The Plans are set!

For those of you who know me in real life I am sure that the one thing you would all agree upon is I tend to wear people out when I am excited about something. I am officially wearing out my friends at work with my up coming vacation. I just know the minute I walk out of the room they are thinking "thank goodness for the quiet" I am both a planner and a pretty spontaneous person if a person can be both. I love last minute trips, parties, get togethers but I also love the more planned and structured events that life has to offer. My dear friend Geralyn laughs at me because as much as she loves to stay at home is as much as I love to be busy out and about.

Last year at the drop of the hat I decided that Disney was the place we NEEDED to celebrate Anna's 3rd birthday. The trip was reasonable with the exception of the 10 day non expiring, park hopper, resort and water park tickets. I am still pretty sure that I have not confessed to Gerard the amount. I go with the theory he did not ask so why tell on that little purchase.

I know this is an over used line but our trip to Walt Disney World was magical. Anna had no idea where we were until we saw the first character. I am shameless and yes I let Anna watch all the Disney movies. She loves them and I do too. I do find it amazing that in each movie when the prince comes onto the screen she points and says "Daddy."

Anna's latest favorite is Beauty and the Beast. To be honest I had never seen this one before Anna was home. Yes, I knew who Belle was and the general story but I never saw the movie. I will also admit that I became a little teary eyes the other day when Gerard walked in during the last 5 minutes of the movie because as usual Anna called him straight over to hold her.

As Belle and the Beast started to dance in the final scene Anna grabbed his hand and made him dance with her in the kitchen. She insisted that he twirl her around and sway back and forth, all while she was doing her best to sing to him the song that was playing. I could not help to picture the day that one day she may get married and he will dance with her in her wedding gown. I think he even got a little choked up.

Gerard's Father I think was a little sad that we took Anna to Disney without him the first time. I am not defending my choice but at times I felt like my little family (Gerard, Anna and I) were not clearly defined and I needed our family vacation to be just us. I also think that when you become a parent later in life you might need a little bit more time to adjust to your new normal life. Change is hard after all.

We have also been trying our best to live up to my New Year's Resolution of eating dinner at home as a family. In our dinning room is a picture of the three of us in front of the castle. I set the table, call them in to sit down and like clock work Anna looks over to the picture and says "Anna go Florida...there...castle...Mickey" This has been going on for weeks. I have broken under the pressure.

I booked Disney for her birthday again! As much as I loved our last trip this trip will be a little different because I have time to book the character meals that we want to do. I have also decided we are going to stay in Disney again. We booked with the meal plan so I feel like I know how much I need to save for the trip. I have also booked rooms for Gerard's parents and my Mother. We decided that instead of gifts for all the holidays this year we will put towards their trip to Disney with us.

I know Gerard's Father will be overcome with emotion when he sees how excited she is to see the characters. I struggled with the thought of booking the trip for my Mother because between the heat and the walking this will be a very difficult trip for her to make but then I asked myself if not now then when? So she is going as well.

Little do they know I will be packing their days full of fun and exciting things to do while we are there. Here is the funny thing about this, my friends think they are all crazy to even consider going to Disney with me! I know it will be a great time and we will be able to make wonderful memories too. Have I said how lucky I feel?

She is perfect...(Prayer request)

"She is perfect" were words that I used when I stood in front of the judge in Cheboksary during my court hearing. At first, I saw the Orphanage Director's face drop a little bit. Through the interpreter I explained that I fully understood Anna's medical history. I understood what each and every medical condition she had was and what I could potentially be faced with in the future. I had each diagnosis memorized. Anna was very small about 19 lbs at 2 years old, size 3 toddler shoes were big on her. If I had used an international adoption doctor I am certain that I would have been recommended to pass on this referral based on her size. Even today Anna remains small and is now just fitting into size 2T clothes and we have just moved up to a size 6 shoe.

These very words "She is perfect" can be the end of an adoption in terms of an international adoption from Russia. In order for a child to qualify for international adoption the child must have a medical condition or some type of disorder. I then explained to the judge what I meant when I said "She is perfect." What I meant was Anna was perfect for me because despite her challenges I already loved her. I told the judge she may not be perfect medically but in my eyes she is perfect. I then asked the judge "Shouldn't a Mother think her child is perfect no matter what their challenges are?" I looked at the Orphanage Director she had a very small smile on her face and looked away from the judge. It was after this explanation that my five hours court case ended.

