3 years ago the Judge said Da!

When I logged on today to write about our day I had a totally different thought in mind but a quick scan of my blog revealed a moment that I did not want to miss.

3YEARS...How can it be three years already? On this day 3 years ago I stood in front of a judge answering a range of questions from what I do for a living, to how I plan to discipline my child, to the now famous how will you protect her from sharks in the ocean. Yes, I was even asked about sharks.

I had been so worried about the court proceding. I still tear up a little. During my questioning I told the judge that I thought Anna was perfect. He looked at me and stated her medical conditions. I replied with "She is perfect to me. Isn't that how a Mother should feel about their child?" At the end of the questioning I was asked if I had anything to add. I will be honest I thought for sure that the judge was going to return to the court room to tell me that I could not be Anna's mother. The last things that I remember saying to the judge was "If you can not grant my petition to be Anna's mother I would like to thank the Russian Federation, the Ministry of Education and the director of the orphanage for the chance to meet Anna. She has touched my heart and I will never forget the time that I have spent with her."

Unlike others who have adopted from Russia I was not able to gain custody of Anna for a number of weeks later. I had court, ate dinner with my host family, and then took a walk around their town with them in the evening. It was a quiet relaxing celebration that was a little bitter sweet. I knew that I would not be the one walking Anna out of the baby home but instead I would meet up with her in Moscow. I knew that this was the last time for a while that I would be in Cheboksary.

The day after court my host family took me shopping. I wanted to buy a few dresses and hair bows for Anna. I had been trying to find a particular hat that she wore at the orphanage but was unsuccessful. I got something that looks pretty close so that had made me happy. Later that day I packed up my things, and boarded the plane back to Moscow. Funny how I can not remember how many days I spent in Moscow on that trip. I guess the pain does start to fade.

The trip home was quiet. I needed to start the preparation for traveling back to pick up Anna. I am not sure if I ever blogged about how uneasy I felt about leaving her there. Honestly, I wish I had stayed. I should have persued staying in the town where her orphanage was located so that I could visit with her. There are two things that I would change if I had to do it over this is one of them. The second was I would have taken Gerard on the final trip to pick her up.

We have talked about this many times and he regrets not going as well. The logical part of my brain had taken over and I thought about the money that it would cost. So today I am still the only one (other than Anna) who has seen her baby home. I do wish Gerard had gotten to see it too.

Her first fit!

Now I will never pretend that my child does not cry but for the most part we have been very lucky to have a child who is happy and does not whine...well that was until the other day. For the longest time I did not take Anna to the toy section in the store. My thought was why go there if you are not buying a toy? Seriously, I have tried to stop impulse buying of things that we just do not need. Not that Anna does not need toys because I do think that is important for children to grow their imaginations but they do not need a toy every time you go to the store.

I will say that I will indulge Anna with prizes from the gum ball machines but honestly she LOVES them. We have some gum ball machine toys that have been around for months. I mean like 6 or 7 months of active play and imagination. Like her purple lizard.

Yikes I am not sure what I would do if this got lost.

Her newest addition was billy bob teeth (these are her actual teeth)



With all of this being said Gerard never has had a problem taking Anna to the toy area just to look. Yesterday they did this mostly because it is close to the music area and Anna has been asking for a particular song pretty much nonstop in the car. I can use my phone to play it over and over but Gerard's truck does not have bluetooth or a smart phone so he does not have that option.

They walked through looked at the horses which is not a big surprise to me. Anna found one that she needed. They talked about it and came home. A couple of hours later she remembered the horse cam and found me to tell me " We need to go to mart to get the black horse...now!" Because I was not there I had no idea what she was talking about. Gerard came in and he told me the story about the black horse and what they talked about. This is where the melt down ensued.

Anna threw a full on fit! The first one ever that was just over a toy. Gerard and I sat there shocked. I held her we talked about the horse and started to read a few books about horses which helped. Later Gerard and I talked about it and remarked about sweet she was during the whole thing her heart felt like she needed the horse. It is hard not to buy your child everything that they want but learning a good balance is very important.

I was thinking it might be time to start a chore chart where she can earn money for things that she would like. 



Pictures for the final PPR

I know that many of these pictures are ones that I have posted before but they are the final set of pictures that I needed to send to Russia. I never thought that I would be finished with the post placement reports when I started this journey and 3 short years later they are done.

I know this will sound a little crazy but this is a bitter sweet moment for me. I like to believe that Anna's birth parents and extended family will have access to these pictures but I know this is not the case. I hope that at least the person in Russia that puts them into her file takes a minute to stop and look at her. I want to at least envision that this person will remark at how much she has grown and how happy she is. I will tell you all that I am considering a birth family search. If I were her birth mother I would want to know she is okay...scratch that I would HAVE to know she is okay. I can not imagine her pain I am sure that it is far worst than what I went through waiting for Anna to come into my life.

