How Many Times Have You Done This??

I was in a large warehouse store yesterday waiting line for the deli for some lunch meat to put Dottie's antibiotics in that would cover the fact that I was giving her a big fat pill. Yes she is sick again! So we are doing another course of antibiotics. Some times I think it is jsut me.

Anyway there was a woman there with her 3 little boys age 6, 4 and 1.5 years old. Okay I love kids so I was watching them out of the corner of my eye. The 6 year old was walking around with the Father, the 4 year old was looking a video game he was getting and the 1.5 year old was crying. The Mother was looking at her list and trying to figure out what she was missing.

I started to look at the 1.5 year old and thought one day this could be me. This baby was trying desperately to engage his Mother. I could not help myself so I winked at him and then made a funny face. Instantly, he stopped crying and started to laugh at me. This went on for another couple of minutes. The little man was testing out a version of hide and seek by hiding behind his brother in the cart. Every time I would wink at him and make a funny face.

The Mother noticed he had stopped crying. She started to touch him lovingly and also started to engage with him. By no means do I think this little man was not loved by both of his parents. I am also not telling this story because I think this situation will never happen to me. I just think that it is neat the way a child will look to engage with an adult.

If I were not in the middle of an adoption would I have still played this game with this little one the answer is yes. Would I have known the importance of this little guy's behavior in the attachment process to his care giver? The answer is no.

School is Back in Session

My three week break is now over. I am back in school. I think the break did me some good. After this class I will only have one more to go and that BSN is mine!! Yeah for me. I think I will take the last class right after this one. So you ask what does that mean for everyone who has a blog that I read?? Good question. That means I will be blog stalking frequently.

Since I go to school online I like to decompress a little every now and again by reading up on my blogger friends. This is much cheaper then shopping on Ebay like I used to do. So gear up everyone I would like to see plenty of pictures and read lots of posts. Okay I know that sounds a bit demanding especially since most of you are newly home with your little ones. Really I am just kidding.

I had hoped to post some new pictures of Dottie taken by my new camera but I want to read the directions over carefully. So that I know just exactly what I am doing. Plus I did purchase the print shop programs so I hope to put a little something together.

In other exciting non-adoption news I just turned off my heat last week and today we needed the A/C. Sorry Gerard you will have to just sweat it out. Signing out for now!

The Differences Between Mommy's and Daddy's

I can say that I have dreamt about the day I will have a child for many years. I am quite outspoken and many people who know me well know that I am not the shy one. Gerard is so the opposite of me that it is not even funny. He is not much of a talker.

Over the past couple of years I have told him all about the things that I want to do once the little one comes to us. I find it very interesting the differences between us. I have always known that we are extremely different and yesterday was no exception.

I do not like to brag about him because he thinks it sounds fake and that drives him crazy but oh well! Gerard and I (or mostly me) have decided that I need another camera. One that is able to capture those quick moments that can happen when you have a child. Okay I would love to be a photographer and I really am minus the creativity and the talent but anyway. Gerard and I went out yesterday to buy another camera. I ended up with a very fancy Sony alpha 200 SLR. He hates to have his picture taken but does love to take them (mostly because he always has a five o'clock shadow 24/7).

Sorry I am off the topic. I met Gerard after work at Circuit City to look at cameras. I called him once I got into the parking lot and guess where he was? You guessed it at Sports Authority in the fishing gear aisle. He loves to fish I remember when we were younger we would go fishing all weekend. Then we grew up and the fishing trips have become less frequent. I think only 2 times last year. Sad how life interferes with fun.

I was a bit surprised to see him looking at the poles and reels because we actually have no fake a 100 set ups. But I just watched as he was picking them up and testing them out. These were not the type that he usually buys so now I am confused. That is when he looked at me and said "I have to make sure the little one gets a nice pole and reel. I think we will be doing a lot more fishing soon. I want to make sure that he has the right stuff."

I thought I was going to cry. He may not always speak his mind but he was so sincere. I think about the snuggling and the playing that I will want to do with the little one in addition to the conversations that I will have about everything. Gerard is thinking about how he wants to build other happy memories that are completely different from the memories that I will build with him. Just amazing!

What an Exciting Day!!

