The Paperwork has Changed!

If you are adopting with CHI and are in the middle of preparing your Dossier I am sure that I am not the first one to tell you the paperwork has changed. It seems to me that CHI is trying to what is right for both the Russian Government what is right for the adoptive parents. CHI has reduced the number of papers that are needed to register the Dossier. This does not mean that the other papers do not need to be filled out. It just means that they will be filled out closer to the time of travel.

For those of you reading this blog this may sound a little confusing. So I am going to try to explain it the best way that I can. The Dossier is a large file full of different papers. Some papers state the reason why we want to adopt while others give the adoption agency the right to speak on my behalf. All the papers in the Dossier need to be notarized and apostilled by the state of New Jersey before they can be registered in Russia. These last 2 steps cost money. The documents in the dossier may only be good for 3-6 months so if we do not receive a referral and our documents expire we have to redo them and spend more money to have them notarized and apostilled. The number of documents needed went from 22 to 12.

Because the number of documents needed to register the Dossier has been reduced we will spend less money when we have to redo these documents in upcoming months. People who know me well know that I have to waste money. Each time I save a little more money I think this is time that I can stay home once little Bean is here.

So here is where my paper chase stands right now. I need a copy of the I-171H from the INS, a new birth certificate and the final home study report with all related documents. The other documents are done and waiting to be sent to CHI for review prior to being apostilled. The birth certificate I will get tomorrow and I will call the home study agency to see how far along we have gotten on the final report. So the time has come to hurry up and wait.

Honestly, I am enjoying the wait so far. This wait has given me time to think about the things that I need to do and the things that I want to do before the Little Bean comes home. I know that one of these days I will complain that the wait is too long and I hope that someone reminds me that 'good things come to those who wait.' I pray to be a patient waiter. I think the hardest wait will come between the first and second trip. I hope that I am able to work everyday in between to help take my mind off the wait.

An Example of a Great Mom

Well,
I sorry that I have not posted in a couple of days that was not my intension. I intended for this heading to be about my mother but I am sure that she will understand. There are so many great moms out there and I wanted to share this with you. We have had a death in the family and I offered to help during the last couple of days. My services were not needed because God called her home first. This woman was one of the strongest people I have ever met. I did not know her well. She was my Sister-in-Law's (Ann-Marie) Mother-in-Law (J). I will only give you a couple of small facts about what little I knew of her. I will not be mentioning certain people by name because I have not asked there permission.

J was a woman that knew what was important. She strongly encouraged her children to stay together as a family. See J was a single mother not by her choice. Her husband died many years ago. I never knew him personally but only through stories that her sons B (Her oldest son) & Eddie (My brother-in-Law) told me about him. I know in my heart that I would have loved to have just met him once.

Education was important to J. This was one of J's things that she tried her best to instill into her 4 boys. She did everything to ensure that her boys got not a good education but a great education. She managed to put all her boy through private school by making personal scarifies. She stood by her boys even if they were wrong (That is not to say that they did not hear about what they needed to change). Eddie told me about how when he was considering quitting school. She started back to school after many years in an effort to be the best example that she could be to him. Wow that must have been very hard for her to do.

The other thing that was very important to J was her religion. From what Eddie has told me she was the type of person who welcomed everyone into her home. Advice was given if it was needed. Her faith was something I guess helped to guide her through times of sorrow and times of joy. She believed in God and from what I understand tried to live a good life.

J will be missed by her boys greatly. Things are emotionally hard for this family right now but I know that with prayer and time the pain will ease. Please include her and her boys in a small prayer tonight they need it.


This not only Gerard's Childhood Church but J's church as well.
Saint Thomas Aquinas, Brooklyn, New York

I Have a Love Affair With Ebay

I was on EBay and some of my favorite things to shop for are things for little bean's room. Please keep in mind that I love everything old and well worn. One of my friend's (Craig's wife) was absolutely hysterical when I showed her one of the prints that I plan to put into little bean's room. Now stay with me a moment. I want the room to reflect the cottage feel that the rest of my house has but I also want to put only the most special things into this space (Like Little Bean).

