One year ago today at the Medical Clinic after my examination
One year ago I was in Cheboksary trying to sleep. The only thing I knew for certain is that I would get to see Anna at least two more times. What I may not have shared is just how up in the air the court decision was at the time. Many who travel to a foreign country or even who adopt in the United States understand that there is a real chance that the adoption may not be completed.
I traveled to Cheboksary fully knowing this and expecting to come home without Anna as my daughter. Yup you heard me right. To say I was shocked that I was given the privilege to become Anna's Mother is a complete under statement. A family member from Anna's birth family was contesting the adoption. This family member was hurting knowing that she may never see Anna again or know about how she is doing.
Please understand that I have no angry toward this person because I know that she is hurting and inadvertently I am the one responsible for taking Anna away from her. I have wondered how Anna will feel when her story is revealed to her. Will she hate me for fighting to become her Mother, will she thank me. I do believe that she will long to contact her birth family even if she does not say so directly to me.
This is a bittersweet feeling that I makes me tear up when I think about how hard this year has been. I would love to say that this year has been all roses and fairy dust but the truth is there seems to be quite a bit of turmoil within my extended family. This turmoil seems to constantly stress me to the breaking point.
I find myself looking around the room at my family and Gerard's family as demands are made to me about holidays or weekend time and I think you could all careless about how hard this is for me. This past Christmas I was told by a family member that they were sad that Christmas was not going to be like past years. Are you kidding me??? I would rather shot myself in the foot then spend one more Christmas without children around.
I was also told it is a good thing that your broke your arm you got a chance to be home and rest before Anna came. WHAT!!! Court was delayed because I broke my arm. I want to say, do you really believe what you are saying or are you just talking to talk. I have been asked will Anna wear short shirts and high heels just to get a man like other Russian women they have seen. Probably not since they do not make high heels in a size 4T! I have seen other family members only interact with Anna when they see an opening to correct her even after I have asked them not to correct her.
Gerard is very wise when it comes to comments like this because he does not let them get to him. I however never seem to be able to get past them. I know that to forgive is divine and that the person who is set free by forgiving another is me. I find this is much harder to do when the assaults never seem to stop or when an apology is never made. Soon Anna will completely understand what is being said if she does not already. I feel like I am not able to relax or let my guard down for a moment.
I wonder if these are the things that run through a judge's mind as he or she makes the decision to let an adoptive Mother take custody of a child. I do believe that these family members love Anna but that they do not realize what she has been through in her short little life. I have been told that children are resilient and to that I have said they should not have to be resilient they should be protected by the adults in the family. I have also said that she has been resilient and now it is time for other to be resilient.
I know this seems a bit sad today. To be honest I am a bit sad today. I think for the past year I have fought back the tears of what if the judge had decided not to let me be Anna's Mother. See this is a feeling that some will never have to feel because they have become Mothers through open adoption (where you have been chosen by a birth mother) or by giving birth to your child. My family will never understand that a single piece of paper filled out incorrectly, a lab test, or a birth family member could have stood between me becoming Anna's Mother. None of them had to stand in front of a judge and plead their case as to why Anna would be better off in my home then in a baby home in Russia.
I do have something special planned for today. Hopefully I will have the energy to write about it tonight.
5 comments:
It hurts to know you feel sad. But please know that we understand. I have had moments like that too and just sit back and wonder, "What would he be doing if he wasn't here but still in the baby home?". Fortunately, we have not been bombarded by rude comments, although Ihave 1 family member who has said a few hurtful things. I try to let it slide and just remind myself that she doesn't understand and never will. Her niavety is what causes her to talk and not think. Know we are here for you and you are doing a wonderful job with Anna. She is lucky to have you as her Mama!
Melissa
Anyone who says children are resiliant shouldn't ever be around children. When we first brought our son home (2003, Ekat) we had to choose who would be in his life. That choice ended a long and destructive relationship with my own parents, much to the benfit of my child and family. Hang in there, you are a wonderful Mommy and know what is best.
Wow, you just wrote so much of how I feel. We too have had families members (just a few) that have been less than supportive. They just do not have the ability to relate nor do they want to, which is so hurtful. Once our lil one understands the animosity being directed at our family of three we will probably step back and reduce contact even more. It is sad but it has also allowed us to see how lucky we are to have family members who have been so accepting and loving.
You are an example of a good Mother and I know the Judge was thinking you are the best for Anna and her future. God bless him for doing the right thing!
Let us all give thanks that our children are with us and the Grace of God came through at the times when it was most important. God bless you, Joy. And God bless Anna and Gerard too. You all will make it. Just remember that the things that are the hardest are the things most worth having. You new little family is well worth it!!
much love,
Stacy
First of all - Happy One Year because I know you have had a happy year with Anna!
Thanks for sharing more of your story.
Post a Comment