Required Reading for all my Family Members

I think everyone has figured out that I am a little bossy. Well that trait is not really unique to my family. We are all pretty opinionated. Some of the things that I am asking be done once she is home is way different then when others who have had babies in my family. Well this is a different situation completely not bad just different.

There are some things you all understand and other things I just know you are shaking your heads and saying "That just sounds crazy!" By the way this includes Gerard at times too.

The biggest thing that I am asking is that you follow my lead. I know that everyone is so excited and you all want to be apart of her life and we want you to be excited. Please understand that I have no intention of keeping her all to myself forever.

I am asking that you please redirect her to me or Gerard so that we can meet her needs (food, diaper changes, rocking to sleep, need for love and affection). She needs to understand that we are the ones who will keep her safe, love her unconditionally and provide for her. Without going into much detail about her past I ask that you trust me when I say this is what is best for her now and for her future relationships with us and all of you.

Please keep the gifts to a minimum. There are a lot of you and only one of her. Think of the amount of stuff that she will have if everyone always gives her just one gift all the time. The best things that you can give her is your love, your prayers and time to understand and know her place within this big family. I would rather her self-esteem be over flowing then her toy box. Kids really like the simple things.

If I say "NO" to her or you I really mean it. This is not up for discussion. I won't think it is funny either if this rule is not followed.

I know that this may sound harsh but please be apart of the solution not part of the problem.

It may seem as though I have sailed through this whole process and to some degree I have but believe me there have been times when I thought that I could not go on one more minute. This was hard, way harder then I thought it would be. There has never been a minute that I have not thought about her and what is best for her. I know that as you read this you are saying me too and you may be right to some degree but it is not the same for you as it has been for Gerard and I believe me.

I have read many different books and even listened to different seminars about what to expect. I may have been short with some of my loved ones from time to time I ask you to please step back and think about things from my perspective. I have had very little control over this whole process. How would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you cry non-stop? Would you be angry? Do you think you could be happy every minute? I think I have done way better then I thought I would but there may be a time when I need to fall apart, allow me the respect of doing that in private if I need to or just to listen if that is what I am asking. No extra opinions are necessary.

You all may think that I am a bit chicken for posting like this as I leave for Moscow but I wanted to make sure that each of you read this article that I have found right before she came home. As to being a big fat chicken I say Bock, Bock, Bock, your right, I too get overwhelmed.

Please, Please, Please read this article I promise you will feel enlightened about how Anna Catherine may feel when she gets home. Click Here!

I think this web site (Click Here) is a very good resource for many of the things that I "plan" to follow when we get home. Take the time to look through it. I think you will feel better prepared for Anna Catherine to come home. Now on to the fun stuff off to go get my baby! This is the last post about my fears for a while now, yes I know all are saying good, me too. Look up I might be flying above you right now! I love you all.

To my blogger friends your support is overwhelming great. I love you all too!

I'm heading to the airport!!!!

I am on my way. I slept great, Gerard did not. He was up a couple of times waiting for me to get up. I did get the car cleaned out. I double checked everything I packed. Remembered my camera, money and passport. I got the embassy documents copied this morning. I would not be an adventure unless I did something at the last minute.

This time I decided to take the airport shuttle, easy, cheap low stress. I do feel butterflies in my belly this time. I am way too excited!

Blogging from the beach

I could not resist one last trip to the beach before I go. Gerard just laughed at me, shaking his head and saying you will go to the beach again with her. Yes this is true but it will be different. Now I sit there quietly under my umbrella not burning perhaps reading a book. I go in the water if I like and I am on no one elses schedule at all.

This is pretty much how I have lived my adult life. I come and go as I please. No it is not unusual for me to be in 2 or 3 different states in one day. This is it my last day of real freedom for a while. Again Gerard just laughs when I say this.

Even knowing this what am I doing? Wishing the time away. Yup that is what I am doing. As close as I am to picking her up I have watched the clock and it seems like it is not moving. You would think I have all the time in the world. (Insert giggle) I am thinking 1.5 hours to the airport, that is too long. 16 hour on a plane, come on can't they get that thing to move faster? Thank goodness I do not have to wait all day Monday to have her in my arms, bright an early ar 6:30 am I will be picked up to go get her.

