New Friends

Honestly, I really did not know if any one really reads this blog much. I have to say in the past couple of days I have been blessed with some comments from a few readers who have never commented before and I love it! I have gained so much knowledge and strength from those who are either in the process or have completed their adoptions.

Even though I have a supportive family I think that it is just easier to talk to others who are waiting or have waited. There are so many considerations that I must take into account because my experience of becoming a Mother is in many ways very different then anyone in my family has ever experienced. I know some family members are a bit afraid to ask how everything is going and still many do not understand why I have to wait at all. I find myself defending the process and I can say that sometimes I have less patience then I would ultimately like to have. As I have said in previous posts even I did not know how involved this would be for me.

I have the feeling that I will get a call closer to the holidays and I am really okay with that time frame. This week has been very productive for me. I am about 99% done with a gift that I started about a month ago. I have a feeling that it will be done just in time.



I have also finished a small crochet blanket that I started about 2 years ago. My problem is that I start a project and then I get busy and put it away. I am not sure if this will be a gift or if I will keep it for myself. I have that need to stay busy. My mind is better when my hands are busy. Who knew school was such a blessing.



I have also started to compile a list of adoptive parents who I have gotten in contact with so once I do get the call I can email everyone with the news. If you want to be on this list please shoot me an email and I will add you.

This week my agency was due to be audited by Russia. I hope and pray that this audit has went well. I know that there is always the off chance the adoption climate can change at a moments notice. I will keep you all updated as to how my agency has fared.

Enough Feeling Sorry for Myself

As promised I am going to find the good in waiting for my referral. I am okay and I do not want those who are experiencing the joys of having a referral to be tampered by my wait and selfishness. We each have our own story of pain that has brought us to this point in our lives and I am not an expectation. When I say that I am happy for another who has received a referral, travel dates or a homecoming this feeling comes from my heart. Please send your warm thoughts to Patti and Dave who have received their referral for a 19 month old little boy. I believe that there may be many reasons why I have been chosen to wait. Maybe my child is not due to come off the database or be adoptable yet. I have read on other blogs where this was the case and the child that was placed with them is the one that belongs with that family.

At this point in my time line if I were to travel in the next couple of weeks I believe that I would not be able to bring my little one home for Christmas. Being separated for the holidays would break my heart. Somehow even though in my brain I know that my child is born I do not feel the attachment the way that I believe that I will feel it once I have held him or her.

As a result of waiting I will be able to take my entire maternity leave with pay. This alleviates any stress associated with taking the time off. I will still have enough time to take a vacation or two in addition to my leave. The extra time will allow me to save some more money for the other life goals that are important. Maybe I will even be able to get my car paid off.

The extra time that I needed to get things done tah dah now I have it. I will be able to have the room set up the way I have always imagined it to be. Since I am getting one shot at this there is a level of perfection that I would like to attempt to achieve.

So see I can get through this tough time. I do believe that the wait will be a memory. Look at how far I have come in the last 14 months. I am so close and this wait will help me to practice patience that I am sure I will need so badly once the wait is over.

Good and Bad News

I broke down today and called my agency mostly because I have to start to up date some of my documents. My home study will expire next month. I think the home study is probably the most difficult document to try and get finished. Honestly, I just wanted to make sure that there were no new things that needed to be put into my home study.

I think when ever there is both good and bad news I am the type of person that likes to hear the bad news first so here goes! No referral should be expected until February 2009. There is a slim chance of me getting a referral before then. I think mostly I am a bit stunned to say the least. I completely understand that this is not the fault of my agency or anyone in particular this is really just the way the ball bounces.

I was better this morning when I heard the news but now I am tearing up a little bit writing this post. Can you believe this is the first time that I have actually cried during this whole process. I know there is a reason for the delay and I bet it is a really good reason. I am planning another post that I have in my mind that list all the good reason like not being separated at Christmas time.

Now for the good news and I told you that there was good news so to end on a lighter note I have found out which region my dossier was sent to...drum roll please....Arkhangelsk!!

