Early Intervention evaluation

I waited to have Anna evaluated for the Early Intervention program offered by the state of New Jersey. Mostly the reason was I am trying to space things and situations that may cause her to feel uncomfortable. In my mind I thought 6 months after we are home if I feel that she is developmentally behind I would proceed with an evaluation keeping in mind that Anna in my opinion and for those of you who have met me know that I can be brutally honest was not that delayed with the exception of her speech.

Right from the minute that I saw her I knew she was quick and busy. Anna likes to know how things work which makes me laugh. Not knowing how something works is not in her realm of thinking. Anna and I work with matching colors, reading books and pretend play everyday.

During the evaluation in our home Anna was engaged in playing with one of the evaluators who was a Speech Therapist and I was interviewed by the Occupational Therapist. Just as I suspected Anna is pretty close to being on target with everything except her speech.

I guess some would think that I would be upset by this news but to honest with you many of our family members and friends have such a need to NOTHING to be out of the range of normal I am thinking it could be because although a number of my cousins are who are adopted on my side of the family this is not something that is spoken about almost as if their adoption into the family did not happened. Different time and place I guess.

I was relived to know that I am not crazy or ignoring some thing that is actually there. Anna's receptive language skills are intact and quite good. Anna can follow direction and is able to point or retrieve an object when asked. Anna makes many different sounds for a number of different animals, she can point at an animal and then makes the sound for that animal even if they are different colors or sizes like a dog is a dog even if it is a different breed or color. She knows many of her body parts also.

Anna's expressive language is delayed. Her evaluation shows that she is at the level of a 14 month old child. That of course is what shocked me I did not think that she was delayed that much.

To date Anna has a few words that she will say consistently

Dada, Papa, juice, ouch, bye-bye.

tThat is it! Anna babbles to herself and engages other by "talking" to them. She "talks" on the telephone or nearest seashell that she pretends is a phone.

Hearing you ask well yes I have taken her to an Audiologist for an evaluation, no infection was noted just some soft wax, as far as the actual hearing test Anna just could not complete it. Our plan is one day in the next couple of weeks to let her fall asleep in the car, drive her there and he will do the test in the car. The audiologist does not believe that she has a hearing issue and I agree but I do want to make sure.

I am very pleased with the evaluation and the evaluators with one exception they have limited experience with children who are internationally adopted. How could that be? Anna's speech therapy will be at home with me present. I know there is probably no adopted Mother out there who does not worry about attachment she may not mention it but some where in the back of her mind it is there. Some of the recommendations that were made we not what I would consider attachment friendly the biggest for me was the request to take her off the bottle, quite frankly not going to happen and I did tell them this was not up for discussion at this point in time.

I do believe that the therapy will be beneficial to Anna I wish I had know that the Speech Therapist lived in my town and had children Anna's age prior to giving her Anna's medical and social history. Living in a small town at times can be difficult and as crazy as Gerard is about not being pictured on the Internet I am equally crazy about the gossip mill in our town. Lesson learned.

Big shoes to fill

The girl loves shoes there is no question about that. She is so funny about shoes, hers are usually lined up in her room. For the day she came home she has insisted that Gerard remove his shoes which has been a big undertaking for him. Gerard is not so much a barefoot kind of guy nor will he wear slippers so shoes and yes work boots or hiking style boots, are usually his choice.

The other day I needed to run out to grab the mail, yes I am a barefoot girl no shoes around but typically I would just run a bit faster to the mailbox with barefeet but the 20 or so inches of snow make that near impossible. I threw on his boots...yes that freaks him out so I figure I just have to be fast enough for him to not see me. I was in and out in no time at all thinking my sin of tossing his boots on had gone unnoticed...wrong.

About an hour later out came the boots and in went her feet. We laughed and I confessed. She really does watch every move we make.

6 Months plus 1 day but who is counting?

When I was waiting for Anna I remember thinking how will it feel when she is here for a week, 6 months or a year? Well today marks that milestone of 6 months and yes 1 day. In my mind I had big plans for this post but once again life seems to get in the way.

