Anna's Mama?

"Yes baby, Anna's Mama"

I am in the middle of a crazy work schedule. I am the only one to blame for this 5 day stretch, I know most people work 5 days in a row but that is not typical in my house so it seems really long. So yesterday morning I came home to find Anna not so asleep in my bed. The sun had not yet come up, I opened the garage door walked into my bedroom with the dream of sleeping at least 2 hours before Anna got up for the day. The minute I walked into the room a little, quiet head popped up out of the blankets.

I told her "It is okay baby. It is just Mama."
Which she replied back to me "Anna's Mama?" My first thought was well if there is another Mama here she had better done the dishes and the laundry.

I laid down with her and she snuggled in for about 10 minutes then was up for the day. I know I am thinking into this way too much but how neat it is that she shows ownership in me. In her mind I am "Anna's Mama!" without any question. We talk about other women being other child's Mamas and to see her put the whole concept together is really cool. Anna spent only a few days with her birth Mother so we are both very new at this Mama/baby relationship.

I know attachment and bonding are a really hard concept to understand if you have never adopted a child who spent her first 2 years in an orphanage but to know that she recognized that I was different then say, Han's mama or Sloan's Mama is such a wonderful feeling. Can you imagine not having a Mama when you were little? Her little mind is truly growing as fast as a little mind can grow. Anna is such a gift and I will forever be in debt to her birth Mother who decided to stay pregnant. Anna's birth Mother and extended family may never know that I think about them everyday.

I later found out from Gerard that Anna was up much earlier but had just fallen back to sleep right before I walked in. I suspect she was wondering where I went because I had put her to bed before I went to work so I imagine it was a bit confusing on some level. On my short work days my goal is always to leave with her asleep and be home before she wakes. We do talk about who is going to be with her when ever I have to leave her because I think it is only fair that she knows the plan just like everyone else.

I know for us attachment was not immediate. I held back, I know I did. I am so glad that I was able to let go of my fear of rejection in order to replace it with the love an affection of this little doll. I never felt like Anna held back with trying to attach to me or Gerard. She is one determined little girl and I know this is asset that will only make her life more full in years to come. I am so proud of her everyday, she has taught me so much about living.