The end of a relaxing vacation

Well I would use the term relaxing loosely in this case. I have been a bit of a wreck all week because of one situation or another. Do I dare say I will welcome going back to work because it is controlled craziness? No way. Have you ever had the feeling that you should not leave the house? Well that was my feeling yesterday but obligations dragged me out. I had a birthday party for JoanMarie to go to that was over an hour away. On my way there I remembered there was a neat Russian grocery store that was right around the corner that I thought I would be able to find...well not so easy after all.

That area of New Jersey is VERY busy, lots of crazy drivers, lots of weird jug handles (or U-turns because in NJ you can almost never make a left hand turn), the signs for businesses are small, and quite frankly I probably did too much driving this week. Where I live and were AM lives are completely opposite in so many ways that you would never guess they are in the same state and within an hours drive of each other. As I was driving through a parking lot looking for the grocery store I hit a parked car...Yikes! Thank goodness I was going at a snails pace but there is some damage to both cars.

I parked my car woke up Anna (yes she slept through it all) to get out and look at the damage. After a call to 911 I started to look for the owner of the car. After the fourth store I walked into I found him. I told him what happened so we all walked out to wait for the police officer. When Anna saw the car she started to cry, I mean a full on sob. She was so upset about it being broken and worried that we would not be able to take it home. I thought that was an interesting reaction. I am sure now the man thinks we are crazy. He told me "I am still in shock that you stopped, called the police and came to find me." I was thinking to myself "I am shocked that you are shocked I did." Is that what our world is coming too?

Could I have left...well I guess so but what does that say about me? I do try to show my daughter right from wrong. I was wrong, it was an accident and accidents happen. About 20 minutes later the police officer showed up. He asked what happened and I told him then he says "I am shocked you called the police and even tried to find the owner." Really?!

When the police officer showed up Anna started to cry all over again, worrying about me and the car. I reassured that it was okay and that the officer was not mad at me. While the police officer was filling out the report I put Anna in the car to sit until he was done. Anna found the cupcakes I was bring to the party and proceeded to eat the icing off each one which I thought was very cute. The owner of the car that I hit was very nice and I pray that when I am in his situation I can be as kind.

So we scrapped the idea of finding the Russian grocery store and instead proceeded to the party. We stayed for about 2 hours and I could see Anna was getting hungry. She has been so fussy with her eating lately, nothing at the party was something that Anna would eat so back to that crazy area where I had the accident to find a pizza store for a quick dinner for her. We sat we ate, Gerard called to check on us, and I scooped Anna up to put her into the car to drive home. I drove most of the way home on a non-toll road and the rest on the toll road. It was at the first toll that I realized I was missing my purse. Yup you guessed it I left it at the pizza store somewhere between AM's house and mine.

So last night I called the insurance company as well as the bank to cancel my ATM cards, and all the credit cards that I think were in my wallet. Today I will drive up yet one more time and find that darn Russian grocery store that will most likely be closed, and hopefully find my purse. I know yesterday could have been so much worse but I am thankful today is a new day.

Out of surgery

He is out of surgery now. For the most part the surgery sounds as though it went well. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Cancer

I cut my vacation short for a number of reasons 1. was the weather got pretty yucky (cold and rainy) so we drive home the other night. 2. There was a creepy man that I keep running into which weirded me out. (personal safety is a priority) 3. I just could not be so far away this week. It felt weird and not fun at all.

For the past couple of months my family has been battling another cancer. La-La and Me-Me's (Hans' mommy) Dad was diagnosed with a progressive cancer. He has had a round of chemotherapy and radiation. Today he is loosing his leg to cancer...his entire leg from the hip down. He is a very young man (50) so we are all devastated waiting for him to get out of surgery.

I know many of you may pop in and out. If you could just take a minute to pray for them and their family I would appreciate it. He should be out of surgery around 2 pm.
Thank you

We added another horse to the collection

Yesterday we played in the waves, swam in the pool ate ribs (or should I say I did, Anna ate corn) and made it to Broadway by the Bay. I have mixed emotions about stuffed animals. For some reason she has a number of them but really only plays with about 3 of them. I love the concept of Build a Bear but hate the thought of having another stuffed animal at home. I think when Anna goes back to school we will be thinning out some of her toys to include the stuff animals.

Believe me it would be so much easier to have Gerard do it but I am afraid that he will throw out an important toy which he has in the past. I just can not look at the toys little faces without thinking about the Toy Story movies. I know it is silly.

As we walked around Broadway by the Bay we came upon the Build a Bear. She has been asking to do this for some time so I figured now is the best time. We entered the store and that is when she spotted the horse which made me feel better about buying because I know she will play with it. In fact we slept with it last night. I got lucky because Anna is not much into dressing up her stuffed animals yet so all she wanted was a saddle. I got off cheap at 27 dollars (with a coupon).