My father was in construction. Unfortunately, he has passed on many years ago. Even though he loved me and my sisters very much I am sure that he would have enjoyed having a boy around to do the boy thing with. Because we have not made a preference as to what gender we want CHI has pretty much told me that we will get a boy. I want my father to have a small place of honor in my little bean's room.

I also plan on honoring Russia and Gerard's heritage as well. Gerard is from Brooklyn. The running joke between us is that his favorite team remains to be the Brooklyn Dodgers. For those of you who do not follow baseball this team has not existed for many years. But that does not stop me. I got him this picture for his birthday one year. It was very funny at the time. He keeps trying to explain to me that this team no longer exists but I tell him "You’re wrong!" This is a phrase that I use when ever he gets up tight. I state a fact that is not actually a fact but completely made up. Then I insist that he is wrong. It usually makes him just laugh.

Brooklyn Dodgers (Gerard's Favorite Baseball Team)

So in comes EBay. I thought it would be nice to have a map of Russia or the world in Little Bean's room. I started to look on EBay and found two beautiful maps and an old map/print of a bunch of famous buildings from around the world. I think because of my father I enjoy seeing how things are made and enjoy the beauty of old buildings. I was instantly drawn to this print the most. The funniest thing was Craig's Wife's reaction. After she saw it she walked around for about 3 hours and said "Oh No! You do not have to have Winnie the Pooh but I am putting my foot down NO!" Thinking about her reaction has just made me laugh harder each time.


See Craig's wife knows how I feel; she went through hell and back to have her children and they mean the world to her. She has been an inspiration, a sounding board, the voice of reason and a good friend through all of this. I think that I will have to put the picture up anyway but every time I see it I will think about my father and the fact that he is not here to share this special time in my life (That is the sad part). I will also think about Craig's Wife and how she makes me laugh even when I am sad (That is the happy part). So here are my new acquisitions from EBay and I love them. All three are over 100 years old.
Quirky yes but priceless.


Map of Denmark (This is where my Father was born)

Map of Russia (Where Little Bean was born)

You Have No Idea How Long We Have Waited!

You have no idea how long we have waited! Now before you glance over this post as me being a whining baby give me a minute first. I was at a delivery the other day and this is what the father said to me. He had tears in his eyes. This man you could tell was not the crying in public type but more of the I can handle anything type.

For those of you who do not know in the world of labor and delivery and babies being born if the nursery nurse comes to the delivery it is generally not a good thing that means that there is usually someone in danger mostly the baby. So I was at the delivery of this little boy; I will spare you the gory details the child had issues I will leave it at that. The love that this father felt for this child just about knocked me out; He was tender to his wife and new son while trying to ask all the important questions that he knew were both difficult and necessary. This man was a good father from the start of his child's life. I can see many of the same qualities that this father had in Gerard plus many more.

Then I started to think about my own little bean. I am imagining that he or she is born and I pray that the birth is a joyous one not one filled with tension or issues. I feel like I am a little out of control with this feeling because if I were to get pregnant and give birth unlike many others I know the routine and the subtle things that are said when there is a problem.

I hope and pray that Little Bean's birth father is there hold the birth mother's hand and helping her through this difficult time. I hope that Little Bean's birth parents are the best parents in the world to him or her until they give little bean to me. Sometimes being the best parents in the world is acknowledging that adoption is the best alternative for a child. I do not know why I am thinking about the birth parents so much today but I am.

I usually tell parents that a baby is everything that is good and wonderful about both the Mom and the Dad. I guess once Little Bean is here I am going to have to add everything that is good about the ones that made your life possible too your birthparents. I have been praying for a long time to have a child either through birth or adoption I will add in these prayers the birth families because it is the right thing to do.

Checking Things Off the List

Well, I have been very busy working on the list of things needed for the Dossier. My hope is to be done with the Dossier by the 2nd week of October. I finally feel like I have gotten a handle on the paperwork. Yesterday I sat down and made a list of things that I still need. I read in Susan's blog however that there may be some changes to what paperwork is needed so I may be closer then I think.

