"No I am not ready!!!"
Okay this is what I heard last night when I was at work. Oh and the laughs that it produced were heard most of the night. Now please understand Gerard and I have always had an agreement that he would not have to change a diaper. At times was this annoying...Yes. Have I taking quite a bit of ribbing from my friends over this...Yup. Try to understand, Gerard lives in 1952 in some respects and diaper changing is one of them. I still laugh when I think about this post.
When we decided to adopt the funny thing is most people want a very young child, Gerard was actually happy that Anna was a little bit older. In all our years I am pretty sure the only baby he has held was Joy Babe my niece and only because I was taking some thing out of the oven and she kept crawling to me.
Well last night was a work night for me. As usual I changed Anna put her into her PJs right before I left for work. La-La usually comes over does another diaper change at about 8 pm okay yes it is only about 1.5 hours after I have changed her but this has always made him feel better. Kind of a safety net for him that yes even though Anna has been home a year he still feels like he needs. Trial by fire I say is not always a bad method.
So around 10 pm I got a call at work. He is how the conversation went:
Me: "What's wrong?" That is the way to stay positive...hmmm I should probably change that response.
Gerard: "Oh nothing we are just waiting for La-la so we can go to bed."
Me: "Anna is still awake?"
Gerard: "No, she is asleep but La-La is coming to get her ready for bed soon."
Me: "What time did she fall asleep?"
Gerard: "About 8 pm"
See here is the funny part PJs were on, Anna was fed, bath was done...oh and in my opinion the hardest part was done...she was ASLEEP!
I told him not only was she ready for bed but she was already in bed asleep and the hard part was over. He assured me La-La would be there soon and she would help him get her ready for bed. I laughed said okay and hung up the phone.
About 30 minutes later the call came through again.
Gerard: "I don't think she is coming...what am I going to do?" insert a little bit of panic in his voice.
Now in all honesty Anna has been going to bed dry and usually wakes up dry. She refuses to use the potty in the morning and at times still "holds it" for up to 30 minutes. I assured him that every thing would be okay called ended and the bets on how many more phone calls I would get was made plus a few little giggles from my friends.
To answer your question only 4 more calls. This morning he packed things up and knocked on my Mother's door bright and early and I do mean bright and early. He told her I would be late from work and Anna NEEDED a bath.
School Days - November 2023
11 months ago
8 comments:
Not to detract from the humor of this post, but - and with all due respect - I've just gotta say this...
Ward Cleaver is dead.
Men (in general) need to climb down off their high horses, get up off their asses, and start working. I do almost exclusively do the household laundry, cook meals, scrub bathrooms, vacuum carpets, and help keep the kitchen clean. I usually handle the evening bath / teethbrushing / reading / bedtime routine. And I'm almost always the person with the "get everybody up, fed, and out the door" responsibilities in the mornings.
I'm not boasting. I'm just doing my share. We're a family, not a monarchy. We live in a house, not a hotel.
Sure, you've got to do whatever works for you and try to keep some peace in your home, but there are limits.
I agree with Rob. I can't imagine a man these days who wouldn't change their own child's diaper. It's silly. My husband is actually better at dealing with puke than I am.
Joy I so enjoy your blog so I wanted to leave a comment and say thank you :) Ana is adorable! I do have a question because this post touches on something a few other single adopters have told me (and it really isn't a judgement, it's a question). One thing I've noticed from speaking to other single adopters, is the ones who were in a relationship where he didn't adopt the child too but they had been together for a long time and/or lived together when she went through the adoption process, well every single one of those adopters said that looking back he didn't feel like the father (and in the end they broke up). On the single mothers group I'm in, there must have been about 15 people who had this experience, they were not married (obviously) and most said they "felt" like they were adopting together, but, they said looking back (they all broke up, but 1) he really wasn't acting/feeling/being a father, there was a difference, more like a step child he loved than his child. I'm not saying this is what your family is like, but do you think when a couple has to adopt as a single (aka unmarried) it lends itself to a difference and that is one of the reasons for a man holding back on embracing fatherhood?
BTW You should take Gerard to see the movie Life As We Know It - it deals with a new father (he inherits a baby) learning to deal with diapers! LOL
With all due respect, this is the most ridiculous post I have seen! My gosh, he lives in the same house, you parent Ana together, but yet he has to have someone physically drive over to your house to change a diaper and put her to bed???! That is absolutely archaic! What is he? A house guest? My goodness, you could do so much better and Ana deserves a real father who participates in every aspect of her life.
It seems to me as if most people wouldn't change diapers if they had their choice. Gerard seems to be a normal father. Just think, in the whole scheme of life, diaper changing is such a small period of time. Anna is never going to remember who changed her diapers, nor will she care. I see where it would be more difficult to start with a 1.5 year old that you have never met. Especially as a man. No telling how he was raised, and what went on. It seems to me as if he opening up to fatherhood just right...at his own pace!!
WOW people are really judgemental ... WOW! I am sorry! I love your blog, have been reading it for awhile now and really if it works for YOU then it works for you! My husband does change diapers, but there are other things he doesn't and guess what IT WORKS! Old, New, Young or remade WHO CARES ... this is how it works for you and that is all that matters! She wont be in diapers forever!
and to all of the haters SHAME on you ... he is a working, hands on dad (minus the diapers) and he loves them both with all his heart ... and I am guess your relationships are perfect?! Really?!!
Thanks for sharing YOU the real YOU and keep writting!
I'd like to emphasize that I'm leveling my criticism at men in general. Long before I was a Dad, I was an equal participant in my household. There's NOTHING - certainly not gender - that entitles people to expect or demand servitude from others.
Having seen my single Mom work 2, sometimes 3 jobs and scrub floors on her knees and I'll be danged if I'm going to pretend or protest that I'm too good to do the same. I won't accept that mindset from my son either.
Even at 4, he joins right in on household upkeep like sweeping floors, dusting, shuttling laundry and loading the washing machine and he doesn't consider these chores - they're opportunities to participate in family activities.
But again, I understand that some battles may not feel worth fighting and sometimes it can be worth taking a disproportionate share of the load just to keep peace with your spouse - be that husband or wife.
Thank God I didn't give up on my husband just because he wasn't a "Rob" at first!!!
YEAH Rob!!! It is a shame there are not more "Rob's" out there....
reality is, there are more "Gerards".....and MY "Gerard", grew into a "Rob"....
but even before he did, I recognized that we all lead a life that works for us.... maybe my reality wouldn't have worked for Rob, but it did work for my children, and that is really all that counts!
Kelly K
kellyk1991@LIVE.COM
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