My first call from home

Nights like this make me want to stop working and live in a tent. Although I bet that is expensive too. Don't get me wrong I do not mind working and I like my job but Anna is having a hard time tonight. In honesty she has had a hard time for the last couple of days.

I believe that in the area of attachment we are doing well but there are times when I wonder if what I am seeing is an honest picture or perhaps just what I want to see. For the last two days Anna has not wanted me to be out of her sight. I know that sounds like no big deal but that in conjuction with the fact that she is now bringing me the baby sling to wear and carry her makes me think she is having some anxiety.

Today she sat on my lap most of the day while I organized a few things. Also in the past two days her eating has tappered off again. Today she only wanted bottles. This afternoon when she was playing she started to act like a baby again laying on the floor and fake crying. My heart melts each time this happens because she looks to see if I am coming and then when she sees me or hears me coming she cries even louder. I make a big deal when she does this by scoping her up, rocking her and giving her a bottle. I start to tell her that I love her and that I will always be there for her.

I am working tonight and my heart is breaking because even though she fell asleep at her regular time Gerard just called to say she has been up three times. He got nervous because she has never done this before for him. I know as you read this you are saying "why did he call you?"

I know he called because he got scared that she was not okay. Apparently, she is waking up frantically looking for me. What I believe he is describing is night terrors. She has only done this once before and I was home. I told him to just stay near her and that this will pass.

Oh man this is the part that I really dislike. I have six more hours of work. I will be holding, rocking and feeding babies all night. Soothing their cries and the one who needs me most is home struggling without me.

I need to re-evaluate working or at least re-evaluate working three night a week. Please say a prayer that the worst of the night is over and that she will sleep like a log for the rest of the night.