My Social worker told me that she would send a rough draft to my coordinator in New York of my home study first so that she could review it for the content to make sure that everything that I need is there. I have to say this is the one thing about CHI that I love the most. Honestly, she could just wait until it was all done and then tell me that it needs to be redone. By Susha reviewing the paperwork for content and form first it takes the guess work out of it.

Working the night shift is both good and bad. I am able to be home everyday but some days I feel more sluggish then others. I plan to go to bed right after Gerard goes to work tonight in the hopes of getting up early (About 10:00am). Because we both work the nightshift our schedules can be a little crazy.

Sundays are usually the hardest because we tend to keep that for the extended family. After the family leaves it is too late to go any where or to get anything done because everything closes. I guess it is a good thing.

So now I have this list to complete:
Copies of Driver's License
Passport Pictures for visas
New Birth certificates
Doctor's appointment on Tuesday
New letter from my job (the notary expires in April so the document is no good after that)
Get Blood work
Fax everything to Susha
Have all the documents notarized
Send out Dossier
This list seems pretty do able compared to the initial list.

Who's your Daddy?

Well, I could say many different things about Gerard. We have been together for 17 years. Gerard is an Electrician who works for a casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey and has his own business on the side. He has mostly done only commercial electrical work. It seems that he is always working. Gerard is one of the most goal orientated people that I have ever met. He is criticized for working so much but what many of his critics do not know is that he wants me to be able to stay home at least part-time for the first year. He is making sacrifices that many would not even consider to be an option.

Gerard comes from a perfect family of four; there is Chippy (his father), Mommybird (his Mother), Gerard and Am (his younger sister). They all grew up in Brooklyn, New York. Gerard however is so not a city boy. His family was lucky enough to have a summer home at the Jersey shore where he stayed every summer and on most weekends. After he graduated he lived in Brooklyn and worked in the city for a couple of years. He decided to move to New Jersey to his parent's summer home because the commute to Manhattan from Brooklyn was the same as if he left from the shore. That is when we met.

He loves to fish, Jet Ski and goof around on the boat. The one thing that he loves the most about living here is that it is much quieter then in Brooklyn. For him it is painful to have to go to the city. Gerard is a shy quiet person. Sometimes this gets mistaken for being stern or uninterested. This is so far from the truth. Gerard is very camera shy. I think over the last 17 years I only have about 10 good pictures of him. That is it. As a result of his shyness to cameras I stopped trying to take pictures of him. I have told him that he will just have to figure it out and get over it once the baby is here. He just laughs at me.

As I mentioned in a previous post Gerard has a little OCD. That just makes him quirky. That is one of the things that I love the best about him. Because he will not let me post a picture of him I will just describe him to you.

He says he is 5 foot 10 inches but I say he is 5 foot 9.5 inches (Just to mess with him). He weights 163 lbs and is a muscular build. He is one of those people that if he stopped eating carbohydrates for one day he would lose 3-4 pounds. He has dark brown hair that he loves to keep short (no gray hair yet just wait till the little bean comes). The one thing that his family has always told him is "just wait until you are over 35 your waist will just expand." Well he can lovingly say they are all wrong. Still the same 32 inch pants from when he was 18 (Don't you hate that). He has a five o'clock shadow about 10 minutes after he shaves (This drives him crazy) but I like it.

Gerard is the King of nicknames. I am not sure if I mentioned it but everyone has a nickname even some of the people that I work with. There is the Talker, the Quiet one, Craig's wife; those are my weekend girls. If he does not have a nickname for one of my friends then he calls them by their first and last name. None of his names are mean (at least he does not think so) just funny. He has only called me by my name once other then that I am the bozz or bozzie.

It was not until our nieces and nephews were older did they realize that he never call any of them by their names. Now teasing him is their main goal in life. When I introduce each family member to the blog I am hoping to have a picture along with their nickname. It is easier to keep track of them that way.

