the closet to a more gentile routine of rocking, feeding a bottle and holding. I look forward to bedtime now because we both enjoy the cuddling and rocking that has become part of our routine. Food is still a bit of a struggle but we are working on that too.

So my vacation you ask? I try to find something positive even when I am accused of not trying so here it is. My vacation is booked. Well at least my vacation house is booked. Destination is Ft Meyers, FL for the last week of May. The house that I have rented is 3 bedroom, 3 bathrooms, 4 cottages from the beach with an in ground heated pool. Jaime, Greg, Hans, Jillian and Jimmy are coming with me after all I really can only sleep in one bed at a time. The cost was reasonable only 1050 dollars with a 200 dollar deposit.

For today we plan to drive but I am still hoping for cheap I mean really really dirt cheap airline tickets. After all a girl can dream right. From what I understand the beaches there are beautiful and the water should be warm. Who can't smile when the sun shines down on you?

Anna's first date...I mean the first time we met Stacy and Aidan

So I have been teasing Gerard that I am glad we got to meet Aidan and his parents before they started dating more seriously. Stacy and Aidan met us on Friday for dinner at an Irish restaurant, the food was good and the company even better. Aidan I will have you know is quite the gentleman. He likes to start things off by holding the door for his Mother. Now that gets points in my book. He wanted to know what Anna would be eating so that the order was right. He even clarified 'Will Anna be having cheese on her Mac & Cheese or no cheese?' By far however the smoothest move he had for their date was asking the waitress for a new spoon when she dropped hers on the floor and that was after she lost the green play doh behind the booth.

The evening was wonderful and I was sad to see it end. I think it is so nice to be able to talk with someone who really understands the struggles that we face in day to day life. When you parent a child who has not had the benefit of being in a loving home without a Mommy and Daddy things are different. I find myself trying to make others understand the subtle differences but it is just not possible.

I was so excited to meet them that neither of us got our cameras out to get any pictures.

The Zoo

I have so much to say so I plan on breaking down our vacation into 3 sections. First was the Zoo. In Washington D.C. there is a beautiful zoo that is free. The parking on the other hand is not but with little effort we were able to find a spot on the street and walked a couple of blocks to the zoo. The weather was perfect so I really enjoyed pushing her in her stroller.

Once we got to the zoo it was all down hill from there. I mean literately down hill. Gerard and I joked about pushing the stroller up hill the entire way out of the zoo. Anna had no clue where we were even though we had been practicing her animal sounds most of the ride to Washington. The first animal she saw was a zebra. No big deal she looked over and did not seem impressed. I think she was more annoyed because I have no idea what kind of sound a zebra makes so on to the next stop.

The elephants on the other hand were a blast. At first she looked at them blinked and then wanted out of that stroller as fast as possible. You have to love the elephants because they seem so gentle. If it were up to Anna she would have been riding one but they do have rules at the zoo.



Next stop was the ape house. To me this was some what sad. I work behind a large glass wall and there is nothing more annoying for me as when someone taps on the glass. Anna did enjoy watching the one ape sleep on a hammock so I am thinking we might need one for the backyard, not an ape a hammock.


On our way to see the lions and tigers we noticed these large cables overhead then suddenly I noticed two orangatangs on the cables. Part of their daily routine is walking above the crowd to get from one building to another building on these cables. This was very cool and made me feel a touch better about the ape house.



The loins and tigers were beautiful. Anna really enjoyed them I think. Even today she was doing her impression of a loin when she corner a baby bunny in the backyard. Have no fear I did not let her eat the little bunny like a lion would.


I think the animal that Anna enjoyed the most was the bear. Okay it was not alive but she still enjoyed it just the same.

Our First Family Vacation

Well this is the first time that Anna slept in a bed that was not her own since we came home from Russia so I was a bit worried. When we checked into the hotel (Thank you Priceline for a beautiful hotel for under 40 dollars) we went to the room she checked it out and then wanted out ASAP. Who knew sitting in a hotel lobby would be so much fun. She laughed, giggled and tried them all out. Once we were back in the room she settled down and was asleep in about 10 minutes unlike Gerard.
We made it in one piece. Almost no tears on the ride. The drive took us a little over 4 hours. This is the longest drive she has made since we have gotten home. I guess we are going to have a lot of first on this vacation. Really this was a bit of a test for our up coming Florida vacation. I am still unsure if we will be driving. I guess I will wait to see what the trip home is like. You should have seen her face when I pulled out the portable DVD player.

Okay here is the funny part, we always are stuck next to the people who talk really loud or watch TV all night long. I laid there in the bed listening to the man talk and talk and talk. Honestly I could have gotten past the talking but I did not want to draw attention to it in the hopes Gerard was already asleep. No dice! he finally sat up and said "Why are we always next to the loud people?" Now please understand we both started to laugh but that is not the end. He rooled over to realize that some tiny little elf hd turned on the clock radio very low...hmmm I wonder who that was? We laughed even loud and he swears that I put her up to it but I swear I did not.

We are off to the Zoo and are about 5 minutes away now. Guess who decided to take a nap? You guessed it Anna is fast asleep. More to come.

This morning I prepare...We are the truth!

Picture of Anna watching the squirrels in the backyard

The list of things I have to do this morning is long. I still have to complete my taxes. I only started them the other day but only got as far as putting my name into the boxes. I still have to pack for our trip to Washington D.C. As far as the taxes go I did figure out why I have been procrastinating.