Okay not really! Made you look! I am a little silly today. What is exciting is this is my 100th post. I just can not believe that I have taken the time to some what document my adoption experience. I have had diaries or journals in the past but I have never really gotten past the first couple of entries. In my mind this blog first started out as a way for me to express my feelings about the adoption that perhaps my family or friends may not understand but has grown into some thing much larger.

At first I thought this would be a great way for our family and friends to read about where we are in the adoption process but honestly I think only one or two family members (Jilliebean) have actually looked at the blog. Answering questions about the adoption and the process can be a bit grueling. I know that many times when I am faced with some one who is questioning the process or has decided to be the "Devil's advocate" it is because that person may not fully understand what this adoption means to me or they do not understand the steps that I must take to become a mother.

I have faced family or friends that think they know everything about the process and have tried to "help" me by giving their opinion. Here are a few things that were suggested that I think are really funny.

"Just tell them you want to make one trip. It will easier for you."--Fine with me!

"Just tell them you have already been fingerprinted for your nursing licence."--Sure!

"Why don't you plan on traveling on this week because that week would be too expensive."--That is definitely better you are right!

"I think you could do this adoption for about $20,000 total. Why don't you shop around some more."--I figure that will just about cover my cost to travel!

Honestly, Gerard was very leery about me blogging about our adoption. We had talked about the things that we would allow on the blog and the things that we would not put on the blog. For the most part I have followed our initial ground rules with a few exceptions. The most important rule that we set was that we wanted to use this as a tool for me to remain positive. Know that is very different then only posting positive things. Tricky how I worded that!

I am not going to say that we have been overwhelmed with positive feedback from every family member or friend. What I am going to say is that I am using the power of blogging to work through those thoughts or perceptions so that the end result is a happy positive outlook. By gosh it is working. Even thought I am waiting I am happy!! I am excited!!

So to what family members and friends who do read this blog I love you all. Please ask me about how things are going because I love to talk about the adoption. Actually I will talk your ears off if you let me. Life is great.

Gerard and I are known for just doing things. The talk of the family is that I will call someone to walk Dottie and I will already be in Russia. Well you all guessed it that IS what we are planning at least for the first trip. But because the only one who reads this blog lives in Washington state I think our secret is safe. We will see if I can keep a secret.

Thoughts about Traveling in the Winter

Okay the Kohls sucked me back in yet again. I got such a fabulous buy yesterday at Kohls. I am taking the wait in stride. As I was walking around Kohls I was thinking about how I really would love to travel to Russia when it is warmer because for me it would be easier but when I was thinking about this I did miss the thought of freezing in Russia.

Okay I know I am crazy but in my mind I had thought about the stories that I would share with my little one about how cold it felt until I was able to hold my little one. I imagined the pictures in my mind of snow covered roads and women in big fur hats. Again I know this may sound crazy but when I return to Russia for a visit with my little one I probably will not choose to travel in the winter.

I woke up today excited about this new possibility of wet snow boots and bundling up. After all I did buy 3 pairs of silk long johns. The thought of me traveling in the dead middle of winter really makes Gerard and my family laugh to the point of tears. Okay what you all do not know about us is that we do have a bit of a strange sense of humor. I think that if I travel in the summer time I might fell as though I have missed out.

With all that said if by chance the MOE is reading this because I know that they are because they love me and love to hear me rant about nothing I will gladly accept a referral now. I will just have to directions and travel to Russia is the dead middle of winter for a vacation.

Wow I really got off my train of thought. I was just going to tell you all that I went to Kohls and bought the little one snow boots for $3.49 so I got two pair. I would give you a picture but Gerard has borrowed my camera. I know you miss those photos of nothing.

Small Update-No Real News

Today I got the chance to speak to my new adoption coordinator. Our short talk was wonderful. I think it must be a requirement to perky and up beat when you are a coordinator. I imagine that each one of us may sound like we are at the end of our ropes at times.

She explained to me that part of the slow down is due to more Russian citizens adopting children. This type of wait I am okay with because I really would love to know that most of the children in the orphanage are becoming part of a family. My time will come.

Things that I will due while I wait:

1. Save more money
2. Save more PTO time
3. Finish my Baby quilt
4. Finish my BSN

So even though I have to wait and I do hate to wait I will be getting things done. I am definitely in the getting things done mode. Oh I almost forgot Last week I had the good fortune to be able to buy a bunch of baby gear from Gerard's mother's friend. We got a stroller, highchair, booster seat, car seat and a pack n play. I figure these will all be good at least as a second for the grandparent's houses.

