Big Changes are Here for the New Year!

I know that in the past couple of posts I have not really been focused on my adoption but just how life has been for me in general. First I would like to thank Jane for keeping a secret for a couple of weeks now. Jane you have no idea how much that has meant to me. I would like to also that Dede and Rob for having the courage to change agency when they did because without there change I do not think I would have given it an extra thought. I would like to thank Susan and Randy for being so positive with their change in agencies as well. By reading Susan's posts it made me think of the financial ramifications that I could have had to endure if I decided not to change when I did. I have made the decision to change agencies. This decision was made a number of weeks ago mostly due to the lack of accreditation of CHI at the time of my switch.

First let me say that I feel CHI was and has been very professional with my adoption. I have only been treated fairly and courteously throughout this whole process. I do believe that this agency tries to look out for the best interest of their clients. I am sad to be leaving CHI but I am happy to know that my adoption is moving forward.

This move to Adoption Associates has been in the works for a number of weeks and I wanted to make sure that I was comfortable with the move prior to making this decision public. I hope to be finished with my Dossier sometime in January. I prayed over this switch for many days before I made the final decision. I know that I was guided to this agency for the right reason. I have to say that since the switch my anxiety level has decreased significantly. I am now able to be more at peace with my decision and enjoy the adoption process more.

I would like to congratulate CHI on their recent accreditation and the families that are stilled signed with this agency. I wish you all the best and pray for God's speed in sending referrals to the waiting families. I need to officially break this tie with CHI so that this agency can focus all of their efforts on these waiting families.

Rachel and Troy & Becky and Keith, I can not wait to see that you have gotten the call. I can not wait to read all about your adventures to become a family.

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year! I never thought that I would be as blessed as I am to have friends that understand the things that I am going through with this adoption. To all of the Blogs that I read daily and have not mentioned in this post please know that I am praying for you and children (future children) daily. You all have been a source of strength for me.

God Bless you all.
Joy

Wow the Holidays went Fast!

This year the holidays seemed to consume more of my time then usual. Work has been extra busy so I picked up a little extra time. I worked the Christmas Eve as the on-call person. I was extremely lucky to have that position this year. My friend who does the schedule thought I was doing her a favor and really I feel like she did me the favor. I am lucky to work with a group of women who are able to work through difficult things without sacrificing another’s happiness. Because I work in an area of nursing that requires us to work over all the holidays sometimes it is very difficult to fit work in and be able to visit with family and friends. Lynn my hat is off to you because you make it work every year.

I was able to make it to see all our family members unfortunately Gerard was not. I feel like he gets cheated every year because unlike me he has to work unless it is his regular scheduled day off. Sunday we went to his sister's house and had a great time. Although we did get suck in about 3 hours worth of traffic that made the trip about 4 1/2 hours long when it usually that's us about 1 hour and 15 minutes. This is where we exchanged gifts and you guessed it Gerard's mother got a GPS. We all tortured her since Thanksgiving that she was not getting nor needed a GPS. Honestly, I am glad she got it because they do take quite a few road trips to here, there and everywhere (Ah to be retired).

AM (That is Ann-Marie's nickname) got a digital picture frame and all the attachments for it. I wanted to give her something that I knew she would like and want. Along with this gift I spent 10 hours at Wal-Mart scanning old photographs of Gerard and me onto a CD for her. Gerard hated the idea but I loved it. Now AM has a bunch of pictures of him. I also scanned every old picture of my family and had them put onto CD for each of my sisters. The grand total for each CD with 200+ pictures was $2.47 but the memories were priceless.

On Christmas morning I opened gifts with Gerard when he got home from work and boy was Santa good to me. Then I proceeded to my sister’s house we all go there because Aristotle is still so little and she is 8 1/2 months pregnant. My Mother and Jackie's in-laws were staying over at her house for Christmas morning. Well the funny thing that happened was when Aristotle woke up he came down the stairs all excited and started asking "Is Aunt Joy here?" not "Did Santa come?" They have it on video and apparently it is really funny.

I hope everyone had a healthy and happy holiday. I am not sure exactly what next year will bring but I know in my heart that good things will happen. My family is growing in many ways I will soon be an Aunt for the eighth time and I am still very excited. When Aristotle was born we were all afraid that there was going to be such a large gap in the ages of the cousins but now my baby will fit right in between Aristotle and the new little guy and nothing makes me happier.

P.S. I would have posted sooner but I have been having a problem with my Internet connection.

I am the Ultimate Winner of Hide and Seek!

The Queen of Hide and Seek!

December the 18, 2007 was the day that I needed to have my fingerprints done for the USCIS. Let me paint the picture for you. The day was clear and sunny but a little cold. I woke up in plenty of time to get ready and take a self portrait before I left for Philadelphia. I live on the Jersey shore and the drive to Philadelphia from where I live is mostly done on rural roads. So I set out with a full tank of gas and a diet Pepsi.

The drive was mostly uneventful thanks to Map Quest. I have driven to Philadelphia a number of times and still manage to get lost in the city every time. I hit a little traffic and I started to worry that I was not going to be able to find parking. See the big joke is that I can not parallel park so I always use a lot.

I was about 30 minutes early for my appointment so I am thinking I have plenty of time to park and run so that I am not late. I turn down the street where the building was and what do my wandering eyes see but a beautiful parking lot across the street. I do a happy dance in my car. The man takes my keys parks the car and I head off to the building. I am thinking as I walk up this is too easy.

I get to the door and give it a yank and nearly throw out my shoulder because it is LOCKED! I start to panic and yes cry. This is probably the most amazing part for me because one of the causalities of being a nurse is that you have to suppress so much of those types of feelings just to make it through the day and work has been really ugly lately. I know I must have been a mess because Gerard who was in New Jersey even sounded worried and he never worries about things like this. He usually worries about things like “Why do my socks not match or is there enough cake for me to have a third slice?”

I ask a man on the street and he confirms that the address is correct but tells me they probably moved to one of the surrounding buildings. I walk completely around the building and find nothing. No forwarding addresses or telephone number. I find a Philadelphia police officer who was extremely nice and told me that if I get an address he will get me the directions (Big thanks to the men in blue you are all heroes). I walk into an adjacent building and the doorman hands me a paper that states the office moved to about 20 minutes away.

Dashing to my car with my cell phone in my hand I call Gerard (this is where the singing stops) thank god he knows how to get me home from everywhere and to anywhere. Gerard is my personal GPS. I go over the directions with him as I am driving and crying. I do finally get to where I need to be and I am 30 minutes late but they take me anyway. So the fingerprinting is done!

Gerard is funny most of the time about situations like these. He said "This was like a big game of hide and seek and you won. Don't they know nothing is going to come between you and your baby? They sure did mess with the wrong woman. You hunted them down like a blood hound. That's my Bozzie!"

The Tree is Up.

I have broken down and put up the tree. I love my Christmas tree. I remember when I first started collecting Christmas tree ornaments I was about 16 years old. I love to collect ones that speak to me or that have a meaning behind them. We have a bunch of Hallmark ornaments but this year the time is going so fast. I will only be able to put up one tree this year. Usually like Susan I have more then one tree.

Over the years I have sent out many Christmas cards and this year I am so behind. I have always sent them out signed Love Joy, Gerard and Dottie too. Well it occurred to me that some of these people have never met Dottie. They could be thinking she is a cat or a ferret or a bunny. I pray next year that I will be sending out Christmas cards with a new little one on it but somehow I think Dottie has been cheated so this year she will be featured on my Christmas card.



On adoption news I so glad that a number of families have either gotten a referral or will be traveling soon. I can barely sit still in excitement for them. This time next week I will have completed the fingerprints for the I-600 so that is moving right along and life is great. As soon as I get the I-171 I will be able to send my Dossier to Russia.

