I think the agency talk went well even though the answers that I got were not what I wanted to hear. No referral is expected until February 2009! Of course this is not want I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear my coordinator say something like "I was just looking for your number" or "I hope your near a computer so that you can look at this information about your referral" I cried when she told me not to expect to hear anything soon. This marks the third time I have cried about this adoption.
I find it interesting that each time I speak to my coordinator she does not seem to get that I was quoted time frames that were much shorter. I think that I was finally able to get her to understand so hopefully she will be more consistent and compassionate when we talk.
I have a need to look for something positive in some of the worst situations. I know that I must wait until my child is ready to find me and this is hard. I am sure that once the match is made I would never have wanted things to be different but just getting to that point is a challenge. I just wish I understood why I have been chosen to wait? I know that it is not for me to understand and that the reason will be revealed to me one day. I really do not want this to sound like I am whining about "my turn" but I guess it does. I know that there are much worst things that could occur besides waiting.
Monday night I was in a pretty negative state of mind about the whole adoption. I started to think that maybe I am trying to force myself down a road that I am not suppose to travel down. I started to second guess my choice of agencies. How could I pick 2 duds in a row?? When you switch from one agency to another you are suppose to get the better agency the second time around. Am I not reading the signs or following the path that is planned for me? I was seriously considering putting everything on hold. I know that is hard to say, think or believe that I even want to not become a mother but I really am considering this.
I look around and think I have a great life. I have worries don't get me wrong but many of my worries are so inconsequential in the big picture of life. At first I thought that my referral was not coming because I was needed here in New Jersey and maybe that was the case.
Today I feel a like bit better about the situation. Unfortunately changing agencies which would be my first choice is out of the question because of the financial hit that I would take by changing agencies. My entire dossier is due to be updated on January 11, 2009. I will be busy getting much of this together in the next couple of weeks.
So here is my lame attempt to find as many positive things as I can about waiting:
1. If I get the referral in February I will be able to experience Russia is the dead middle of winter. This may not sound positive but I like the adventure of it.
2. My second trip will be closer to spring or early summer so hopefully Russia will be less cold when I have a child in tow.
3. I will be on maternity leave during the best time of the year for New Jersey the summer!! (That thought is one that is keeping me positive)
4. I will have a boat load of vacation time saved.
5. By far this is the most POSITIVE thing that I have learned about this whole process and wait. New Jersey has passed legislation that will entitle me to PAID leave from the state of New Jersey for 6 weeks of my 12 weeks of family leave as of July 1, 2009!!!!! That means that I will not have to use all my vacation time for family leave.
So my new quest is find out as much information as I can about the paid Family Leave for New Jersey. I do know that adoption does qualify me. I will just need to understand the time frame better.
So as for today my main focus is to try and find a car. I am toying around with a couple of different models and options still. I plan on test driving every car that was mentioned in my previous post.
To date I have test drove:
Jeep Patriot
Jeep Liberty
Jeep Grand Cherokee
Jeep Commander (Honestly I just love this name)
Jeep Compass
Nissan Murano
Ford Escape
Ford Freestyle
Mazda 5
Honda Pilot
Chrysler Pacifica
But think I may surprise everyone and buy a 2 seat convertible. You all know what will happen I will get "the call" before I leave the dealership but after I have signed all the paper work.
School Days - November 2023
11 months ago
19 comments:
That's great about the New Jersey legislation!!!
buy a 2-seater car. as soon as you do the referral call will come!:) the waiting is the most miserable part! :( (HUGS)
Hi Joy,
I have been thinking and wondering if you got a chance to talk with anyone. Hoping the news would be positive. Also thought they would say "just tried to reach you" having a referral to share. Waiting is so hard!!! Thanks for the update.
Have you seen the Toyota Matrix, it is real cute. Just rode in a white with darker leather one that was nice and roomy.
Joy - hang in there - it will happen I know it - I know that good things will happen for you and for A,J & O! I just know it!
You are in my prayers!
Good luck with the car - I say the commander!
hey there joyful
we have 2 cars, we have a honda element which with dogs and babies is FANTASTIC! because you can literally open all the doors and hose that bad boy down, seats dash and all. We use that for our surf-beach mobile, as well as the dogs around town car.
we also have a saturn outlook which when you stack our babies stuff, dogs, trip stuff, we fit great, and its fantastic on gas mileage. and its gotta sunroof :)
its good stuff for for dogs, kids, etc.
Oh Joy, Hang in there! I know February seems like an eternity away, but only 2 months. Once the holidays go by, time will just fly! Maybe you will get the call sooner than you think. I am praying for that for you - Hang in there! I think I can honestly say I do know how you feel, though.
Good luck with the car hunting and enjoy the holiday season.
Be well...Teresa
Sorry to hear that you will have to wait until February for a referral. I know how long you've waited for news. Don't give up....God has a plan and I promise it makes more sense on the completed side of your adoption.
Great news of the maternity leave. Fantastic.
