How about another?

Making the decision to add another child to our little family is not an easy decision. Anna is really growing up so fast...too fast. Anna will tell you that she still wants to be a baby. We were driving in the car the other day and she was eating sliced apples. We were talking about her car seat. Although Anna is old enough and tall enough to graduate to a booster seat she does not weigh enough. Anna is still under 30 lbs. I think Anna has recently gotten frustrated because Hans who is a 1.5 years younger is tall enough and weighs enough to meet the requirements to f a booster seat. We told Anna that she has to eat and get bigger to use that type of car seat. Her response was "I don't want to be big."

One evening I found Gerard and Anna sitting in a nest which is all the available blankets in a pile on the floor for them to sit on and play. I started to remark at how much Anna has grown, when I looked up at Gerard tears were streaming down his face. Gerard is not a crying man so I was a little taken back by his reaction. We love her more than I could ever express in words. I think for Gerard he is in the "How could I possibly love another child as much as I love Anna mode." I think this is a very normal reaction for most people. We really enjoy every minute that we spend with Anna. She is a really neat kid. I really wanted a house full of kids. I remember thinking that 4 was a good number when I was younger.

I have asked him what he thinks about adopting again and for us it comes back to a number of issues with the first being how would be do it financially? Most of the money that I put together to finance our adoption stemmed from downsizing our home. We moved from a big beautiful neighborhood to a good neighborhood in the same town. Our home is about half the size it was which honestly but in the back of my mind it is not big enough if one of our parents needs to move in with us one day. Our other house had room for a finished apartment.

Then the question of my health has come about. Back in February my mammogram came back with some questionable results. After further testing it has been determined that I have an extremely high risk of developing breast cancer. Our blog has been quiet on and off mostly because I have struggled at times to put my feelings about this in the right places in my mind. Our trip to Disney in May (I will not lie) stemmed from me feeling like I might not ever be able to go back again. Unreasonable...yes! Since February I have spent as much time and thought as I can to plan for Anna's future. What if one day I truly can not take care of her? Who will? Who will support us? Yes, I have Gerard but his salary alone would not support our home. We discuss what if I got sick and died? I have another MRI scheduled for October which I full believe will result in me needing to have a biopsy. I am doing my best to live without fear but after all I am only human.

So for today my goals and plans have changed. I want to live completely debt free including my mortgage. My goal to have EVERYTHING paid off in the next ten years. I do believe that it is possible. This way if I develop cancer we will be able to live on Gerard's salary. If I do not develop cancer our lives will become just more simplified.

Janet I have been thinking about being a rebel and breaking a few rules around here and posting a picture of Gerard...LOL I promise to give you all a little warning before I do.