Picking Stuff for the Nursery is Harder Then I Thought

I know that I am a little premature thinking that I need to get the nursery together but who cares I love looking. I thought I would be able to easily just decide what I wanted to put in the nursery but I am having a hard time with the room that I have chosen for the little one.

My house is small and the room that I chose is the closest one to mine the other room is not a good choice because of its location in the house even though I like it better because it is bigger. I really think it is just because I am use to using the other room because it is my office. Who and I kidding the office will be gone because that will turn into the guest room because we have to have someone stay the night when we work. I really just do not like the smaller room. Maybe now that I have said it I will just be able to move on and make my list of things I need.

Here is my real shopping dilemma for today. I was looking on Overstock.com a couple of weeks ago and I found a crib set that was about 150.00 dollars that had frogs on it. I knew I should have brought it immediately but I did not. Now it is gone not meant to be I guess. Now I found a different one that is 4 pieces for 59.00 that has fish on it that I love. My only problem is that I think the green is a little too Lime green for what I am looking for so I guess the search continues.

Next problem is a white crib or a honey oak colored crib?

P.S Susan if you are reading this they had a really cute crib set with planes on it. Check it out.

I got my Christmas Present Today

Well I know that I already posted once today but as luck would have it the mailman still comes to my house. Today I got my invitation to be fingerprinted by the Department of Homeland Security. On December 18, 2007 I will be at the Philadelphia office to be fingerprinted.

I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. It just seems like I have spent years waiting to be a mother and now the process is flying by. I have so many things that need to be finished before Little Bean comes home and I hope to get at least half of them done.

On a different topic and a bit of advice for others. I know that I am behind the times when it comes to technology. In the last couple of years I have not checked off the box for a CD of my pictures. What a fool I am. So yesterday I spent 4 hours at Wal-Mart scanning pictures on to one of those machines and I got a CD made for $2.47. This Christmas I am not planning on spending large amounts of money but giving things that are more meaningful instead. My sister Jenny and I went to Europe a couple of years ago and we never really did anything with the pictures. I burned all these pictures onto a CD and that will be her present this year. I hope she loves it.

Here are some of the pictures from that trip in May of 2002.

Some of my favorite quotes from this trip were:

"There is some bus involvement" Really there were days that we were on the bus for 8 hours
"Tower made of steel now lets go" Jenny hates heights but she made up the Eiffel tower anyway
The first chocolate cake was made in Austria Jenny's response "Now I see why they made a second"

I look bake now and see that this trip although trying at time was a wonderful experience for both of us.

Trial Run In Siberia

Christmas time is more then just buying presents for me. I know you are all saying but all you have talked about so far is what you have brought for Christmas. This past weekend I spent the day with a wonderful little man named Ricky. He is my cousin's son. My Aunt Cassie thought it would be nice to take him to the parade on LBI to start the Christmas season.

On LBI it was particularly cold on Saturday because of the western wind. Let me paint the picture for you all. My Mother, Aunt Cassie, Ricky and I set out to see the parade and drink hot coco. The funny thing is I usually do not wear a coat except when I am going to be outside for long periods of time. Saturday I decided this would be an interesting trail run for Siberia like weather with the wind chill it was well below zero (at least in my mind). We stood out there and watched the parade there were lots of antique fire trucks and cars. There were floats and marching bands in all it was a very nice parade of about 2.5 hours.

We really had a great time I got lots of nice pictures of Ricky and Santa as well. The funny part is we were frozen by the end of the parade. We had to cross the street to the car and I told Ricky run and the poor little man told me but my feet are asleep also know as frost nip. He was so good not one complaint out of him about the cold or the standing and this reminded me of one of the reasons why I want to be a mother. We had so much fun just anticipating the parade and the hot coco that it was worth the frozen feet. I love the Christmas Season.

P.S. Yes I did buy something for Little Bean while I was there. I love children's books so I got part one and two of A Gull's Story By Frank Finale both signed by the author. Part one is an ABC book and Part two is a 123 book about the Jersey Shore.

God Answers All My Prayers

As you all can tell from the topics of the last couple of posts I broke out the box of concern many weeks ago about the lost of my tracking ticket for the I-600. Okay before you all flip to the next blog and say enough already I have some good news. The receipt for the I-600 came from the Department of Homeland Security TODAY.

As most of you know I work the night shift because of that I sleep after I work 3 days per week. I swear that my neighbors or anyone who happens to drive by or call on the telephone must think look at that lazy girl. I just know people think "She is always in her nightgown" or worst "That poor man he works 2 jobs so that she can sleep all day what a shame." After almost 10 years on the night shift I have gotten over it and actually think it is funny.

I almost never answer my house telephone because I mostly keep it turned off (except in one room on the other side of the house). I use my cell phone for most of my personal calls. I usually keep my cell phone on when I sleep anyone who has the number knows not to ever call me before noon unless I call them first. Know this is getting long but bare with me.

Today I turned off my cell phone to completely recharge it I know that is very mean. I slept perfectly (I have not been sleeping well during the day lately). I was awakened by Dottie. Yes that beautiful spotted dog in the picture. Anyone who knows Dottie knows that she refuses to be ignored. She stands on the bed barking and touching me gently with her paw. I woke up to find the reason why she waking me up was that the mailman was coming down the block. I think even she realizes that I am stalking the mailman. So I waited inside because I am sure that he has taken out an order of protection (Just kidding).

I walk to the mailbox and start flipping through the mail. I am thinking great here is my car payment, even better the gas bill, the life insurance bill and then I notice another letter. I felt like I was holding the Holy Grail. The letter from the Department of Homeland Security has arrived. Angels started singing, the clouds became puffy and the sun felt so warm (I live in the northeast). Actually none of that happened but any who. They got my I-600 and they are no longer keeping it a secret. A weight was lifted right at the point in time when I needed it the most. I have been so distraught over this and now I can breath. I am not too much a paper freak right (Don't answer that).

I know God will take care of me. This is his plan not mine. When the time is right I will get a referral and not a minute sooner. I am okay with that so far and I am not questioning any of that (Yet). I feel we all have lessons to learn and teach while here on this earth. Patience or trust must be what I need to learn more of before the baby comes.

I have become a personal shopper!

Since I did not have a ton of family for Thanksgiving Day and did not have to travel I was well rested for shopping. I set my alarm for 4:45am. The alarm went off but I was already up for about an hour waiting to get myself going. I think that was a gentle way of my body telling me that it is time to go back to work because I had the last 10 days off. Any who.

I got myself together and headed out to Wal-Mart first for black friday shopping. I did have a list of things that I wanted that were on sale mostly for me. I called into work because no one else is up at that hour to find out one of my friends wanted a GPS for her car. I told her she did not have a chance for it if she was going after work. I told her I would see if I could get one for her.

Honestly, I did not think I was going to get any of the things on my list because it was after 5:oo am when I left home. To my surprise I got everything on my list. See I have many list going at one time. Most of the things on my list center around things I think I will need once the baby is here or for trip #1 or #2. The one thing that I wanted but did not think I would get was a portable DVD player for 49.99 with the carry case. I also wanted a couple of SD cards for my camera and for the camcorder that is also on my list. Well check those things off the list plus some things for family members that I can not mention now.

Next I was off for a camcorder at either Best Buy, Circuit City or Sears. I had to drive about 40 minutes south to where all of these stores are located. I thought for sure that there was no way I was going to get a deal on one of these camcorders. Well ladies and gentlemen not only did I get one but I got two.

See I waited in the line at Best Buy without even seeing the camera because the store was that crazy. I asked the salesperson to give me the details on the camcorder and she did. Here I am thinking great this is exactly what I wanted and all for under $350.00. Then my beautiful bubble was burst by the man who rang me up (No SD card for still pictures in this camera).