My mother and Gerard's parents will in the same town as I do so I imagine there will be many times when we will be at one of their homes. So it is nice to not have to pack the car for just a couple of hours. I am worried about how I will incorporate my family into my child's life without causing anymore damage to the child and without hurting anyone's feeling. This is a delicate balance and one I am not looking forward to having to overcome.

Happy Mother's Day

I hope that everyone is having a wonderful Mother's Day! I had to work last night so I came home and caught a quick nap. Then we went to my sister's house for lunch with my family. We had dinner with Gerard's family. Now I am stuffed and exhausted! I hope that by this time next year I will have my little one home too!

Life is Full of Changes

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers for Dottie. She is back to her sparkly self. Which is what I love about her.

Well today marks 10 months of the adoption process. Honestly I have put worrying aside because first of all I pretty much know that I will not receive my referral until September 2008. The funny thing about me is that if I now their is a target date I am okay until that date comes. So I have just been plugging along. I have not had much anxiety over the whole adoption lately.

I think part of the reason why I have been so calm is because I know the things that are a constant or at least I thought I did like:

• Name of my agency


• Name of my coordinator


• Memorized the agency's address and my coordinator's telephone number


• That the Dossier is in Russia


• I have done all the paperwork that I can do (At least for now)


• I have the PTO time that I need to travel

I also know the things that are not constant or that are up in the air such as:

• Travel date


• Boy or girl


• Age of the child


• And so many other things that I can not even think of right now

So what has me a touch freaked well it is a little of email that I opened last night. Honestly in the grand scheme of things it is not a big deal. I would rate this on the trauma scale of 0-5 (five being the worst) as a -1. So what is the change my coordinator is being changed. I am feeling a touch abandoned because this is the second time that a coordinator has left me but I am going to pull on my big girl underpants and deal with it.

If you remember back a couple of weeks ago my coordinator's father died. Because I know what feelings go along with that type of news I have been worried about her even though I barely know her. I know that when my father died I needed to take off at least 3 weeks because I was so sad. The year that followed his death was equally challenging. So any time I hear of someone who has lost a parent my heart just goes out to them because I know how important the relationship between a parent and a child is no matter how old you are.

I am sure that those of you who have completed your families can really relate to what I am saying. Those of you who are waiting to either meet your baby or to pick him or her up really want that bond that you may have with your own parents.

So I totally understand that she needs to scale back to care for herself and her family because in the grand scheme of things your family is what is most important in this life not the other silly things. I would like to ask everyone to send up a prayer for Lisa that she is able to deal with all the emotions that she is feeling right now.

As for me I am still plugging along. I think I may even decide to rent that beach cottage that I wanted to rent this year in North Carolina. I love this cottage because it is one that allows dogs to come. The cottage has a fenced in yard and the price is right.

The Results are In and Life is Great!

The results are in and the news is wonderful. I dropped Dottie off at the Vet's office yesterday for her ultrasound. Of course I was praying for the best possible news and that is exactly what I got. Yeah for me and Dottie too!!

The ultrasound did uncover that Dottie has unusually small kidneys for her size. There does seem to be some changes to the kidneys and the liver that are a result of the aging process. NO EVIDENCE OF A MASS OR STONES!!

The ultrasound did uncover glomerulonephritis. This is an infection of the glomeruli or the filtering cells of the kidney. So the long and short of this is that Dottie has a severe kidney infection. The treatment is Clavamox which is the antibiotic that the doctor put her on last week. She will need to have another urine sample one week after the antibiotics are completed and more blood work in 3 months.

Dottie is back to her old self. Ask me how I know this well this morning around 5 am I could feel a breeze on my face. Then it was the tell tale tap on my shoulder. She woke me up to go to the bathroom and have a treat. Once my eyes opened up she ran around the bed barking at me. I am more then relieved. I am ecstatic. I am truly enjoying having our little Dottie back to normal.

Dottie's Ultrasound is Scheduled

Well the doctor's office called today and Dottie's Ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow at 2 pm. She has to be NPO or nothing by mouth until after the scan. I should have the results about 24 hours later.

Now on to why I think I may be crazy. Yesterday and today she is back to her old self. I can only hope and pray that this is not my imagination.

