Why me?

Well today marks 1 year from the time I knew that Anna was my referral.
The day did not start off well a year ago. A few hours later I went from the lowest of low to the highest of high. What a difference! In all that time that I waited I had some questions as to why I had to wait. I had seen so many others not only get their referrals but travel and then come home and some even started on their second adoption. Why me? Why did I have to wait?

I did my best not to let it consume my thoughts and know that I was in the best hands, God's hands. I tried my best to understand the delays and set backs. For the most part I think I did pretty good. Now I also know that some do not think that I did but to them I say I wonder how you would have been...hmmm!

So back to the "Why me?" question. I was selected for Anna after many others had said "No thank you", hard to believe at least for me. I wonder if those who passed on Anna even met her? My guess is no they did not. I think they may have just looked at her pictures and medicals and said "No thank you" I guess I took a chance. No I did not have her medical information formally reviewed by any doctor, from what I saw on it I knew that it was of very little concern at least to me. I wonder some times if any of those who passed on Anna follow my blog and were surprised when they saw her referral picture.

Now that Anna has been with me for almost 5 months I can say without a doubt that yes God does know what he is doing! I had to wait because he needed me to be ready for her and she for me. She is spunky, smart, busy and most of all loving towards Gerard and I as well as all animals and dolls. If you are waiting or considering adoption my best advice is to pray about it. Growing a family through adoption has been the best experience for me and quite honestly I would not consider getting pregnant but that is me.

Is it easy to learn to love a child who is not biologically your own? Well my answer to that is yes and no. Confused? Are you open to receive and give love? If you are then it will be easier for you to love a child or children who are not biologically your own. That is a question that only you can answer.

Is it easy to be a single parent? or a parent even if you are married or a couple? I will say the answer to that is no. I think being a parent is challenging whether or not you are in a relationship but I would not let that stop me if being a parent is what I wanted to be and did not. At the start of this journery Gerard was not very sure if he could really be a part of this journey. He is not the type who just jumps into someting without thinking. During my journey at times I thought it would have been far easier to not adopt and just coast along like I had done for many years as a woman without a child but at the end of the day I was not happy and felt as though something was missing.

I think you never realize just how unhappy you are until you are no longer unhappy. That was true for me. I have way less money then I have ever had in my life. I shop way less then I ever thought was possible. I am way more tired most of the time because yes I am getting way less sleep then I have ever gotten. My house is way less organized, I can not longer talk someone through where something is located over the phone the way I used to be able to do. But I am way happier then I think I have ever been.

I needed the delays that I encountered. God needed to know that I believed in what I was doing, I needed to to learn to have patience.