We all have them...

Those little voices in our heads that tell us things. Now that you all think I am crazy look in the mirror at yourself...You heard it right? The voice that maybe said you are getting some fine lines, or you have gained weight, or perhaps even worse. How did those voices get there? Our inner thoughts about ourselves can impact how we react to certain situations. I believe these thoughts influence our lives in so many ways.

Here is an exercise that I took away from the conference to do with your child/children. Everyday recite a few phrases. The idea is to program your child's voice to say what is true and positive as opposed to hateful messages.

I am great
I am smart
I am loved
I am precious to God

You can add in things that are specific to your child such as for Aidan I would add "I am a wonderful hockey player" The idea is to have these 4 or 5 phrases circulate in their little brains over and over. I really like this practice and I have started it with Anna. To be honest I need it for myself as well. I intend on making a little sign or print of what I want it to say for me to hang in my bathroom. I love signs because I read them every time I pass them. I know Anna is great, smart, loved and precious to God but what really matters to me is that Anna knows she is great, smart, loved and precious to God.


The Created for Care conference was a based Christian conference that had time to worship and Christian music. Now before you turn off what I saying because this was Christian based I will tell you I felt very comfortable there. As a Catholic, we can be pretty up tight but I will say this was the beautiful part of the conference. I have never been the type of person who could recite a scripture like my telephone number or address. I am pretty sure I will never be that person. I am actually pretty impressed when people can.

For my next post I have to get out my bible and read up on two or three scriptures.

W.I.S.E

To say Gerard and I are complete opposites is an under statement. We handle situations so differently at times it leaves the other one thinking "What the heck are you thinking? That is not the right way to handle that!" There have been times when I have gotten mad at Gerard for not handling a situation the way I thought it needed to be handled. Low and behold he may have been right...did I really put that in print? But on the same note I am right too!

Are you confused yet?

While at the Created for Care conference Melissa, Carrie and I sat in on one of the lectures that talked about attachment issues. The Acronym W.I.S.E came up as a way to remember how to handle questions about your children's adoption. Our children learn how to react in certain situations from us and how we handle those situations. So what does this all mean you ask? Here is the breakdown.

W= Walk away
I= Ignore
S= Share
E= Educate

When you or your child is asked about their adoption these are the choices that we have. Did you notice that blowing up and stomping away was not an option?

I will say I have mastered 2 of the 4 choices and Gerard has mastered 2 of the 4 choices noted above. Any guess on what I have mastered and what Gerard has mastered? You guess it. Gerard walks away and ignores any and all questions about Anna's adoption. I share and educate.

At times I have been frustrated with Gerard when he has been with me. These four steps sound easy and basic but I can tell you I think all 4 are hard. Understanding adoption can be very difficult for those who have not adopted. Questions I have been asked include: How much did she cost? What was her Mother like? What is her real name? Does she know she is adopted (usually this one is in front of her and if she did not know she does now)? And the list goes on and on.

Walk away--This means when you or you child is faced with uncomfortable questions about their adoption you have the right to walk away without giving an answer. I am going to try to learn to do this one better. I actually think this is an excellent strategy although one I have a very hard time with.

Ignore--This means you stay put in the situation but completely ignore the question. I think this is the most difficult to master. Gerard is at an expert level. I have seen people ask him a question 3 or 4 times and he can completely ignore you and change the subject without ever giving up any information. Here is where the problem is with this one for us, when we are together the person usually comes to me and point blank says "Gerard is ignoring me" than I get asked the question. Again I think this is a very good strategy for Anna to learn especially as she approaches her pre-teen and teenage years.

Share--Just that share the information that you are comfortable sharing. This does not mean that every detail of the child's adoption must be exposed. I like to share. I love my daughter and would shout that from the roof tops but as Gerard has pointed out to me perhaps I share too much. That is food for thought.