Life is going to change forever. I want to enjoy every minute of it. That is why I am at the beach today. Gerard is off tonight and I think we will be making a trip to B@bies r us then Surf Taco. This is the first solo trip I have ever made that I really wish he was going on. Past trips have been to places like a spa or Veg@s. He would not have enjoyed them. I am too stubborn to admit that I am tearing up. I miss him already. Silly I know. The decision for him to stay home was a good one when it comes to money, time off from work and Dottie. She is sicker then I want to think about right now. I know that I am the only one seeing it but she is. There is always a but after every decision that we make as adults.

We have decided to not have anyone meet us at the airport only Gerard. It will be late and quite honestly I do not what to miss the look on his face the first time he sees her. Silly I know. I have been busy scheduling the visits of all of Anna's new family members. Our family is so big and everyone is so excited.

I know that my worries of attachmebt and bonding are driving people crazy. I just wish more people understood the importance of it. I have an attachment post in the works. I have been working on the wording for some time at least since April. Any way I write it makes me sound like a nut but I know that on this I am right. I will stand my ground have no fear because she is now first and everyone else is second, actually closer to fourth and fifth but who is counting.

Well I must go home hit the shower and start my long list of things to do.

Packed I think!

Over the past couple of days I have spent most of my time cleaning and packing for my departure. Saturday will not come soon enough for me. I was scheduled to work Friday into Saturday but my good friend Brenda has agreed to switch with me. Tonight for tomorrow night!! I know it sounds crazy to work right up to the minute that I was scheduled to leave but I hate leaving my friend short at work.

I just know that I probably will not sleep before I leave anyway that was my thinking but after thinking about it a second time not working into the day I leave is actually better. So tonight is it. My last night of work before I am off for family leave. Wow that sounds crazy good to me.

I think I have managed to pack everything in just one bag. Everything for me and for her. I am so happy that I could make it work. When I bring her home I only want to have her and her diaper bag when I get onto the plane. I plane on checking everything else. I do have an inexpensive stoller for the airport which I think will be great for getting where I have to go plus I will have a place to sit and feed her during my lay over in Chicago.

I plan to blog from my phone again this trip, less to carry. I have a few posts that I have scheduled that include PICTURES!!! Her referral pictures and pictures from my first trip, hopefully I will be able to get the slide shows of her 2nd and 3rd visit together too before I go. Although that may be a pipe dream. I am doing well and honestly I am too calm. What day is today? Thursday?? Where did the rest of the week go?

The quilt is done and shipped to Adrienne

Quilting has been a passion of mine for many years. I remember the first time I started a quilt it was during my first break during college. Sewing has always been a stress reliever for me. I never did finished that first quilt but I did learn a lot about quilting. That was over 19 years ago.

When I first started to realize that I was not going to get pregnant about 10 years ago I started to take professional quilting lessons. At first it was a way for me to sit quiet and not feel sorry for myself. I am not sure when sewing a couple of pieces of fabric together changed from an escape to pleasure. In my other house I had a room dedicated to sewing. I would sew 15 to 30 minutes everyday. This house is a bit smaller but I will find that place here too.

As most who quilt will tell you I have quite a few projects that are almost finished. When I fell and broke my arm I was distressed to say the least. I opened my closet where I keep my quilt tops and this one jumped out at me. At the time I had no idea why it was so important to start the finishing process of this quilt. I even did some of the trimming with my left hand.

Now I do know the reason. Some times things are not relieved right away but we must follow the path that is part of God's plan. Just like it was not part of the plan for me to give birth, it is part of the plan that this quilt go to Adrienne, Jim & Owen so it can help bring Lily home.

I fell in love the fabrics of the 1930's. They are fun and made me smile. That is what it is about for me. Every quilt that I have ever made with the exception of my first quilt I have given away.

I find it very interesting that this quilt was started as a way for me to work through my feeling of not getting pregnant and now it is going to a person who has also had difficulty maintaining a pregnancy. Very interesting. Once the winner is drawn it will go to a person who will also become part of Adrienne and my journey to become Mothers.