When he comes home from work everyday the first thing out of his mouth is not "Hi' or "What's for dinner" it is "Oh Dottie, Dottie, Dottie did you miss me. Mommy did not pet you at all today did she?" There you have it he loves his dog. I will try to slip on a couple of pictures every once and a while.

A Little bit about Little Bean's Home

My first house was a funny experience. I was only a nurse for about 2 weeks when I decided to buy a house. Gerard and I looked around at many different places and decided on a beautiful townhouse. Once again 20 years old, RN, a homeowner and could not buy the champagne. This house was perfect and I ended up living there with Jackie and Jenny 2 of my sisters for about 9 years. Towards the end both of them moved out and Julie (one of my other sisters) and her children moved in with me. That is when I really decided that I wanted to be a mother. So I sold the townhouse and built a huge 2 story colonial house with a full basement. This house was about 3 times bigger then the townhouse and although I picked out everything it never seemed like a home to me. Luckily for me house prices went up and I sold the house to buy a small ranch.

This house was nicknamed the stinky house. We left the windows open for months. The people who had it before us were drug dealers and the house although it was only 4 years old needed everything to be redone. Everybody that came into the house could not understand what I loved about this house. The inside of the house was painted shades of chocolate, lemon yellow, barn red, hunter green and tan but the paint was everywhere. The people before us had cats (10 of them) a dog, a bird and a fish. It was like the Cat and the Hat lived here. The house smelled badly. They all thought that we had made a big mistake. This house is about 1400 square feet less then half the size of the other house but I love it. Any bigger and I would not be able to clean it. We have a nice yard on a quite street that is close to the Parkway. For those of you who do not live in New Jersey that is how you describe where you live close to the Parkway or far from the Parkway. My commute to work has dropped by about 10 minutes because of the move. Gerard’s commute has improved as well because of the move.

I think I am just more comfortable in a smaller house. Plus now it smells much better.
The little bean's room is very close to our room. It seems to be the perfect size for a child. More about the little bean’s room in another post. The house has 3 bedroom a large living room and dining room. We added a hot tub and large deck for parties.

Another reason why we moved was to be able to afford the adoption. Becoming a mother is my goal. I could live in a huge house drive the best cars and vacation 4 times a years but that is not what will make me happy. I want to share my life with a child.

Baby Naming Rules

I think picking a name for a child is one of the hardest things a parent has to do in the early years. Should the name be unique and unusual or should the name be traditional. These are all things that need to be addressed when you name your child. Now add in the extra step of honoring the name that was given by either the birth parents or care givers. This is my dilemma.

Over the years I have heard many different names and I have to say I am very picky about what names I would even consider. I think the reason why I am so picky is because I am around when so many children are receiving their names. There is always a discussion about who likes or dislikes the name. Usually there is a wonderful story that goes along with how these two people came up with the name for their precious little one. Opinions are given even when the parents are not asking for one by just about everyone. More often then not I find myself in the middle of these discussions because the parents ask for my opinion or are looking for support for an unpopular decision.

I started the poll about whether parents think about what their child's initials spell because Gerard's initials spell something and as a result he refuses to use his middle name. I think besides him I was the only other person to realize that his initials spell G.A.S.

For a boy I love the name Gerard but here is the problem he hates it. He hates the fact that pretty much everyone spells it wrong or can not pronounce it. I have gotten him to agree to Gerard as a middle name. So now I have to wait to see what name the child has to see if it is something that I would like a first name or an additional middle name.

So here are the rules that I am using to determine what name I will.

1. Must be traditional
2. Must have a nice meaning
3. Initials or monogram must not spell anything crazy
4. Must be spelled the traditional way
5. Name must not be the most popular name of the year
6. Can not rhyme with something weird.

These were some of the things that I will be thinking about when we make the final decision on what name we will give the little bean. I know this list makes me sound very ridge but honestly I am not.