Will I get a return you ask? Yup, a big return is coming my way. I have now about the return that I would receive for a while now so why wait? The cost of Anna's adoption that is why. The adoption is paid in full with the exception of a few expenses for the traveling left on a credit card to pay off.

Here is the truth. Even though I have a ballpark figure of what the legal portion of Anna's adoption cost I do not have an exact figure. Here is why. I never wanted or could put a price tag on Anna. She is a person, my little banana, my little love. Her smile has made me smile more then the money could have ever made me smile.

Now before anyone starts the conversation about why does it cost so much I want to say I do believe that many of these fees go toward the orphanage for the care of the children. Did I donate to the orphanage after Anna's adoption was complete...Yes but only after the court said she was legally my daughter. I also feel like some one did that before I did and that Anna benefited from their donations.

I am sure that many who follow Russian adoption know that adoptions between Russia and the United States have been suspended as a direct result of the little boy who was returned with a note to Russia alone. I will not judge this woman here because that is not my job. I will say this act has caused harm to a little boy and that makes me very sad actually angry. I understand why every Russian is angry about this case because I am too.

I will only pray for her that she sees the damage that she has done to this little boy. Resources are available to those who feel their adoption is not a good fit.I believe that had she reached out to anyone who has adopted from Russia they would have helped her to find the best way to dissolve her adoption with the least amount of trauma to this boy. I will also go on record to say I would have helped them. I also do not think this case is a good representation of Russian adoption.

Many children will miss out on the opportunity of being adopted and having a loving home because of this act. Some may think children from Russia are too damaged to be in a loving family or because of this ban they will choose a different country or worst yet never consider adoption as an alternative.

Dear Russia...

About two weeks ago I really started to think about those who made my adoption of Anna possible. The Judge, Prosecutor, Social Worker and Orphanage Director were at the top of my list. I guess I was just thinking about the questions I was asked during the court proceedings and how many of the answers just came from my heart.

My court hearing was longer then most. My between trips was also longer then most who adopt from Russia. My broken arm had been a major set back to my case actually more of a set back then I had even thought. After I was in the region for my court hearing I had found out that there were two different Judges who heard adoption cases. The regional representative told me she had been waiting for this one judge who was more accepting of international adoption.

Americans adopting Russian child is a sore spot for many in Russia. The thought of the children of Russia not learning about their heritage and culture in painful for the people of Russia even though there are a large number of children in Russia who do not have parents to care for them. I am not sure if the people I mentioned above receive a copy of my Post Placement reports or get the chance to see the pictures that I sent along.

Which is the reason why two weeks ago I had decided I will write to them and send off a few pictures. I had composed a letter with a brief update and getting around to printing up the pictures. I have an acquaintance at work who is Russian and has agreed to write the letter for me in Russian. I think now more then ever my letter to these officials is more important en light of the recent events where a young boy was sent back to Russia with a note asking to dissolve his adoption.

Had the shoe been on the other foot and the child sent to America after a Russian couple had adopted him I believe we as a country would be so angry that words would not be able to truly explain how we felt. So here is how my letter will read...

Dear Russia,

Anna Catherine is doing well. Anna is a very compassionate child who cares well for her babies and other stuffed animals. I believe that much of this behavior is a direct result of how she was cared for in Russia. She feeds them, changes their diapers and rocks them gently to sleep.

We enjoyed a winter that was very special this year because of the amount of snow fall at times we had close to 3 feet of snow in the front yard. I told her this is something that if she were in Russia she would see frequently.

Anna still enjoys Kefir every day here in the United States. I have also found that she enjoys fresh fruit the best, cheese is another one of her favorite things to eat. Anna will be attending an Easter party at the Russian Embassy this year because I feel that she must understand and learn about her homeland. Anna is Russian-American and she will know her Russian heritage.

I hope you find comfort in knowing that Anna is adjusting well. I hope you can see the sparkle in her eyes because you are the reason it is there.

Sincerely,
Joy

We have a new dog

When ever Anna has gone to Gerard's parents house the object of her affection is the dog. This time she was not leaving without her dog!

Stuff and things***Pictures added

Easter was wonderful! What a relief to have a holiday under my belt with the least amount of stress possible. I did have to work going into Easter as did Gerard but I made it home before she woke up. The funny thing is she milled around for close to 30minutes before she found her basket.





I will add pictures but I am doing this from my phone. Today is an NYC day for my Mom. She actually qualified to be in a research study because her lung cancer had a mutation within the genes. MSK is working on a vaccine for her type of lung cancer that is still in the early stages but one that shows quite a bit of promise. So we will have a number of trips to NYC in the next couple of weeks and than some over the next 3 years. She has one more surgery hopefully for early June.

Wow I am so off topic. Yesterday I was playing with Anna and just felt so relaxed. This is the first time I have felt so relaxed in the couple of months. We played outside then I did a quick pick up around the house because yesterday was also Anna's first speech therapy session.

I think the session went very well. Anna plays well when you are able to hold her attention. I am very happy with the personality of the therapist so I think the three of us are a good match. Anna has about 10 words but she mimics me and others so the therapist believes that she will progress fast.

I had scheduled an appointment to get Anna's pictures done for Easter in her dress. We took the illegal daycare or IDC as Gerard refers to us to the mall. Yup we took 5 kids to the mall. It seems as if we are really traveling in packs lately. So much so that I do see a bigger car in my future. I knew I should gone with the 7 passenger SUV.







We got the whole way to the mall to figure out that I had forgot her dress at home. So her Easter pictures were not what I had expected them to be but they did turn out cute anyway. I will schedule another session. I tried to buy another dress but I just knew I would not be happy so better to wait.