Educate--This means when asked about adoption related issues such as attachment you should educate the person about why you do things your way. For instance, before Anna came home I asked that no one pick her up or feed her. I asked that she be redirected towards Gerard or I. This was by far the most frustrating time for me. I felt like only a few people actually listened to me. As a result I have a few relationships that are strained as a result.

On that note even my own Mother was looking at pictures the other day and noted just how little Anna was. She said "She must have been really scared." I felt like saying "You think so? That is the reason why I asked you all to not touch, hold, feed because she barely knew me!" Okay I am fresh and I did say something like that but in a much softer way. My Mother smiled and said she did not understand then but does now.

My hope is that as Gerard and I get better at these strategies Anna will learn to protect her heart.

Home from the conference

I had intended to post something about the conference that I went to this past weekend much earlier than this but life got in the way. When I was asked to if I wanted to go the Created for Care Conference a couple of months ago I jumped at the chance. I was one of those people who stayed up and booked it at midnight in order to assure that I had a spot. Silly maybe, effective...yes!

The conference was created with the intention of learning about adoption related issues, connecting with other adoptive mothers and God. First off I highly recommend this conference. I took so much more away from this conference than I thought I would when I signed up. Those of you who know me well know that I LOVE to travel and no place is too far for me to go especially when I get the chance to meet up with people Like Adrienne, Melissa and Carrie. I also got to meet in person Liz and Kim which was pretty special too.

My sister yelled at me when I told her how long it took me to drive to Atlanta mostly because she is a truck driver so she does not understand the fine art of fooling around as you drive from point A to point B. I will say I have a new appreciation for Gerard because he is more like my sister and is usually the driver when we go on long trips.

Two funny things happened on the trip down. First off I realized I had to pump my own gas. Yes I now know that most of the country pumps their own gas but I usually never leave the state without a full tank and if I do Gerard is there to pump it. By the end of the trip I was able to not look like a fool doing it. The second thing is I stopped for a pedicure. Warning this may sound gross...okay it does sound gross...The lady was working on the callous on my feet and pulled out the biggest industrial sized cheese grader that I have ever seen. I will not lie the thought of snapping a picture did cross my mind.

Once I arrived at the conference (by the way I was late because I was fooling around) I checked in and walked into the back of the room. I instantly spotted Adrienne. I felt my eyes tear up. Once the presentation was over she spotted me. I can not believe how I started to cry and hug her.


About 2 minutes after I stopped crying Melissa and Carrie walked up and I choked up all over again. See Carrie, Melissa and Adrienne were among three of first blogs that I started reading prior to starting the adoption process. I can remember watching video of Melissa's first little boy with Gerard when he first came home. Gerard studied the video of Iliya looked at me and gave me the okay to go ahead with our Russian adoption as well as my blog. I think it is funny how from time to time Gerard still asks about these children.

I can not tell you how amazing it felt to be around others who have adopted. I think in many cases we (adoptive Mothers) have put up our guards to protect our feelings when it comes to the fact that our children are adopted. Some children who are adopted have issues with attachment and bonding or other sensory issues that other adults and children do not understand. Like Mothers who have given birth we worry about our children. I am generally pretty laid back and even I am questioned at times about my how I choose to do things. I think the hardest thing for outsiders to understand is just how important it is to support the attachment process when a child is newly home.

We heard from a panel of adoptive children and this was an eye opener. The one lady described her experience of being adopted. From what I took away from her story was that she felt as though she was unable to ask her parents about her adoption and the time she spent between leaving her birth mother and coming to live with her adoptive mother. She had been placed in an orphanage at birth but not placed with an adoptive family for 5 months. To her those 5 months were such a loss. As an adoptive Mother is could be easy to forget that time because adoptive mothers has no first hand experience with that time. I know you are thinking it was just 5 short months but to her those months without having parents to hold, care and love her still impact her at 38 years of age.

I want to never forget that the 22 months that Anna spent in the orphanage were very hard for her. I wish more than anything in the world that I could change that piece of her life. I choke up at the thought of Anna not being held when she was sad or hurt.

