Adoption Tax credit...now I am mad

First off let me extend a big heart felt thank you to everyone who commented about my Mother and also to those who said a quick prayer for her. My Mother does read the blog and is blown away by you all. She has spent the last week with my sister Jackie mostly playing with her children. I expect her home tonight to prepare for our trip tomorrow.

I am not sure if it is because of the other life changing events in my life right now but now I am mad. Yesterday I made the decision to call about my refund. No this is the first time I have called. Yes, shame on me for not calling the minute that I got the first letter. Never did I think that it would take this long to get my refund back.

The letter I got a couple of weeks ago stated that there would be a decision about my refund by August 1, 2011. I read the letter to the tax advisor and he looked up my information. What were the results? No one has even begun to look at my information. His best estimate was that my case will not be seen for at least another 3-4 weeks. My return will not be processed for at least another 2-3 weeks after my case is closed.

Yes, I have now called the tax advocate and I am awaiting a return phone call. I guess I am just mad that I have practice patience and given the IRS the benefit of the doubt that they were working on this matter. Mark me down as being wrong. I guess I am just mad at the principle of the matter. Why send a letter saying I will hear something when in fact this is not the case? I guess I am just frustrated. Sorry to vent.

Shock and Disbelief

Thursday I got a call from my Mother. She was at work and not feeling well. She said she was feeling a little dizzy. My niece Jaime offered to pick her up if I watched Hans. She decided to go to the walk in clinic because she was sure it was an ear infection.

Once she was seen by the doctor they called me. The doctor and I discussed her medical history and the need for some blood work. It has been hot as heck here and there was a chance she was dehydrated. The final decision was to send her to the Emergency room to be further evaluated. Jaime drove her there and called me. She told me she did not feel right just leaving her there but she had school in an hour. I told her I was getting the kids ready and we were going to be there shortly it was fine to leave her. The hospital is less then 5 miles from my house and I know a some of people who work in the ER.

Gerard took Anna to the park, I took Hans to the ER. Hans was such a good boy sitting in my big pink stroller as we waited. I know from experience how long certain things take. My Mother's nurse was an old friend of my Mother's from years back. I knew something was up by the look on her face when my mother told her she would be going home soon after all they do not keep you for an ear infection...right! The color drained from Deb's face and I did not see her again for close to an hour.

Just at the time when my Mother was getting antsy the ER doctor came to the bed side. I am pretty sure that if I was not a nurse I would have missed what she was saying because I know my Mother did.

The doctor told my Mother you have a tumor on your skull. You should get that checked out right away. You are discharged.

Now in defense of the ER doctor I am pretty sure that she hated telling my Mother this news but man was her delivery off. Since then the delivery of the news has been a high note. We have laughed ourselves into tears and then laughed again.

Friday I spent my day calling her doctor at Sloan-Kettering who was on vacation. We were set up to see the doctor for today except he wanted her to have a MRI prior to us seeing him. This saves me a trip so I am thankful for this plan. I did get to speak to him at length yesterday.

After a little research I believe this is something that we will have treated with radiation therapy unless there is something more cutting edge that is being done at Sloan-Kettering. Friday I popped into the Radiation Oncology building to take down their contact information. If radiation is what she needs that will be done in our home town because of the inconvenience it would be to do it else where.

God knew that we needed some peace of mind. When I walked into the build the radiation oncologist overhead me talking to the receptionist about my mother. He called me over and pulled up her CT scan for me. We had an informal consultation. He made us feel better about the news. This doctor has worked closely in the past with the doctors from Sloan-Kettering so we are comfortable with having them do her radiation treatments if that is what Sloan-Kettering recommends.

Here is he situation; this could be a metastatic lesion from her lung or breast cancer, Paget's disease or a new cancer elsewhere in the body. The plan for now is that Friday we will travel to Sloan-Kettering for at least one maybe two scans and a visit with her doctor. I have my suspicions as to which it is. I belive there will be a biopsy in the near future of her skull.

So how is my Mother? She is mostly shocked, scared and sad. She thought she was nearing the end of her trips to Sloan-Kettering. They were getting easier to make and less frequent. She is acting strong but I can tell she is very upset.