Portable Car Seat for Trip #2

I have read on one of the web sites that Russia has passed a new law about children and car seats as of January 1, 2007. Yesterday when I was talking with the social worker I asked her if she had heard of this new law and she said that she did. I looked up portable car seat on the internet and found one that folds down so that it is easy to pack into your suitcase. I thought it might be of interest to those of you who will be traveling soon. It also does not look too bulky and might be good for the plane ride.

I guess like everyone else who is waiting for the refferal and travel dates I am making a list. I have attached the link to the web site where I found this car seat. I plan on talking with my friend who is a car seat specialist to get her opinion. Apparently 70% of car seats are installed incorrectly. In New Jersey the Sheriff's department will install it for you free of charge. There is apparently a course and a certification that they have that enables them to do this for new parents. Also check with your local hospital to see if someone in the Nursery or Pedicatric unit is certifed to check a car seat. My friend is the one for the hospital that I work at so I plan to take her to lunch and buy a car seat while we are out when the time comes.

Part #2 of the Home Study is DONE!

Our Home

Well I have just completed the home visit for my home study. I do not know why I worried about this part so much. I know that I have a nice home and I try to keep it clean. The funny thing that happened last week was my usually neat and orderly home was trashed. There was stuff everywhere. Now I know you are all asking who trashed your house. It was me. I think I was so nervous about having someone come to my home that I did not put a thing away. The shear amount of stuff in my kitchen was overwhelming.

Kitchen



So I planned to clean and pick everything up this weekend.
Well that did not happen. I ended up picking up everything last night after Gerard left for work. I have inserted some pictures of what the house looked like right before the Social worker came to visit. Our house is not a McMansion but I love anyway. The other house was way too big for us.

Living Room



Little Bean's Room (That is our Nickname for the Baby)



My Social Worker and I spoke about my concerns about CHI not being accredited for Russia as of yet. Her opinion of the matter was that Russia has just not gotten to CHI’s application. She has worked with CHI quite a bit and is very confident that they will be one of the next agencies that are accredited.

CHI was not able to do my home study because they do not have an office in New Jersey. My coordinator referred me to A Loving Choice Adoption Associates. I have to say if anyone in New Jersey needs an agency to do their home study I highly recommend this agency. I felt very comfortable talking with them about the things that I need to complete and steps that I will take along the way. There is a link to their web page on the side of my blog.

Gerard is some how convinced that this adoption will not take much time at all but I am a little more realistic. He keeps saying that it will all happen at once. He swears that it is because I count how many additional PTO hours I am getting in each paycheck. I plan to go back to work on a reduced work week of 2-12 hour shifts and use a PTO day to make up the pay.
I am off to make fish tacos for dinner. Don't knock them until you try them. Then I am off to work. What a beautiful day today was.

Let's be a Lighthouse!

I have thought long and hard about how I want my child's room to be decorated. I know that this sounds a little selfish in one way but try to stick with me. As many know I have grown up near the ocean most of my life. The one constant in my mother's life has been her connection with her home town of Barnegat Light, New Jersey. My mother has always loved this town and in particular the Barnegat Lighthouse.



I have often thought that a coastal beach feel for my home is the most comfortable way for Gerard and me to live. Gerard loves the ocean, fishing and everything that goes with it so our Baby's room will mirror these loves. I have decided that we will focus on the Barnegat Lighthouse as the 'theme' for the room. This got me thinking about what is the underlying meaning of this 'theme'. I know Gerard and all of you are right I have been thinking too hard on this topic.

A lighthouse is a beacon for ships to signal danger but also to signal an area of save passage in the waterways. I want to be this beacon for my child. I want our home to be that safe place for him or her to grow; a place where love, understanding and discipline are delivered in the kindest of ways. Lighthouses are a constant in my mind. They never go away you can always find them in the day or night time. That is the type of mother that I want to be for my child. Lighthouses never come in out of a storm and are always their in the sunshine. I want to be there for my child during bad and good times. The light from a lighthouse shines in an unconditional non-judgmental way always bright. I want to love my child in that way unconditionally and non-judgmentally.



