Answers from my last post

It seems like every person I know who has adopted except Stacy (GO CAPS!) has had an issue with the adoption credit. Please do not get me wrong I am so very thankful that this credit is available but I can tell you this was not the reason why I decided adoption was my path to motherhood.

I was going to try to answer everyone's comments with a return email but then I got to wondering if others perhaps had the same questions and needed the answers too. If you have not read the comments from my previous post this will sound pretty disjointed sorry.

Melissa--When I wrote that I had three years to add up it was because Anna's paperwork and the expenses around her adoption covered 3 different tax years. For the adoption credit I had to total up my expenses for each year separately. So I had expenses for 2007, 2008 and 2009. That is what I meant but I can see how it was worded funny.

Julie--Yes, you are right about Gerard. He is probably the most private person I have ever met. He is very reserve. He is the master of distraction, if he starts to see a conversation head down the wrong path he will try to completely change the subject or walk away. I see now that this is a good quality but in our early years together I would just become frustrated.

For Gerard he does not want the focus of all conversations about Anna to be about her being adopted. He does not want her to be treated differently then any other child who has come into our families. I will say the topic of Anna being adopted comes up pretty much once a day if not more often by our family members. I think that is where he gets frustrated.

In private (Gerard, Anna and I) the three of us are very open about her adoption. I usually do most of the talking. We even have a special puzzle that she loves to do of St. Basil's cathedral (I got it at T@rget) that we put together as a family which lets us talk about when Anna and I were in Moscow together.

I know in some families adoption is a dirty word or a secret but not in ours. I actually have cousins who are adopted on both sides of my family. He wants her to hear about her orphanage from me no one else, which makes sense since I was there and experienced it.

When Anna was first home I was encountered by a few distant family members who made remarks that were not kind about Russia. This has caused a great amount of tension in certain family situations. Gerard and I are adamant that no one will speak ill of Russia or the Russian people in our presence. He has spoken to his family and I have spoken to mine both families are now crystal clear on the subject.

I have a gift card for B@rnes & Nobles and I am going to order those books when I am done with this post. Anna LOVES books so I think they will be a good thing. Thank you so much for the titles.

Lisa--I hope your tax refund comes quickly. I think it is nice to know that I am not the only one experiencing this bump in the road.

Laura--I hope you do not have to pull out those receipts again...Ugh! I am sure they have everything you need.

JennStar--You have a great question. If I paid for it I tired to keep the receipt. As I said I know I am missing a few but I would say I have about 95% of them in the binder. I put all of my documents in clear sleeves so the documents would be protected. The receipts, I punched holes in and put in the back of the binder. For the small receipts I dedicated a clear plastic sleeve and just kept putting them into the pocket. I found the page from the IRS that explains what is needed. Here is the link

Also the Visa IR-3 is a page in the Russian passport in case you were wondering.

I hope to be able to take some pictures of the Anna and Hans tomorrow. I am lucky because I will get to watch Hans twice a week for a couple of weeks. Anna and Hans have learned to play together so nicely. In the morning Anna will go through the list of people she loves and Hans is way up there on the list.

Taxes...Oh Boy

I know I am not alone when I say "Oh Boy this years taxes!" This is the second year that I am to claim the adoption credit and what a mess it has been. This year is so different. Last year I did the taxes sent them in electronically and boom my refund was in my bank account a couple of weeks later.

This year there were many differences right off the bat. I had to file a paper return. Okay no problem there I did. This year I had to include an adoption decree and Anna's Visa. Okay I did but in the pit of my stomach I felt a pang of I really do not like this feeling. I waited and waited and no refund.

Many weeks later I received a partial refund, mind you I filed in March. I waited and waited to hear something more about what my next steps should be. Then I got the letter saying they were reviewing my return and I would be contacted if additional information was needed. The following week I got the letter asking for receipts.

So this past week, I spent a little over 30 dollars for the copying and close to 19 dollars for the postage but I have now sent in every receipt I have so that the IRS can examine them. I pulled out my adoption binder and so many feeling came out with it. Please wish the person who examines them good luck,the stack of receipts is tremendous.


Yes this is volume 2, I have another just like it but that one does not have receipts mostly educational information.


This is the envelope they wanted me to use to send this back to them. It made me laugh and feel a little sick all at once.

