Confession

Have you ever had a dream that you thought you could not achieve? For the past couple of years I am not proud to say that I have had a dream that I did nothing that is in my power to try an achieve it. I have want to be a runner.

I want to be that one that can strap on my sneakers and take a quick run. Sounds easy but I think this is a lot harder than most runners make it look.

There I said it! It is out in the open and I can not take it back. I think it is actually a bit of a relief. Well now that it is out there and I have given myself up that I have done nothing to achieve this dream what is the next step?

Today Me-Me and I used a couch to 5k app on my phone and I completed my first run/walk. I felt good about accomplishing this first run while A) still being about to walk, B) Still being about to talk, and C) most importantly still wanting to be a runner.

I hate that I stopped walking with Anna after she first came home from Russia. I had been up to a 4.5 mile walk. While I am confessing all this wonderful information about me perhaps I should confess some more. I am over weight. Now I know a bunch of nice people out there have over looked that I am over weight but I can no longer over look it myself.

When I started to work the night shift I was 147lbs. Hard to believe that I thought I was fat than. Over the years I gained more weight and than a little more weight, than I started my adoption journey at 188lbs. Shocking I know. I think I was so sad after leaving Anna in Russia in March that I ate everything possible. After I broke my arm I packed on another 20 lbs. I topped the scale at 208lbs. When Anna I lost a bunch of weight and was down to 167 lbs. I was so close to my goal. Today I am back down to my regular 188lbs

See part of the problem with working at night is you are always tired. I think about sleep pretty much all the time. I calculate how much sleep I need and how much I might get verses how much I got. The numbers never add up. I am always behind on sleep.

On average night shift workers will die much sooner then their counterparts who work during the day. I snack all night long mostly to stay awake, but this is going to change too. Over the past couple of weeks I have started to watch what I am eating in the hopes of getting my eating modified as well.

As usual I have roped a friend and my nieces into my special form of crazy. We are all going to support each other in the hopes of completing a 5K. Not any 5K but one through the mud! There will be obstacles and rivers to cross. My goal is to just complete the race. So sometime in May (I am not sure of the date) I will strap on my old sneakers and run through the mud.

My hope is that in the process I will be able to lose some weight. I want to be a role model for Anna as well. I want her to love to run, play and eat healthy. I am her role model after all so I must complete this not only for me but for her too.