So see you are all right I have thought too much about this small thing of decorating a room for a baby but this is one small way that I will teach my child about life and the lessons that comes from living life to the fullest. We can all be the lighthouse in someone else’s life. Live life to the fullest, love like there is no tomorrow and be the best person that you can be always. If a friend needs you be there for both the good and the bad times.

Preparing for the Little One and Free Gifts

Well, this post is for those of you who have your children. I came across this web site last night. Apparently, pampers.com is offering free gifts for points that are collected with a purchase. I just wanted to let everyone know because I have checked it out and it seems pretty easy. You just have to join and collect point stickers from inside the packages. The points range from 1-14 points. Some of the free gifts include 200 pictures from shutterfly, Legos and blockbusters videos all free. Once you join you can put your points in on the internet. The site tracks the number of points entered and a wish list for the things that you want.

I must be a little bit of a type A personality because I am starting to nest. I know that I am very far off from getting my child but I like to be prepared. So I have been buying 3 or 4 things every payday. I keep only my Christmas decorations in the attic so I have purchased 3 Rubbermaid totes. I figure that all children would need socks, sippy cups and pampers. I have to say after talking to my CHI coordinator I am pretty sure that we will be getting a boy so I have been picking up an outfit or two. I separate them into the tubs according to sizes. I got some Levis jean shorts for $2.50 so I bought one in each size.

The funny thing is even though Gerard and I have decided to take the first referral I did tell him that we will probably have a boy. Well since that he is convinced that we will only get a boy. My friend has started to torture him by telling him that he is going to get a girl. Seeing his face when she says that makes me laugh. It is good that he takes this all in stride. Well you guessed it I torture him and he loves it.

Who's the Mommy?

Well since I have made the decision to turn this blog into a book there are a few things I should include. Unfortunately, for my readers these things may seem to be a little boring for you. I have decided to write a little bit about each family member. I think this is the part of those baby books that is almost never filled out but is very important. I know with my sisters this part was only filled out in 2 of 7 books and not for both sides of the family. So here goes.

Who's the Mommy? I think it is difficult for most people to highlight their strengths as an adult at least for me it is that way. Writing the autobiography was the most difficult part of the home study. Currently I am a Registered Nurse who works in a newborn nursery. I love my job. I work at night mostly because that was the shift that was available when I needed a change from adult nursing. I went to many different schools as a young child because my family moved around a lot. I once counted that we had moved over 26 times before I was 18 years old.

I think because of all of those moves I missed out on having a best friend that would be there for a life time like so many other woman have. In place of best friends I have my sisters; most of the time we all get along very well and do lots of things together.

Long Beach Island Grade School

Southern Regional Middle School



Southern Regional High School

The first school that I can remember the name of is the LBI School on Long Beach Island. I went there from 4th to 6th grade. We lived in Loveladies, NJ. Then it was off to Southern Regional middle school for 7th through 9th grade. We had move to the mainland or Manahawkin. I finished my high school education at Southern Regional High School. Wow, these last 2 schools have grown. After that I started my college career at Felician College and transferred to Ocean County College where I graduated with an Associated Degree in Nursing Science at the age of 20. So there you have it I was a Registered Nurse at 20.

The one funny thing about being a nurse so young was that I was in charge of people's lives could give very potent medications but could not go to a bar go figure. I looked very young at 20 as most 20 year olds did so it was harder for me to convince my patients that I was the nurse. But after talking to me for a couple of minutes they usually figured it out.

I have started back to school in 2004 for my Baccalaureate degree in Nursing Science at the University of Phoenix. I started this because I want to be able to spend as much time with my child as possible. I am hoping to finish this degree before he or she comes home. This will let me sit for the certification as a school nurse. Weekends off, summers off and Christmas off all things that I do not want to miss once the baby is here. The only reason why I would leave acute care nursing is to raise my child.

I love to quilt, ‘read’ books my own special way in the car while driving (more on that later I promise it is very safe, do not worry), decorate my home, watch the birds and go to the beach even though I burn easily. My favorite thing to talk about now is when my baby comes home. I will write more about me later on days when I have no adoption news to post. I figured that is a good time to put the information into the blog. Bye for now.