Anna is adopted, this is a fact I have never kept from her. She has heard the word adoption many times. If some one is interested in adopting or has adopted I am very open about my experience in the right setting. I prefer to field questions of a sensitive nature in a somewhat private setting. Gerard prefers that no one ask and he would never answer their questions, usually he just walks away. We differ in how we respond to questions for a bunch of reasons. I feel like I asked so many questions when I was going through the process that I owe it to others to answer questions asked of me.

My adoption books used to sit in the dinning room, right of the hutch when I was waiting for Anna to come home. I had tried to put them away a number of times but for some reason this paperwork was my only connection to becoming a Momma. After our first Post Placement Report, Gerard told me that I needed to put this book away. At the time I did not see the harm in leaving it out but he presented a good argument as to why it should be put away. I told him after I did the taxes.

Here is a little know fact about me...I have anxiety about paperwork. Last years taxes were difficult because I had to total up all the receipts according to the year, 3 tax years. This is something that I avoided like the plague. I realized I did not want to know how much the adoption expenses cost us. I knew I had a chunk of money in the bank and now I did not and that was enough for me. I never wanted Anna to have a price attached to her.

So this year when I pulled out the books that once were so familiar and felt good to hold suddenly they did not have that same feeling. When I carried these books I used to wrap my arms around them and hug them but they never hugged back like Anna does. I kept pretty much every receipt but not all. I know I did not. I now have a rough idea of how much money was spent but I try not to ever think about that.

I pray every night that the bulk of the money spent went to the other children waiting or living in the orphanages but somehow I just do not think so.

Gerard had no clue what the total was for adoption related expenses and does not want to know. I will say it was expensive and worth every penny. I know he was shocked by the stack of receipts. Tonight I packed the big book away again. Suddenly I felt a relief that it was gone again. I hugged Anna and smiled.

If I get the tax return that I am owed life here will be very different. If I do not get the return then it was God's will because life will go on. I am so thankful that next year I will not have to provide for or think of the adoption credit again. I will have a nice simple, ordinary return just the way I like it.

Did you know...

that one of my favorite varieties of sunflowers have Russian roots? Please pardon the pun.


No really Russian farmers in the beginning of the 19th century grew these beautiful flowers by the acre. The need was developed by the Russian Orthodox church because during Lent other types of oils were not to be consumed. Here is a link to the history of the Mammoth Russian sunflowers

I found out this piece of information strictly on accident when I was planning a project with Anna's class in April. Usually I spend way too much money on annuals for my flower beds. This year I just felt like the money could serve us better in other areas. I LOVE flowers really I do. In the summer time I always have a tiny bouquet of flowers by the kitchen sink from my garden.

I was feeling a little sad for two reasons: First since I broke my arm 2 years ago gardening has become something that is painful my elbow hurts all the time. My love of gardening has not stopped but my ability to just do it myself has.

Second since Gerard has been home he has taken over the gardening or should I say the spring clean up. His idea of spring clean up included removing some of my grasses, perennials and banning me from planting anything. The ban on me is because I am odd (okay if you have met me you know I am) and like things in odd numbers. Gerard is even (Okay if you know him you know it is true), everything thing is even, straight and orderly. We could not be more different.

Which brings me back to feeling a little sad over my gardens. They are all clean, neat, orderly and missing the random annuals that I usually put here and there and every where. I remembered seeing in a magazine a children's garden where tee-pee was made from Mammoth Russian sunflowers and morning glories. The sunflowers and morning glories were planted in a circle. once the sunflowers were tall enough the Mother tied the tops together to form a tee-pee. The morning glories grew up the sunflowers.

I looked through my garden supplies and found some seeds for both. I convinced Gerard that the sunflowers were a good thing. Anna and I got his okay so the sunflowers and morning glories have been planted. I just checked and we have a few small seeds poking out of the ground. I am no longer sad and instead I am envisioning a big bouquet of sunflowers on the dining room table.









The next time you see a big, beautiful sunflower you might just think of Russia too.

P.S. Melissa this made me think of those beautiful pictures of Colby at the sunflower farm.

Transformation complete

A while back I mentioned that I was changing my laundry room around a bit. I am one of those people who need a desk if I am going to school. I like being able to just walk in sit down and start. One night at work it came to me that if I had the stacking dryer that matched my washer I could put a desk in the laundry room.