Bummed I went to Sears no camcorders left in my price range. Then I thought let me at least try at Circuit City. To my surprise they not only had 1 but 3 camcorders left. So I called another friend who was looking for a camcorder. The phone rang and no answer I wavered slightly thinking I should get two of them for a grand total of 3 camcorders and then said no I can not be doing this what if she really does not want it.

Now I get back into the car with a grand total of 2 camcorders one with 34X zoom from Circuit City for $262.12 for with the 5 DVD disks and the 2 GB SD card. I am feeling pretty good now I only have to return the other camera. But something is telling me look at the camera first. So that is what I did and guess what it does have the slot for a memory stick pro duo. I liked this camera better because of it has 40X zoom plus 10 mini DVDs and the camera bag fro 319.00. After looking at both and playing with them I decided to keep the one from Best Buy.

Back to the car once again and yes I still have 2 camcorders.
I had to work Friday night so I told myself I will return the camera next week. Fast forward a couple of hours to about 5:00 pm remember my friend who worked Thanksgiving Day she calls me to tell me she wished she had picked up the phone she really wanted that camcorder. That is when I tell her my tale we both start laughing as she is going to buy the camera from me. I think it is funny how things just work out for the best. I got the holiday off and the people who worked got the door breaker deals that they wanted. I now have become a personal shopper.

Happy Thanksgiving one day late! Plus good news about the I-600!

This year Thanksgiving was a bit unusual for us. In years past I have spent most of my time preparing Thanksgiving dinner with many different family members at my home. This year Gerard and I decided that we needed to spend the time together alone. So that is what we did. With the exception of visiting my mother and older sister in the morning to see Bentley her new dog that is exactly what we did.

When Gerard and I were first dating I would make us Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday and we would spend it together. Then each of us would go our separate ways on Thanksgiving Day. He would drive to Brooklyn and I would spend the day with my family. My nieces and nephews were all little then and now most of them are all grown up. As their Aunt I could not wait for them to come or for me to get to them. We would talk and play around I just love hearing about their days at school or other activities. It was always a ton of fun. I know that they may never realize just how much I love them but I do try to show them every chance I get.

I remember pulling out the sale papers and looking through them cover to cover with them. At that point I was always broke because I was in school. The sale papers were more of a wish list then anything else. Now things are different in both good and bad ways. My nieces and nephews are all grown up and I am not their center focus anymore that is the sad part. The good part is that the sale papers are not only for wishing anymore. (More about that tomorrow)

For me it was really nice to have Gerard all to myself this holiday. See we both have to work holidays but I have been lucky to have Thanksgiving off for many years in a row (Insert hugs and kisses to my friends at work who do not mind working this holiday). I know it may make me sound a little psycho but I love spending time with him and we just do not get enough time together alone. We tease and joke about everything most of the day. This may be our last set of holidays with out a little one running around so I intend on enjoying this special time with him.

Okay enough of that on to the good news about the I-600. As many of you know I lost the tracking ticket for the package sent to the Department of Homeland Security (INS) that had our I-600, cashier's check and home study in it. No I still have not found it yet but do not worry I am sure it is very safe. I said to myself I just have to know if they got the package.

I thought to myself the other day ‘ask the bank if they can track the cashier's check.’ Well the answer to that is they can! The cashier's check was cashed on November 14, 2007 what a glorious day. I do have to say that I am glad that I did not think of this earlier because it was 3 weeks from the time I sent the package to time when the check was cashed. I know I would have been even crazier if I knew that.

So all is well here in New Jersey. Dottie got an extra helping of turkey that made her really tired. That is the funny part because anyone who knows Dottie knows that she is never any farther then about 2 feet away from me. She slept through the night and well into the morning. P.S. Joy Babe it is not mean to feed her turkey just because it makes her sleep.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

My INS Problem is Very Small

First I would like to apologize to everyone for complaining about the lost of my tracking receipt for the I-600 to the USCIS. I find it amazing everyday how God intervenes in your life. No I have not heard anything from INS or found the receipt in order to track the package but my problem pales in comparison to Tommi-Lynn Sawyers problem.

See the weekends Gerard tries not to work extra so yesterday he went to the bagel store to get breakfast and the paper on his way home from work. I find it amazing that he does actually listen when I am upset. I have been very upset all week because of the news about CHI. He gently nods his head and tells me it will be okay. That is what I love about him. The front cover of the paper highlighted a news article about adoption. This article features a single woman who lives in a town near us who is in the middle of adopting from Vietnam.

Tommi-Lynn Sawyer is a single woman who lives in New Jersey who along with a couple of other families who needs our prayers. Apparently after Tommi-Lynn and these other families went to Vietnam and bonded with their child the USCIS told them they could not bring them home. A Notice of Intent to Deny was issued before they came home.
How could this happen? I feel very sad for these families. I have linked the article to this post so that you all can read it for yourselves. I have also linked a website that was formed to help these families be reunited. They are asking that we contact our political officials to help their cause.

I am asking that you please keep these families in your prayers.

Joy

Article Website
http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/news/local/cumberland/story/7517422p-7416648c.html

Bring Eden Home Website
http://www.bringedenhome.com

Nothing New

Well,
I have not heard anything from the USCIS about our I-171h. I hope to hear from them soon so that I can continue with the next steps of the process. I have to say I am surprising myself and Gerard as to how good I have been about the wait. Usually I am an instant gratification girl. I like to just get things planned and then done as soon as I think of them. One of the things that keeps going through my mind is I wonder if my child is born yet. See this is something that I do not know yet. I can only hope and pray that if little bean is born that someone is caring about him or her right now. So that is my pray to God tonight.

Dear God,
Please watch over my little one. Let him or her know that I am doing everything I can to get him or her home as soon as possible. Thank you for letting everything fall into place for us.
Love Me.

I am off for Thanksgiving this year but I have to work on Christmas Eve. I have to say I do not mind working Christmas Eve this year because I am hoping to be off for next year and maybe Little Bean will be home. The holidays seem to come so fast. I hope that I will have some news about the I-171h before Christmas.

Tracking and Confirmation

I know that earlier this month I vowed to only post positive things about my adoption. Well, I will now be breaking that promise. I have tried to be very organized about keeping these papers straight. Here is my problem, I sent in the I-600 to Homeland Security. I paid the extra money for the tracking and confirmation. I was thinking to myself this is a good thing because I will know that the letter got there and have some peace of mind.

It was a good plan and if I were to do this again I would only change one part of that plan. I would not have LOST the tracking number. That is right I lost it. I remember seeing it in my hand and thinking to myself I need to put this in a safe place until I get home. Well, it is in a really safe place. So safe that I can not even find it.

So then you say well you will know that they have received your paperwork once they cash the check for the application and the fingerprints. Yes that would be true EXCEPT I thought ‘I bet it is faster if I send a cashier’s check.’ Good thought Joy it will not matter that you sent a cashier's check if they do not get the application.

So here is my dilemma, I still have not heard from the Department of Homeland Security. Apparently once you receive you receipt number you can somewhat track its progress from what I understand. I have been looking at the mailbox waiting and hoping. The mailman thinks I am crazy; luckily for me he is a family friend and knows that I am not a stalker.

I know that I am thinking a little irrationally right now. I bet tomorrow I will get some sort of word that they did receive the I-600 and this worry will be filed away. I just can not wait to file this one away. I know the minute I get the approval I will find that tracking receipt. If I do I am going to sign on and find out the date that the Department of Homeland Security got the I-600. I think in a crazy way it will be funny to know that I spent all this time worrying about nothing.

Adoption is a test of patience which is good practice for becoming a mother. I know that I need to let go and let God handle it as my mother would say. See mom I do listen to you. This is also a little test to see if you are reading this blog.

National Adoption Month

I would like to thank all the people who have acknowledged the fact that this is National Adoption Month. This month I hope to be able to post positive information about adoption and my adoption in particular. I have decided to take time out of my day to pray for my fellow bloggers who have adopted or are in the process of adoption.