At least I will be able to research this area some. So for those of you who are thinking you will be reading about the fast pace race called my adoption I will have to bore you with more details of Dottie and her dog food and other equally interesting facts about me and my life.

Good News From My Agency

I am not the type of person who calls my agency all the time. Occasionally I will shoot off an email just to check in and tell them "Don't forget about me!" So any time I get an email from them I instantly think it is good news. With all the unrest in Russia right now I did not have that same feeling.

My agency seems to do things a bit differently. I have no idea where my dossier is registered just that it is in Russia and translated. I am just guessing that the agency waits until there is a spot to register the dossier. I have mixed feelings about this and probably if I had known earlier that this was how they handled it I would have maybe reconsidered.

Well I got 2 emails 2 days ago. The first one was what I expected it was an email that tried to alleviate the concerns that many of us who are waiting are having about the recent military activity in Russia. I have prayed for the ones who have been caught in the cross fire. Yes I am very worried about this situation but I am trying to stay positive.

The second more exciting email was much more fun to read. This email outlined the number of families that have received their referrals or are waiting to travel. I have to say that I have not really connected with any one from my agency with the exception of Jane and Jim. So I have not had a good idea of how many referrals have been accepted or given.

So here are the statistics:
Court Hearings - 9 Total
Children Adopted - 9
0-2 years in age - 4 (2 girls, 2 boys)
2-4 years in age - 4 (1 girl, 3 boys)
4+ - 1 girl


First/Referral Trips - 15 Total
Children Accepted - 19
0-2 years in age - 11 (4 girls, 7 boys)
2-4 years in age - 7 (3 girls, 4 boys)
4+ - 1 boy


Families with referrals and waiting for first trips - 11 Total
Children - 14
0-2 years in age - 2 (1 girl, 1 boy)
2-4 years in age - 3 (2 girls, 1 boy)
4+ - 9 (4 girls, 5 boys)

I think this is very positive and I hope and pray that the agency will continue to email me these statistics because I find it helpful during my wait.

It Has Happened Again!

I have to say there have been many things that I just have not seen coming during this whole adoption. Yes it is true I have yet another new adoption coordinator. This makes the fifth different coordinator in one year. I found out yesterday. The funny thing about it all is I took the news much better then I did the last 4 times. The only thing is there seems to be something fishy surrounding the latest change or perhaps I am just paranoid. When the others were changed I was given a little story about why they left or were changed. This time nothing. No explanation at all. So that is my adoption news.

Tomorrow my nephews are coming over. My sister has a wedding that she and her husband are both in that is out of town. I honestly feel for my sister this is only the second time that she has left her youngest boy. The funny thing is and I know those of you who already have children will probably agree with her but she has written out the rules. Now mind you her children are by far the most well behaved children that I have ever met. Her oldest son prefers vegetables and fruit over many other things. I just think it is cute that she writes out the things that we are allowed to do and the things we are not allowed to do. Whenever they are here we do the same things ice cream at night, playground and the pizza store. I do not expect that we will do much more then that except maybe watch a minor league baseball game. She just is not used to not being in control.

Life is Full of Changes

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers for Dottie. She is back to her sparkly self. Which is what I love about her.

Well today marks 10 months of the adoption process. Honestly I have put worrying aside because first of all I pretty much know that I will not receive my referral until September 2008. The funny thing about me is that if I now their is a target date I am okay until that date comes. So I have just been plugging along. I have not had much anxiety over the whole adoption lately.

I think part of the reason why I have been so calm is because I know the things that are a constant or at least I thought I did like:

• Name of my agency


• Name of my coordinator


• Memorized the agency's address and my coordinator's telephone number


• That the Dossier is in Russia


• I have done all the paperwork that I can do (At least for now)


• I have the PTO time that I need to travel

I also know the things that are not constant or that are up in the air such as:

• Travel date


• Boy or girl


• Age of the child


• And so many other things that I can not even think of right now

So what has me a touch freaked well it is a little of email that I opened last night. Honestly in the grand scheme of things it is not a big deal. I would rate this on the trauma scale of 0-5 (five being the worst) as a -1. So what is the change my coordinator is being changed. I am feeling a touch abandoned because this is the second time that a coordinator has left me but I am going to pull on my big girl underpants and deal with it.