I can not believe I did not think of this sooner. my laundry room is literally only 5feet X 7 feet. A pretty big room for a small house. In fairness to my small house I have a very large master bedroom that could easily fit a desk. If Anna is sleeping in there then I would be limited. My master bedroom is tucked away behind the garage and completely away from the rest of the house. If I were in the laundry room I can hear everything that is going on in the living room if Anna is playing. Basically a very good spot for me to have an office.

So this morning as Anna continues to sleep I am in my new office. I have installed my drink coaster on my new desk. I am ready to get busy. I do have a funny story about buying a new computer but I will leave that for another day.

The before: I only had 2.5 feet between the dryer and the window.



The after. The office area now measures 5 foot X 5 foot and feels quite roomy.



I have finally found the perfect spot for my sign. It reads...Where are you on your journey? Life is a journey after all.

My Homecoming

Has it really been that long? I want to rewind back a little bit to my home coming because it was important to us. As you all know I was out of town for 4 days last week. Anna was a little distressed at the airport but thank goodness Gerard was able to get her completely calmed down before I had to walk in to the airport.

The night before I came home Gerard called me to tell me that she was upset. She told him "Anna needs Momma! Where Momma? Anna needs Momma!" When he called me she could hear my voice on the other end of the phone. She grabbed the phone to tell me the same thing. The poor baby was crying. Between Gerard and I we were able to settle her down. I told her that as soon as I got home I would hold her and give her a bottle.

Originally Gerard was going to pick me up from the airport but at the last minute I decided to take the train to a station in New Jersey and ride home with my sister. That option was a much longer trip and I have been told by Gerard "never again." I will admit it did make for a very long travel day for me. Live and learn.

Gerard and Anna were out front weeding the flower beds when we pulled up. When I got out of the car she looked confused then she started yelling, "Momma, Momma home." She ran to me and gave me an never ending hug then to Gerard to tell him one more time that I was home. As I picked her up she must have remembered what I told her the night before, instantly she told me "Hold, baba, hold Anna now." Anna only drinks a bottle for me and rarely for Gerard. I find that it is comforting for her.

For the next couple of days she was glued to my hip. At times she has been a little uneasy if my Mother or La-La stops by but we all tell her right away that they are just here to visit. Then she tells them "Anna stays with Momma!" So that is how Anna fared while I was gone. I know she missed me and I got a warm welcome so which tells me that many of the decisions that we have made in the past in terms of attachment and bonding are working.

How did Gerard fair? I think this is best done by bullet points.

-He learned that losing a puzzle piece can be traumatic
-He learned that you can have two puzzles out but not on the same table
-He now understands why I put on the timer at dinner time
-He learned that playing outside keeps the house cleaner
-He learned it hurt to see Anna cry for me
-He learned that holding and talking to Anna is way more important then he thought

In all I really think that this trip came at just the right time. Gerard did a great job with Anna while I was gone. I feel like with our past work schedules he missed out on so much. This trip just reinforced that he loves to spend time with Anna. She is a really neat kid with a huge imagination.

I could not imagine having to travel like that for a living. My heart goes out to all the working parents who have to travel like this to make a living. I am not sure what is on the horizon for Gerard. He may have to travel a bit for work. We have done a little bit of talking about this being a possibility. In the past we would have never considered moving to be close to a job but with the price of gas it may be something we have to consider, right now nothing is off the table.

Just Pictures

Anna being silly, laying on the grass while I took pictures of Hans

They both love to play hard

I love the way they love each other

Hans

I hope to be able to blog about my home coming tonight.

Missing my guys

At home Anna is always looking for her guys. I so wish I were home right now even though being where I am is so important. I miss my guys. I was trying last night to upload some pictures I took of Anna and Hans before I left bit for some reason I was not able to do so. I guess this will have to wait until I get home.

I have learned a few interesting things while I have been away. I think I have found my main research topic for my course studies. I will spare you all what it is because honestly even I think it is quite gross.

I hope to be able to connect with La-la and Anna later today. I miss Anna like crazy. I am so glad I am off this weekend.

On a different note I have learned that I can take my time with the courses. I do not have to have them completed before 2015 as long as I am enrolled on a program. Now I just have to determine if I want to complete this as a full time student or part time. I still need to think about this so I have not committed to anything yet but I am leaning towards part time.