Mostly our days consist of Anna and I at home together. I am not really sure she has gotten the concept of me working. My days are pretty randomly scheduled with the exception of my weekends. I have found that working 2 in a row is better for her and me. I will not kid you I am tired, really tired. Greg (Hans' Daddy) was over the other night after I had worked 2 in a row. He took one look at me and said "Wow you looked tired...Were you ever this tired before Anna?" To that question I laughed and told him no. He agreed, see Hans is only 9 months old and from time to time Jaime and Greg have watched her for me and I watch Hans for them. I not quite sure how this would have all worked out if I did not have them and of course Jillian too.

I hope to finish my attachment entry soon. Just a preview, I think we are doing really well. Attachment and bonding are hard even harder then I first thought.

So rather then talk about attachment I thought a run down of things I regret and things that I do not regret would be interesting.

I regret not taking a vacation before Anna came home. An easy vacation one where I could just relax would have done me some good. I regret not having the ability to bank sleep time. Even though this would be impossible it does sound like it would be so wonderful. I wish I had pushed my agency to get my court date faster. That is a surprise for me too...I still think Anna did not fair as well as I did in the time we were apart. My biggest regret is worrying about everything when she first came home. Worry is a waste of time and energy.

One of the biggest things that I do not regret is keeping Anna's world small. She still has no idea that toys come in a happy meal or that there are sections of stores that are devoted to toys. I have tried to limit the number of toys that I bought for her and the number that others try to buy for her. Anna is really learning to play and is starting to show signs of having a few favorite toys.

By far the biggest thing that I do not regret is adopting internationally. (Yes Amy I got your email and I am working on a more personal response)Anna is unique! Having gotten the opportunity to experience Anna's home country was such a memory that I will not forget. Loving Anna has made my life complete...watching her play gives me such joy in my heart.

Random funny things

Honestly I can not believe that I have been missing for so long. Thinking and writing with a 2 year old is harder then I originally thought. I do however want to continue to document what is cute and not so cute about our journey. I had thought that at some point I might try to switch to Facebook but as funny as it might sound I feel more comfortable about writing here. With Facebook the status updates are thrown at you whether or not you want to read them. Here if anyone reads this it is because you want to. Not to say that I do not spend some time on Facebook but mostly that is reading everyone else's updates or playing games.

Anna has a little plastic dog that my niece Jaime has given her. I will explain why on another day. This little dog goes with us a lot and is great distraction. What I mean is rather then putting Anna in a time out for no having the best behavior I use distraction and it seems to work.

Which brings us to the other day I tried to get Anna pictures done for Valentine's day but life happened instead. Just as I was getting her out of the car seat Gerard called with car trouble right in front of the mall so instead I picked him and missed her appointment.

He needed something from Sears. Off to Sears we went where I have learned that Anna enjoys the tool department just as much as he does especially the lawn tractors. Both of them had to try them all out.

She jumped on and instinctively started to make race car noises...hmm where did she learn that from?




please note her dog was riding right beside her.

So the next day I was showing Jaime and Jillian the pictures as Hans and Anna were in the sink together right before Anna decided he needed a belly fart on his bottom.. I was telling them the story about the sounds she as making when Jillian started to laugh. Well apparently when she drives her places she talks to her rather then listen music which I think it great by the way. Part of that includes Jillian making loud driving noises such as screeching tires. Anna is very observant.

Could it really be possible?

I just can not believe that we are due for more snow. I read we might get close to 10 more inches. Here is my question who is going to get rid of the other 28 inches in my front yard???

We have been so busy here the past couple of days. I worked during the snow storm but was able to make it home before the big stuff came. I only got stuck in the street in front of my house. So a little digging in the street and some to get into the driveway.

The funny thing is usually everyone runs to the store and empty outs the milk and bread aisle. I did ensure that we had enough Keifer and snacks for Anna, Gerard and Jill. Jillian also went shopping to make sure we had EVERY thing we needed.

See this is what I love about my nieces they are unique, funny and enjoy life. Everyday events are just more fun when they are around. Just like shopping for a snow storm.





Yes she wanted the biggest one. Yes she tried it but was not jazzed by the lobster who knows maybe when she is older.

We did take Anna sledding but it was short lived about 15 minutes. She just would not keep those mittens on.



Yes that is "Wilson"

An interesting observation by a stranger

Yesterday we had a new slider door installed. Isn't that what you should do when it is freezing cold out? Gerard knows a lot of different craftsmen and he is pretty funny about who comes to our house to do work.