Of course accreditation has not come for many adoption agencies that are looking to help families’ complete Russian adoption. Accreditation will allow for more children to find their forever homes. I have a feeling that many of the people whose blogs I read will be getting a referral very soon.

I have read on the Dave Thomas web site about how to approach your employer to assist with some of the costs related to adoption. I work for a large healthcare system in New Jersey. I hope that if I am not able to convince them to help me then maybe I can convince them to change the policy for others.

Well, I have lots to do tonight. Big letters to write and information to find to support my cause. I think I like to purple background.

Yesterday I received the notarized copy of my home study agencies license from the State. Now the only document that I am waiting for is the I-171. Here's to waiting.

Tagged!

I have been tagged. I guessed that eventually it would happen. My friend Anita is the one who passed this task to me. Anita is a fellow blogger who is planning to adopt an older child domestically.

So here are the rules for being tagged.

Rules: Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.

1. I love to go to the beach but I burn extremely easily. I do not swim very well but love to be in the ocean.

2. I am scared to become a mother. I have wanted to become a mother for as long as I can remember but what if I am not a good mother. What if I do not I do not show my child enough love or understanding.

3. I am one of those people who try to practice what I preach. I think I give too much advice and I think that annoy people.

4. I love all things handmade. I like to figure out how things are made and try to recreate them.

5. My friends laugh at me because I always have a calculator very close by. I am constantly adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing numbers.

6. I love to read books while driving. Just making sure that everyone is still awake. I listen to them as I drive. My drive to work is about 30 minutes so I spend this time listening to books. My friends think this is funny. Gerard laughs at me he said it is not possible to read a book while driving but I say it is.

7. I love china. Gerard jokes that I have enough china for 150 people to come to dinner. The funny thing is that he is probably right.

8. I love to decorate my house I am always on the look out for new things to put out. When I say new I usually mean new to me. I love all things old and well wore. This drives Gerard crazy but I just can not help it.

Now I have to pass this task off to others. I am tagging Becky, Rachel, Debbie, Carey and Suz

I Found Another Thing to Buy-Robeez

Okay, I was very busy surfing the FRUA website and I came across a discussion about shoes for Little Bean. I have to say I have already purchased some bigger sizes but I was very conflicted about what I would take with me. I saw these beautiful Ugg boots but I decided to wait.

To hear me talk you would think I am traveling next week but I am not. I just like to be prepared. On the FRUA website everyone was saying ‘do not worry you can buy shoes when you are there they all wear Robeez shoes’ so I started searching for these on the internet to see if I could get a picture of them.

All I can say is how cute are they. I love the different designs. My little nephew loves his Crocs but I was thinking open shoes and Siberia in January are probably not a good mix. I just can not decide which ones to buy.

From what I read on the Web site these shoes are made of leather and very easy to put and keep on the baby. Plus there were so many different designs. I love them all. These will be the new baby gift that I give my friends.
Here is the official web site. I also found them on EBay.

Documents Faxed for Review

Well,
I have to say that soon my life will be put back in order. I guess I am no different then anyone else when it comes to gathering the needed documents for an international adoption. Today I sent putting the documents in order and faxing them to my coordinator for her review.

I hope that all the documents are right but who knows. I am sure that I could not get this done the right way on the first time out the door. I am waiting on the I-171 and on document from the State of New Jersey about the agency who did my home study. Once I receive the letter from the State I guess the next step is to get it all apostilled. I have seen a picture on someone's blog where they took a picture of all the documents after they were apostilled. I think that looks pretty cool. I can not wait until I can take that picture.

Let the wait bring. I am feeling confident today so bring it on.

On a side note about waiting for little bean, every year my family tries to get away. This year I was the only one who could not get away because I had dog sitting issues. This year I wanted to rent a beach house in North Carolina for the whole family. I know if I reserve the house the accreditation will come right away. So I intend on looking this weekend.

Under penalty of death I was asked to clean up the dinning room by Gerard. Okay death is a little strong. See I have had these papers spread out for the last 2 weeks. So as he asked so nicely I have cleared a spot for dinner. Really he told me he was going to hide the computer and my papers if I did not stop obsessing about getting the Dossier done. I jus keep looking at these papers over and over. Add to that reading on the FRUA website and little else has been done around here.

Things to do with Little Bean # 2

The second most important thing that I would like to do with Little Bean is introduce him or her to the Christian faith. Having a solid belief in Jesus Christ is one are best things that could happen to a person. As a mother I understand the responsibility that I have to my child to make sure that Little Bean is exposed to religious teachings.

I grew up in a family who has always believed in Jesus Christ. As a child I was not brought up in any particular faith. My father was Episcopalian and my mother Catholic. My parents decided early that we (meaning my younger sister and I) would not receive formal religious studies or receive our sacraments until we were old enough to choose which religion we wanted to be a part of. I celebrated the Christian holidays and lived the best way I knew how to as a child into adulthood. I know my mother was always upset that this is what was agreed upon but she kept her word to my father at least that is the way I see it.

As an adult I made the choice to become a Catholic. I think this was a natural choice for me because even though the choice was mine to make. I pretty much only knew the Catholic faith. I remember many years ago when Gerard and I first met he told me 2 things. The first was that he would know if I was the one in about 3 months and the second thing was that if I was the one I needed to receive my sacraments in a Christian faith. This was one of the things I loved about him the minute that he said it. He knew that I wanted to make these sacraments and that it was important to me to raise a family with these beliefs.

So I am proud to say Gerard and I started dating in August of 1990 and I received my sacraments in April of 18, 1992 at Saint Francis of Assisi. My child will receive the same sacraments as I did in the same church as I did. Just the thought of this gives me a warm feeling inside.

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I-600 Completed and Sent In

The last couple of days have been very busy on the adoption home front. I have received my final home study with all the notarized documents in place with the exception of the home study agency license. This document will be sent to me from the state of New Jersey. This is a big deal for me so I am very excited.

Because the paperwork has been changed for what CHI is requiring in order to send a Dossier to Russia I did not have to put together as many papers as others did in the past. See things really do go my way. I did however have to send in the I-600 form and need to have a copy of the approval letter to bring home little bean (I-171). Friday, I ripped open the home study package and put the copy into the envelope that has been waiting and when directly to the bank for the check and then the post office.

Here is another instance where I was very lucky. My bank's lobby stays open late and the post office was next door. I was the last one to be let into the post office. Now I know that this seems silly. I could have mailed this form on Saturday and the Department of Homeland Security would receive it on the same day as if I mailed it on Friday but I do not care because I am so excited.

I have been trying to pace myself during this wait even though I have not waited on paper as long as some of you out there. I have waited many years for the money to do this and for all the physical moves that I have made to settle down so that I can start this journey. I feel blessed that so far I have not reached any spot in this wait or journey that has made me rethink my decision.

I was reading on the FRUA website the other night about the wait for the I-171 approval. I started a ticker so that I can easily figure out how many days this will take to get back. I read on the Department of Homeland Security Website that it will take about 3 months for the I-171 to be sent to me. Hopefully it will be back to me by February 1, 2008.

Well I am off to do some really fun things like clean the bathroom, laundry, vacuum and make the bed. I do not want any of you to be jealous that I am going to have so much fun today.

New video as Promised

Well, I know everyone already knows that I am a little computer illiterate. I have tried for a couple of days to upload some video of my day at the park with my sister Julie and my nieces. Well I have been very unsuccessful. I tried to upload it to the blogger site and to youtube and was unsuccessful in both areas. See I spliced together the video and I have a feeling that this could be part of the problem although I did it the same way I did the Sands Implosion.

I am determined to get this video uploaded because I feel that I need to be very good at this for future use. I am hoping that I will master this by the time I travel to Russia because as we all know it is very important to have a video history of where our children come from. I have always envied people who make it look so easy. I am trying to think of challenges like this one as a Parenting Prep Class. If my child is anything like me or Gerard then I will need 24 hour Parenting Prep Classes until he or she arrives.