I spent the day cleaning the garage WOW did I have a ton of stuff. Well Gerard put up new cabinets so that we can get all the chemicals up and out of reach of little hands. Some days I just feel like I get so much done then there are other days well that I get nothing done.

I handed in my last assignment for this class. I have decided to take a break for the next 3 weeks so that I can get some of the things that I wanted to get done actually done. I think the break will due me good. I will only have 2 more classes then I am done.

Well I Got Dottie's Lab Results Back!

I like to think of my self as a realist. That is much different then being an optimist or a pessimist. So here it goes. Luckily I have been home for a couple of days and I think that has been good. One of the reasons why this was a good thing is because I have been able to watch Dottie more closely then usual. I also got a telephone call from the Veterinarian today. I knew that I was in for not such great news when he started with do you have time to talk.

I took a deep breath and told him yes of course I do. I true form he gave me all the good news first Liver profile was fine, negative for heart worms negative for diabetes. I was relieved and waiting for him to tell me that I was just crazy or are you sure she is peeing in the bed. That is when the other shoe dropped. Here is the run down Dottie is anemic he hemoglobin was 4 this was considerably lower then the last time she had blood work last year. Then he told me that it appears that she is in kidney failure her BUN is elevated to 55 normal would be below 35. The other kidney function test was the creatitine level which was also elevated 3.5, normal being less then 2. The urine sample revealed gross RBCs and 4+ protein neither of these should be in a normal urine sample. 7 pound weight loss. The key points that are leading to this NOT being a UTI or a kidney stone are the presence of the protein in the urine and the anemia.

I am a nurse and I have been for almost 16 years. I find it interesting how nurses in general tend to switch into automatic nurse mode when problems like this pop into our lives. I think this is a coping mechanism. I could sense in the Vet's voice that he had quite a bit more to say so I did struggle to a bit to remain an active listener. He started to tell me that Dalmatians tend to develop kidney stones (which I knew) then came the pause in his voice.

So I said are you trying to tell me that she might have a kidney mass? Well the answer was yes. We talked a bit more about her daily routine and the changes that I have seen. I think initially the Vet felt that I may have been a bit overboard because these changes are subtle and so new but now he feels that these changes are pretty significant.

So where do we stand now. Dottie has been started in an antibiotic for the next 10 days. In 2 weeks she will have an ultrasound of her complete abdomen. Actually Monday the office will call me to make the appointments. Last night she had another accident and 3 more today. Thank goodness for peepy pads.

My plan is to just sit next to her and be with her as much as possible. She is the type of dog that needs constant attention so that is what she will get (as if today is different then yesterday). As soon as the doctor's office can coordinate the ultrasound she will have it done I should have the results about 24 hours later. The one thing that does run through my mind is that kidney failure is not painful so I pray that if she does have a mass that she is not in pain which she does not appear to be in right now.

I am doing fine right now. Tonight we had the parents all 3 of them over for dinner and told them the news about Dottie. I did break down and cry twice but again I happen to be a realist and will do what ever is necessary to make her comfortable. I am hoping and praying for the best (UTI) and preparing for the worst.

Dottie had to pee in a cup

Okay today Dottie went to the see her doctor today. The poor thing is always a nervous wreck to go to see the doctor even though they are truly wonderful. Gerard had a puppy dog for about 15 years old named Bobo. He was an adorable little beagle. Gerard got Bobo when he was 9 years old. One of the funniest things that Gerard's Mother remembers is Gerard and his sister asking her if they could take Bobo to the priest for his baptism. The priest baptised him on the spot. Sorry I know I am off the subject back to Dottie.

See this Vet is the same Vet that Bobo went to see for all his 15 years. We completely trust this Vet and so when he said she needs to pee in a cup I told her what she had to do. One short walk and one small urine sample collected. In addition to the urine sample the doctor ordered some blood work too actually a full panel of tests: CBC, Chemistry profile and Thyroid panel. I will not know the results for a least a day or so.

The doctor does not think that she has a urinary track infection but he wants to make sure. The doctor thinks that maybe she just has an old bladder that is causing the leakage. So he ordered a prescription to help with the leaking urine and will call me in a day or two if she needs an antibiotic.

I felt sorry for Dottie after the doctor visit so I decided to take her to the beach. Well she ran around like there was nothing wrong. We spent about an hour at the beach while she invested gated everything. She has done nothing but sleep all evening. I guess the run did her some good.