It has been awhile my old friend

Life has been busy. I know it is the same old story but it really has been busy. This post may sound a lot like nothing to most but I feel the need to write a little bit today about my feelings. The other day someone mentioned the word blog without knowing I was a blogger. I felt a tingle in my gut. I have loved this blog from the day I started it and lately I have not been a very good blogger. This got me thinking about why I had dropped off the blogging train. The first thing that came to my mind was I am just a little no I am a lot sad that Russia has stopped allowing adoptions to the parents in the United States. My gut is in a knot for the children who are left behind. I often think that it could have been me. I could be the one feeling the sadness that those parents are feeling now.

On some level I feel guilty...why me? How come I was able to complete my adoption of Anna? The answer is it was just meant to be. It was God's plan. I will not lie I miss reading stories about other who have gotten paperwork completed, a referral or travel dates. Knowing that real families can be formed through adoption is something that only a very small percentage of people can truly understand. I feel so blessed to be able to hold my little girl...okay now I am crying.

Fast forward to our Daisy meeting the other night. There is a little girl in the meeting that is quite sweet and has been a friend of Anna's for a couple of years. The last two meeting I have noticed that she has gone out of her way to be mean to Anna. Anna keeps trying to sit next to her and partner up with her but it is met with a sour face or unkind words. During the meeting the Mother asked me in front of everyone if Anna and Nicole were having a problem? I was a little taken back by this that she thought this was the right place and the right time for this discussion. Then she informed me that another mother from last years preschool class does not like me at all again in front of everyone. I ignored the comment then and moved on with the meeting. She then implied that Anna had something to do with her daughter having a bathroom accident. I shut her down and told her we could talk later.

On one level I have a very thick skin but on another level I am really quite fragile inside as I think many people are. I talked with my sister about it and she agreed that this was not the time or place to discuss any of those topics because there were seven little girls who were listening.

Today I had to drop something off to this mother. As I was leaving I asked her to please come to me privately if there is a problem between the girls. I told her that I never want either of them to be put on the spot. She agreed. I also told her that if someone does not like me that she can also keep that to herself. Her response was as a child she was taught that if she heard someone talking about another that it was her job to make sure that this person knows.

I was floored. I asked her what if that person thought that the comments were hurtful? She said that it was how she was brought up. I guess this interaction really highlights how differently we were all raised. I was always told that if it is something that might hurt another it was best to forget it and never mention it again. I just can not shake this feeling that she was intending to hurt me. Certainly there are plenty of people who do not like me. I am not sure what the value is in knowing about these random people's feeling of me are. I am honestly not sure if I am more hurt knowing that this random person does not like me or am I hurt because of this person who I thought was my friend wanted to make sure that I knew I was not like.

This has me concerned about the relationship of our daughters. I feel like I have lost trust in this parent. I guess we will see how this plays out. Forgiveness is an easy word to say but something a difficult thing to achieve. I need to work on shaking that negative feeling and to forgive more easily and freely.

One thing that I have taken away from this interaction is I have to be even more valiant to teach Anna my beliefs. I want her to be kind, honest, and compassionate. This is a good lesson to remind me that I need to teach her to be all of those things.

In the words of my very wise younger sister...If you are not going to try to lift me up please do not push me down.