Many prospective adoptive parents choose to have the medical information, video and pictures reviewed by an international adoption doctor. These doctors specialize in reading the medical information and spotting possible issues such as fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. I believe that you should never go into a situation with your eyes closed. But what about when you know there is a problem?

I did not have Anna's information reviewed by an international doctor. That was my choice. I believed that I would be able to tell whether or not she was a good referral on my own. This was risky but a risk I was willing to take. To be honest even if she was not as "perfect" as she was Gerard and I had already discussed that we were going to accept this referral for many reasons, the first being that if we had gotten pregnant we would not have the option of reviewing her medical information before she was born.

So why am I writing about this now? Well, last night I received an email from a reader. If I had the energy to answer it right then and there I would have but I was up sick much of the night which always shocks me when I am sick because I am NEVER sick. In this email I was told of a child who is currently in Russia and in need of a permanent home. Bethany told me this child has a disorder with the initials of EB or Epidermolysis Bullosa. My mind flashed instantly to a blog that I had read a couple of times before Anna came home. I remember praying for this little boy in the blog because at that point in time he was quite sick. I believe that Jonah has done so well because of the prayers that have been said for him and the special care that his parents give him everyday. Jonah's parents put his needs first but Anton does not have parents who are willing or perhaps able to do that for him. I am not judging his birth parents because I have not walked in their shoes.

Anton, the little Russian boy is being cared for in a Russian hospital but may soon be moved to an orphanage where he runs the risk of infections that could claim his life. From what I know of this disorder this condition is very painful. My heart aches for this child and all the other children who have this disorder. Here is what I am asking if perhaps you are considering adopting, please keep in mind that there is no perfect child out there just a child that could be perfect for you. Here are a few links that I was provided with about Anton.

A call for help First link.

Anton's Facebook page

After connecting to Jonah's blog I see that Anton has been accepted by Reese's Rainbow. If you would like to help with the expenses associated with helping Anton to be adopted this is a good way to donate. So here are the facts we need one good family for Anton and some funds to help defer the cost associated with his adoption. If a bunch of us donate to his adoption fund perhaps that family will surface faster. I plan on donating. I know of at least one other child who was adopted through Reese's Rainbow and perhaps you all do too. Dennis from Smiles and Trials

Anton's page on Reese's Rainbow

I think the most important thing that each and every one of us can do that is free is to include Anton in our prayers. We can pray for a family to step up and take him forever. We can pray for a cure for this disorder. We can pray that he stays free from pain.

Bethany thank you so much for emailing me.

Blue...Green...Red

First off Anna has had a virus and I have been so tired too. No real reason for not blogging but that we have all been tired.

As a child in the grocery store my younger sister would walk through the store and try and hop from one color to the next without touching the main color. With quite a bit of certainty I am sure this annoyed my Mother. Please remember that Jenny and I are number 5 and 6 so she had many years of these little games being played with she was busy trying to get some thing done in a hurry.

I will also admit that I can not walk through a grocery store without thinking about that game or the time I squirted liquid soap up Jenny's nose but that was an accident. How cool is it that Anna has started to play these little games too.

Here is how is started. Gerard picks up Anna when I sleep during the day from school. What is neat is he always tries to do some thing that she like for example he visits with his parents, takes her to walk on the sand beach by the bay to feed the seagulls, play ground. This is all fine and good but many of "his" activities are outside activities which become hard when you have so much snow on the ground.

So Gerard started to take to to the bank. I love a good drive through but Gerard hates drive through windows in pretty much every case. The process of taking Anna to the bank can be at least 30-40 minutes. All week long Gerard will save his change in a zip lock bag. He has never been a big spender of change. He keeps the standard mix of 3 quarters, 4 dimes and 3 nickels and 4 pennies in his pocket.

Yes I know it is a bit obsessive but if that makes the world right in his mind I really do not care. (Sorry off topic.) Anna LOVES change. She always has loved change. We have multiple piggy banks, some with no access to get the money back out and some that I have made with juice bottles. We even have piggy banks that talk.