I took a couple of pictures with my phone and I could not help but to chuckle when I took one that reminded me of Gerard.

Where HERE!!!

Okay who is confused? And where the heck are we? I think you need a little bit of history to go along with this story so sorry ahead of time for this being a bit long. Back in January I put in for my vacations for the year. Yes, I schedule my vacations that far in advance, yes, some of the people I work with think I a crazy. I usually schedule my vacations in a way that gives me a block of time off each month. I am very frugal with my vacation time so it works out well for me.

I mark all of the important dates on my calendar to see how it all falls. Being in graduate school also throws a monkey wrench into the mix because I like to be off during my school break. I have found out that being off for long stretches while in school ends up with me just obsessing about school. So this is the reason why I am on vacation this week (actually 11 days).

About 10 years ago I took La-La, Me-Me and the rest of my nieces and nephews on vacation to Myrtle Beach. The kids (who are all grown up now) had a wonderful time. I guess I just wanted a bit of that time recreated for Anna. I know one day it will be just not this week for a number of reasons...sigh. I spent most of the year attempting to convince my one sister who has two small boys to throw away their schedules and come to Myrtle Beach to play with us but because of business it was not possible for them. Instead they gifted we accommodations for a week which was very nice but I really do miss the boys, BIL, and sister. Me-Me, Hans and Greg were also going to come but another more serious situation has come up for Me-Me. I beg you to please pray for her and her family right now. It is because of that situation that I was very unsure myself that I was even going to go away.

So Friday night I packed the car with our stuff half heartily for vacation alone with Anna. Gerard came home Friday night at 12:30am (that is his usually time of getting home) and inspected my progress. I told him I did not want to go but he insisted that I go with the idea that I can always come back early if I like (the beauty of driving to your vacation destination). I had intended to get up and leave around 3 am to start the drive but I was unable to fall asleep until about 2 am. Instead I left at 7 am. For the entire drive down I had an internal fight with myself because I am feeling guilty that I am here when I feel like Me-Me and La-La need me there. Now that I am here that feeling has lessened. I know they will call me if they need me and I will pack up and come home.

For the better part of the ride Anna was awake. I was so thankful that she slept through the 2 hours of traffic that was going at a top speed of 10 mhp. If you have never been to Myrtle Beach I think it should be on your list of places to hit. The water is beautiful and there is a ton of things to do for kids here. I have never been disappointed once. Honestly, we have considered buying real estate here a number of times. The condo that I am staying in reminds me of the one that I stayed in while in Moscow except it is way nicer, better view, and the beach...okay the size of the condo reminds me of Moscow that is where the similarities end.

Today marks the day that Anna and I flew into the United States and were met by Gerard at the airport. Another reason why I wanted to be home with him and don't think that I did not consider flying him down to meet us for his days off. We have done that in past trips to Myrtle Beach because it is a 1 hour flight to and from VERY easy airports to travel from. I have such a feeling of deja vu because Friday I quietly packed up our things trying my best not to wake up Anna. I realized this morning that I forgot my transfer cord for my camera. So I will have to do one big photo post when I get back.

Every August...

Anna came home from Russia on August 19, 2009. Where did the time go? I remember taking her to the beach for the first time when she was only home a few days. Every year since then I have taken her to the garden at the one room school house that my Mother attended as a child to take her picture. My how she has grown.

These are the same black eyed susans as in the previous pictures.

I could just squeeze and kiss those cheeks

I just love her little baby feet she is now wearing a size 8.5 when she got home they were barely a size 3

These are from 2011.

Yes the dress above is the same dress from 2009.

Below are the pictures from 2010.

I still love looking at them.

The pictures below are the ones that I took when she was first home in 2009.

I love seeing how much she has grown.

Answers to comments

First off I want to thank everyone for their kind comments and prayers for us. Janet I wish I had your email address. There is so much that I would love to tell you privately. Your question about more children is completely natural or at the very least a question that I would have asked me too. I am not sure what God's plan is for us. It may just include more children. If that were the case I would not be surprised and I would welcome them with an open heart. You are a very sweet person.

Becoming debt free is not an easy task but one that I am committed to in order to ensure our future. I have been following the Dave Ramsey method of debt management. It is hard but doable. I know that it seems like I do a lot of stuff but I save in other areas. For instance I am not big into fashion much of what I wear I have had for too many years (insert laughter and a big sigh from my family). I actually have a few of my original uniforms from 20 years ago that I still wear on occasion. Some of Anna's clothes are bought second hand. Many of the activities that we have done this past summer are ones that I got a deal on from Living Social or Groupon. I have learned to use coupons to make my money stretch. I stopped using credit cards years ago and got into the habit of using my debt card. I want to get back into the habit of using cash instead of my debt card now.