I think the art of taking pictures and video should be covered somewhere when you become an adult. I hope and pray that with time I will improve and be able to just point, shoot, edit and view like it was second nature. When in reality I like Gerard do not like to have my picture taken or to be video taped. Pictures of me are rare. I know everyone is saying to themselves that there are a ton of pictures of her on this blog. Well let me tell you over the years I have become very camera shy.

I am sure that this has to do with the extra weight that I have put on over the years or it is from the fear of watching myself age. I think it might have to do with a disagreement that I had with a family member about childhood pictures. I just stopped taking pictures and stop posing for pictures. I am trying to get past all of that as best as I can. I have put this on my list of things I would like to change about myself along with about a million other things.

But back to pictures, I find that I am draw to the blogs that have the most pictures. These are the ones that I enjoy reading the most. So please excuse the fact that these videos are sideways I could not figure that part out. Spliced together they are really funny. I decided to make a video diary of everyone in the family while we are waiting for things to get done. This is still only part of the day. Maybe once I am able to figure out how to post a spliced video I will postvideo of everyone in my family and their thoughts about waiting for Little Bean.

Jaime is the master at this playground toy.




Jillian as Wilma Flintstone.




Jennica as Betty and Joy needing help to keep her pants up.




The quote of the day comes from Jillian "If you want to freak people out poop in the tub. It does it every time!"

Things I Want to Do When Little Bean Comes Along

I love lists. I know many of you who know me well may not believe that but I do. When I make a 'to do' list I may keep it for many days, months or years. I find this is one way to keep myself on track. There are so many things I want to do, places I want to go and things I want to see. So keeping a list is one of the things I do to help keep me on track. I do not want to be that person who said I wished I had done that or I could never find the time to do that. So I keep a list crazy you might think but I have a hard time remembering everything that I want to do or be in this one short life.

So today when I was checking things off my list I thought making a list of things that I want to do once Little Bean comes home could be a good thing. So while I was thinking about this post today I thought I will never be able to put in to words all the things that I want to do once the baby comes home. So I made another decision. This list will be an on going list. One I can add to over the years and change as the situations present themselves.

Things I want to do with Little Bean

1. Oh course bring him or her home is the first on the list.
This is a day that I have anticipated for many years. There was a point in time when I thought I did not want to have children. I am being honest. I thought that life was hard enough without having to take care of another person. Sometimes I feel so drained by my job and family responsibilities. This has changed. I could not tell you exactly when it changed but it did.

When I realized that I wanted a child at first I longed to have a child who looked just like Gerard. I can say there have been many days when I cried over not being able to have that dream. Over the last couple of years I have worried about not being pregnant or having a child at all. One day it hit me I want to be a mother not necessarily pregnant. That is when it hit me that adopting was what God had in store for me. God does want me to be a mother and I know that because he has given me everything that I have needed in order to adopt. I do not like to say that the road so far has been easy because it has not. I have had to deal with many different family issues that surround me adopting a child from Russia but the funny thing is these issues have been other people's issues not mine and not Gerard's. For that I am grateful.

Well this post is much longer then I initially intended for it to be. As the days, months and years go by I will add to this list. So unfortunately for anyone reading this blog you will probably be bored to tears and email me to please stop and save the world from destruction due to boredom. I apologize now for all the up coming painful posts.

Family Fun Time

Family and being with my family is very important to me. Some say that I put too much emphasis on family but I do not think so (at least most of the time). I love spending time with my nieces and nephews as well as my sisters. I think it is fair to say they make me a little crazy as I am sure that I make them a little crazy as well. I think that is what family is a about. I also think that worrying about a person is one way to show that you care about someone. I know that they probability worry about me as much as I worry about them. Gerard thinks I am crazy at time for worrying about everyone when in reality he worries about everyone too.

So this weekend I was able to spend time with my family this weekend. Jennica my niece was able to come down from Connecticut. I was so happy to see her because I usually only get to see her every couple of months. The trip is a long one to New Jersey.

So I was able to get some things checked off my list on Saturday. I think the stars are in alignment because I was able to get some pictures of all my nieces in one spot. This has not happened since 2001. When I look back at those pictures on the beach they all look so different. The biggest change has been to Little Joy (The Little Bozz). She has easily grown a couple of feet to become the tallest girl in the family.

I decided to take them all to Wal-Mart to get the family portrait done. I was lucky to get Eric (Jillian’s Husband) but unlucky to not get Greg (Jaime’s Fiancée). Unfortunately, we had no choice but to get it done on Saturday because Eric haVideo s to get back to Coast Guard school and then they are moving to Washington State. Greg was putting a roof on their house and I have to agree with Greg the roof was more important.

So after the portraits were done I came up with the idea to video tape everyone’s thoughts and feelings about Little Bean. So we went to the park in town. Well I have to say we got some really funny things on video and even funnier things when the video was off. In all the day was very fun and productive for me. I just want them all to know that they will be a big part of Little Bean’s life and thank you for putting up with my crazy demands for pictures and video. As Gerard says “You always want the most impossible pictures.” Well Gerard you are right and I got them and here they are.

Random pictures at the park of the Girls and Eric

I hope be able to upload the videos to the blog either tomorrow or the next day. So there is more of this day to come.

A Night Out with Gerard! (Sands Casino Implosion)

Last night Gerard and I decided that we should have a night out together. Gerard and I are not big partiers so neither of us frequent a bar or night club. We tend to do things that seem a little crazy to others and we usually have a ton of fun doing it. We live close to Atlantic City, New Jersey. For those of you who are no familiar with Atlantic City the main economy is gambling. There are many different casinos in Atlantic City which is located on the beach. There is a boardwalk and all the little shops that go along with boardwalks. In the past Atlantic City (AC) was not the type of town that I would go to for a family vacation. The boardwalk and surrounding area seemed a little questionable. Over the years however the AC has tried to change the image of the town and I have to say they are doing a wonderful job from what I saw last night. There are now many wonderful places to eat and shop. The casinos are trying to revitalize the area so that more people think of AC as a vacation spot on the shore not only a place to gamble.

This brings us to the night out that Gerard and I had planned. I am sure that I have mentioned in the past that Gerard is a workaholic. He loves to cover as much ground as possible in any given situation. He is always on the run. I think this is one of the reasons why we balance each other out so well. I love to take in the experience and nail him down so to speak. The Sands casino was scheduled to be imploded last night October 18, 2007 at 9:30 pm. For some reason the moon and stars were in alignment and we were both off. This tends to be a very difficult thing these days because we are both trying to work as much as possible to save money. This is also another reason why it is difficult to go out because we are trying to save money. The implosion was free and I am all about the free date these days. Okay maybe not free we paid for parking, dinner and a little gambling but is all less the 50 dollars (I had some comps).

I have never been to an implosion before and I have to say if you get the chance it was wonderful. Before the Sands was to be imploded the casino group who purchased the land sprung for a fireworks show. I love fireworks so I was all over that besides I worked the fourth of July and missed out on the fireworks (Gerard worked so it is no fun to go to fireworks alone). I made sure that we got there is plenty of time to park and take a few pictures with my camera. That is when I figured out this camera can record so I said may as well try it out tonight. So here are some pictures of the Sands casino and our night out and a video of the implosion. Yes that is my loud voice in the video and yes Gerard tends to shake my arm when I am trying to do something that requires a steady hand (I think he does not even realize he is doing it).



By the way I did get a great picture of Gerard but he does not want anyone to see it so I promised I would not put it on the blog. I have to say that I would imagine that many of you out there who do not know us well would think that he is imaginary. I have to say I could not make up half the things he says or does.

