So Many Thoughts and Feelings

I can remember back to when I first became an Aunt. The excitment just about killed me. I was 12 years old. See that is what happens when you are number 5 out of 6 children. I swore that once I became an Aunt that I would be there for my nieces and nephews for any thing that they might need.

Even though all my Mother's family lives within 10 miles of me we never really got together much when I was a child. Things are different now but I still remember thinking that I wish they wanted to spend more time with us. Again when you are #5 out of 6 children most of scratch that all of your cousins are much older then you are.

Now that I am older and I understand more I see that it was just a difference in age thing and nothing else. Actually I go to church with one of my Aunts on most Sundays. Every month we pretty much all get together for lunch unless I am so sound asleep that an earthquake could not wake me.

My Father's family was never close to us. They live so far away that this makes it very hard. I can honestly say that I have only half heartedly tryied to maintian the contact since my Father is gone. This past week I got a call from one of my Aunts out there and apparently her Husband (my Uncle) Is very sick. I never thought that I would be this sad to out this information. I guess because once they are gone I know that my contact with my Father's family will be gone completely.

I have cousins that I have never meet. Ironically one is also a nurse. Aside from this little bit of information that is all I know about them. I wonder if I would like them or reversely whether they even think of me.

I would not even know how to get into contact with the rest of the family. Most of them live in Canada or Denmark. My Father immagrated here when he was a teenager.

These are all stange feelings but I wonder if these are similar feelings that my child might feel in respect to his first parents? I think this is something that I should prepare for when my little one is older. One interesting thing was when I was decideing on which country to adopt from Russia was my first choice because of how close St Petersburg is to Denmark. I firgured that when I travel I could hit Russia and Denmark in one trip.