I learned so much that I plan on splitting this into 2 or 3 posts this week.

Close but not quite there

I am on my way to the Created for Care conference near Atlanta. I failed to book airfare in a timely manner so I made the decision to just drive. How far could it be? Okay it is pretty far. Now that I think about it this is the first time I have driven this far alone. Usually, I am sitting in the passenger seat reading a magazine, and Gerard is driving.

My original plan was to fly in and out...well that was scrapped. Anna this week started to cling to me a little more than usual so I had the idea of asking La-La and Jimmy to ride down with me so Anna was close by if she needed me...well that did not work out because La-La had to work. So Anna is home with Gerard, La-La and Jimmy. It is nice because I know they will keep her busy enough to not miss me. Aristotle and Sloan will also be over this weekend for playing. By Monday she will be missing me.

I hope to come back from this conference with a bunch of information and a little bit different perspective on adoption. I am really most excited about being surrounded by others who have a heart for adoption. I have so many questions this week for some reason.

It makes a difference

So I promised that I would write about how me running affects Anna. Are the two related even at all. Well...the answer is yes they are. Before Anna came home almost three years ago Gerard bought me a bike. He decked it all out with a basket and a baby seat. I really like the bike because it did not strain my back when I sat on it.

Insert one broken elbow and that was it. The bike sat for a year. I was not able to put that kind of pressure on my arm. Last year towards the end of the summer Gerard and I decided to take the bikes to the diner in town. The ride is about 3 maybe 4 miles. It really is not far if you think about it. We strapped Anna into her seat, put on our helmets and started out for the diner. I could was not able to get halfway there without stopping. Gerard and I switched bikes we made it to the diner ate our breakfast and I felt disguised.

Two weekends ago the weather was beautiful. So that Sunday we decided to dust off the bikes, add air in the tires and bike to the diner for breakfast. I was able to ride the bike to and from the diner with Anna in her seat without stopping.

Usually I run without Anna for obvious reasons...it is easier! There have been a few occasions where I needed to take her or Hans with me. On those occasions I loaded them up with a blanket for the wind (okay barely a breeze) and a snack. Anna was the funniest because she started to yell "Faster, faster, giddy up horsey!" Anna has a big imagination and must have thought I was very fast like a galloping horse. I will say hard to laugh and run.

So I would say me running has been a very good thing for Anna. She told me when she is older she will run with me. That makes me smile. I have made a few small changes and had in my opinion big results.

Still running

So what have I been up to? Well do you remember back in February I admitted that I wanted to become a runner? Well with the help of an app on my cellular phone I am achieving that goal. The app that I purchased is called Run Double. There are a number of different programs on this app that are all for the purposed of helping you to run.

This app using the C25K method of training for running. I think the hardest part of learning to run is learning how to keep a pace that you can achieve your goal. For me this app is working. This morning I completed Week #6 Day #2. This consisted of a 54 minute warm up, 10 minutes of running, 2 minute brisk walk, 10 minutes running and than a 5 minute cool down. For those of you who run I know this might not sound like a lot but it is. For those of you who want to be runners or to start running this is very doable.

The theory behind this app is that you start out slow, very slow. The first week I was alternating between 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking for 30 minutes. The app increases the running time but not by much. The program changes it up for you as well. There is a GPS componet that you can use that will tell you how fast you are running and the distance.

Here are the numbers from my first timed run
Week #1 Day #2 on February 13, 2012
Overall pace running (not including the warm up and cool down) 14 minutes 38 seconds
Time running 18 minutes 30 seconds
Distance of 1.26 miles
Fastest interval 12 minutes 6 seconds
Longest distance .1 miles.