Some have been finished fast and others have needed the right person to show up for it to be given too. I remember sitting in my dining room sewing fast and furiously a pink and green quilt for Adrienne and Jim for the child that I had encouraged them to adopt last November. On the label I left a couple of blanks for the name and birth date. I had written in the month November. I have always thought that if Adrienne were given the gift to parent a little girl I could remove that label and replace it with a different one if she liked, if she would be okay looking at that quilt.

I have now finished the quilt that I posted about last week. I love it. I hope and pray that the one who wins this quilt will love it too. If not for the quilt but for what it signifies. I hope and pray that this quilt will remind the person who wins it of the gift that they have helped to give Adrienne and Jim. I beautiful little girl named Lily.

Here are the pictures!!!

How are you going to maintain her Russian heritage?

Moscow

This was the hardest question for me to try and answer before my second trip to Russia. Am I an expert of the Russian culture? No! So how on earth am I going to be able to teach her about her Russian heritage and the culture of her birth country?

I happened to be an observant type. I'm not sure which came first being a nurse or being a professional observer. As a nurse the skill of quiet observation is extremely valuable. The one good thing about traveling alone is that you can not help but to observe people.

There are a couple of things about the Russian culture that I do not want to forget. First of all flowers. Sounds silly but flowers are a big part of the Russian culture in my opinion. In Moscow on every street corner there is a flower shop. You can buy big or small bunches of roses and other very beautiful flowers everyday. I was lucky to be in Moscow on the weekend and I was amazed by the number of women who were walking around with bunches of cut flowers. Odd numbers of blooms are what is most acceptable so a dozen roses are not nearly as nice as 11 or 13.

I was lucky to be able to travel to Anna's baby home 2 times during this last visit. The area is very rural. Much of the housing in this area consists of small cottages with very intricate wood work around the windows and doors. Most of them are not painted but instead are a dark brown. The wood work is usually painted a bright color of turquoise blue or white. Many have 3 windows in the front. I so wish I had been able to enter one of these cottages just to see what they looked like in side.

In the winter time the area looked void of anything green or beautiful but the summer time was different, again with the flowers. Most of these cottages had large flower and vegetable gardens in the front yards. To my surprise many of the flowers were ones that I have had in my own yard at one time or another. There were cosmos, zinnias, purple cone flowers, phlox in purple and white. Black eye susans were in many of the gardens. So next year it is my plan to plant a garden very much like these gardens.

The other thing that I noticed and this may sound silly is daughters held their Mother's hands. Not because they had too but because they wanted to too. The parks were full of families in the evening who just wanted to spend time together. Walks were not the usually American power walk to get from point A to point B as fast as possible. The walks were much slower, so that you could walk and talk at the same time. Hey I could get used to that kind of walk.

Evenings were spent with the children playing at the park or pushing them in baby carriages. To me it seemed that the off time of many Russian families was spent enjoying each other's company. I am being honest when I say I think this is one thing that I hope to incorporate into my life with her. I actually told the judge that and he looked at me and said "She does not come from that kind of family." I told him if she became my daughter she would be from that kind of family. I think this made him stop and think. Quite honestly I think he was a bit surprised by my observation of the Russian people and the things that I was going to tell Anna about when she was older.




Winter time



Summer time

I wanted to wash the laundry room floor but....

I really did not want to have to purchase a new washer. It seems each time I have come home from Russia the house seems to implode. Between the laundry and trying to figure out what to pack for my 3rd trip my washer was going pretty steady all day. At least until I heard Gerard yell "Bozz" That is what he calls me.

The laundry room was full of water. I started to run for towels and the sweetest thing came out of his mouth. "I hope her room is still okay I will check that!" Her room backs up to the laundry room, all dry, thank goodness. The water traveled the opposite way towards the garage.

I just laughed because I think I am so lucky. The laundry room doubles as Dottie's bedroom. She would have freaked if this had happened when I was not home and she was in there. I never leave the dryer on when I leave but I have left the washer on. I will rethink doing that in the future.

Dottie has not been feeling well the last couple of days. Soon this 'poor thing' that is what Gerard calls her even though she is treated like a princess is going to have her world turned upside down.

***Oh did I mention today marks the 10th day of the 10 day wait!!***