So Gerard told me the other day that he is going to start to mix up which bank he goes to because Anna now can not drive past the bank without wanting to go. Which is funny but I found out the real reason is because now the minute he walks in with her she is like an ambassador, waving "Hi" to all the tellers and they even know her name. As a game while she waits she steps on the different colored pieces of flooring and yells out the color. No she is not usually right but she says it with confidence. Gerard is super shy and the fact that anyone knows his name or knows his routines is a little stressful to him. Anna is more like me I am guessing and does not care about that stuff.

Which brings me to the other day. I needed stuff in the grocery store, the carts were all wet so for the first time I let her walk in the store. Once she saw the floor her eyes lite up and the game started. Blue...red...green and each time looking at me to see if she was right. This made me laugh and I loved it. How did she learn this game all on her own? She amazes me every day.

Oh and they have saved close to 400 dollars this way which also amazes me.

I never thought...

this day would come. When I started the adoption process I was told it would be close to 18 months before I would be home with a child. I hoped and prayed for something different but in the end this estimate was correct. It was 17 months and 9 days from the time that I sent my paperwork to Russia to the time that I brought Anna home. I remember crying when I was told how long it would be before our adoption would be final and thinking I just can not do this that is way too long. I had wanted to post this the other day but we are now home longer then 17 months and 9 day.

I think back now and can not imagine her not being here with us. She is so full of energy and spunk. These are only a few reasons why I love her, believe me the list is quite long. I wish I could freeze this period in time and just savor every minute with her but as she grows I still feel the same way so as she gets older I think I will always feel this way.

I have not figured out the date just yet but sometime in June Anna will be here with us, her forever family longer then she will have been in the orphanage. I find it amazing to think that this day is fast approaching and will welcome this day with a smile on my face.

My Heart is sad

Two news events in the past week have weighted heavy on my heart. First is the discovery of an abortion in clinic in Philadelphia and the second is the bombing of an airport in Moscow.

As I said earlier I had a crazy work week. I drive about 45 minutes to and from work. I am the type of driver who has the music blasting and I am usually singing right along...at least when Anna is not in the car with me. When she is with me we recite books I have memorized. Occasionally, I listen to the Christen station. Not the , music but the talk shows instead. I like things that make you think and I have found that these small shows sometimes can get you to think long and hard about a situation.

The other morning the talk show was about abortion clinics and the people who work in these clinics. I work in a newborn nursery. We also are able to take care of premature infants who are 32-33 weeks in gestation. A full term pregnancy is considered to be 40 weeks. We also at times deliver much smaller infants, stabilize them so they can be transported to a level 3 NICU. The youngest child I have been involved with was 25 weeks...2 weeks younger then Bennett.

In my job I have seen many children born who are perfect healthy and who thrive in loving families. I have also had the unfortunate occasion to have to picture infants who have died both before they were born and some who have died after birth. I remember the first time I saw a child who was not kicking and full of life. I took it all in, walked out of the room to the bathroom and threw up. I felt flushed and nearly passed out.

I know my friends who I work with would never believe this but it is a true story, that was many years ago. I have since been able to deal with my own personal feelings about seeing a lifeless child. Usually I am the one who will take the pictures of these child for the parents. My friends and I take extra time to dress and picture as many details of the child as we can. We understand that these are the only pictures these parents may ever have of their child. These are some of the saddest days at work. We are all affected when this happens even if we do not say or show it.

The radio show talked about praying for those who work in these abortion clinics rather then showing and being angry at them. I am so glad that I listened to this program because it has changed my mind set to some degree to show them some compassion and pray for their change of heart. I am often amazed how God's timing works. When I got home before I fell asleep I read a story about an abortion clinic in Philadelphia that was being shut down.

My heart and prayers go out to the women who thought this was their only option. Please, abortion is not the only option. Adoption can and does work. Last night Gerard and I talked about this last night and we both agree that this is murder and those involve should be charged with murder. Even though these are our beliefs we also believe that we should pray for those who preformed these abortions well.

The second thing that has saddened me is the bombing in the Moscow airport. This is the airport that I traveled through on my second and third trips to Russia. I remember Alex my Russian coordinator waiting with Anna and I as I when through the ticketing process and initial security check. From what I read the arrival area is what was bombed. I remember walking through this area looking for a sign with my name on it. I remember feeling worried that I would not be able to find my driver. I never remember feeling worried that I might be blown up.

I so wish that this type of violence would come to an end. My prayers go out to all who must still travel to pick up and meet their children in Russia.