I'm excited to hear about your car choice. Love the convertible idea, but I know you'll be more practical like the rest of us!
Only the 3rd time you've cried! Wow you're strong. :-)
Whine all you want about the wait. We all have! Don't give up. I know Feb seems very far away but it's really not. It's only 9 weeks away. Make a big calendar and mark off the days as you wait. Celebrate each week that you are closer to your little one. They might be overly cautious in this time frame since they have told you shorter before. Maybe you'll get a call sooner then Feb.
Why would you change agencies?
Cool news about NJ passing that. That's a great perk. Although I hope you're home before then with your little one.
Sadly, I have two coworkers who both bought a Jeep Liberty and neither is at all happy with 'em.
Although it only seats 4, the Honda Element is awesome! We've had ours for 5 years now and it's still going strong!
Joy, I want very much to be supportive and I really do admire your fortitude & positive outlook, but I've gotta tell ya, the runaround you get each time you talk to your agency sure sounds very, very much like the nonsense we were getting with our first agency... I know that February isn't that far off, but -IF- your agency is playing the same games ours was, February could go and go and still no call.
I know this probably sounds awfully pushy & presumptuous, but it's not my intention to tell you what to do. Just consider whether you can continue to have faith in the people you're dealing with. If you can, then that's great. But if you've lost all faith that this company is truly looking out for your best interests, then please consider whether you want to continue doing business with them.
I hope I'm not coming across as some kind of know-it-all jerk, because I'd be the very first to admit that I don't, in fact, know it all. I only offer this because we've been there and understand how rotten this feels. You're in our thoughts & prayers!
Joy,
I found your blog through Adrienne's of course, and have been checking it out from time to time because I saw that you are with Adoption Associates. I was thinking it was AAI in Michigan. Am I right? We adopted our son with AAI last year and the wait at that time for a referral was very short, but we're thinking of adopting again and have been told the wait could be 12 months or longer. I do sympathize though because I know from experience that once you are ready to adopt you want it to be fast. I think it all goes at the pace it was meant to go at so that you can be referred the child that was meant to be yours. It sounds silly, and my friend that had adopted before me used to say that and I thought, "What a bunch of crap." But having been through it now I can honestly say the same. We were actually referred a sibling group for which we travelled to meet and after meeting the children it turned out not to work, and we had some very difficult days in Russian wondering what to do when we were referred our son while there, as sort of a concession, and ever since then I have felt like the firtst referral didn't work out because we were meant to meet our son. Sounds silly, I know, but you'll see what I mean!! I'll be thinking of you and praying it all works out as it should!
Dropping in from TX :) I am sorry the wait is so long and seems daunting, I do think a nice summer vacation would be awesome though. And YAY on the legislation for NJ, that is great.
I owned a Jeep Liberty when I first adopted my son (newborn) and I got rid of it as soon as I possibly could, it was tough getting carseat/buckling him in the car seat in the Liberty and I also had some sliding issues on wet pavement that I have never had with another SUV. I got a Honda Element and we love it. Easy to clean, great for kids so long as you only have 1-2 cause the backseat only holds 2. GL with the referral and with the car
Jen
I think the waiting is the worst part of this whole adoption journey. Mike and I were very blessed with a somewhat quick referral. Our dossier was placed in late March and we received our referral in June (after the Russian elections for president held things up a bit). However, in Ekat, you get a quicker referral but the wait inbetween trips is longer. This has been very difficult. Going on 6 months now since we first saw Colby, I am getting emotionally drained from the whole thing. But, we will both get through this. When it is time, we will get the calls we are waiting for. I guess we need to be... patient (which I'm not!).
Melissa
Just think, the weather will be warmer in between your two trips and you can do some gardening to pass the time!! Way better than staring out the window at snow and ice. . .that's what I did! It will happen. . .
You are doing the right thing looking for all the positives and you know if you buy a two seater the call will come!!
I'm sure once you finally get your call it will be the best match you could possibly immagine! I'll keep you in my prayers. In the mean-time get the 2 seater convertible!
I love our Honda CRV!!! Love it!
Patience is so hard!! But Feb 2009 is not all that far away!! I know when we were in the (adoption) waiting pool, that it seemed like we were there forever...
I believe Lighthouse adoptions in Ann Arbor, MI does not have a wait for baby boy referrals. You have waited a long time!
We are waiting with Lighthouse, but for a baby girl in a specific region and we have some requests that are making our wait longer too.
BTW, I have a Honda Pilot and I LOVE it.
Checking in from California . . .
I had a bad agency and a quick adoption the first go around and a great agency and a slow adoption the second. Russia is tough and it's hard to know if it's the agency or the Country. I think it has a lot to do with what regions they're working in more than anything.
Good luck - be persistent and stay on course - your day will come!!
Hang in there... I hate you didn't get the news you'd hoped to hear. But you have a wonderful perspective in things! As a sidenote, I drive a jeep commander and love it!!
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