If you remember back a couple of weeks ago my coordinator's father died. Because I know what feelings go along with that type of news I have been worried about her even though I barely know her. I know that when my father died I needed to take off at least 3 weeks because I was so sad. The year that followed his death was equally challenging. So any time I hear of someone who has lost a parent my heart just goes out to them because I know how important the relationship between a parent and a child is no matter how old you are.

I am sure that those of you who have completed your families can really relate to what I am saying. Those of you who are waiting to either meet your baby or to pick him or her up really want that bond that you may have with your own parents.

So I totally understand that she needs to scale back to care for herself and her family because in the grand scheme of things your family is what is most important in this life not the other silly things. I would like to ask everyone to send up a prayer for Lisa that she is able to deal with all the emotions that she is feeling right now.

As for me I am still plugging along. I think I may even decide to rent that beach cottage that I wanted to rent this year in North Carolina. I love this cottage because it is one that allows dogs to come. The cottage has a fenced in yard and the price is right.

Quick Post I Promise

Wow I have been long winded! I just wanted to thank everyone for their concern about Dottie. She is about the same except I have not been peed on since the last time. I have an appointment for her on Thursday that is the first that they could get her in I guess because she is not acting like she is in pain. I ususally have to take her in May anyway because she has allergies and she will need a steroid shot soon. We think she is allergic to pollen because every may she turns pink.

I did give them my cellular number and I am on the will call list. That is the one good thing about working nights. I am home everyday. If someone cancels they will call me. I am only about 10 minutes from that Vet's office so I will be able to make it in if there is a cancellation.

Okay one quick thing when ever I am waiting for something anything lets fill in the blank with an adoption referral and I want to call my coordinator to just say 'Hi I'm still here." I put in a few road blocks because basically I would be calling her everyday. So last week I decided that I will call her on Monday just to say "Hi." So I just got up and was checking emails and finishing up on some school work.

Well I got an email from my coordinator. No not a referral but just a note saying "Hi, I know you are still there and call me if you have any questions." Okay I have not called her because really I do not have any questions other then the obvious but somehow I just feel better. I know that just sounds crazy but I am going to go with that at least until tomorrow.

9 Months Pregnant: At least on Paper!

According to the ticker I am due any day. I just can not believe that I have been actively working on my adoption for the last 9 months. I have not gained a pound either. I have been thinking about this post for the last week. In the spirit of good blogging I have been thinking about this post for a couple of days. I warn you now this post is super long. I have decided to list 9 positive things that have happened in the past 9 months.

1. I started the process! I know that this may seem like a repeat of my introduction but I have to say that just starting the ball rolling is a difficult battle at least for me it was. I can honestly say that I considered adoption for many, many years before I actually started the process. But some times the fear of the unknown is difficult to overcome.


2. I have found the money to complete the adoption. That is a victory in its self. After all the payments are made I will have a significant decrease in my comfort cushion but I hope and pray actually I know that this will all be worth it once I am home with the little one.


3. I have to say one of the things that I thought I would miss about not being pregnant was the story that went along with giving birth. I think this is an occupational hazard. Where would I be when my water broke? Would Gerard be able to get me to the hospital in time? How would I feel when I got to hold my little baby in my arms for the first time? I can honestly say these thoughts no longer cross my mind. Instead the thoughts that are playing in my mind are even better. I am getting excited about when will I get the call? Will Gerard be home? Will I be able to wait until he gets home to tell him the news? Am I going to tell my family and friends right away or will I wait?


4. My camera skills are improving. Okay I am no Adrienne or Melissa yet but I am trying. I have learned how to down load the pictures into my computer and edit them a bit. One thing that I would love to learn to do before I go is to learn how to do those movies with the music? I love them. I think those movies are a great keepsake. So hopefully before I get the call I will learn how to make one. Even if my first attempt is not great I will take it and run with it.


