I finished my Cultural Diversity class today. One more down and 3 more to go. Actually I already started another one so only 2 more to go. I just can not wait to be done with this degree.
This is where my post will get a little sad so stop reading if you are already sad today. I insist. Today is the anniversary of my Father's death 11 long years. I miss him everyday. I have also turned another year older. My father did not want to die on my birthday so he waited a couple of extra hours. His death has affected so greatly. I often feel cheated that he is not here with me. I remember so many good things about him but unfortunately I am traumatized by his death and all the events that occurred directly after that time in my life.
My Father died a couple of months before I was to be married. I remember being so upset by his death and feeling so shocked that others could just go on as though this event never happened. I cancelled my wedding and I have not been able to move past that point of walking down the aisle without my Father. Gerard has been so understanding, wonderful and as supportive as he can be. I pray one day that I will be at peace with everything enough to marry him.
Please anyone that reads this post understand that I do reserve this day only to be sad about my Father's death. The rest of the year I celebrate life and all that life brings. I pray that next year will be completely different. The funny thing about this is Gerard keeps telling me that the little one will not understand why there is no birthday cake for Mommy so suck it up. He is right. I promise that next year there will be cake, presents and balloons. No tears allowed.
Here are some of my favorite pictures of us.
Here we are after I won a beauty pagent. Now that is some big hair!!
Jenny (My little Sister), My Father and Me! I look really good in a two piece!
Seeing him at work
This is the one I keep on my dresser.
7 comments:
What beautiful pictures of you & your dad. Thanks for sharing such a candid post with us.
My mom passed away nearly 5 years ago and there are definitely times throughout the adoption process that I have wished she had been with me to celebrate and to cry.
I wish you the best on what must be a very difficult couple of days.
I lost my dad nearly 5 years ago.
I hope you're able to take time to cry and be sad. I know it helps. Occasionally I'll just start talking to Dave about my dad and he is always wonderful to listen and hold me. I'm glad Gerard is so supportive.
Thank you so much for sharing your story about your dad. I lost my mom 7 years ago and it never gets easier! I wish you a Happy Birthday although I know it's bitter sweet.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm sorry for the lost of your Father and I don't see anything wrong with needing a day each year to be sad. Just shows how much you love him! It's very strange that I read this post today, because today is the day my Father is getting married to the horrid woman. It almost feels like a death bc I know our relationship will be forever changed. (long story) I spoke about this on my blog recently. So today I am sad for my Father, too. Saying a prayer for him and for your Dad.
Thank you for sharing your memories of your father. Having lost my dad just 5 months ago, I understand the sadness and sometimes wonder how we can move forward without him. We are so lucky to have this little one to come into our lives to bring us happiness. Next year - you go get those balloons and have cake because you know your dad would want you too. I can tell by those pictures that he would want you to celebrate life with your little one everyday.
Joy,
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. This is such a difficult time for you. I hope you find peace in time, but I think it is good to allow yourself to cry and to dedicate the day to thinking only of your dad. The pictures are beautiful!
Be well...Teresa
I know your Daddy understands how you feel. It's obvious how important you were to him from the pictures. Praying for healing of your broken heart, Friend.
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