I am blessed

What is the best compliment your daughter can give you as a Mother? This is kind of a hard one I think. Let me back track a little bit. This past week has been packed full of summer time fun. We decided to not put Anna into a summer program but instead she is spending time with Gerard, my Mother and at Me-Me's house while I sleep and do home work. Anna just loves spending time with Hans so for now it works. The rest of the time she is with me. This is the most time that I have gotten to spend with just her since she has been home. We are going days without being apart.

Tonight when I was getting ready for work my Mother came over a little early. She had been at my sister's house visiting with her boys. She asked Anna "Did you miss me?" Anna looked at her and said "Nope! Just Momma when she is not home." This got me thinking about our relationship. I struggled when Anna came home that is no secret. I know her transition was difficult for her. She was taken from everything that she knew with little means of communicating with us because of the language barrier. I can not even begin to imagine how hard that was for her. More on that another day.

I started to think about our relationship and how she views me. I want to be the best possible Mother to Anna which is difficult at times because this can also make me an unpopular Mother. When it comes to setting limits, chores such as picking up your toys or brushing your teeth these are all things that Anna does not really like to do but things that I insist that she does do.

I think that you can learn a lot about a child by watching and listening to them play. A little over a year ago we made the decision that we were going to limit the amount of time the TV was on. Yes, we allow her to watch movies and a few TV shows but certainly not more then 2 hours a day. With the TV off I am able to hear Anna play; which by the way is far more entertaining than the TV ever could be. She has a very big imagination and an even better memory. So the other day I was listening to her play as I folded the laundry.

She started off by playing with the "guys" or her little plastic horses. She started to act out different story lines. I laughed a little bit when she told one of the horses that she did not like their behavior but that she loved them anyway. I love that she is hopefully starting to put together that her behavoir does not change how much I love her.

Anna has taken up to telling strangers when we are out that she is pregnant. This is very sweet and inocent but her imagination again floors me. As she talks (mind you I am right there) she tells them that she and Anthony got married, he is a dragon slayer, and that he needs her. Usually this is followed by an "Ooo I just felt my baby move!" Sometimes it is hard to keep a straight face.

So the other day as she was playing with her baby (also known as her glow worm). I watched and listened. She talked to her baby so sweetly "I need to dress you so you do not get a cold." Then I found her in our rocking chair rocking her baby and singing Twinkle, twinkle little star. I used to sing this to her every night. She proceded to tell her baby "I have to go to Shop Rite for soda, a sandwich and strawberry milk (Strawberry Kefir). I will come back an rock you, I will be gone but I am coming back for you."

Wow is all I can think. All of this from a child that close to three years ago really did not view me as anyone special or different. I can not help but wonder...how come I am so blessed? The facts are true Anna may have been from an orphanage and yes her life here might be better than the one she would have had in Russia but I am the one who is blessed to be able to call her my daughter. 

Up, Up and Away!

We have been busy

Anna was hoping to get off the ground.

She abandoned her basket for

a hug and a kiss.

Hans made a deal.

If he smiled we would give him two balloons to hold

We did!

Finding the right balance

Gerard has heard my argument too many times but this week I think for the first time he has actually listened to me. I always feels as though Gerard and I are so busy that we are not taking enough time out for us as a family or us as a couple. Between school, my work schedule and Gerard's work schedule fitting in family time for us while Gerard is working 3-11 pm has been both easier and harder all at the same time.

We have been trying our best to keep one of his days off as just family time, usually Sunday but sometimes Monday. Even though I have a ton of homework to complete I am so close to being done with this class which is exciting. With each class I am getting better at managing my time. After Sunday I will only have 3 major projects to complete, 3 quizzes, 3 more short essays and 1 final exam. I know this sounds like a lot and it is but I am so excited that I am so close to being done. Each project has been taking me close to 10 hours to complete, Each quiz is 2 hours long and I have not even looked into how long the final exam is so this is the real reason why my blog has been pushed to the back burner.

I do have some fun things still planned for the summer that I WILL fit into my schedule. So today Anna is spending time with Gerard. She woke up with the idea that she NEEDS to go to Home Depot for a new bird feeder. We have been explaining things to Anna as steps. So for today here is the plan.

Step 1-Go get bagels
Step 2-Go to Papa's house to eat the bagels
Step 3-Take Papa to Home Depot for a new bird feeder
Step 4-Come home to Momma
Step 5- Go to the beach with Hans (She does not know about this step yet)

I have found that she is good with about 4 steps. This really seems to keep her on task and has helped her to stay in control when we need to do a couple of things. We have been giving her a little input as well. Gerard really wanted to do Step 3 first but Anna NEEDED to have Papa at Home Depot with her. Time with Papa is more important than saving time by going there first.

Tonight I hope to mark off week # 10 which will leave me with only 5 more weeks to go. Three weeks of class, one week is a study week, and one week to take my final exam then I am done woth the class.

My list of weekly projects for my class.

I can not believe how tall she has gotten.

Yes she wanted to put her hands up just like the big kids.