Surgery scheduled

I feel like this day has already been too long. We leave for the hospital at 2:30 am so that we can be checked in for 5:30 am. Today the cancer will be removed from my Mother by removing part of her lung. Wow that sounds too graphic. Did I ever tell you that I can not watch surgery on TV because it makes me sick but love it in person, weird right. To say I am worried is an unestimation of how I feel right now. I guess that is why even though I should be sleeping I am up blogging.

My bag is packed and I plan to stay in NYC for a couple of days. As if the guilt of leaving Anna was not enough she is also now sick for the first time and I will not be able to be home with her to wipe her never ending stream of slime coming out of her nose. I still think it is better for Anna to remain in her environment rather then being in the hospital waiting or in a strange hotel without her things.

Gerard is off and Jillian & Jaime will be here for her as we have done each time I have had to leave. Jillian moving back from Seattle could not have happened at a better time for our family. Jaime told me the other day she now realises how hard it is to leave your child for someone else to care for. I am trying not to think about this much because the words that run through my head about leaving her make it worse for me which in turn makes it worse for Anna because then I start to over analize her behaviors.

So now I am off to finish up the remaining chores on my list while everyone sleeps.