A Sibling for Anna?

I did see your question about a sibling for Anna. I guess this is a complicated situation or maybe it just is in my mind. I hope this does not sound too random or hard to follow. You all are not the only ones who have asked.

Gerard's father was over to play with Anna the other night. She had him out in the yard running, kicking a ball and climbing into her playhouse. Exhausted, he came in with Anna in tow to play in the house. For the first time ever he asked "Maybe Anna needs a brother or a sister?" I could see that he was a bit nervous to ask.

First off time and money! I finished nursing school when I was 20 years old, a week later I got a job and have been at that hospital ever since. I have moonlighted at another hospital closer to where I live but really did not have any desire to be at that hospital full time. At the beginning of this year I decided that I need to go back to work full time. Yes, after Anna came home I started to use up some of my vacation time and took call offs without pay when the patient census is low.

Getting 'called off' or put 'on call' is probably the single most enjoyable benefit that my unit offered from a Human Resources point of view. Since Anna has been home I have averaged between 56-60 hours per 2 weeks. I do still have some debt from the adoption and time period directly after Anna came home. More debt then I feel very comfortable with so I will say paying this off is a major priority for me this year.

I am now back to work full time and I have also picked up a second job, 2 shifts per month which will bring up my grand total of nights of work to 14 if I do not get 'called off'. I know this is still way less then most people work in terms of days out of the house so I feel blessed. I have also planned a bunch of vacation time throughout the year.

When I am not working and Anna is not in school we are together. The same is true for Gerard. We feel like for the next couple of years she is our main focus. Gerard and I have not been out together once without Anna since she came home. We are now starting to talk about a night out together alone.

Is Anna ready for a sibling? This is a much harder question to answer. Anna has really started to take ownership of me and her things. Anna's home, Anna's Daddy, Anna's toys and sharing these things is some thing that we are working on. With Anna's speech delay it is difficult for her to verbally express her frustrations over sharing her things. I am so fortunate that Jaime, Hans' Mother is so understanding and forgiving. Anna has been home over 17 months now and it is still difficult for her to see me hold Hans.

She gets distressed and wants him out of my arms almost immediately. I know that Anna and Hans are close in age but if I were to adopt from Russia again I would be referred a child close to Hans' age.

I struggle with adding a child Hans' age to our home because although I believe that having more then one child is wonderful I am not sure that having more then one child would be wonderful for Anna at this time. We have not had the pleasure of being around a newborn and I think that would be different for Anna on some level because the toys, games and activities are very different for a newborn.

Unlike so many I am not infertile. Are you shocked? Adoption was our first choice over conceiving a child with our own DNA. I know I may seem easy going but I would be a wreck if I were to become pregnant. So much of a wreck that I told my friends where I work that I would not deliver there for fear something bad would happen. I know this is a very unreasonable fear but my fear never the less. As my birthday approaches I do realize that I am now considered advanced maternal age, yes I will be 39 years old. As I age the chances of me becoming pregnant become less. I know this may sound crazy but I am looking forward to turning 40 next year.

So in terms of money another Russian adoption is not in the picture for today. Getting pregnant if that were to happen would be welcomed and of course I would face my fears because I am also too much of a control freak to not deliver where I work in spite of my fears. Domestic adoption is not something that I think I could be comfortable with. I think in our country domestic adoption is not seen as an option for many young mothers or mothers who have more children then they can care for.

I have worked in the newborn nursery for over 10 years and have seen less then 5 adoptions where the adoption plan was used. I have cut or seen the bands of potential adoptive parents cut off and watched them leave crying more times then I care to count.

I think that the biggest thing that weighs on my mind is I made a commitment to Anna when I stood in that court room to give her a nice life. A life that is filled with education, travel and most importantly my time. I am very open to another adoption if I were able to not work full time or be in a load of debt.

I would even consider an open adoption with a woman who was very committed to the adoption plan. I think one reason why open adoption plans are not considered a good option is that there is a fear that both parties, the adoptive parents and the birth parents, will not hold up their end of the agreement. Just because I say I am willing to provide pictures and some contact with the child the birth mother may not believe me even though I am an honest do what I say type of person.

I guess if having another child either through adoption or pregnancy is in the plans for me then it will happen. I would surely welcome another child. Coming from such a large family it does seem a bit odd that she will not have a brother or sister, I guess this is a firm maybe.