As far as the Dossier I am waiting on the final copy of the home study so that I can get it all apostilled and sent to CHI. As soon as I have the copy in my hand I will be sending out the I-600, driving to get my birth certificate and dropping off the documents to be apostilled. I am hoping that the Dossier will be complete and sent to CHI by the first of the year.

Brooklyn and Gerard's Favorite Spots

As I told you all when I have no news on the adoption home front I plan on posting something about Gerard or myself or our families. Well when we were in Brooklyn for J's funeral this was the first time Gerard had been back there in 10 years. So Gerard is a very quiet man. He loves being able sit in the back yard with Dottie. Traffic is not something that he loves to deal with as well so the daily life of living in Brooklyn for him was not one that he really enjoyed. He hated the traffic, parking and the fact that it took so much time to get anywhere. See this is one of the reasons why he moved to South Jersey. I like to think it was for me but I am sure that fishing and peace and quiet were high on the list.

I have to say I never minded going to Brooklyn with him but he just never like to go. Maybe I would feel differently if I had grown up there. Before J died I asked him if we could go to Brooklyn so that I could take pictures of where he grew up for Little Bean's scrapbook. He would always tell me one day. Who knew that day would come and the need for us to be in Brooklyn would be a sad one. We drove to Brooklyn via the magic carpet (AKA Gerard driving too fast for anyone but me and Nel. I never mention that I brought my camera because we mostly we sad that J passed and out of respect for Eddie and his family. I do not know what even made me bring it.

Gerard looked at Nel and I after the services and he asked me "Do you have your camera." See Aunt Nel does not live in Brooklyn anymore either but she does miss the driving around and buying certain things that you can only get in Brooklyn. So I told him "Yes I brought it." He asked me "What do you want pictures of maybe all the cars in the street and no place to park?" I told him that I wanted pictures of everything that he remembers that was good about living in Brooklyn. He thought for a minute and then we were off driving around Brooklyn.

When I think about this now I think this was the perfect day to do this see J loved Brooklyn and even after her children moved out of Brooklyn she would never leave because that was her home. This was also Gerard's family's home up until 10 years ago. Well here are the pictures that I took I hope you all do not think this is too boring but I think that knowing where a person comes from and the different experiences that he or she has had gives you a different perspective on why that person may act the way he or she does.

For Little Bean it is my hope that I am able to photograph many of the good things about Russia. I want to make sure that he or she knows that a place is can not be all good or all bad. I think after this day Gerard also figured this out. He is still talking about the 4 of us driving around Brooklyn and there have been no complaints.

We would go here for pastries and stand in a line down the street at Christmas time




The best bread in Brooklyn. If you live in New Jersey and are from New York this is one of the main topics at dinner the bread in New Jersey is never as good as the bread from Brooklyn (That is the truth)



Pastosa Raviolis. If you ever get a chance to eat them buy extra these are the best Raviolis there are in the world.


Gerard's House in Brooklyn. His dog Bobo would sit in the window and watch everything that happened on the street.



Gerard's Grade School Saint Thomas of Aquinas. This is where Gerard, Eddie, AM and his cousins Billie and Jackie (Aunt Nel's boys) all went to school. They would walk there everyday and have lunch at Lenny and John's pizza store.



Aunt Nel's House she lived around the corner from Gerard when he was a child. This is one of the things that he loves the most being close to his family. Aunt Nel still lives in the same town as us and we love it when she drops by to see us.



One of the funny things that I noticed was that most of these places centered arround food. Even his Aunt's House she was and is still always baking or cooking something for him.

Russian Database

I was reading on the FRUA website that you are able to see pictures of children who are up for adoption so after trying to figure it out for about an hour I was able to look at some of the pictures. I thought long and hard about whether I should show these pictures to Gerard. He has a big fear that we will get their and the referral that we will receive will be for a child with sever special needs. Although I am to care for a child who has these special needs and these children to desperately need homes. Gerard does not feel that he is able to meet the needs of this type of child.

So after lots of thought and consideration and in the spirit of not giving Gerard a panic attack I showed him the data base. As always he surprised me. I showed him children that appeared normal in the data base and some special needs children who we would consider. I think he took it very well. The one thing that he said that I think said it all was "I know My Bozz will be able to find us the right child. You know what we can deal with and what we can't deal with so the decision is yours."

As far as the age we are planning to move it up to 24 months from 18 months. I feel comfortable with that change and I think Gerard is somewhat relieved once he saw the pictures.
I want to thank everyone who kept us in their prayers while we made this decision.

Here is the website for the Russian Database
http://www.usynovite.ru/

Pictures for the Journey

I was thinking about some of the things that I have read about on other blogs. One of the things that I want to leave Little Bean after the first trip is a photo album of all the family members. I have 5 sisters and Gerard has one sister. We are all pretty close and I know that when we come home I think the child will feel a bit overwhelmed by the shear number of people. So I decided to have everyone's picture done at Wal-Mart. This is a little expensive because of the number of people who I want to have individual photos of but I think it is worth it.

Then it got me thinking back. We have not had a family picture since 2001 for my family and we were missing Michael and Aristotle was not born yet. We had all been on vacation to Myrtle Beach, SC and I called a photographer and had it done on the beach. I was so glad that we had these pictures done because they are so beautiful. I was looking at these pictures and I realized that the children have changed so much. Heck one is married and the other one is engaged to name only a few changes. Derrick has grown into a man and Michael is taller then ever. Jennica's hair is much shorter and she wears it straight now. Little Joy has grown taller then me. So I think it is time.

The last good group picture that we have of Gerard's family was from Ann-Marie's (AM, Which is what we actually call her) Wedding and I do not even have a copy. I hope to get them all together to get a family picture done but Gerard does have an aversion to cameras. I think that will have to be AM's job. She has a special way with her brother to get him to do the things that she wants him to do.

So here is the list of people that I would like to have a 5x7 of to leave with the baby (I am sure that I will have left someone out)
Me
Gerard
Nanny (My mother)
Jessica, Bill, Jennica, Derrick
Joan, Michael
Julie, Jaime, Greg, Jillian, Eric, Joy
Jackie, Rick, Aristotle (New baby)
Jenny
Chippy (Gerard's dad)
Mommybird (Gerard's mother)
AM & Eddie
Aunt Nel

More Changes

More Chnages and a You Tube video: Second Chance Children (My Story of Russian Adoption)

Well,
There is another change in my adoption. The coordinator that I have been working with out of New York is leaving CHI. I just happened to read my emails today. At first when I read it I was a little worried because I was just starting to get use to her. I will miss Susha. She made it very easy for me when I would email her a question. Because I work the night shift I am not always awake during the day (mostly I just agree to what ever is said if the call is before noon).

The next change that I am considering is changing the age range of what child I would like a referral for. Currently, I have the age range down for 18 months or younger. I was considering changing this to 24 months or younger. I know that this does not seem like a big difference to people who are not currently adopting or have not adopted.

I was thinking about making a list of pros and cons to help me make the decision. If I have not touched on a pro or con I would appreciate it if you would post your thoughts about the differences between the two different age groups.

PROS
1. The wait time may be shorter if I extend the age range
2. By using extended family leave little bean will be closer to 36 months which is the minimum age for the Head Start Program in my area.
3. Maybe I will not have to be in Russia during the winter time (Burr)
4. If I had given birth to Little Bean I would have been 34. I know this sounds a little crazy but in MY plan I wanted to have all my children by the time I was 30. Yes I wanted 4 but at 30,000 dollars a piece I do not see that happening unless I win the Mega millions (Oh I forgot that is scheduled for February 2008).

CONS
1. The child will be older and at an increased risk of attachment disorder
2. The child will have spent more time in an orphanage
3. The fee schedule is the same so there is no financial difference
I found this video on you tube that made me start to think that changing the age range would not be the end of the world. I was not able to figure out how to put his into one post so look at the post above/div>

Have you ever wondered what your child will look like?