With her getting sick so close to Anna coming home it limited so much of what she could do to help. This summer she started to take her for a couple of overnights when I worked to give Gerard some free time. She was enjoying being a Nanny again and just being able to focus on her grandchildren rather then doctor appointments. Even I broke down and started to cry. Mostly because of the unknown factor that we are facing.

For the most part we are all shocked. I think it gets a little harder every time you hear the word cancer. You would think it would get easier but it does not.

The type of lesion that my Mother has can be associated with breast and lung cancer as well as other types of cancer.

Adoption Tax credit...sigh

Well it has been months since I filed my taxes. I am pretty sure it was March. I felt a rush of excitement when I saw what I was expected to receive in my tax return. My thoughts quickly went to the credit card debt that I had accumulated for my travels to Russia. My imagination got even crazier. This would mark the first time that I might actually be able to realistically go part time.

I know working 3 days a week does not sound like much to many but the hours away from Anna are even harder now that she is attached. Many nights even on ones where I do not have to work I am asked if I am leaving. She just needs me here with her, she needs to know that I am right there if she needs me.

The spring was crazy, I had already decided back in January that we would be going to Disney for Anna's birthday. I knew that paying for this trip was not going to be a big deal because of the adoption tax credit...sigh. I love when things are stress free. I have lived many different ways in my life. At times I had more debt then I ever could have imagined but somehow I paid it all off. While waiting for Anna to come home I got used to having more money in the bank. By far that is the most comfortable feeling I have ever had as an adult.

My hopes of dropping down to part time were dashed when Gerard was laid off. Still months later I am waiting for my tax return like so many who have adopted right along with me. I have received the letters saying that it is delayed, it is being reviewed. I even got a letter saying I will hear something by August if they are not too busy.

At first I was mad. I wanted my money. I wanted to have this little bit of debt paid off. I wanted to be able to easily plan summer vacations and think about Anna's up coming birthday and just have that feeling back of having a little bit of money in the bank.

Then I became more mad realizing that my hopes for dropping to part time were gone. I will not lie, I yelled at Gerard once because he complained about being home and not being able to go to a job. I told him I had wished it was me who was laid off...sigh. I guess the reality is those plans were not meant to be.

If I had gotten the refund back in April I could be in a situation that is much worst with Gerard being laid off and me only working part time. The delay in the tax refund was God's plan for us. I admit today it was a better plan then putting in a pool or spending money on a couple of vacations. When and if I get the refund I think I will take the money and thoroughly think through what is the best decisions for our family.

I feel like it will still be awhile before I see my refund, if I see it at all. My feelings of being mad are gone and replaced with feelings of happiness because we are able to still live a very good life without the return. I do still yearn to be part time and hope that one day I will be able to do just that. For today I am happy I have a job to go to and that Gerard is able to care for Anna so well in my absence.

I am choosing to end my vacation early because I needed Tuesday off. I can not thank Lynn enough for our 4am conversation and her agreeing to switch with me. More on that on Tuesday mostly because I am having a hard time writing about what is on the horizon for us.

I love this whole place

Wednesday we decided to take Anna and Hans to Morey's Pier in Wildwood for the day. I remember going there a number of years ago with my nephew for his birthday. I really liked it then but this time I LOVED it. The drive was about an hour from our home. I consider ourselves very lucky because we actually do live in a spot where others choose to vacation. Within an hours ride are 5 boardwalks with lots to do for all ages. One boardwalk (Ocean City) is very family friendly because the town is an alcohol free town which today is very unusual.

AM (Gerard's sister), Gerard, Greg, Lil Joy, Jaime and I packed up the cars for the trip. Thanks to Jaime's new love of couponing we got a steal of a deal. We purchased admission to 3 water parks and 3 amusement piers for the cost of only 30 dollars per person. I know that sounds like a lot but the cost would have been almost double without the coupon.

We kept telling Anna that we had something really special planned for the day. On our drive into Wildwood the attractions caught her eye and she exclaimed from the back seat "I love this place...I love this whole place!" Before I let her out of the car seat I had a talk with her about keeping her listening ears on for us because where we were going was very busy. Well because the day was overcast or should I say thick with fog all day long the crowds were pretty small. We got so lucky.