5. I have gotten better at putting my thoughts down of virtual paper. Sometimes I think I am not staying the true course of what I intended this blog to be (to document my adoption journey). I know not all my posts are about the adoption progress but I have come to realize that most of the things that I have blogged about in the past 9 months have shaped me into the person I am. I think that knowing your inner self before you have to transform into a Mother is probably a good thing. I will be able to teach my little one that life is a journey to be treasured.


6. I am almost done with my BSN. Wow I thought that I was never going to be able to say such a thing. I started back to school in 2004 for my BSN because I was bored. I had a teacher once that told me that people who are bored are boring people. That has always stuck with me. Now the BSN will not really change life much in my current job but if I decide to become a school nurse I must have this degree in order to complete this certification for the state of New Jersey. I just think that being a school nurse will be what is best for my child once he or she is in school. The hours are great and the pay stinks but then I will be able to be home with my child during the summer, off on the weekends, be there for homework and off for all the major holidays. Plus I will not have to be on call and drop the little one off if the unit is busy.


7. I am shopping with a purpose. I know anyone who has been reading this blog has noticed that I am spending plenty of time on the clearance racks in Kohls and many other stores. My little one is fast approaching the need for a second closet because of all the deals that I have found but what can I say I just can not pass them up.


8. I have figured out the who’s, what’s and where’s of child care for when I work. I am thankful that my Mother lives so close and will be able to stay the night when I have to work. Gerard and I have been very busy fixing the office to make this area comfortable for her for when she stays over. My Mother has many grandchildren but because of her past jobs and that fact that she was still raising her own children when some of them were born she never really got to step in and be the Nanny that she wanted to be. Plus I know have plenty of PTO (Paid Time Off) for me to travel, take off the first month that we are home and then one day a pay period for the next year. I will only need to be out of the house 9-10 times per month and still be paid my full time salary. What a relief!!


9. I have gained the support of most of my family and all my friends with respect to adopting a child. At times I have questioned why some people have not been as elated as I am over this miracle but I have finally come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be happy with my decision to adopt. I believe that as long as Gerard and I are elated then that is really all that matters. Gerard and I have talked about how we will handle negative people and their comments that may arise surrounding our child and for once we agree on every bit of it. We will stand together strong as parents’ should.

The most important thing that I have discovered is my blogger friends. If someone would have told me that I would be blogging 9 months ago and enjoying it, I would have been crazy with laughter. I think I drove my friends at work crazy with the word blog for at least a month. I have found a group of people none of whom I have met in person who I will always share this special bond. We are parents in waiting and some who have completed their families and I would have never made it this far with out the support, guidance and kind words that I have received from many of you. God Bless you all. I pray for your families daily.

This post is way to long. Sorry.

Additional Documents Needed. Who knew that would happen?

What will I do when there are no more documents that need to be collected, notarized and apostilled? What will I do with my time? I have to say I am a little nervous about finishing up all the paperwork. Now before any of you think I am crazy I know that the paperwork will truly never be done.

I am afraid that once I am not having to put together documents and wait for the postman I will start to get anxious about waiting for a referral. I think the best way to combat this is to start to make a few lists of things that need to be done prior to traveling.

My agency contacted me yesterday and asked for a few additional documents (4 in total). I already have 2 out the 4 in an envelope addressed and ready to be mailed. I need one additional document from my home study agency which I emailed them a copy today. By far the funniest document that I did not include in the initial dossier package that I sent last week was pictures of me.

How I forgot to include these pictures is beyond me. Even funnier is I hate getting my picture taken. I know you are all saying we see your face on this blog more often then we would like to see but the reality is that I am trying to get used to having my picture taken again.

One interesting fact about me is that I used to be a beauty queen. This is a little known fact. In my younger years I would compete in beauty pageants. I loved everything about them, and then one day I got too busy to put on make up and do my hair. I keep asking my friends "when are you going to nominate me for What Not to Wear?"