Writing a Book

I have often thought of writing a book. Then it occurred to me that this blog will essentially be a book about my experiences as I adopt my child from Russia. So then I thought some more about what I want this blog to represent. I have read many different blogs and even posted to some of them. I want this blog to represent the good and bad times that Gerard and I will go through together as we adopt our child. I want it to include the suggestions of all who care to read and post to this blog.
I would love to have this blog bound into a book of daily or almost daily thoughts during my adoption process. If any one knows how I could do this please post or email me the information.

Well, My First Home Study Meeting is DONE!

On September 6, 2007 I completed my first home study interview. I am sure that everyone has a part of the adoption process that worries them the most. Some people worry how will I pay for the adoption and still be able to take off some time once the baby comes. For me this is not a worry. I have spent the last 4 years saving for the adoption. I flipped a house in order to come up with the bulk of the money and have saved enough PTO so that I can take some time off to go to Russia. I will also be able to be off a little bit after the baby is here. I will still have to work but hopefully only part-time or 2 nights per night.

For me the home study interviews were what have racked my nerves. Not because I am not a good person or that I do not have a suitable house. These interviews worried me because the decision of this social worker is a make it or break it point in the adoption. If my home study is not favorable then the adoption is off at least in my mind. I am sure that my family has no idea how important and nerve racking this part of the process is for me.

But God has answered my prayers and was smiling down on me. I followed the guidance of my case worker at CHI about which agency I should use for my home study and I could not be happier. For the people who know me the best they know that of all the things that I love the best it is older beach cottages. I like things that are bright and painted white but on the distressed shabby side too.

So let me recap the day for you. I did not sleep real well the night before and the appointment was for me an early morning appointment 10:45am. I know that does not sound early but I work the night shift and the agency was over an hour away. I did not have directions so I had to call from the road (I hate that because I love Map quest). I tried to get a picture of me before I left and got very upset because I looked like I was going to a funeral and very upset. Gerard and I could not figure out the camera after I thought I knew how to use it so I got upset with him (Sorry). Then I felt like I left late. Great now I am even more nervous.

1. Scared of the interview
2. No picture
3. New camera not working (It really was working)
4. I did not know where I was going
5. Left late
6. Took out my nervousness on Gerard

So to say the least I was not feeling very positive. I know that if anyone who has already adopted or gone through this must know how I felt. Well let me say I prayed the whole way there that I would not get lost and that it was going to be okay. I knew the minute that I pulled up that everything was going to be okay.

The agency was in a beautiful little old pristine white beach house with a beautiful front porch. Immediately I was at ease. I knew this was the right decision, the right agency and that everything was going to be okay. The Social worker was wonderful and very familiar with CHI. I have my next appointment for my home visit on September 17, 2007. I already know that I have plenty time off before she comes to my house. I have to say I feel very relieved. I feel like I can breathe again.

I want to thank everyone who has supported me up until this point. Soon this part of the adoption will be over and I will be on to the next step.

Here is My Confession

Here is a confession. I work as a Registered Nurse and have for the last 15 years. I work in a Newborn Nursery. I said it so now it is out there. So I think I am in an unusual situation where I am constantly surrounded by pregnant women, new babies and new parents. At home and at work I am more private because I can not let my feelings of not becoming pregnant jade my objective assessment of other mothers. Only recently I have started to tell different patients about my adoption plans during conversations with them about children. Usually they just assume you have about 45 kids because you work in the nursery and love to care for babies. I have had some mixed reactions from patients so I try to avoid this conversation with them. Some will almost turn you off if they know that you do not have children or have not been pregnant.

Others will almost look at you with pity. I even had a friend act this way when she found out that she was pregnant. She did not want to tell me and apparently it was quite the talk of the nursery until someone else just picked up the phone and said "So and so is pregnant and she did not want to tell you because she is afraid that you will be upset." Personally I think that sounds crazy because her pregnancy is not my pregnancy or my child. I think some people get really strange when they find out that you are adopting. Personally I do not like all the drama.