I have pretty much figured out that I will get a referral for a boy. So you all know what that means I am getting a girl. I like to think about the differences between having a boy or a girl. I dream of putting a little girl's hair into pigtails like Cupcake. I also dream of spending time at the barber getting a nice little man haircut like Iliya. Both of these children are absolutely beautiful and you can really see the differences between having a boy or a girl.

I know that when you are pregnant one of the things that you think about is how the baby will look. Will the baby have my eyes and his ears? So I started asking the mothers and fathers of the babies who I am caring for in the nursery. Does he or she look like what you thought he/she would look? I can honestly say not one of them said yes. But all of these parents said the children were more beautiful then they thought they would be.

I have to admit I day dream a lot about what little bean will look like but in the end I believe I will have the same reaction that I would have had if I were pregnant. I know for those of you who have already completed your forever families this is probably no longer a concern for you because you could not imagine having any other child. That is the amazing part for me.

I know that once little bean is here I will know and feel in my heart that this child was placed with us for many reasons not only because he/she looks like one of us. I may not be able to say that he/she has my eyes or Gerard's ears but I know that I will be able to pick out the different things that we have had an influence on because of how we will raise our child. Maybe I am a little crazy but I am looking forward to all the different stages of childhood.

As far as the paperwork goes I have to drive to Trenton to get the right type of birth certificate. I plan on doing this next week sometime. I am still waiting to get the final home study paper work back. If I do not here anything by Monday I will call to see how things are coming. In New Jersey I can not submit my I-600 until the home study is final apparently the application just sits there until the home study is there as well. My goal is to have the Dossier completed for December 1, 2007.

The Paperwork has Changed!

If you are adopting with CHI and are in the middle of preparing your Dossier I am sure that I am not the first one to tell you the paperwork has changed. It seems to me that CHI is trying to what is right for both the Russian Government what is right for the adoptive parents. CHI has reduced the number of papers that are needed to register the Dossier. This does not mean that the other papers do not need to be filled out. It just means that they will be filled out closer to the time of travel.

For those of you reading this blog this may sound a little confusing. So I am going to try to explain it the best way that I can. The Dossier is a large file full of different papers. Some papers state the reason why we want to adopt while others give the adoption agency the right to speak on my behalf. All the papers in the Dossier need to be notarized and apostilled by the state of New Jersey before they can be registered in Russia. These last 2 steps cost money. The documents in the dossier may only be good for 3-6 months so if we do not receive a referral and our documents expire we have to redo them and spend more money to have them notarized and apostilled. The number of documents needed went from 22 to 12.

Because the number of documents needed to register the Dossier has been reduced we will spend less money when we have to redo these documents in upcoming months. People who know me well know that I have to waste money. Each time I save a little more money I think this is time that I can stay home once little Bean is here.

So here is where my paper chase stands right now. I need a copy of the I-171H from the INS, a new birth certificate and the final home study report with all related documents. The other documents are done and waiting to be sent to CHI for review prior to being apostilled. The birth certificate I will get tomorrow and I will call the home study agency to see how far along we have gotten on the final report. So the time has come to hurry up and wait.

Honestly, I am enjoying the wait so far. This wait has given me time to think about the things that I need to do and the things that I want to do before the Little Bean comes home. I know that one of these days I will complain that the wait is too long and I hope that someone reminds me that 'good things come to those who wait.' I pray to be a patient waiter. I think the hardest wait will come between the first and second trip. I hope that I am able to work everyday in between to help take my mind off the wait.

An Example of a Great Mom

Well,
I sorry that I have not posted in a couple of days that was not my intension. I intended for this heading to be about my mother but I am sure that she will understand. There are so many great moms out there and I wanted to share this with you. We have had a death in the family and I offered to help during the last couple of days. My services were not needed because God called her home first. This woman was one of the strongest people I have ever met. I did not know her well. She was my Sister-in-Law's (Ann-Marie) Mother-in-Law (J). I will only give you a couple of small facts about what little I knew of her. I will not be mentioning certain people by name because I have not asked there permission.

J was a woman that knew what was important. She strongly encouraged her children to stay together as a family. See J was a single mother not by her choice. Her husband died many years ago. I never knew him personally but only through stories that her sons B (Her oldest son) & Eddie (My brother-in-Law) told me about him. I know in my heart that I would have loved to have just met him once.

Education was important to J. This was one of J's things that she tried her best to instill into her 4 boys. She did everything to ensure that her boys got not a good education but a great education. She managed to put all her boy through private school by making personal scarifies. She stood by her boys even if they were wrong (That is not to say that they did not hear about what they needed to change). Eddie told me about how when he was considering quitting school. She started back to school after many years in an effort to be the best example that she could be to him. Wow that must have been very hard for her to do.

The other thing that was very important to J was her religion. From what Eddie has told me she was the type of person who welcomed everyone into her home. Advice was given if it was needed. Her faith was something I guess helped to guide her through times of sorrow and times of joy. She believed in God and from what I understand tried to live a good life.

J will be missed by her boys greatly. Things are emotionally hard for this family right now but I know that with prayer and time the pain will ease. Please include her and her boys in a small prayer tonight they need it.


This not only Gerard's Childhood Church but J's church as well.
Saint Thomas Aquinas, Brooklyn, New York

I Have a Love Affair With Ebay

I was on EBay and some of my favorite things to shop for are things for little bean's room. Please keep in mind that I love everything old and well worn. One of my friend's (Craig's wife) was absolutely hysterical when I showed her one of the prints that I plan to put into little bean's room. Now stay with me a moment. I want the room to reflect the cottage feel that the rest of my house has but I also want to put only the most special things into this space (Like Little Bean).

My father was in construction. Unfortunately, he has passed on many years ago. Even though he loved me and my sisters very much I am sure that he would have enjoyed having a boy around to do the boy thing with. Because we have not made a preference as to what gender we want CHI has pretty much told me that we will get a boy. I want my father to have a small place of honor in my little bean's room.

I also plan on honoring Russia and Gerard's heritage as well. Gerard is from Brooklyn. The running joke between us is that his favorite team remains to be the Brooklyn Dodgers. For those of you who do not follow baseball this team has not existed for many years. But that does not stop me. I got him this picture for his birthday one year. It was very funny at the time. He keeps trying to explain to me that this team no longer exists but I tell him "You’re wrong!" This is a phrase that I use when ever he gets up tight. I state a fact that is not actually a fact but completely made up. Then I insist that he is wrong. It usually makes him just laugh.

Brooklyn Dodgers (Gerard's Favorite Baseball Team)

So in comes EBay. I thought it would be nice to have a map of Russia or the world in Little Bean's room. I started to look on EBay and found two beautiful maps and an old map/print of a bunch of famous buildings from around the world. I think because of my father I enjoy seeing how things are made and enjoy the beauty of old buildings. I was instantly drawn to this print the most. The funniest thing was Craig's Wife's reaction. After she saw it she walked around for about 3 hours and said "Oh No! You do not have to have Winnie the Pooh but I am putting my foot down NO!" Thinking about her reaction has just made me laugh harder each time.


See Craig's wife knows how I feel; she went through hell and back to have her children and they mean the world to her. She has been an inspiration, a sounding board, the voice of reason and a good friend through all of this. I think that I will have to put the picture up anyway but every time I see it I will think about my father and the fact that he is not here to share this special time in my life (That is the sad part). I will also think about Craig's Wife and how she makes me laugh even when I am sad (That is the happy part). So here are my new acquisitions from EBay and I love them. All three are over 100 years old.
Quirky yes but priceless.


Map of Denmark (This is where my Father was born)

Map of Russia (Where Little Bean was born)

You Have No Idea How Long We Have Waited!

You have no idea how long we have waited! Now before you glance over this post as me being a whining baby give me a minute first. I was at a delivery the other day and this is what the father said to me. He had tears in his eyes. This man you could tell was not the crying in public type but more of the I can handle anything type.