Julie W. I am SOOOO happy that your husband has a choice of job offers. This is a blessing. I could not be happier for you and your family. I knew it would happen.

Ms. Elaine, yes I have considered a mastectomy as well as removing my ovaries. I believe that within the next 5 years I will have both of these surgeries done but I am researching which doctors I want to have preform the surgery. There are many different types of mastectomies that I could have preformed and the type that I am looking to have done is called a DIEP flap. The short version of this is my skin and fat from my abdomen would be what the surgeon would use to reconstruct my breasts. This is not a very common way to do this but I would prefer to not have implants. I am glad you asked this question because having a mastectomy and removing my ovaries significantly reduces my chance of developing cancer by like 90%. Since I used some of my family medical leave already this year when I cut off my finger I am cautious to schedule any elective surgery that could have a complication that would require me to be out longer then the allotted leave that I have left. My family medical leave will be back up to 12 weeks in April of 2013. God willing that I am able to wait that is my first choice.

The subject of Gerard's face on the blog. Janet, I have talked to Gerard about you and your story. We think you are amazing. Actually everyone who has left a comment on the blog with their name we have talked about. Some how you all feel like family. When I told him about you wanting to see his picture he responded with "Why? We are all going to be on a cruise to together in a couple of months anyway. I will just meet everyone then in person." He is so silly. If I post a picture it will be only for a short time then I will remove the post. He is so shy. Believe me I ask him every chance I get if I can put his picture on the blog.

A weekend getaway

This past weekend Gerard and I decided to take Anna on an over night trip to Virginia. It was what we refer to as a turn and burn trip. They are fast, furious and filled with adventure. It is no secret that Anna loves horses so it felt natural that we should take her to Chincoteague Island to visit the Assateague Island National Seashore to see the horses. Gerard and I took a short drive to the Cape May-Lewes ferry where we put our car onto the ferry to cross over to Delaware.

It was bitter sweet to be in this part of Delaware again after so many years. When Gerard and I first started dating and talking about getting married we had decided to move to a very small town in Delaware after I finished school. We had looked at a few houses, applied for jobs but never did move there. Things happen for a reason, I do truly believe this.

We drove another 1.5 hours to reach Chinoteague, Virgina. The national park has a number of walking trails for hiking in search of the wild ponies. We saw a few from the road but decided to head down to the beach for the afternoon instead. This was the first time Gerard has gotten to go to beach with Anna this year. Gerard is not much of a beach goer in fact he jokes and wants to know why everyone is just sitting around doing nothing productive. I just laugh.

Anna had him in the water in about 2 minutes flat swimming and jumping over the ways. We spend about 3 hours at the beach then headed for our hotel. I enjoyed this area so much that I am thinking about booking a cottage there for next year. Perhaps we will even bring down one of the boats. The town is so cute and quaint. There is not no big amusement park or chain restaurants. I highly recommend a visit.

In town there were foals for sale from the annual pony swim that is held each July. The ponies are a big deal in this area. I had researched a little bit and was able to find a place for Anna to ride a pony. Monday we decided to skip the beach and let Anna ride a pony than travel to the Maryland side of this National park.

When we got to the Chinoteague Pony Centre it was even better than I had imagined.  After watching the ponies for about 30 minutes Anna wanted to ride one. We stood in line and she got her turn on on the pony. Anna was super charged after this ride and wanted to ride the pony again. Gerard and I were considering it than I over heard that she could have a private 30 minute lesson for 40 dollars. We looked at each other and decided to give it a try.

Anna was one of two children in the private lesson. The other little girl was just a year older than Anna but had been riding for over a year. Anna's pony was named Tigger. She loved riding the pony. Anna quickly learned to steer the pony through cones and even got to trot around the ring.

After her lesson we got into the car and headed to the Maryland side of the park. the drive was a little over an hour but it was on the way home for us. As we entered the park we had to stop the car because the rode was blocked by 4 wild ponies. I thought it was so magical to see the ponies wandering through the dunes. If I were a camping sort I would have opted to camp on the beach with the ponies. The pictures do not do this trip justice.

These were taken on the ferry

Anna playing pony on the beach

This one was taken on one of the hiking trails

This was one of the  ponies for sale

Here is Anna on her pony ride

This was one of her and Tigger

Tigger was standing on a stool

Here are some of the wild ponies in the wild

It has been too long...

since the last time I had my blog design spruced up. I am in desperate need of a blog make over! I would love, love, love to have it made over again. Does anyone know of a good blog designer?