Anna's Mama?

"Yes baby, Anna's Mama"

I am in the middle of a crazy work schedule. I am the only one to blame for this 5 day stretch, I know most people work 5 days in a row but that is not typical in my house so it seems really long. So yesterday morning I came home to find Anna not so asleep in my bed. The sun had not yet come up, I opened the garage door walked into my bedroom with the dream of sleeping at least 2 hours before Anna got up for the day. The minute I walked into the room a little, quiet head popped up out of the blankets.

I told her "It is okay baby. It is just Mama."
Which she replied back to me "Anna's Mama?" My first thought was well if there is another Mama here she had better done the dishes and the laundry.

I laid down with her and she snuggled in for about 10 minutes then was up for the day. I know I am thinking into this way too much but how neat it is that she shows ownership in me. In her mind I am "Anna's Mama!" without any question. We talk about other women being other child's Mamas and to see her put the whole concept together is really cool. Anna spent only a few days with her birth Mother so we are both very new at this Mama/baby relationship.

I know attachment and bonding are a really hard concept to understand if you have never adopted a child who spent her first 2 years in an orphanage but to know that she recognized that I was different then say, Han's mama or Sloan's Mama is such a wonderful feeling. Can you imagine not having a Mama when you were little? Her little mind is truly growing as fast as a little mind can grow. Anna is such a gift and I will forever be in debt to her birth Mother who decided to stay pregnant. Anna's birth Mother and extended family may never know that I think about them everyday.

I later found out from Gerard that Anna was up much earlier but had just fallen back to sleep right before I walked in. I suspect she was wondering where I went because I had put her to bed before I went to work so I imagine it was a bit confusing on some level. On my short work days my goal is always to leave with her asleep and be home before she wakes. We do talk about who is going to be with her when ever I have to leave her because I think it is only fair that she knows the plan just like everyone else.

I know for us attachment was not immediate. I held back, I know I did. I am so glad that I was able to let go of my fear of rejection in order to replace it with the love an affection of this little doll. I never felt like Anna held back with trying to attach to me or Gerard. She is one determined little girl and I know this is asset that will only make her life more full in years to come. I am so proud of her everyday, she has taught me so much about living.

I know I have been accused of...

eating a lot of cake but last night we had such a good reason. Adrienne & Jim got to take home their little baby boy Bennett. Through her story I feel like so many have found hope whether it was to follow your dream to adopt and chance disappointment or to try to continue to conceive a child. Today will be her first full day home with Bennett. I am sure Adrienne and Jim are exhausted but also the happiest they have ever been.

So yesterday after dinner Gerard, Anna and I celebrated with a cake for Bennett or should I say a cupcake. Anna sang a version of "Happy coming home day to you...Moe" which sound very much like Happy Birthday. For some reason that is what she calls Bennett. I tried to get it on video but the camera was not charged. I realized yesterday that I have never put any video of Anna on the blog so I have another goal for this year.

Before dinner Anna had her bath. I have really been working on the making dinner and eating as a family. I feel like this is a big priority for us this year. I know this sound so crazy but again working the night shift is difficult. It is like making, eating and cleaning up dinner in the morning before you go to work. I imagine that breakfast in other homes is a bit rushed well that is how dinner time is here for us. I guess that is the best way I can explain it.

So Anna had her bath before dinner, which could occur at any point throughout the day, she loves baths. Next it was on to story time with Daddy then dinner. I know this all sounds a little backwards but it worked for us. Today I was able to get pictures of her reading The Three Little Pigs to Gerard. Yes, that is Gerard squeezed into a toddler bed. Anna loves it when he lays in her bed so she can read to him or play with him. Who knows made one day she will actually sleep in that bed.



I love how grown up on some level Anna is becoming. She loves books with detailed pictures. In the past she would scan each picture and point out the neatest things that most may not notice. Anna has been "reading" this book for the past 2 weeks and it is by far one of her favorites. What is different this week is now she will "read" and when I say read she looks at the pictures and says a few words but mimics the inflection of my voice, very much like how I read the book to her. Yesterday she started "reading" the book and stopping to show me the pages just like a teacher would stop to show the class. I think this is way too cute.

We were all asleep by 6 pm again another hazard of working the night shift. Today I have a very busy day planned I hope to get everything done that I have planned in my mind. I am feeling very productive today.