Three years ago...

I saw a picture of my little girl. My referral story is very different from others. I had flown to Michigan for a meeting with my adoption agency because there were some fears that due financial pressures the agency may close. At that point I was about 10 months into waiting for my referral and had several thousand dollars invested in this agency. If they closed I would have received nothing back, and if I decided to change agencies I would receive nothing back. I will tell you that if the agency closed or I decided to move I would not been able to adopt for quite a long time. Basically, I was stuck with no referral in sight and an agency facing financial hardship.

Gerard and I spoke that morning, and he advised me to go to the agency because I may not get this chance again. So that is what I did. I walked into the agency, I told them that I was not leaving until I spoke with someone about where I was on the list. A few phone calls were made than I was called to the phone to speak to the director. She told me she would make a few calls to find out where I was placed on the list.

I had been previously told that I was registered in the region of Arkhangelsk. This is a beautiful region. I had every face on the Russian database from this region embedded in my head, even a few of their names. About 20 minutes of waiting in the conference room quietly, and alone a woman came in and told me the phone was for me. It was the director of the Russian program. I will say she was warm and friendly. She told me she had news I might like to hear..."You have a referral."

We discussed the health of the child, not he sex than she told me "It's a girl!" Gerard and I had decided very early in the process that we were open to a boy or a girl. I needed to wait again for my coordinator to arrive to work for pictures. We discussed the child's name in Russia which was Anna and I knew there were no Anna's left in Arkhangelsk. That is when I was told I was in a different region...Chuvash Republic. I was puzzled but happy. Pictures were printed and I was on my way home. I got in late but just in time to see Gerard before he left for work. He had seen the pictures and already fell in love. I will never know if Anna had originally been intended to be my referral but I do know that God had a hand in placing her with us.

Last night I watched Anna and Gerard cuddle on the sofa. I was asked yesterday "I bet you can not remember what life was like without Anna?" Well to be honest I do. I have lived a long time as an adult not worrying about needing a babysitter. My house was never cluttered with toys. I never felt like I was going to break my neck getting into the shower, tripping on toys. Making money was easy. If I was short I just picked up a shift. I never felt guilty about leaving for work. My life was easy.

Now my thoughts are filled with the funny little things that Anna has done in a day. Some days are hard, really hard. Watching her become excited over things that have become ordinary for me is a wonderful feeling. I feel like although I had a wonderful life on the surface, Anna has made it even better. I could never go back to my old life.