Last thoughts

The other day when I was reading some negative comments my first thought was I will limit who can comment. This morning after reading some "well" meaning observations about a relationship that very few have even a timble full of knowledge about I am thinking I might stop blogging all together. I plan to think about this a lot over the next week. Before I pull the plug on this blog there were still a few things that I wanted to say.
According to the 2010 census statistics, if Gerard and I had married the likelihood that we would be divorced today is 44%. That is a pretty high number of divorces in my opinion. No one ever marries with the intension of divorcing but this is a real concern that many my age are facing.

According to this article approximately 30-60% of marriages have experienced infidelity. Also according to this article men are more likely to cheat at the rate of 50%.
I choose this last web site because the research is well documented on the reference page.

I did not write in a general manner when I said that I was waiting for the cream to rise to the top in terms of Gerard. I would say that more then 75% of what I wrote about was how I thought Gerard was a good Father so I ask before you misquote me please stop and read it again. Anna may be 3 years old but we have only had the pleasure of her company for a little over a year. We needed to change who we are and our own roles to accommodate her needs above our own. I think this takes time to do and does not happen overnight.

I also said…
Bad fathers or mothers will show themselves in time they do not need others to point them out. What does that mean? I think today it is easy to say that someone does not do things as well as another without being able to look at the things that this person is doing right.

My experience is that most men are not good playmates with their children. My experience is that most men are not nice to their wives whether their wives are being mean or nice. My experience is that most divorces end in a very ugly manner where children must make a choice between their father and their mother. My experience is that when these children are forced to make the choice between their fathers or their mothers that this affects them for the rest of their lives, every birthday, holiday…every happy or sad moment that child has for the rest of their lives. My experience has been that not all men are nice or kind to their children or their wives. I have seen families torn apart.

Everyday when Gerard walks through the door he smiles no matter how difficult of a day he has had. I do not try to highlight that I am not married on my blog but if I am asked I will not lie…if you read the comments I was asked. I am more comfortable today then I have ever been with not being married.

As far as the loss of my dreams it is this simple. I will never be pregnant. I will never get the opportunity to go into labor be rushed to the hospital by Gerard and birth a child. I missed close to 23 months of Anna’s life; I do not even have a picture of her from when she was first born. I will never feel a baby grow inside me. I will never breast feed even though I help woman who pretend to want to breast all night long then blame nurses for not showing them hold to do it.

My Father will never walk me down the aisle at my wedding. After being engaged for as long as I have been I would never consider a large elaborate wedding, dress, flowers or photographs. I will never be able to justify spending money that could be saved for Anna's college education on something like a wedding for me and my pleasure. I will never be able to tell anyone that I am married and their response is anything other then “finally.”

I have had a hand in the loss of some of these dreams. I take full responsibility for the loss of some of my dreams. I am pretty sure I never have never complained about not being married on this blog. I also do my best to see what God’s plan is for me. On more then one occasion I have done my best to support my family and friends who are having difficult patches in their relationship. I have also encouraged all but one to try and work out their differences.

I am however berated on almost a weekly basis by someone who thinks I should be married or be angry at Gerard because we are not married. I think there are many people who like to be mean spirited and who like to judge another. I also think that there are people who like to make others cry. I do not value my friends based on their marital status. I value you them based on whether they are caring towards me and others.

I will no longer write about this topic and quite frankly I am strongly considering not continuing this blog at all because I think it perhaps may have become unhealthy. I only wrote about something I thought was funny. I really do not care if Gerard never changes a diaper that is not important to me. I am pretty sure I would not like it if he wanted to be in charge of the cleaning, cooking or shopping. I wish is was 1952 for a lot of reasons.

When I started my adoption journey I did not have many people who were happy for me. Life can be cruel at times and I guess this is just one of those moments. Perhaps I should have just ignored Rob’s comments. When I started this blog I guess I thought if readers did not like it or me that they would move on to something they did enjoy. I am pretty sure I have never been so judgemental in a comment I have left for others. I always sign my name at the end of my comments.

Ms. Elaine you have always been very kind and supportive. Please email me privately I will share with you the unpublished parts of my story if you like. I can see where you may have some questions or confusion that perhaps I can clear up or maybe not. You have had the courage to leave your name with your comments and for that I am grateful. You can find my email address under my complete profile on the right hand side. I think of you for some reason every time I put a smocked dress on Anna and they are all happy thoughts.