For those of you who do not know in the world of labor and delivery and babies being born if the nursery nurse comes to the delivery it is generally not a good thing that means that there is usually someone in danger mostly the baby. So I was at the delivery of this little boy; I will spare you the gory details the child had issues I will leave it at that. The love that this father felt for this child just about knocked me out; He was tender to his wife and new son while trying to ask all the important questions that he knew were both difficult and necessary. This man was a good father from the start of his child's life. I can see many of the same qualities that this father had in Gerard plus many more.

Then I started to think about my own little bean. I am imagining that he or she is born and I pray that the birth is a joyous one not one filled with tension or issues. I feel like I am a little out of control with this feeling because if I were to get pregnant and give birth unlike many others I know the routine and the subtle things that are said when there is a problem.

I hope and pray that Little Bean's birth father is there hold the birth mother's hand and helping her through this difficult time. I hope that Little Bean's birth parents are the best parents in the world to him or her until they give little bean to me. Sometimes being the best parents in the world is acknowledging that adoption is the best alternative for a child. I do not know why I am thinking about the birth parents so much today but I am.

I usually tell parents that a baby is everything that is good and wonderful about both the Mom and the Dad. I guess once Little Bean is here I am going to have to add everything that is good about the ones that made your life possible too your birthparents. I have been praying for a long time to have a child either through birth or adoption I will add in these prayers the birth families because it is the right thing to do.

Checking Things Off the List

Well, I have been very busy working on the list of things needed for the Dossier. My hope is to be done with the Dossier by the 2nd week of October. I finally feel like I have gotten a handle on the paperwork. Yesterday I sat down and made a list of things that I still need. I read in Susan's blog however that there may be some changes to what paperwork is needed so I may be closer then I think.

My Social worker told me that she would send a rough draft to my coordinator in New York of my home study first so that she could review it for the content to make sure that everything that I need is there. I have to say this is the one thing about CHI that I love the most. Honestly, she could just wait until it was all done and then tell me that it needs to be redone. By Susha reviewing the paperwork for content and form first it takes the guess work out of it.

Working the night shift is both good and bad. I am able to be home everyday but some days I feel more sluggish then others. I plan to go to bed right after Gerard goes to work tonight in the hopes of getting up early (About 10:00am). Because we both work the nightshift our schedules can be a little crazy.

Sundays are usually the hardest because we tend to keep that for the extended family. After the family leaves it is too late to go any where or to get anything done because everything closes. I guess it is a good thing.

So now I have this list to complete:
Copies of Driver's License
Passport Pictures for visas
New Birth certificates
Doctor's appointment on Tuesday
New letter from my job (the notary expires in April so the document is no good after that)
Get Blood work
Fax everything to Susha
Have all the documents notarized
Send out Dossier
This list seems pretty do able compared to the initial list.

Who's your Daddy?

Well, I could say many different things about Gerard. We have been together for 17 years. Gerard is an Electrician who works for a casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey and has his own business on the side. He has mostly done only commercial electrical work. It seems that he is always working. Gerard is one of the most goal orientated people that I have ever met. He is criticized for working so much but what many of his critics do not know is that he wants me to be able to stay home at least part-time for the first year. He is making sacrifices that many would not even consider to be an option.

Gerard comes from a perfect family of four; there is Chippy (his father), Mommybird (his Mother), Gerard and Am (his younger sister). They all grew up in Brooklyn, New York. Gerard however is so not a city boy. His family was lucky enough to have a summer home at the Jersey shore where he stayed every summer and on most weekends. After he graduated he lived in Brooklyn and worked in the city for a couple of years. He decided to move to New Jersey to his parent's summer home because the commute to Manhattan from Brooklyn was the same as if he left from the shore. That is when we met.

He loves to fish, Jet Ski and goof around on the boat. The one thing that he loves the most about living here is that it is much quieter then in Brooklyn. For him it is painful to have to go to the city. Gerard is a shy quiet person. Sometimes this gets mistaken for being stern or uninterested. This is so far from the truth. Gerard is very camera shy. I think over the last 17 years I only have about 10 good pictures of him. That is it. As a result of his shyness to cameras I stopped trying to take pictures of him. I have told him that he will just have to figure it out and get over it once the baby is here. He just laughs at me.

As I mentioned in a previous post Gerard has a little OCD. That just makes him quirky. That is one of the things that I love the best about him. Because he will not let me post a picture of him I will just describe him to you.

He says he is 5 foot 10 inches but I say he is 5 foot 9.5 inches (Just to mess with him). He weights 163 lbs and is a muscular build. He is one of those people that if he stopped eating carbohydrates for one day he would lose 3-4 pounds. He has dark brown hair that he loves to keep short (no gray hair yet just wait till the little bean comes). The one thing that his family has always told him is "just wait until you are over 35 your waist will just expand." Well he can lovingly say they are all wrong. Still the same 32 inch pants from when he was 18 (Don't you hate that). He has a five o'clock shadow about 10 minutes after he shaves (This drives him crazy) but I like it.

Gerard is the King of nicknames. I am not sure if I mentioned it but everyone has a nickname even some of the people that I work with. There is the Talker, the Quiet one, Craig's wife; those are my weekend girls. If he does not have a nickname for one of my friends then he calls them by their first and last name. None of his names are mean (at least he does not think so) just funny. He has only called me by my name once other then that I am the bozz or bozzie.

It was not until our nieces and nephews were older did they realize that he never call any of them by their names. Now teasing him is their main goal in life. When I introduce each family member to the blog I am hoping to have a picture along with their nickname. It is easier to keep track of them that way.

When he comes home from work everyday the first thing out of his mouth is not "Hi' or "What's for dinner" it is "Oh Dottie, Dottie, Dottie did you miss me. Mommy did not pet you at all today did she?" There you have it he loves his dog. I will try to slip on a couple of pictures every once and a while.

A Little bit about Little Bean's Home

My first house was a funny experience. I was only a nurse for about 2 weeks when I decided to buy a house. Gerard and I looked around at many different places and decided on a beautiful townhouse. Once again 20 years old, RN, a homeowner and could not buy the champagne. This house was perfect and I ended up living there with Jackie and Jenny 2 of my sisters for about 9 years. Towards the end both of them moved out and Julie (one of my other sisters) and her children moved in with me. That is when I really decided that I wanted to be a mother. So I sold the townhouse and built a huge 2 story colonial house with a full basement. This house was about 3 times bigger then the townhouse and although I picked out everything it never seemed like a home to me. Luckily for me house prices went up and I sold the house to buy a small ranch.

This house was nicknamed the stinky house. We left the windows open for months. The people who had it before us were drug dealers and the house although it was only 4 years old needed everything to be redone. Everybody that came into the house could not understand what I loved about this house. The inside of the house was painted shades of chocolate, lemon yellow, barn red, hunter green and tan but the paint was everywhere. The people before us had cats (10 of them) a dog, a bird and a fish. It was like the Cat and the Hat lived here. The house smelled badly. They all thought that we had made a big mistake. This house is about 1400 square feet less then half the size of the other house but I love it. Any bigger and I would not be able to clean it. We have a nice yard on a quite street that is close to the Parkway. For those of you who do not live in New Jersey that is how you describe where you live close to the Parkway or far from the Parkway. My commute to work has dropped by about 10 minutes because of the move. Gerard’s commute has improved as well because of the move.

I think I am just more comfortable in a smaller house. Plus now it smells much better.
The little bean's room is very close to our room. It seems to be the perfect size for a child. More about the little bean’s room in another post. The house has 3 bedroom a large living room and dining room. We added a hot tub and large deck for parties.

Another reason why we moved was to be able to afford the adoption. Becoming a mother is my goal. I could live in a huge house drive the best cars and vacation 4 times a years but that is not what will make me happy. I want to share my life with a child.