I am not sure if anyone is still out there reading our blog but I can not even begin to tell you how busy life has been for me since our vacation. I knew ahead of time that once I was finished with vacation that my work schedule was going to be crazy busy.
Gerard has been caring for Anna in my absence. Between her full day at school and my work schedule I have only been seeing her for about 2 hours a day. I am so fortunate that he is still able to be home with her full time right now.
I did have an interesting observation for our time on vacation. Towards the end of the vacation Anna started to ask me if I was leaving her in Disney. This broke my heart. I would hold her and tell her that she was staying with us forever. Then I noticed that she started to keep track of everyone as we were walking. She would ask "Where a Nanny? Where a Papa? Where a mine Daddy?"
At first I thought it was cute that she was keeping track as I was doing the same thing. At work much of my time is spent counting babies, on vacation I was counting adults...Three grandparents, one baby and Gerard.
When we got home is when I started to get more concerned. Anna started to act out if I had to leave. She would start to cry and say that she missed me. We would talk about how much I love her and that I missed her too when I am not with her. Every morning when I would come home, she would look at me with a surprised look and say "You came home!"
Of course this has me a bit concerned. If I had been able to change my schedule to eliminate the extra shifts I would have in a flat second but that was not possible. What I have realized is Anna is home just a little over 2 years now. At about the age of two children start to have separation anxiety. So even though I am upset because Anna is missing me when I am not there, I am encouraged by the thought that she is perhaps building a strong bond with me.
Please understand in the past Anna never expressed a desire for me to stay home with her to this magnitude. Knowing that Gerard was right there with her and giving her his full attention was my only saving grace.
I guess I was a little shocked by Anna's reaction. As much as love a 10 day vacation, I think in the future I will be cutting our trips short perhaps to 4 or 5 days long.
School Days - November 2023
5 months ago
4 comments:
It is heart wrenching, isn't it? Aidan asked me once, when he was three, if his next mommy would be nice. . .I felt punched in the stomach on that one! I think/hope/pray that these feelings of being moved about and given to someone else and keeping track of everyone will eventually fade as we continue to give them love, comfort and understanding. God I hope so!!! Meanwhile, I don't say a thing when Aidan comes and gets in bed with us in the middle of the night.
God bless Joy. Of course I'm still keeping track of you! You all will never leave my radar. . . : ) Um...Go Caps!
No expert here but I think all kids go through various stages of seapartion anxiety at different times and ages. She had just had many days of you all day every day and then you had to work so she was needing you! Sounds like she misses her momma lots! Glad you have the support of Gerard....oh and I check for posts to your blog every day!
I have twin girls adopted from Russia at age 2 five years ago. One quickly attached herself to me. The other took a while. When they were a little over 3, the one who took longer to attach, started having separation anxiety when I would leave her in the church nursery. As a stay at home mom, that was about the only time I left her. Our nursery director reassured me one particular hard day to leave her that it was perfectly normal. She said all kids go through some type of separation anxiety--some just go through it at different times. I think when a child is experiencing it as a 3 year old, it is particularly heartwrenching for the parent as the child has more insight and vocabulary-they know how to express feelings a little better.
As an adoptive parent, I know I spent/spend a lot of time trying to figure out what was/is typical behavior for a child versus post intstitutional/post adoption behavior. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in going through this. It did pass for my daughter.
As much as it hurts your heart to hear her ask this and to be so sad when you are gone, I can't help but smile that she is showing such a stong bond to you! Perhaps it's more striking to me as an adoptive Momma now. When my boys wanted me, I have to admit that I thought they were just being whiney (after I gave them lots of snuggles and reassurance I'd be back), although they didn't do this a ton. But with Sunshine, I can imagine what a bittersweet thing it would be to hear her say these things to me. Praying Anna's heart KNOWS you will never leave her and that her sorrow is just that she can't spend those moments with you, but no longer a broken heart because she thinks you may not come back!!
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