Documents Received and Documents Sent

Yesterday I was out of the house at a training a seminar for the entire day then a second trip to Ikea and out to dinner with Am and Eddie (Sister and Brother-in-Law). I called to check in on Dottie and to let Gerard know that I was be home late. As everyone knows I wait for the mailman daily as does Dottie. I just happened to ask Gerard "Did you get the mail today?" He answered with "Yes I did and you got a package from the State of New Jersey"



You all know what that the package was the dossier is back and apostilled. So today I spent the day looking at all the documents. I pictured them, stacked them, wrote a check and sent them off to the agency. I figured it was best to not worry so much about them and send them off. What a relief to know that the dossier is on its way.



I have always loved the pictures of the apostilled documents. I just could not wait to be able to post this picture. According to the agency my dossier should be in Moscow by mid March. So I have set the time line for my referral. Compared to this time last year my life has changed completely. I was exploring which agency and country and know I am so close to a referral. All I can say is WOW.

Ready, Set, Apostille

Yesterday I drove 1 1/2 hours and picked up my updated home study. What a relief! I can not believe that I now hold everything that needs to be apostilled for the initial dossier. I have to say I am lucky to have the resources, the time and yes the patience to get all this done. Today I have spent much of the afternoon putting everything together so that I can send all these beautiful papers to Trenton, New Jersey.

I can not believe it. So many months of putting these papers together looking at them, keeping them safe in plastic cover sheets and re-reading them. The days of holding on to them are coming to an end. I do need to take a couple more pictures of the house and attachment to the notarized cover sheet because I did not read the directions properly. So Monday is the day. I will send it all out. Hooray!

I'm Afraid Frustration Has Taken Over

I think I am having an off day. I am waiting one document to be finished so that I can have the Dossier apostilled and sent to Russia. The crazy thing is the document that needs to be changed is one that I have had done for quite some time.

When I changed agencies I had to get my home study changed to reflect the new agency. Well there seems to be either a hold up or a miscommunication. I sent all the things that need to be changed to my home study agency in the end of January.
When I talked to them in January I was told that it would take at least a week before the changes could be made. I am trying to be patient but I guess I am not that patient after all. I have called them once and I am contemplating calling them again this week to see where we stand with the changes.

I know that these tiny obstacles have been put in my way to slow things down a little bit for one of many reasons. Maybe I am supposed to finish my degree first and then be free of writing papers and researching for hours at a time. I know that once the baby comes I will want to spend most of my time reading and playing with the little one. Gerard keeps telling me that I have to wait until it is my turn in God's plan. I have to say thinking about it that way does help me to cope.

I'm Checking Things Off the List

Well the Psychological Evaluation is done!

I think I had some underlying fear about this part of the Dossier. I can not believe how easy the evaluation was. I took Valerie's advice and tried Dr. Linda Busch for the evaluation. She told me that she will have the documents to me and apostilled by the end of next week. Wow that is great service. She was wonderful because she was able to bring her experience as an adoptive mother to the conversation. She was the type of person that you could talk to for hours and still find the conversation rewarding.

She had some great views on attachment and just generally getting used to becoming a family. There was nothing that was weird or out-there about her thoughts. If I lived closer to her I would consider using her as a regular therapist.

I spoke with Lisa my adoption coordinator yesterday. She reviewed my paperwork for the initial part of the Dossier and said it looks good no real changes needed. So that is moving right along. I feel like I am really back in the swing of things. I did not realize that I was having so much anxiety about all the changes. I feel much more focused now. I really was in a funk the past couple of weeks and did not realize it.

I think I was still shocked that this adoption is going so well (knock on wood). I have not had any real set backs. I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop a little bit. I guess I will just enjoy the moment.

Lisa my adoption coordinator said that if I get everything in to her for the end of February then I should maybe hear about a referral around the end of April. I think some of my anxiety was because when I started this journey I was fully prepared for travel in the end of 2008. The thought that this could happen sooner is both wonderful and frightening.

Non-Adoption news my new class started today. I have 4 more after this one. I can not wait for this to be done. The classes are only five weeks so they get pretty intense. By about the third week I am ready for it to be done. There is very little room for error in these classes to meet the participation that is required. I am so glad that I am doing this before the little one comes. Off to work now.