Our Big News!

I feel so blessed. At times I think my reaction to events in my life are totally in God's hands. I could never imagined being this happy in our current situation. The big event in our life is that Gerard has been laid off.

I have known Gerard for 23 years in all that time he was only laid off one other time, the day before Christmas. After that lay off he had a new better job with in 2 weeks. I suspect that we may have to wait a longer time for him to be offered a new job based on the current job market.

Let me rewind a bit, this all started after our trip to Washington D.C. Gerard came home on Monday afternoon and told me of the situation. He was upset, more quiet then usual. I knew Gerard had been thinking about changing jobs but in the past he has always been cautious and waited until he had a new job first.

The news came on Good Friday that this would be Gerard's last day. We wanted wait to tell anyone so that we could all enjoy the holiday. Easter day was beautiful so I am glad that we waited.

We had talked about how a change in his job would affect our current schedule but never imagined that we would soon have to start living it. I know that he felt like he would miss out on time with Anna if he worked during the day (I was not convinced). See on days when I worked together he would pick Anna up from school, spend the afternoon with her then come home for dinner. I always argued that he could spend more time with her after work everyday if he worked the day shift. So him switching to a day shift job has been a big debate for the past couple of months.

I think on many levels a woman is most fulfilled when she has a child and feels the most useful. I know that having Anna has changed me in many ways and Gerard for that matter. I think men like my Father, Gerard's Father and Gerard gain self-esteem by providing for their families. When a job is taken from them I think there is a grieving process that many do not realize happens. I think many families have financial stresses and ours is no different. We have many people who depend on us not only Anna. We discussed right away a few of the most important issues. I believe that we have come up with solutions for each one. For most people losing a job is devastating for Gerard this is no different.

So that is the situation and here is my reaction. I am actually quite shocked by my reaction. At first I was mad, very mad. I started to think about all the holidays that we had to cut short so he could work. At his old job you were only off for a holiday if it fell on your day off, this included every holiday including Christmas. In the past scheduling holidays was always tricky because I am also responsible to work a number of holidays at my job. I had already started to worry about Christmas of 2011 because he was not going to be off and I really want Anna to wake up at home with at least one parent on the holidays. My hope is that he will get a job that is a little more family friendly.

Here is where the amazing part comes in, once I processed that we would not be where we are today without the job he had I could see that this is all part of God's plan for us. By the time Gerard got home on Good Friday I had already processed all of those feeling of being mad. I was suddenly excited about what lies ahead. I know many have not met me in person but when I am excited it is contagious.

I was careful not to overwhelm him because he does take much longer to process many of these types of emotions then I do. I looked at him told him I loved him, he could not look at me in the eye. He felt like he failed us. I decided that we needed to just play around for a little while so that is what we did. I was sad for him that he could not see what I saw but I knew with time he would.

Over the next few days we were glued together so to speak. I kept telling him how happy I was that he was home. I kept pointing out how much fun he was having with Anna. Most importantly I kept pointing out that we were so lucky that this happened. I feel like this is such a blessing. I have always tried to believe that something good can come out of situations that seem difficult or bad, this is the very same thing I kept telling Adrienne when her when she was in New Jersey and the adoption of the little girl did not come to be. I think when you are in the thick of a situation that you can only see as hopeless or bad seeing that silver lining is extremely difficult. I believe that some times these situations are placed in our path to remind us that we are not in control. I think these types of situations help to humble us to ask for God's guidance.

I was off for most of the week that followed so each time I could see him beating himself up in his head I made him look at me straight in the eye and I told him how happy I was. I also told him that I was not worried about the money part either. Here is the amazing part I really mean every thing that I say. Just reading this paragraph I am tearing up with happy tears.

We all went out to dinner the other night, nothing special just Taco Bell, I looked at him I told him again how happy I was he was home then he looked at me and I started to cry. I know this is so hard to explain and my words will not do this justice you all will just think I am a bit crazy. I felt like for so long we have been running a race that never ends. I feel like we have wasted precious time working that we could be spending with Anna as a family.

Since Anna has come home Gerard has not had much time off at the most 4 days in a row. He has powered through working and taking care of the houses. I have never as long as I have known Gerard ever had to worry about him feeling the need to hold down our sofa. Literately, if he sits down at home for about 20 minutes a day that is it. Early last week he made a list of things that need to be done at the houses and he is powering through it. The list is 7 pages long so he is still very busy. Work that he was putting off until he had a stretch off is now on the top of the list.

Anna has never had the luxury of having both of us home together this much. I think this break for Gerard has been nothing but positive for Anna. I pray that in the end Gerard is able to see this too. In the past week Anna has been climbing into both of our laps and telling us that she loves us which is very new. I see that Anna feeds off of my emotions and I think this is a direct result of how I have been trying to reassure and support Gerard.

I wanted to wait to make this public until we told our families. I know there are some family members who read the blog so I wanted them to hear from us rather then from the Internet. We needed to make sure that our families understand that we see this as a blessing. Out of respect to Gerard's feelings I wanted to wait until he told his parents. This required us processing our feelings first that is the only reason why we waited.

I guess what I want my message to be today is that something positive comes from all things that we struggle with. Being laid off has ruined many families in the past couple of years. I am sure that each one of us knows of at least one person who has been laid off. I have chosen to support Gerard emotionally. I want him to know that bigger things are on the horizon.

I bet some of you are scratching your heads and saying is this the same person who wanted to separate from Gerard. My answer is yes it is me. I am sure that the struggles that Gerard and I had in our relationship last year was preparation for today's struggle.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the loss of a job I beg you to look at it as a blessing. This is hard but if you are able to see how it has benefited you perhaps your outlook many change.