I fear Gerard and I are becoming helicopter parents. I felt an internal freak out when I could not see Anna or Hans. Mind you we were 3 adults per child but I left feeling like was just the right number of adults. I am not sure whether or not it is because I am older or a parent or just used to counting heads in the nursery at work but I found myself wondering why more adults were not closer to their children?

Here is what shocked me, when we entered the park Anna listened to every direction I gave her. Usually I have to chase her down to put on the sun block instead she stood there perfectly still while I applied it. She held hands without a fight but most importantly she stayed close by one of us. Anna and Hans had so much fun jumping in the water and going down the slides. Anna is a bit of a dare devil and so is Hans.

Here is another little know fact about Gerard and I, we have never been to an amusement park together. I love them, he dislikes them so we just never went as a couple before. We have never spent that much time on a boardwalk together either which when I pointed this out to him I was told I was wrong even though I know I am right. Better to not fight about the silly stuff I always say. I did have to giggle a little bit when Gerard started talking about the next time we bring Anna to the boardwalk like that is something we have always done.

Towards the end of the day I had had my fill of boardwalk food. The pizza was pretty good, the fries with vinegar were better but the fried Reese cups now they were the best thing I had tasted all day. Can you believe that they fry Reese cups? Gerard walked all the way back to the other pier to get us some. He did consider buying the fried pickle also but decided that it was not a good combination.

Believe it or not I did not talk any pictures. I am waiting for Jaime to download her pictures so that I can have them too. I have a few short videos of Anna on a couple of rides but there are other children in them that I do not know so I do not think it is fair to post them. I am pretty sure I would not like that so I am trying to be considerate.

I need to write an entry about my adoption tax credit so maybe this weekend I will get around to it but I have more pressing things on my mind tonight. For now I am going to ask you to say a prayer for my Mother, she really needs it right now, more on that next week. I hope to have some real answers then.

My bed is calling my name and I am praying that sleep will come to me quickly.

One chapter closes and another opens

Endings can be sad and one some level my heart a little sad mostly because hitting this milestone means my baby is growing up. I eluded earlier this week that this was a big week for us and it is. Yesterday marked the day that Anna was home with us longer then she was in the orphanage. I have had this day marked on my calender for over a year. At times I was painfully aware that my daughter had spent more time with others then me, happily I can no longer say that this is so.

Yesterday when I told Anna that this was a special day she looked at me, laughed and continued playing. At times when I was waiting I never thought this day would come. In the past 2 months time has been flying by. I am so glad that I made the decision to stay home for this vacation.

So what did we do to celebrate? Beach of course. Anna when to bed the night before asking or should I say crying to go to the beach. When she woke up the first thing out of her mouth after "Me-me loves Hans back a moon, Greg too" was "beach go there, Hans, Me-me, Papa, Grammy, Mamma....." She proceeded to name everyone in the family which was so sweet some she named twice but she did not miss a single one. This tells me that Anna has really bonded and attached to the family. This was of course something that I had worried about for a long time but Anna knows who loves her and who she loves.

Off to the beach we went. I packed the car while Gerard played with Anna. I realized that my umbrella was broken so plans were made with Jaime to buy a new one. I missed buying my beach badges before the season opened which will not happen again next year because WOW what a price difference, 70 dollars for 2 badges. I better make good use of them this year.

Papa and Grammy met us at the beach, actually the bay beach. The Jersey shore is beautiful and I love swimming in the waves but the surf is too unpredictable for Hans and Anna. For us to go on the ocean side the conditions must be just right, very little wind and low tide.

Anna loves her Papa very much. When she saw him she bolted straight for him. Off came her cover up and then he was immediately dragged to the water. Go thing they got there first and were set up. I did manage a few pictures until Anna told me "No pictures just water." So the camera got put away for a little bit.


That is Papa waiting for Anna in the water in the background.


"Come on Papa" Papa never gets a break!





After close to 4 hours at the beach Jaime and I carried two crying babies off the beach because they were not quite done. Anna fell asleep before we left the parking lot. She then slept for close to 2 hours (5pm to 7pm), I woke her up because we had dinner plans. Gerard and I decided to try a relatively new restaurant up the street which was nice.