Here are the numbers from today
Week #6 Day #2 on March 20, 2012
Overall pace running (not including the warm up and cool down) 13 minutes 29 seconds
Time running 23 minutes
Distance of 1.71 miles
Fastest interval 13 minutes flat (okay I just like the way the word flat sounds there)
Longest distance 0.77 miles

So in six short weeks I can run over 3/4 of a mile without stopping! This is a big deal for me. I never thought it was possible or that you had to learn to run. I want you all to know that it is possible and I am learning to run.

Total weight loss is 11 lbs. I have also been watching my diet. I have been using another cellular phone app for that as well. This one is called My Fitness Pal. Basically, it is a free calorie counter. The program lets you input what you have eaten and keeps track of you calories. For anyone who is diabetic this would be PERFECT! The app calculates the number of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. I can not say enough wonderful things about this app. If you do not have a smart phone than this is also available free on line.

It does take a little bit of time to find everything but I have fooled around with it enough for it to really be helpful to me. I have completed 40 days of tracking my food intake. I even have put in the Reece's cups that I ate last night. I think it has just made me think and plan a little bit more as to what I am eating.

Next post will be about how my running has impacted Anna.

Honest I am still here and blogging.

So what is going on you ask? Well nothing really. For the past two weeks I have been in a little bit of a sad place. I guess this year I just wanted to be a bit more private. Now that I have that out of the way I want to celebrate life.

I go back to work tonight. After close to 4 weeks off I am wondering if I will know where to park my car at work. Anna has really enjoyed having me home for the last couple of weeks. At about the third week she started to ask me if I could stay home again tonight. I would answer her with a "Yes but soon I will have to go back to work." I am glad that Gerard is off tonight to be home with her on my first night back.

We need to schedule an appointment to have Anna's hearing checked again. In the past 3 weeks she has failed 2 hearing tests. Of course I am worried but I do have a feeling that perhaps she has some wax build up in the one ear. This week (when I have extra help) I will clean her ears. Having limited use of my hand makes me think about things a bit differently. My kitchen floor and bathroom floors has suffered but I plan on getting them done this week too.

I went for my mammogram two weeks ago. The lady thought I was crazy when I asked her to take my picture. My Mother keeps asking if I have gotten it done so now I have proof.



I took Anna and Hans for spring pictures. I think they turned out pretty good but I have made the decision that this year we will get real a family portrait done. I hope to be able to be able to organize it so that I can get my sisters and their families done as well.





I have been wanting to get Anna's picture done in her traditional costume from Russia. I love how these pictures have turned out. I had thought that I lost the hat but realized at the studio that I had pinned it inside the dress. Anna loved wearing it. She said "Look I a princess." I have started to think about the pictures that I will send with my last official Post Placement report. I am a little sad that to know that this part is over but I will also be glad when it is.



Last Saturday was National Passport Day. I was able to apply for Anna's U.S. passport at the regional office without an appointment or travel plans. For those of who have not adopted from Russia this is a big deal. I was given only one set of documents for Anna. One adoption decree and one birth certificate. I applied for Anna's Certificate of Citizenship when she arrived home. I registered her Russian birth certificate but realized that I am not named as her parent on it. She has no parents listed at all. This makes me sad to think that this is how the state of New Jersey deals with this type of birth certificate. In light of this Gerard and I plan on completing the re-adoption process for NJ.

In order to get a U.S. passport I needed to hand over these documents. I tried to limit the variables so I drove to Philadelphia to hand deliver the documents. I also expedited the passport. I had it in my hand in less than a week. Anna was so funny getting her picture done. I am so amazed as to how much she has changed. The black and white photo was from her file at the orphanage, the one of her dressed in pink was for her new Russian Passport, and the most recent one is from her U.S. passport.



I am wrapping up my forth class of graduate school. Only ten more to go and I will graduate which equals 3 years and 1 trimester. So I guess I have been busy and just did not realize it.

Janet-I never knew you were a Birth Mother too! Janet you have brought tears to my eyes. You have no idea how much adoptive Mothers LOVE Birth Mothers. You have given the most precious gift ever. I pray that you will be able to have a wonderful relationship with your daughter.