Tom also know in my house as 'the man', remember everyone has a nickname around here even if they do not know it. Tom came over the other day when Gerard and Jillian were home with Anna. Apparently, Tom was shocked the way Anna went right to him. Interesting I thought. Now I was not here and I did not see the interaction.

We really have kept Anna's world as small as possible. We spend most of our time at home and pretty much only family comes over. I remember thinking early on when Anna came home that I was envious of Gerard because he had such little competition and I had so much more to over come. Anna has really only ever had interaction with less then 4 men who have ever been close enough to her for her to walk up to them for affection. Where as in a typical day there could be as many as 5 or 6 women at the house and for holidays closer to 15 or 20 women, yes all family.

Gerard did not seem concerned but there is some denial that I am dealing with when it comes to Anna and attachment issues. He needs her to be okay and when I tell you for the most part I really do think that she is attaching well to us but like with everything there are always a few bumps along the way.

Please keep in mind that Tom being a work acquaintance and not a close friend is unaware that Anna is adopted. Gerard says that most men do not talk about how their children come just that they have them. I would have to say that I do believe this is how most men interact with other men. We do really want that to be her story.

Fast forward to yesterday. Tom came over with his adult son who was helping him with the door. Just as I thought Anna went straight to Tom and threw her arms up in the air. Tom look stunned but did not pick her up. I did however scoop her up and told that Tom was here to change our door and that Daddy would be home soon and he would hold Anna then.

As I write this I am painfully aware that because Gerard has not been feeling well since before Christmas because of the kidney stones and stent he has not been able to really pick her up every time she comes to him but instead he kneels down to her. For those who have never had a from your kidney to your bladder the pain is incredibly unbearable because Gerard's job is so physical the pain when lifting is even more for him. Thank goodness the stent comes out on Friday.

While Tom was working on the door he told how cute Anna was and that she is the ONLY little child who has ever wanted him to hold her when he first walked into a house in close to 20 years. He also told me most children are afraid of us when we come because of the noise and because they do not know us...Hmmm...smart observant man.

Interesting the way some people who have no emotional ties to Gerard, Anna and I can point out when things are not just the same as in other homes. Not that each home should be the same. I will say that I have filed this information in my brain and will talk to Gerard about this once his stent it out and he is more able to hold Anna.

I guess this is a big attachment week for us.

Interestng reaction

Yesterday I finished my 2 day stretch at work. I find them hard but easier then if I work on one and off one. In the past my favorite schedule was when I would do all 3 of my days together and have a long stretch off. Jillian and Gerard were both home to be with Anna so I could get some sleep in between.

So here is what happened. I was napping, Jillian was in the bathroom and Anna decided that she needed a little computer time too. She picked off about 15 of the keys. Who knew those keys were held on by two little tiny pieces of plastic. So when it was discovered I told her that I was disappointed and that the computer was off limits. Mind you said this to her not in a yelling voice. I am sure that my face looked disappointed as well. I started to figure out how to put the keys back on. For the most part I was able to get them all on except the 'T' key is missing and the 'X' does not work that well either. Quite honestly no possession that she could break would upset me enough to not love and forgive her.

What was interesting was her reaction. She started to cry. I mean she really was sobbing, face red, tears flowing all while trying her best to climb into my lap. I held her I told her I loved her but not the behavior. This is what I do when she is not behaving like I want her to. Actually I think most of my family has thought that I am a bit crazy for saying that in the past. I held her until she stopped crying. Each time when I thought that she was okay and I started to fix the keys she would start to sob again.

Jillian was a bit shocked. I even asked Jillian if she felt I had been a bit hard on her. Jillian told me that I never even raised my voice. I think that when Anna one of the ways that the children could have been disciplined was by ignoring them after a scolding. Jillian actually said "Aunt Joy you should be the one crying not Anna".

I tend to get annoyed when people tell me "Children are resilient" or "They will forget with time" I think this is so misguided. I do not think she will forget the feeling of being left to be cared for by stranger who had a lot of children to care for atone time. I hope and pray that she will understand that I love her and that there is nothing that she could do to change that. No possession is more important to me then she is.

I am amazed everyday by how she is growing and learning to love and care for her forever family. At times there are these little moments that remind me of how fagile she really still is.