Anna was sitting on my bed watching me get ready to go to dinner and she asked "Mamma leaving?" I assured her that she was coming too. I am so amazed by how much she gets and the things that she notices. I wonder how much she remembers of her time in the orphanage that she just can not verbalize yet. I forced Gerard into a family photo which turned out pretty good. I also took this one for the blog. I think it is so funny that Anna never smiles for the camera unless she sees the persons face behind the camera.




For dinner Gerard had stuffed flounder and we had Alaskan king crab legs. Anna loves crab and I think that is so funny.



I wonder if her birth mother in Russia has had the same date marked on her calender? I want to believe that she does and that she misses Anna as much as I do when I am not with her. I am sure there is not a day that passes that she does not think about Anna. I wish today it was possible to let her know Anna is okay and doing well.

So that is it one chapter has ended and another has started.

Anna riding her bike out side for the first time

We had dinner with Grammy and Papa last night at their house. On our way out the door Anna saw a little girl riding her bike down the street. Anna got so excited that she pulled out her bike from Papa and Grammy's down stairs room and brought it straight to the front door.

She has been practicing with Papa in the downstairs. They even practice stopping to pay a toll. Which is pretty funny if you have ever been to New Jersey that is all we ever do here.

I wanted to post this quick because we are off to the beach.

Rush, rush, rush

I feel like some days there is not nearly enough hours in the day. This past week in particular I have felt nothing but rushed. The way my schedule has been falling with working the two jobs is three in a row. Two twelve hour shifts and one eight hour shift to be exact. At my regular full time job we have been so busy that I have been getting out late pretty much everyday. This is particularly unusual for me because I do LOVE leaving work on time. I have about a 35-40 minute commute so that is another reason why I dislike leaving work late. If I time it right Anna is usually still asleep when I get home.

I am not sure if I feel less urgency to get out on time knowing that Gerard is home with Anna or what it is but I vow to get out on time every morning I can. Add in school work and house work and I feel exhausted. Thankfully my classes are coming to an end. I love being on the downward slide and wrapping it all up. Next trimester I will be down to one class and Anna will be in school full time so I think it may feel a little easier in a couple of weeks.

At the being of the year I planned out my vacations like I usually do. I like having them planned in advance mostly because I like to spread my time off evenly throughout the year. Usually I average a week off every month. For the last couple of months I have had different things crop up in the middle of my vacations that have made them feel rushed. Yesterday I started my summer vacation a lovely 12 days off. My schedule will be very tight when I go back to work as I will be working 5 out of 6 days. I know it does not sound like a lot but it is 56 hours not counting the commute.

Which browse.vs me to Anna, in the past week when she has been out with Gerard while I sleep or do homework she has been asking for me a lot. I breaks my heart to hear her tell me "I need you, mamma" so I decided that this vacation is all hers. I want to spend as much time as possible with her. Quality time, not me picking up the house or read a research study while she plays but time just having fun with her.

Gerard and I have agreed that I will use the mornings to do some school work but by noon the books all get closed. This is a very special week coming up for us. I am toying with the idea of packing up and heading out of town for a couple of days. I am trying to resist this because I have other plans for the money that I would spend, more on that later this week perhaps.

For the next couple of days I have decided we are not going to rush anywhere to do anything.

Anna horsing around.

Here is another cute video of Anna horsing around. She LOVES horses and I hope to be able to start her in riding classes as soon as she is old enough. We are lucky because we have a riding school right here in town. PS Yes I am still in my night gown...Sorry.

A video...finally!

How many years has it been since I started blogging? A couple is the answer. How many videos of Anna have I put up on the blog? None is the answer. Hopefully that will change. I love my new phone is does everything including video. I think I have finally figured out how to put download a video from my phone to YouTube to post to Blogger.

This was a very short video that I took on our way home from the museum in Washington D.C. We had played with Jolynn, Rich and Jacob most of the afternoon.

So this morning as I was playing the video Anna actually answered the questtions that I was asking in the video. Poor thing is tired and does not want o get up for school.

When I read blogs or comments I insert in my head what I think you all sound like. Do I sound like what you thought I would sound like?