So this is what I think needs to be said about my situation:
1. Do not feel sad for me because I am adopting and not pregnant.
2. Do ask me about the adoption but let me tell you what I want you to know at that point in time. It may be difficult for me to express any problems or concerns that I have at that point in time.
3. If I am excited about something with the adoption be excited with me.
4. I do not need a doubting Thomas. I am an educated woman who knows how to ask questions.
5. I know some children have developmental delays, have a difficult time attaching to parents or could have experienced trauma while in the orphanage. This point does not need any more additional worry. Believe me I am worried enough and will handle any issues that arise as a result.
6. Love my child more then if he or she were my own. We are the only family this child will ever know. He or she has been hurt enough in this life and do not need to feel like an outsider who is intruding in on our family.
7. Support my decisions even if you do not fully understand them. I have reasons for my actions that you may not understand.
8. Please understand that this a joyous and stressful time in my life.

Adoption Memory Books

I am sure that I am not alone when I say I want to capture every memory possible of my child. The hard thing is that I am a little envious of some of the things that are strictly made for family who do not adopt. Now before anyone starts to think that I may not be serious or am having second thoughts about my decision to adopt you are dead wrong. That is not the case at all. I have been very firm in my decision to adopt for many years. I just would like to see more things dedicated to documenting the process while honoring the birth parents and or country of origin in a respectful manner.

I know that I am still pretty far away from bringing my child home but that has not stopped me from dreaming. I think dreaming is what gets me threw the day. I was thinking today about the books that many new mothers use to capture their child's first moments. I have been wondering if anyone has found one that specifically deals with children who are adopted. I know that this blog is one way for me to put my thoughts down on paper but I was looking for something that I could use for the first foot prints and milestones in addition to the other unique things that I will be collecting for my child about Russia.

My friends at work say that I take the memory things too far but most of the time they are only joking. I make sure that the crib cards are complete and written out beautifully. I take extra pictures and encourage the parents to leave a disposable camera in the crib. Babies do the cutes things when they think no one is watching. When I know that a baby is being put up for adoption I make sure that both the birth parents and the adoptive parents have a duplicates of the crib cards and foot prints. I think this is the reason why I am so tund into these significant things. I wonder do they make crib cards or take foot prints of these things in Russia. Are these things given to the adoptive parents? Does anyone have any experience that they would like to share about this?

Am I crazy or does everone do this?

I decided a number of years ago that I wanted to have or adopt a child. So I have dreamed about the day that I would have a little one calling me Mommy. I am one of those people who think that every baby should have a handmade gift for when they come home. I think handmade gifts reflect acceptance, preparation, but most importantly deep love for a child. I have given many handmade gifts to close friends and family members as a sign of my love and acceptance of their child into my family.

I love to quilt and to crochet. I do have to say that what I make depends on how close I am with the person. Some quilts have taken me months to complete and others have taken a few days. I my make a small blanket or a complete sweater set. I have also made christening gowns and embroidered undershirts for the christening with the date of birth, child’s name, and names of the god parents (Which by the way the person throw out; so no more gifts to her mental note.)

So I many years ago when I really started to yearn for a child I thought I should get started on a special quilt for my baby something that is by far the hardest pattern and most intricate of all the things that I will make. This quilt is completely handmade and consists of 684 one inch pieces of material. This goes back to my thoughts of acceptance, preparation and love. I hate to say it but I have now been working on this quilt for almost 8 years. Wow I said it. I try to work on it only when I am thinking loving thoughts about my future child. Each stitch is done with love. I am now by my estimation about 5-6 months away from completing this project. I think I will have it done in plenty of time for the baby's arrival. I hope one day to be able to post a picture of my child wrapped in this quilt for you all to see.

So am I crazy or have you all done something special in preparation for your child or is an 8 year project just an obsession. If you have done something like this please post to let me know that I am not crazy.