Well,
Today was a very productive day for me. At Valerie's suggestion I looked into using Dr. Busch for my Psychological evaluation. I called her this morning when I got up and left a message that probably sounded crazy rambling on about my situation. Wow was I surprised when she called me back. I think this may be easier then I first thought. She emailed me a couple of forms to fill out. I can pay her using PayPal. She is willing to do the evaluation over the telephone. The best part however is that she is going to handle having all the documents notarized, certified and apostilled. She is even going to send them directly to the agency if I like.
I also spent quite a bit of the day completing my adoption education on line. I have to say that it was quite enlightening and a little scary. I think that it is normal to feel a little scared about attachment issues. I have been going on the premise that if I am aware that there may be issues with attachment that I will be able to see the warning signs and be able to intervene if a problem arises.
The other thing that I really never thought about was how the child may experience the feelings of loss. I have a number of friends who have adopted and we have talked about some of the issues that they have encountered. The loss of having a birthparent available to the child has not come up. This brings me to a difficult fork in the road. I decided to pursue international adoption specifically because there would be no confusion as to who the mother or father are for this child but now I am rethinking whether or not my decision to exclude a birthparent or extended family presents me with a new set of problems.
I have read some on the FRUA website about families who have hired an investigator to find the birth parents or family members. Off the top of my head I can not quote any particular investigator but it has got me thinking. I wonder if it is feasible for us to have some type of relationship with the birth family. In my mind I have always thought I would travel back to Russia when the time is right so that my child will at least be able to see where he or she was born and spent the first couple of years of his or her life but now I am thinking that this may not be enough. I know this is a lot to think about. I think I am just getting a little nervous because everything seems to be going so fast.
School Days - November 2023
11 months ago
6 comments:
I had the same concerns about domestic adoption & birth parents. NOW, I feel like you and would like to try to find out more about the baby's birth family if I can. Funny how our emotions and feelings can change as we get closer to bringing our babies home!
Wow, you are really thinking ahead. I guess reading about others doing it on FRUA does get the pot stirring. I think you will receive information during your first trip (we got some). At that point, you can make a decision whether this is enough or whether you want more. I think you have to choose what feels right to you. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer either way.
We too were planning to return to Russia when our daugther is 18 to visit the orphanage and the region she was born.
I think we will also return to visit the place where our child will be from. I'm not sure about the birth family thing either at this point. Much like Carey said - it will depend on the information we receive. It's great that you are thinking so far ahead.
I'm with Rachel - we plan to go back and visit the region and orphanage, but I'm not so sure about the birth mother thing... We'll see..
That often becomes a big concern for international adoptive parents once they have their children home. Or at least that's what I've noticed. I know 2 bloggy families that have initiated contact with their child's birth families.
I felt the same as you when I started the process. Felt like I didn't want to even really acknowledge the birth family. But they are such a huge part of our children's life. Even if you don't decide to contact the birth family you are learning that your child might want more information in the future. You might leave it up to him when he is older. Let him know that you will help search if he wants to.
I think it's wonderful that you are thinking about these things. I think it's great if a child can have some contact, letters/pic a couple times a year, if nothing else with their birth family. Of course the trip back to Russia at some point would mean a great deal to your child, I'm sure!
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