How about another?

Making the decision to add another child to our little family is not an easy decision. Anna is really growing up so fast...too fast. Anna will tell you that she still wants to be a baby. We were driving in the car the other day and she was eating sliced apples. We were talking about her car seat. Although Anna is old enough and tall enough to graduate to a booster seat she does not weigh enough. Anna is still under 30 lbs. I think Anna has recently gotten frustrated because Hans who is a 1.5 years younger is tall enough and weighs enough to meet the requirements to f a booster seat. We told Anna that she has to eat and get bigger to use that type of car seat. Her response was "I don't want to be big."

One evening I found Gerard and Anna sitting in a nest which is all the available blankets in a pile on the floor for them to sit on and play. I started to remark at how much Anna has grown, when I looked up at Gerard tears were streaming down his face. Gerard is not a crying man so I was a little taken back by his reaction. We love her more than I could ever express in words. I think for Gerard he is in the "How could I possibly love another child as much as I love Anna mode." I think this is a very normal reaction for most people. We really enjoy every minute that we spend with Anna. She is a really neat kid. I really wanted a house full of kids. I remember thinking that 4 was a good number when I was younger.

I have asked him what he thinks about adopting again and for us it comes back to a number of issues with the first being how would be do it financially? Most of the money that I put together to finance our adoption stemmed from downsizing our home. We moved from a big beautiful neighborhood to a good neighborhood in the same town. Our home is about half the size it was which honestly but in the back of my mind it is not big enough if one of our parents needs to move in with us one day. Our other house had room for a finished apartment.

Then the question of my health has come about. Back in February my mammogram came back with some questionable results. After further testing it has been determined that I have an extremely high risk of developing breast cancer. Our blog has been quiet on and off mostly because I have struggled at times to put my feelings about this in the right places in my mind. Our trip to Disney in May (I will not lie) stemmed from me feeling like I might not ever be able to go back again. Unreasonable...yes! Since February I have spent as much time and thought as I can to plan for Anna's future. What if one day I truly can not take care of her? Who will? Who will support us? Yes, I have Gerard but his salary alone would not support our home. We discuss what if I got sick and died? I have another MRI scheduled for October which I full believe will result in me needing to have a biopsy. I am doing my best to live without fear but after all I am only human.

So for today my goals and plans have changed. I want to live completely debt free including my mortgage. My goal to have EVERYTHING paid off in the next ten years. I do believe that it is possible. This way if I develop cancer we will be able to live on Gerard's salary. If I do not develop cancer our lives will become just more simplified.

Janet I have been thinking about being a rebel and breaking a few rules around here and posting a picture of Gerard...LOL I promise to give you all a little warning before I do.

Monday at the beach!

Fancy projects are just goofy little crafts that I make with Anna. Hans is actually the one that termed the phase "fancy project" but it has stuck. Monday I had looked at the tide chart and saw that it was going to be a pefect day at the beach. Perfect meaning that it was a low tide with the tide coming in as opposed to going out. I know it does not sound like a big deal but believe me it is.

I asked Anna if she wanted to go to the beach in the morning and with that she hopped up to get her bathing suit on. She asked if Hans was coming too but he was going to see his Poppy instead. Who is her next favorite choice...Papa of course! I dialed up the phone and Grammy answered. Anna asked if Papa could come to the beach (Grammy is in charge of the schedule and Anna knows it which is pretty funny). Grammy told her "Of course we can come to the beach with you." We got there first and took a good long swim. Anna loves the beach probably more than me (if that is possible).

Earlier in the week I had asked Gerard to pick up some plaster of paris when he was out at the store. To my surprise he did. Monday's fancy project was going to be plaster of paris feet in the sand. Anna was so excited about making it at the beach. I asked her as we were walking up "Should we do our fancy project first or swim first?" The project won out over swimming. Basically, I took a plastic zip lock bag of the plaster of paris and some tap water in a bottle to mix with it. Our first attempted has yielded no feet imprints but we are planning on trying again the next time we go. I have to say that we are all loving fancy project day at our house. I think even Gerard is enjoying the little treasures that we are making.

So back to Monday at the beach. Anna and I were jumping the waves and swiming some. I found myself telling her that I never want to forget this day. She looked at me and said me too. Back to swimming and jumping the waves we went until Papa and Grammy showed up. Anna and Papa played in the surf and the sand until it was time to pack up. I was a little sad to think that July was almost over. I just want to extend this summer as long as I possibly can now that I have finished my school work. I am off from school until August 27th and I could not be happier.

After the beach it was time for a bath and PJs. These are her PJs from two years ago.